Bo watched the finger of purple light on the horizon until his eyes grew heavy and sleep claimed him, but he came no closer to understanding what it was. He woke the next morning feeling refreshed and reinvigorated, despite the fact that he’d slept out in the open without so much as a sleeping bag to make his slumber more comfortable. Bo’s body was becoming tougher and more resistant to the petty discomforts he’d once suffered. Though the pitmaster hadn’t advanced his core level again, yet, he felt his strength building. Every battle, every challenge, every rescue made him more powerful.
Right until the challenge that kills you.
“That’s a real nice thought to have first thing in the morning,” Bo said, grumbling. “Try something more uplifting. Some daily affirmations or something.”
You are a terrifying creature of visceral violence. All should quail before your might and quake with dread at your passing.
“That’s not what I meant,” Bo grumbled as he got up and stretched.
He’d risen earlier than the rest of his party or the Knights, which surprised him. Bo had been sure everyone would already be up by the time he returned because he’d been up so late the night before. But even the dogs were sleeping outside the former Arby’s, their tails pointed at its massive door, and their noses directed toward a hostile world. Bo was glad the hounds seemed prepared to compromise and become allies rather than fixating on their desire to kill the gnomes. The pitmaster could use all the help he could get. Especially now that he knew the grunge elves were up to something rotten. What that was, he didn’t know, and Barbie hadn’t been able to elaborate. The light was clearly magical, though, which made it a threat as far as Bo was concerned.
While the pitmaster let his people sleep, he checked his inventory for any Community Build Tokens he should’ve received for returning the Holy Roast to the Knights. To his surprise, though, he had no tokens. The quest wasn’t completed, either. When he examined its text more closely, Bo groaned.
QUEST LOG
Where’s the Beef?
A rival smoking group has set up in your hex. They preach the gospel of the wet mop, a threat to your very way of life.
GOAL: Prevent the smokers from spreading their foul lies.
REWARD: One Community Build Token for destroying these heathens. Two Community Build Tokens for converting them to your superior methods.
PENALTY: Uncontested, these foul beasts will destroy your traditions and fill the world with too-sweet, too-sticky smoked meats.
QUEST INCOMPLETE
Defeating the Anubites and returning the Holy Roast had been difficult. Negotiating the safety of the gnomes with the silver hounds had been challenging. But to complete this community quest and get the build tokens he needed to defend his people, Bo would have to do something even harder.
Convince the Knights to abandon their preferred smoking method.
Bo fretted over that concern for another hour. Though the sun was still half-buried below the horizon to the east, the pitmaster couldn’t wait any longer. He needed to finish this quest, and then get back to the casino to put the community anchor to use. His people needed every edge they could get to stand up to whatever the drudge elves were cooking up.
Plus, he couldn’t handle the anxiety he felt over the stressful task ahead. This was like trying to convince someone to switch their political party or religion. He briefly thought it might’ve been easier just to kill all the Knights.
In the end, though, he decided to talk it out with Aaron. There was no sense in more fighting.
“Time to get up,” Bo called as he walked past the hounds and through the longhouse’s entryway. “Aaron, we need to talk.”
The pitmaster watched as Martin and his men scrambled to their feet. Jenny sat up and blinked away sleep, and the Knights all sprang up around Aaron, ready to defend their leader from any threats. Aaron realized he wasn’t under attack, yawned, and told his men to relax. He strode down the long hall, clapped Bo on the shoulder, then motioned for the pitmaster to follow him outside.
“Let’s take a walk,” Aaron said. “Something tells me this conversation doesn’t need a lot of years.”
“Probably a good idea,” Bo agreed.
The knight led the pitmaster away from the camp, over a low hill, and down to a narrow creek that flowed noisily toward the Red River. Bo gave the man a little privacy so he could relieve himself, then joined Aaron on a wide shelf of stone that jutted out from the hillside overlooking the creek.
“I like to come out this way to think,” Aaron said. “Not much of a vantage point, but it’s the best we can . I didn’t have time to thank you properly for returning the Holy Roast. So, consider yourself thanked.”
“You’re welcome,” Bo said. “Thanks for not putting up a big stink about splitting it with the hounds. I’m afraid we would’ve had a bloodbath on our hands if you’d refused.”
“I’ve seen enough blood to last me a long time,” Aaron said quietly. “Curse those dog men—“
“Anubites,” Bo corrected. “A devil sent them. I’m still not sure how he got them here so fast, but we dealt with them. I’m sorry for your men. He was after me, not you.”
“Why didn’t he just send them to your camp, then?” Aaron asked. “It would’ve saved me a shitload of trouble.”
“I don’t know, really,” Bo admitted. “My best guess is he wanted the Roast and decided to kill two birds with one stone. He’s gone, though. For now.”
Aaron nodded while Bo spoke, his hands clasped in his lap. He watched the sun’s lower half crest the horizon and took a deep breath. “You said we needed to talk. So, let’s talk. What’s got your goat, Bo?”
The pitmaster chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment, worry bubbling up in his heart. When he was ten, the old man had taken Bo to a barbecue competition in Memphis. The young pitmaster had watched two men argue about the right way to smoke ribs. The man from Memphis had insisted the only proper way to finish those ribs was with a spicy mustard sauce. The man from Texas had calmly gone back to his truck, retrieved his shotgun, and returned to end the conversation with flying lead.
Cooler heads had prevailed, but only barely.
In a world gone mad, it wasn’t much of a stretch to think that Aaron might fight to the death for his preferred barbecue style. For all Bo knew, the Holy Roast was the reason that Aaron was into the wet mop in the first place.
Bo concentrated for a moment and drew the Webspinner card from his deck. If Aaron got too feisty, the pitmaster would just glue him in place and talk some sense into him.
“Okay,” Bo said. “I have to ask you to stop mopping your barbecue. Dry rub only from here on out.”
Aaron laughed. Then his eyes narrowed, and he peered intently at Bo. “Wait, you’re serious?”
“Afraid so,” Bo replied. “My territory is dry rub only. You have a problem with that?”
The leader of the Knights crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back a bit. He frowned as he considered his next words, then dropped his hands onto his knees. “I don’t know what to say, honestly. This all seems pretty weird, don’t you think? What difference does it make how we smoke our meats?”
“It’s just the way things are,” Bo said. “I picked up a challenge before we came here. Converting you to the dry rub way gives me something I need. Can I consider you converted?”
The story has been illicitly taken; should you find it on Amazon, report the infringement.
Aaron chuckled and shook his head. “What are you talking about, man? Do you think this is all some kind of game?”
“Something like that,” Bo sighed. “I don’t know how to convince you, but the challenges are real. So are the rewards. And penalties.”
“What happens if you can’t convert us to the One True Rub?” Aaron asked, a grin playing at the edges of his mouth. “Let me guess: you have to kill us.”
Bo let out a sigh and nodded.
“Holy Spit,” Aaron said, his voice little more than a whisper. “By the sacred drippings of the Holy Roast. You really would kill us.”
Bo didn’t like to think about that. He felt like absolute garbage, but Aaron was right. If push came to shove, he’d kill Aaron and all the other Knights to keep his people safe. He knew the people in the casino. He’d grown up competing with them, eaten meals with them, learned from them. If the choice was to kill a bunch of strangers or let his friends suffer…
“The new world is hard,” Bo said. “It has rules, and if I don’t follow them, people will suffer. But there’s no reason for us to spill blood here today.”
Aaron nodded, but the look in his eyes told Bo the Knight saw things differently now. Bo wasn’t just a powerful man who’d helped the Knights. He was dangerous. That changed things in ways that Bo didn’t like.
“Rules are rules, I guess,” Aaron said. “Fine, we’re converted. Last thing I want to do is fight a guy who can fly and spin webs. Be sure to let us know if any new quests come around that might involve you breaking my skull, all right?”
CHALLENGE COMPLETED!
Where’s the Beef?
A rival smoking group has set up in your hex. They preach the gospel of the wet mop, a threat to your very way of life.
GOAL: Prevent the smokers from spreading their foul lies.
REWARD: You have received two Community Build Tokens.
REWARDS ADDED TO YOUR PERSONAL INVENTORY
“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” Bo said. “I got to get my people back to the casino. There are some grunge elves on the other side of our hex—”
Aaron’s eyes got wider and wider as Bo spoke. He clearly didn’t know what the hell the pitmaster was talking about, and Bo really didn’t have the time or energy to explain it all on an empty belly.
“Short version,” Bo continued. “I need to get my people back home. The dogs are going south. They’re based in what used to be Gainesville. They’ve got beef with the gnomes, though, so I’m not sure they’ll end up on our side if things go south.”
“You can count on us,” Aaron said. “If push comes to shove, and you need some more able-bodied guys to bust some heads, let us know. You got us our Holy Roast back. That means everything to me and the boys.”
Bo found it strange that Aaron knew almost nothing about the Grail System, the cards, quests, or anything else. But the man was a true believer in the Holy Roast, a magic item that hadn’t even existed a few days ago. The world was changing, but so were the people in it. A group of men dedicated to an endless supply of roast beef might not even be the weirdest thing going on out there. Bo wasn’t sure how he felt about that.
Because before all this went down, the world hadn’t been a great place. If he pulled everyone together, if he protected this hex and its people, then maybe Bo could build something better than they’d had before. A place where people cared about each other, where they worked together to fight off common enemies instead of tearing each other apart for petty differences. Survival had a way of making people find common ground.
“Thank you,” Bo said. “If we could get a little roast for the road, I’m sure my people would appreciate it. I’ll send a messenger if we need your help. You do the same.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Aaron said. “It’s too bad there’s not a faster way to communicate than sending runners. We get attacked by those dog men again, I doubt you’ll get here in time to help us.”
“Probably not,” Bo agreed. “But I’ll do my damnedest.”
----------------------------------------
After a quick breakfast of slices from the Holy Roast, Bo, his people, the gnomes, and the silver hounds all left the Knights behind. The gnomes exchanged teary goodbyes with their leader after an hour on the road. Once Big J went off with the silver hounds to his temporary new home, the shortest of the gnomes immediately stepped forward. She thrust out her chest, now covered in red-and-white striped scraps of cloth that the Knights had graciously donated to the little people from the longhouse’s supplies, and made an announcement.
“I am the new leader of my people until Jizzdoogle is returned to us,” she said proudly. “My name is Jizzguzz, and—”
“Okay,” Bo said, “we’re not calling you that.”
“Why not?” She demanded. “It’s my name.”
“Because ‘jizz’ means something very different here,” Jenny explained gently. “How about we call you Ms. G?”
“I suppose that will be fine if it’s easier for you,” Ms. G said. “But all of our names start with that word you don’t like.”
“Of course they do,” Bo said. “We’ll figure out nicknames for all of you before we get back to the casino.”
Martin and his friends were surprisingly helpful in that regard. By the time they return home, the gnomes were ready to be introduced by their new names. The names—with examples like Knucklenose, Drippy, and Nugget—weren’t the greatest, but were a heck of a lot better than referring to everybody as ‘jizz this’ or ‘jizz that’.
Bev was ridiculously excited to hang out with the gnomes, who did not feel the same way. The little girl was taller than any of the gnomes and couldn’t resist grabbing them up into exuberant hugs. To her, Bo supposed, it must’ve been like being surrounded by a whole pack of living dolls. The gnomes, on the other hand, acted like the little girl was a terrorizing giant.
Several of Martin’s men volunteered to help the gnomes get settled into some of the casino’s spare rooms, for which Bo was eternally grateful. The little girl went along with the gnomes, leaving Martin, Slick, and Jenny to use the build tokens on the smoker.
The horse-faced monster appeared out of nowhere when Bo approached the smoker. She bowed low, one arm sweeping up toward the community focus, then straightened up and cleared her throat. “Welcome back, Champion. I await your pleasure. What is it you wish to do?”
“Thanks, Lydia,” Bo said. “But there’s no need to be so formal. I just need to spend these community build tokens on upgrades.”
“Excellent,” the monster said. “There are four upgrade paths, as we discussed before. The first level of each path will cost one Community Build Token, the second will require two, and so on.”
“Can you describe the paths to me?” Bo said. “Try to use small words and keep it simple. I’m not up on all this Grail System lingo.”
“Very well,” Lydia said. “The first path is Arcane, and its initial upgrade is the Library. Unlocking that facility will provide your community with a small stock of books related to magic, and will open up the Librarian expert role. Providing an expert deck to one of your people will allow them to assume that role.”
“And what does the Librarian do?” Bo asked.
“That role will assist anyone doing research in the library. A Librarian may ascertain whether any of your people possess latent magical talents that can be activated with further expert decks.”
“We could make wizards,” Jenny said, rubbing her hands together excitedly. “For all we know, I’m a wizard.”
“You’re not a wizard, Jenny,” Slick said. “But I bet Bev is.”
“You don’t know that,” Jenny said. “I could be freaking Gandalf for all you know.”
“Anything is possible,” Bo said. “But we need to focus on defending our hex, not finding magic flingers. Is there a path to protect our hex?”
“There is,” the monster said. “The first option on the Defense path is the Perimeter. This will provide a magical barrier that prevents easy access to your land by enemies. It is not a physical barrier, but a systemic one. Enemies who cross the perimeter will be weakened. They will grow weaker as they near the heart of your hex. Purchasing this upgrade will also unlock the Scout expert role. Again, if you provide a member of your party with an expert deck, they may assume that role.”
“That sounds perfect,” Bo said. “Okay. How do I spend one of these tokens?”
“Summon it from your personal storage and insert it into the smoker’s belly. Select the option you wish to unlock from the menu that appears, and your work is done.”
Bo followed the monster’s instructions and immediately felt a strange rush of power. He looked out of his cave home’s opening to see the faint sparkling green tent on the horizon. He knew, without knowing how he knew, that the perimeter was active. It entirely surrounded his hex. If the grunge elves made a move against him and his people, they’d be in for a rude awakening.
“I want to be a scout,” Jenny said.
“It’s a dangerous job,” Bo said. “And—”
“I’m a dangerous girl,” Jenny replied. “Give me the deck, Bo. This is a perfect way for me to help you.”
“Scouts spend all their time roaming around in the weeds,” Slick added. “What if we need you here?”
Jenny frowned, furrowed her brows, and crossed her arms over her chest. “Who would be a better scout? You, Slick? Come on.”
The older man raised both hands defensively. “I never said I wanted to be anything. I’m happy staying here and helping folks around camp. But your Bo’s right hand. If you go roaming all over creation, you can’t be here for him.”
Jenny gave Bo a piercing look. “Is that true? Do you need me by your side at all times?”
Bo felt the heat rise in his cheeks. Jenny’s tone reminded him of the way she’d talk when they were alone in his room. It stirred deep, complex emotions inside him. He wanted her beside him. There was no denying that. Having her around would be a relief. But what he wanted was only one side of the leadership coin he’d reluctantly picked up.
Jenny was smarter than anyone else he knew. She was quick on her feet, determined, and absolutely trustworthy. Those were attributes he couldn’t waste here in camp. He pulled the expert deck from his personal storage.
“I want you here with me,” he said, turning the deck over between his fingers. “But if you want to roam the field, that’s probably the best place for you. Just promise me you’ll be careful.”
Jenny surprised them all by throwing herself into Bo’s arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck. She clung to him for several seconds, her heart hammering against his. And then, she kissed the side of his neck, and whispered, “Thank you. I’ll be careful.”
And then she whispered something else, her words so low that Bo wasn’t sure he’d heard them. Before he could react, Jenny grabbed the deck of cards out of his hands and walked deeper into the cavern, whistling.
“She certainly played you,” Slick said with a chuckle. “What did she say there at the end?”
“I don’t know,” Bo lied.
Because all three syllables were burned into his thoughts like a brand into a cow’s hide. He wasn’t sure what that magical incantation meant in this new world, but he hoped they all lived long enough for him to find out.
Before he could spend the second Community Build Token, Bo heard Barbie's mocking words.
I love you. She said she loves you. Oh, this will be such fun.