«...-zie... Lizzie! Is everything okay?»
«Uh?»
I looked up from my untouched breakfast to meet the three worried gazes of my table mates.
«You look terrible, Liz,» Nicole commented, «are you sure you're not sick or something?»
«I told you, I just didn't sleep very well,» I sighed.
It wasn't the whole truth. After all, there was a clear reason why I hadn't closed my eyes the night before. But I wasn't trying to hide it from them. I just couldn't find a good way to put it into words.
After my absurd conversation with Sophia Thornton, when I had given some thought to the question she wanted me to answer for her, I had felt an uneasy feeling growing inside me. And that unease had soon turned to distress when I realised that I didn't understand what was causing it. I felt sad, so sad, even though I couldn't remember anything bad having happened to me recently. In fact, it was the opposite: since I had arrived at the Academy, I had been the happiest I had ever been.
That's when another sensation had begun to plague my mind. I had forgotten something important, that's what my brain was telling me. But what was it? I could feel the answer was there, just out of reach. It was as if I'd just woken up from a dream, and I could still feel the emotions that came with it, but I couldn't grasp its details anymore. But if having something on the tip of your tongue could be annoying, this sensation was downright torturous. And that wasn't all, I could also feel a sense of foreboding creeping up on me. Somehow I was sure that if I didn't make sense of this situation before I met Sophia Thornton this evening, I would regret it.
In summary, I was completely fucked up at the moment.
«We can all see that from those terrible bags under your eyes,» Penny commented, but under her snark I could tell she was actually concerned, «but instead of dozing off, you look like you're about to burst into tears!»
«I... I don't know what to tell you... I just feel weird... confused maybe? But I can't really say why,» I tried to explain.
«Weird...» Penny repeated. Normally she would have remarked that in that case things weren't any different than usual, but it seemed I was in too pathetic a state even for her teasing.
«Confused, you say, and you don't understand why? What if someone has cast a charm on you? You are at the top of the rankings, so maybe someone is trying to sabotage you,» Nicole suggested.
«A charm...?»
I hadn't thought about that possibility. It wasn't common to find someone who could cast spells capable of affecting emotions and mental states for extended periods of time, but here at the Academy there were so many capable mages. It would have explained why I'd suddenly become such a mess right after being over the moon.
"But who could have charmed me? Sophia?"
She was the last person I had interacted with before I started to feel this way. But because of the mana test we had done on the first day at the Academy, I knew that her magical power was pretty much non-existent.
"And I don't think she's a bad person at all."
Sure, she was weird, but her tone when she had said that she really wanted to go out with me... it seemed sincere, even if a bit melancholic. If that was her intention and she was able to cast powerful charms even with her low mana, wouldn't she have bewitched me instead of confusing me like this? But her strange attitude had something to do with my strange state of mind, I was sure of it.
«Charm or not, you are not coming to class in this state. You are clearly stressed and need to rest. You are working way too hard to stay on top of that stupid leaderboard.»
Amy's stern voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
«No, it's okay, I don't want to skip and lose points.»
The idea of staying alone in my room with these thoughts running through my head was an even worse prospect than following a boring lesson. But as usual, Amy wasn't going to give in easily.
«I will speak to the professor myself and make sure you are excused for today. And you, my girl, will go to the infirmary immediately,» she scolded me. Her tone really reminded me of the one my mother used in the past when I refused to stay in bed when I was sick.
«The infirmary?»
«You've never been there?» asked Nicole, and when I shook my head she continued with a reassuring smile, «Don't worry, they're super nice! I went there a couple of weeks ago with a cold and they made it go puff! And if you've really been hit by a charm, they'll find out straight away.»
«I suppose I'll give it a go then,» I muttered.
I wasn't really convinced that a healer could help me, but going against Amy's wishes was never going to be a good idea. So, ten minutes later, instead of following my friends into the classroom, I continued down the east wing corridor to its end, where the infirmary was located. Opening the large door, I found myself in a large room filled with unoccupied beds. A man in a white uniform sat behind a desk and, alerted by my footsteps, raised his eyes from the book he was reading.
«Good morning, how can I help you? Are you feeling ill?» he asked in a friendly tone as I approached.
«Um... sort of,» I replied, trying to think of a way to describe my feelings without sounding crazy, «I've been feeling rather confused since last night. My friends have suggested that I may have been under a charm.»
Confused didn't even begin to explain the whirlwind of emotions inside me, but it was the best I could say.
«A charm... let's see. Please, sit on that bed,» he said, pointing to the nearest one.
After I obeyed, the healer lit the tip of his wand and pointed it at my eyes, causing me to squint.
«Try to endure it for a second.»
I did my best to comply, even though I was starting to tear up.
«Ok, now relax and take a deep breath,» the healer instructed after moving his wand away.
"Relax... that's easier said than done."
This time the mage's wand lit up with a blue glow as he moved it up and down in front of me. After a minute he shook his head:
«I can find no traces of malicious enchantments.»
«I see.»
I had expected that, but the fact that the mess in my head wasn't caused by magic wasn't exactly a reassuring thought.
«But I can clearly see that you are very sleep deprived. Do you suffer from insomnia?»
«Not really...»
Of course, lack of sleep could mess up your mental state, but my problem preceded it and was its cause.
But I didn't say that. If the healer could help me take a nap with some sort of concoction, it would probably have helped me think more clearly when I woke up. At my request, the healer nodded and disappeared to the back of the infirmary. He soon reappeared with a mug filled with a green, fizzy potion.
«Make sure you lie down as soon as you drink it, it's quite strong. Don't worry, it won't have any unpleasant effects, you'll wake up just in time for lunch.»
I thanked him as I took it from his hands and drank it all at once, expecting it to taste disgusting. To my surprise it was quite pleasant instead. As soon as I put the mug down on the bedside table, I started to feel drowsy, so I quickly followed the healer's suggestion and laid down on the comfortable infirmary bed.
"A... familiar ceiling?"
But before my brain could process that thought, I fell into a deep sleep.
----------------------------------------
«Um... A-amy?»
As I regained consciousness, I felt someone holding my hand tightly.
"She's such a worrywart," I thought, my eyes still closed.
I felt incredibly refreshed, but even if I had only just woken up, I could tell that the ominous feeling inside me had not subsided.
"I should probably just tell Amy everything, she always knows what to do."
But when I finally opened my eyelids, I realised that the person next to me wasn't my best friend. A slim girl with long black hair was sleeping peacefully with her head leaning against my leg. Her hand was the one clutching mine.
«EH?! Sophia?!»
I quickly covered my mouth with my hand to muffle my exclamation of surprise and not wake her.
"What is she doing here?" I thought as I looked at her. She was smiling in her sleep. A tender smile that contrasted with the more troubled one she had shown me yesterday on the roof.
"She... is so cute."
She really did have a different vibe from the one I had expected from watching her from afar. But I did not dislike it, quite the opposite in fact. Unfortunately, the noise I had made when I woke up had broken this magical moment, as Sophia slowly started to open her eyes.
«Oh, I guess I fell asleep... sorry. I suppose we both didn't get much sleep last night,» she said as she rubbed her eyes with her free hand.
«Um... it's okay. But... why are you here?» I asked nervously. My hand trembled in her grip. I had the feeling I couldn't free it, no matter how hard I tried.
«What do you think? I'm visiting a very sick person,» she replied with a chuckle.
"I don't like the way she said those last three words."
«I'm not sick... how did you even know I was here?»
«I asked your friend Amy. When she told me, I rushed over but found you already asleep!»
«Huh? You skipped class for me? Did the healer let you stay here?» I asked dumbfounded.
"I thought she came here recently, but... did she really stay by my bedside for hours holding my hand? What's her deal?" I thought as I felt my cheeks catching fire.
«It's not like they could stop me,» she replied nonchalantly.
«UH?!»
"What does that even mean? Did she threaten the poor healer with her sword?!"
«But I was worried... how are you feeling, Elizabeth? Do you feel strange after our conversation yesterday?» she asked in a now serious tone.
"So I was right. She's the reason I feel this way."
The fact that I'd started to feel this strange sensation right after I'd started to think about her question about life wasn't a coincidence after all.
«What have you done to me, Sophia? What is that question really about? Since then... my head has been a mess.»
«A mess?» Sophia repeated.
«Yes! A fucking mess! I feel like I should remember something, but I can't. It's like I have a shadow in my brain that just keeps moving away whenever I stare at it!» I exclaimed in despair.
«Something you should remember... I see, so it worked...» Sophia seemed to be about to say something else, but suddenly stopped.
«Oh no, you fucking don't! What the hell do you mean 'it worked'? For fuck's sake, could you stop with the 'girl with a mysterious agenda' act and speak clearly?!» I snapped and grabbed her wrist.
Sophia looked at me with a conflicted expression.
«I'm sorry, Elizabeth. There are reasons why I can't tell you more. Just know that I don't want you to suffer. But like I said yesterday, I have to make sure that this is what you really want. So this is the only way I could find.»
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I let her go and finally freed my hand from her grasp to grab my head and start shaking it, as if it could help me understand what the hell she was talking about:
«Can you stop talking in riddles for one fucking second?! What do you mean by 'this is what I want'? Do you mean do I want you to drive me insane? Of course I don't! You don't want me to suffer? Does that mean that this is really all your fault? Oh, that's great! Oh I feel so much better now! What would you do if you really wanted to hurt me? Cut me into little slices with your sword?»
Sophia looked at me with her mouth half open before she burst out laughing.
«Not this again! Why are you always laughing at me?»
I should have been angry with her. Here I was, complaining about the pain she had apparently willingly caused me, and she was making fun of me. But somehow I couldn't bring myself to feel any irritation towards her.
«I'm sorry! It's just... it's such an Elizabeth reaction, I couldn't help it!» she gasped, trying to compose herself.
«I hate you. You're still doing it: talking like you know me. Were you telling the truth when you said you weren't a time traveller or something?» I sighed.
This time I was asking for real. In a world like ours, dominated by magic, I couldn't really rule out the possibility of something like that actually happening.
Sophia paused for a second before answering.
«I was. I'm not from the future, Elizabeth.»
«But you do not deny that you know me, even though we never spoke before yesterday. Is that what I forgot and what is killing my mind now? Were we childhood friends or something?» I asked.
This was another very far-fetched idea. After all, I had grown up with Amy and she, unlike me, had a very good memory for people's faces.
"And Sophia is so pretty that even I would never have forgotten her."
Sophia seemed to hesitate for a moment before coming closer to me.
"Is she... actually going to tell me?"
But instead of speaking in my ear, she cupped my face in her hands.
«I'm sorry, I can't say anything more. I wish I could help you, but this is something you'll have to face on your own. It's the only way to get through this. But as soon as you realise what you want... I'll be right by your side, Elizabeth.»
As usual, she wasn't making any sense, but as I lost myself in her green eyes, I still couldn't find the strength to be mad at her.
«Man, you're a handful. I signed up for a sweet girlfriend, not a weirdo who does nothing but spout cryptic lines. But... I guess I'm the only one crazy enough to hang out with someone like you... I hope you feel very honoured by my kindness...» I mumbled.
Sophia chuckled again.
«You really never change... even in a situation like this... even in front of a girl you barely know who has caused you a lot of problems, you still find the energy to joke around.»
«You are do-»
But before I could finish, Sophia put a finger to my lips:
«But... I think I can do this much for you.»
Her hand grabbed my tie and pulled me towards her.
«Uh?! Wh-NGH!»
I barely had time to realise what was happening before I was kissed. On the lips. For the first time in my life. My first kiss was with a girl I hadn't even spoken to until yesterday. Of course I had fantasised about it, but I never really thought it would happen like this! But just as my mind was about to shut down, I felt something else.
"...! HER TONGUE!?"
As it caressed my lower lip, I felt my mouth open slightly, almost by itself. As Sophia's tongue brushed over mine, I soon found myself responding to her touch. At that moment, all the tormenting thoughts swirling inside me disappeared like the stars giving way to the morning. At the end of the kiss I was breathless. I looked stunned at Sophia's smirk as she pulled away from me.
«M-m-my first kiss! You stole it!» I gasped.
«Is that right? You're such a good kisser, I could have sworn you'd done it before,» she giggled, standing up and giving me a wink.
«It's true I... never...?»
I touched my lips. Wasn't the way I had reacted to that sudden deep kiss a bit too... automatic?... Almost like... I had done it many times before?
«...Sophia... who are you really?» I found myself asking.
«...I'm Sophia Thornton, your future girlfriend, if that's what you want,» she replied, turning away, «I'll be waiting for you on the roof all day, Elizabeth. I'll be waiting for your answer.»
«But... I still don't understand... have I really forgotten you or something? And how should I go about remembering you then?»
Sophia opened the door and stopped.
«You'll find a way, I'm sure of it.»
«But... why?»
«Because you are my hero. And the person I respect and love the most in this world.»
And just like that, she left the room, leaving me with my mouth hanging open for the umpteenth time.
«What... the... hell.»
Love. She had clearly said that four-letter word. If it was strange to want to go out and kiss someone you barely knew, to love them was just absurd. And yet she had spoken in complete seriousness.
I was sure of it now: she wasn't messing with me, I was someone important to Sophia Thornton, even if I somehow had no memory of it.
"But how is that possible? She said she isn't from the future, so the only other possibility is... the past?"
«...maybe she really did live in our town and we played around when we were very little, so that both I and Amy don't recognise her now.»
It wasn't unusual for little children to promise to marry each other. Could that be what happened? It would explain why she was so fond of me.
"But why is she so secretive about something like that? Is this some sort of test? She didn't give me that impression. From the way she talked it's almost like I'd be in danger if she told me."
This new encounter had only made me more confused. But I knew two things: I couldn't go on feeling like this, or I'd really go insane, and staying here and brooding over it wasn't going to solve anything.
«Come on, Elizabeth!» I urged myself as I stood up. I thanked the healer and left the infirmary with a decisive stride.
The east wing corridor was deserted, as all the students were probably enjoying their lunch at this time. As I walked alone, I closed my eyes, trying to dive into the inexplicable emotions inside me.
I wanted to stare into the abyss that seemed to have opened up in my mind. Even if it caused me pain, it was the only way to discover its nature.
As the anguish rose, I became certain: the thing I couldn't remember... it couldn't just be a naive, childish promise. Sure, there was a certain bittersweet feeling to it, but it was smothered by so much sadness and grief.
I stopped in the middle of the corridor and held my chest. My breathing had gotten heavier, but I didn't stop, I let these terrible feelings flow through me, trying to reach their source.
But even if I started gasping for air, I still couldn't make any sense of it.
«Dammit!» I punched the stone wall so hard that I immediately regretted it.
But the pain was enough to clear my head a little.
"I can't just randomly hope to remember something... I need to find some clues, since Sophia can't seem to be able to give them to me. So far, all I know is that whatever I forgot has something to do with her. I need a trigger... something that can bring back some images of whatever it is."
But what? I had even kissed Sophia, but that hadn't been enough to remember her.
"This memory... could it be something I'm repressing?"
I had read about it: certain traumatic events could be completely erased from a person's mind if they were too painful to accept.
"But what could it be? If something terrible enough to destroy my memory had happened in our little town, there would've been an uproar! Everybody knows everything about everyone. I'm sure people are still gossiping about that cheating wife to this day. So... it has something to do with this school".
But even here... could I have witnessed something so scarring without anyone else noticing?
"It doesn't make sense... thanks to the healer, I know that I'm not under a memory spell either."
«AAAARGH!»
It was infuriating. Even if I subjected myself to this agonising introspection, trying to find the truth was like attempting to empty an ocean with a glass of water.
"I need to clear my mind more."
And there was only one way I knew how to do that.
"A duel... let's do one of my daily point runs."
Maybe the adrenaline of a magical battle would help me dispel the haze that was reigning inside me.
So when I arrived at the dining hall, I passed it by and headed for the common room instead, hoping to find someone who had already finished eating to take some of my frustration out on.
"Lucky!" I thought as I entered the cozy room, filled with sofas and tables perfect for studying.
A large group of students were hanging around one of them, probably reviewing today's lesson. I approached them as I took my wand from its holster.
«Hello, would anyone like to duel with me?» I asked, putting on a friendly smile.
Unfortunately, due to my fame, not many people bothered to accept my challenges and just took the point penalty instead. I wasn't complaining though, easy points would make my dream of meeting Aldric all the more real. Judging by the wavering look on the pretty blonde girl in front of me, it looked like things were going to go that way this time as well.
I was about to drop the amiable facade and collect her points when the tall guy sitting next to her jumped up like a spring.
«M-me!» he exclaimed in a nervous yet enthusiastic tone.
Sensing that the blonde girl was glaring at him, he quickly apologised.
«Oh, sorry, Andrea! I know we are in the middle of studying, but I have been waiting for the opportunity to duel Belvoir for a while!»
"Opportunity to duel me?"
I looked at the boy's awkward smile in confusion.
"Do I know this guy?"
He was lanky and had rather long, messy hair, which made him stand out among his friends. Probably sensing my puzzlement, the boy quickly explained:
«Sorry, I just watched a bunch of your duels and thought you were very cool! You fight like you own the place!» he said nervously, running his hand over his hair, making it even messier.
I felt myself blush. I had always been weak when it came to compliments.
«You don't have to apologise...»
The boy gave me a tentative smile. Out of the corner of my eye I saw the blonde girl called Andrea give me a much nastier look than the one she had given the guy.
"I sense danger here! Maybe I should retreat!"
I wasn't about to be murdered by a jealous girlfriend when apparently I didn't even like guys in the first place.
But the male student came closer before I could escape and held out his hand:
«I'm Samuel, by the way, Samuel Rover, but you can call me Sam.»
«Sam...»
I repeated as I shook his hand.
"I feel like I have heard his name before, maybe Amy mentioned him?
I was still thinking about it with a furrowed brow as Sam and I took our positions and the magic barrier e that defined the area of the duel appeared around us.
3
2
1
«Fireball!»
I parried his fire spell with a water shield at the last second.
"Crap, I was distracted!"
Sam had unsheathed his blade and was already running towards me.
It was a common tactic I had seen dozens of times. Since not many people could stand up to me in a magical confrontation, they tried to overpower me in close combat, which I was terrible at. But so far, no one had ever managed to reach me. It wasn't like anyone could cut through my spells with a sword.
But when I saw Sam raising his sword in the air, ready to bring it down on me, I couldn't help but think how slow and clumsy he looked.
"..."
I unsheathed my sword in one fluid motion and easily deflected his blow, leaving him completely exposed.
«What the...?!»
I saw Sam's eyes widen in surprise.
«Strength.»
As my fist began to glow a yellow light, I slammed it into Sam's stomach, sending him flying backwards and into the magical barrier.
I stayed there, frozen in that punching stance, as the magic bubble disappeared and avoice announced my name as the winner.
"Uh?"
I looked down at my hands.
"What have I just done...?! Why did I use my sword instead of blowing him up with a Fireball as usual? And... a buff spell?! I have always been terrible at those! Wait... that's not the issue now!"
I rushed forward to get close to Sam, who was trying to get up.
«Oh shit! Are you okay? I'm so sorry!»
But to my bewilderment, he seemed completely unharmed, even after my extremely powerful punch.
Sam took the hand I offered him and used it to help himself to his feet. Then he gave me a questioning look:
«Of course I'm fine. The barrier protects us from getting hurt in duels, remember?»
«...That's right...»
How could I have forgotten? We had been told on the first day, and I had been in dozens of duels.
«But man, you are really good with the sword too, huh? I didn't expect that... do you fake it in training? I'm kind of honoured that you decided to use a secret weapon against me!»
"Secret weapon?! I just suck at swordfighting!"
I looked down at the sword that was still in my hand. How had I managed to move in such a coordinated manner? I usually had the grace of an elephant.
"This... is weird."
«Thank you for the duel. I have to go now...» I muttered as I turned around, lost in my own thoughts.
«Wait!» Sam exclaimed, stopping me by grabbing my wrist.
«Uh? What's wrong?» I asked absentmindedly, turning to look at him.
«Oh, it's nothing serious, sorry!» he mumbled, letting go of me immediately as if he had burned himself by touching me, «I was just hoping we could talk a bit more when you have time, I feel like I could learn a lot from you!»
"Is this guy hitting on me or something, isn't that Andrea girl his girlfriend?"
But the expression on Sam's face wasn't cheeky or flirtatious, it was a pure, radiant smile. A... smile that...
"Ahhhh...!"
I covered my mouth with one hand as I fought the urge to vomit.
«Is something wrong?» Sam asked worriedly.
«I... have to go,» I gasped.
I sprinted away, trying my best not to scream.
«What... just happened?»
I stopped in the corridor and leaned against the wall, my legs trembling as if they were about to give out.
The abyss I had felt before now completely filled my mind. For alongside the vague feeling of dread, there was now something tangible. An image.
As I was looking at the boy smiling at me, another image had flashed before my eyes.
It was the same person.
The same boy named Sam Rover.
There was no smile on his face but an expression of pure terror. His eyes were empty and lifeless as he lay on a wooden floor.
And his neck...
I felt my stomach turn again.
A dead body. The corpse of Sam Rover, was this the memory I had repressed? But how could it be real? I had just dueled with him and he was very much alive!
"Am I really going insane after all?"
Delusions, paranoia, remembering things that had never happened... maybe it was really the case.
I started walking on trembling steps, trying to put as much distance as possible between myself and that boy boy, afraid that one more look at his face would have completely shattered my mind. Soon I was outside the dining hall.
«Amy...»
Should I have told her about this, after all? Amy always knew the words to put me on the right track. If there was anyone who could help me out of this absurd situation, it was her.
I walked dazedly through the crowd towards our usual table. When it came into view I saw Amy sitting there with Nicole and Penny. She had a blank expression on her face.
"She must be worried about me."
It was just like Amy: being stern with me like she had been this morning, trying not to show how concerned she was.
"You're pushing yourself too hard! Stop thinking weird stuff, Lizzie! How can you remember seeing the corpse of a person who is still alive! Is he a zombie or something?"
She probably would have said something like that and we would have laughed together. And then she would've put her hand over mine and given me one of her usual reassuring... smiles.
«No...»
The world before me shattered into a million fragments. A new image appeared before me, burned into my retinas. My best friend smiling while being held by the neck by a towering figure. The cawing of crows. A bright light.
«NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!»
I screamed, falling to my knees as the whole dining room turned to look at me. But I could barely see them as all the memories that had been taken from me flooded my brain.
All the happiest moments I had spent with the person I loved most.
All the new connections I had made with wonderful people who had made me feel less lonely.
But also the pain and suffering that had painted my daily life in blood.
The fear of death that had threatened to break me.
The sacrifices made on the altar of Skylark's ambition.
And that cursed day. The day I had lost her forever.
«Lizzie?! What's wrong?»
"This... is too cruel."
I pounded the floor with my fist as I raised my tear-filled eyes to look at the worried face of my long lost best friend.
«Lizzie...»
I crawled away from her.
I couldn't let her reach me. I couldn't let her gentle hand touch me. Or I'd really let myself believe it. That she was back in my life. That I would really hear her call me Lizzie again. That she would reassure me that everything would be all right, as she always did.
But ever since I had entered the hell called Duelcrest Academy, I had learned that reality was never so kind.
"Is this a dream? Has Skylark found a way to torture me even when I'm asleep? Does he want me to feel happiness just to take it all away once again?"
But if that was the case, I had to get to her. The person who had managed to wake me up. The one who had been able to reach me even when I was no longer myself.
I quickly got up and started running. My heart ached as I ignored Amy crying out my name. If I listened to that siren call, I'd never be able to go back to reality, I was sure of it.
And if I could resist it, it was only because of her, Sophia. I had so many questions to ask her. But most of all, I wanted to see her face and feel her touch. Because of all the memories I'd made in this school, she was the one I would never give up on, no matter how much pain I had to endure.