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24. Monster Chats

Stella wandered around the boss room, humming to herself. She shoved the boss slime around, moving it deeper into the room. “Over here. You were too close! We’ll let the drop slimes hit them first, then you can come out.”

The boss slime bobbled in reply.

Fading out of her shadow, Alice reached for Stella’s hip. Stella flinched away at the last second, then turned, grinning. “I saw that coming! I’m getting better at using my dungeon eyes, aren’t I?”

Alice tilted her head.

“Yes, you say yes! That’s what you do there,” Stella instructed her.

Alice paused, then nodded.

Stella patted her head. “Good, like that.”

Milo stared from the tent with dead eyes, sitting up out of Aster’s bedroll. What am I watching?

His stomach grumbled, and his head swam. Milo pressed a hand against his forehead, wincing. Ugh. I’m starving.

“Oh! You’re awake?” Stella ran over, Alice trailing after her. She grabbed Milo’s hand and heaved, hauling backward. Milo let her pull him to his feet.

Wobbling upright, Milo looked at her. “Is that really the Aster Zwei?”

“No. Just Aster. Not The Aster,” Stella corrected him.

“No, I—” Milo stopped. Under his breath, he muttered, “Why would you know, anyways.”

“I know lots of things,” Stella replied, affronted.

“Two times two,” Milo said.

“What’s a times?”

Milo chuckled.

Stella narrowed her eyes at him. “Hey!”

“Aster Zwei, though. He’s… a legend, I guess? I wasn’t sure I heard it right earlier, and he acted so casually the whole time, and—and there was a lot going on, with Alice and Silas and all, but… he’s the solo adventurer who can’t use magic, right? The self-proclaimed Dungeon Keeper?”

Tapping a finger on her chin, Stella frowned. “He can’t use magic, I know that.”

“How many magicless solo adventurers named Aster can there be,” Milo muttered to himself. He rubbed his forehead. “That guy… he was stirring up trouble in the capital.”

“What’s a capital?” Stella asked.

“It’s the… the place where the government is,” Milo said.

Stella opened her mouth.

“A government is… the rulers! The king. The ones who lead our country,” Milo quickly explained.

Stella’s eyes lit up. “Ah! The Dungeon Spirit of your country. I got it.”

“Er, not quite… no, you know what? Yes. That’s it,” Milo said, nodding.

“What’s a country?”

Milo took a deep breath. I chose the adventuring life out of all my options as a priest because I don’t have much skill in leading a flock or teaching the ignorant. How did I end up as a teacher, despite that?

“A country… is a big above-ground dungeon,” Milo said.

Stella nodded. “Oh, I understand! And humans are a country’s monsters. Can your Country Spirit spawn humans like I can spawn monsters?”

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“Uh… kind of,” Milo said. He waved his hand. “Let’s not talk about this. You can ask Aster when he gets back.”

“Mhm. Come on!” She grabbed at Milo’s sleeve and dragged him forward.

“Where are we going?” Milo asked.

“To go talk to monsters!” Stella replied.

Milo gulped. He glanced around the boss room, then held out his hand toward the pair of red eyes floating in the distant shadow of a giant crystal. “Alice! Come with us!” Please, at least one melee fighter.

The thief stared at him blankly.

“Alice,” Stella called sweetly.

Looking up, the thief leaped into the air and spun around, vanishing to reappear at Stella’s side. Stella took the thief’s claw in one hand and Milo’s hand in the other, and led them out of the boss room.

“Aster was causing trouble?” Stella asked, bringing the conversation back around to its original topic.

Milo laughed. “Well, I wasn’t there. I was in seminary. But I heard he started calling himself a Dungeon Keeper after he got disqualified from taking the test for not having magic, and that really ruffled some feathers. The adventurer’s guild labeled him a fraud and put a bounty on his head, and he vanished from the capital.”

“Oh. But he’s doing a good job being a Dungeon Keeper,” Stella said, looking up at Milo.

“Ah… half the problem was him spouting fringe theories… like that Dungeon Spirits are real,” Milo explained. He looked down at Stella. And what is this girl, but a Dungeon Spirit?

“Mm. But we are,” Stella said.

“Yes, well… the official religion, that is, my religion, doesn’t agree with that,” Milo explained. “After all, the Dungeon Spirit legend has its roots in the ancient practice of worshipping Land Gods, whereas the official religion worships the One High God, Lord of All, King of the Infinite Heavens.”

“Land Gods?” Stella asked, tilting her head.

“Primitive gods that the populace used to worship. Back then, they’d sacrifice women and men to the Land Gods, crops, gold, you name it.”

“I like that,” Stella said, nodding.

Milo looked down at her. I bet you would. “Well, eventually the people grew tired of giving up their hard-earned livelihoods and sacrificing their children, and turned away from the Land Gods to the One High God, who never demands blood sacrifice, only lots and lots of gold.”

“Mmm.” Stella looked at him. “You don’t seem that excited about the One High God, for someone who’s supposedly his priest.”

Milo sighed heavily and rubbed his forehead. “Well, I was forced into it. Third son of a noble… It was strongly implied that I either became a priest, or went missing mysteriously.”

“Why?”

“Inheritance. When humans die, they pass their wealth on. My eldest brother wants it all to himself, and can you blame him? To keep things from getting messy, my parents played along, and I got shuffled off to the priesthood.” Milo snorted. “At least I didn’t end up in the military. I think I’d already be dead, then.”

“What’s a military?” Stella asked.

Milo shook his head. “That’s enough questions for today, don’t you think?”

“No,” Stella replied bluntly.

“Well, I think so,” Milo returned.

Stella pursed her lips. She shook her head at Milo.

They walked out into the snake room. Huge snakes lolled around, slithering through the walls. Milo’s skin crawled. He lifted his staff. I’m starving and I can barely focus. If they attack, we’re relying on Alice. Monster Alice, that is.

Stella looked at him and shook her head, pulling his staff down. “No. They said they won’t attack.”

“You trust them?” Milo asked, resisting her pull.

“No, but they haven’t attacked yet,” Stella said, shrugging. “We’re already halfway through.”

Milo paused. He turned slowly. Snakes slithered around, wandering in and out of the dark passages in the walls. A few turned to take them in, but none of them reared up or attacked Stella or Milo.

Let’s hurry up and get out of here before they attack. He grabbed Stella’s hand and hurried ahead.

Alice darted off, vanishing into the shadows. Milo turned. “Alice, no!” Don’t aggravate them. We need to hurry out of here, not attack!

“Alice!” Stella called.

Alice reappeared, a petulant expression on her face. Stella patted her head. “It’s okay. You can steal stuff later.”

The chamber narrowed. The dark crags and holes grew fewer and far between. Up ahead, the enormous stone-walled chamber of the labyrinth appeared. The bats’ cries echoed back, rattling this far down the hall. Milo rubbed his face and took a deep breath, his stomach rumbling again. I should’ve raided Aster’s bag for breakfast. I don’t care if he’s an S-rank fake dungeon whatever. I’m going to starve to death at this rate.

Milo stumbled forward, into the labyrinth.

“Milo, do you—”

“No more questions,” Milo grumbled. Ugh. I’m so hungry.

“But Milo…”

Milo raised his hand. “Please. I’m starving.”

“You—”

“What did I say?” Milo warned her.

Stella shook her head adamantly. She reached for his sleeve. “You really should—”

The stone under Milo’s foot sank with a click. Milo stiffened.

Stella sighed, putting her face in her hand.

Vines burst up from the floor, wrapping around Milo and hefting him into the sky. He grabbed for his staff with both hands, only for the vines to wrest it away from him. He soared over the labyrinth as more and more vines swirled out of the floor and bound him tight.

Shit! One missed step… I shouldn’t have tried to wander the dungeon while hungry!

“Viki! He’s a friend!” Stella shouted.