Who would have thought I would go out like this, I had been a noble-born citizen, but I was a bottom of the barrel noble. Who never sought a higher rank, nor did I oppress the poor, or did I spew any heresy against the church. I was Thirty years old, and it was the beginning of a new millennium, and yet I died.

When I was born, I was very sickly, and I required constant procedures from the magicians in town my parents would hire to help me heal. There were three things that they were giving strenth and enhancing to while also restoring my three damaged areas, which were my ears, nose, and lungs.

With my Ears so plugged up and infected I couldn't hear anything for the first year and a half of my life, My nose was also plugged up and infected so I couldn't smell anything for the same amount of time as long as I couldn't hear. The lung problems, especially I almost died several times over until I was finally stabilized and could function like an average human. It took until I was about four years to maintain my condition the remaining year until school started they tried catching me up to the other noble kids as fast as they could.

My life started as a kid started as me being more pure and innocent more than anyone around me was, this was very apparent after I began my noble education. They thought I was a bit touched in the head, and people worried about my future. The truth was of it was I lost some vital learning that as a newborn, I should have had, but due to my ear problems and well being sickly in general, I didn't and couldn't keep up in class or physical activities. I would often daydream. In my made-up world, While everyone preyed on me—especially the girls who would use me like a doll to dress me up. The fellow boys and girls would laugh at me. I was too pure to realize they were even mean to me or that they were pitying me.

When I was an adolescent, I was anything but pure. I would get triggered and rage about everything, from school to what we were having for dinner. Part of this was I finally realized that I had been bullied and pitied by nearly everyone. I would still stick up for those and need and apologize after each outburst. Although I would lose any physical fight, I was still behind in the physical department, and feeling an immense amount of guilt each time I acted out, whether it be snapping at someone or starting a fight. 

At the same time, though, I still had anger issues, my true academic abilities were catching up with the other kids. So it was both a good and bad time at that same time. The kids who used to bully me either snubbed me now or tried to build an actual relationship. I didn't want that after what they did to me. I had ambition finally wanting to be something more then I was. It was like an unquenchable thirst for more power. I wanted to prove I wasn't the same naive kid by advancing my rank; I could do that.

My parents were very patient through all of my physical and mental ailments; they still lectured and punished me. Whenever I went too far so, I would not get spoiled. Still, because of me, they were never able to advance their rank through the medical bills and my lousy reputation in society, it was mostly because of them that I learned valuable life lessons. They never had any more kids. My parents could only focus on me, so they decided against having more kids, primarily due to financial reasons.

Still, they were killed before me after I offended someone higher ranking than me without meaning any harm at all. I had snapped at the wrong person even when I apologized right after I snapped at him. Still, the higher ranking noble was far from lenient and thought I should die. My Parents offered themselves instead. Despite my protests, they followed through with it and dying with their last words to me, being grateful for me being their son and a warning on controlling my temper. They finished by saying they knew how smart and kind I was no matter what anyone else thought.

Due to me getting older and may what some people would consider wiser, I lost that thirst, as an adult and a very late bloomer, my strength and speed became that of an average adult my age at last, although a little too late. In truth, I was now bland and pretty much monotone, especially after becoming the leader of my household. My parent's life lessons and their death might have been the trigger for all of this. Who knows the reason why when I did not know myself why I had changed so much because it didn't feel quite right, almost like I would have calmed down anyways whether my parents died or not.

I had a wife due to political reasons arranged by our parents when we were young. However, they had their doubts about me and almost canceled the engagement until the sudden increases in my Mental Stability and Physical Stability occurred. We did the family duties together. We didn't love each other. Especially proved by the fact of having no kids with each other after years of marriage, which was very much looked down upon because we had no heir to inherit my land and title. All my ambition had fizzled out and dried. I was wiser I did the job of the house leader, but I lost all the interest I had in going any further in life.

In the inside of my mind, though, there was a constant battle. A battle between my rageful thoughts and my reason, or should I say dull reasoning. I still had loads of anger, but my so-called reasoning suppressed it to the point to where it was a reflex now. Because of that, though, I was always mentally exhausted. My brain was still in turmoil, which made it appear that I was now monotone. I didn't have the mental energy for any ambition anymore besides doing the noble work that my parents left me.

In this world, there are three primary races with a bunch of different sub-races under them. The Humanoids which included Humans, Elves, and Dwarfs. The Beastkin races which have a way to many sub-races to name. The same could be true of The Demonoids, which also had way too many variations to list. Each alliance served under three different deities. Each wanted the whole world under there leadership.

I became less and less emotional as time went on. Wishing I would disappear or be more whole for the first time in my life. I was empty, and nothing was changing. The battle inside my mind was getting worse. The rage was getting worse, but so was my cooldown reflex as if evolving with it. I was starting to get constant nightmares, and I was on the verge of mentally collapsing. I couldn't keep up with my noble work anymore—some of it. I couldn't finish and left for my wife to do, and of course, she grumbled about it. I was too tired to care, though, then everything changed within what seemed like a moment.

Then a three-way civil war happened. The three sides were The Nobles, The Church, and The Common Folk. None of which I had offended—vying for the control of this country. While the royalty stood back and watched as this happened, well, I guess so did I so I shouldn't complain, but my manor got caught in the crossfire with my wife and me still in it. Shouldn't the humans join together if they're ever to face the other alliances?

Now I Nivalarian Lesy Egard had died. What was the whole point of all this? In the end, I never advanced in my noble ranking, nor did I ever become full inside. I was a husk., one that would always waiver never coming to a single conclusion. Only if I had been two people, would this indecisiveness between my various life stages and current mindset stop?

If I had two bodies, one would be the smart and wise side of me, while the other one would have been my physical and ambitiously rageful side of myself. So there would be no swinging back and forth. What am I thinking? I am dead. There are no second chances in life, plus having two bodies was impossible.

Why was my soul in such turmoil? Why wouldn't I break, couldn't I break like an average person? I was never able to become a whole person. I never would. My life was one big joke like God created a person with two souls. Why would he do that, though? To torment me, we learned God put us through trials for God to deem us worthy of his powers. Or going to the glorious afterlife after death, but that was impossible in my case. To overcome that kind of turmoil, So why?

But why was I still thinking, why can I always be conscious if I am dead. Can't I even go to the afterlife, whether it be any of the deities domains, as if timed right, I was waking up? I was still in my ruined house. When I saw a boy around eleven to thirteen years of age, I could only barely tell what he looked like, my vision was blurry, and he came near me. I passed out yet again while wondering what he was doing near me, and why I wasn't dead.