Mike was not looking as I expected him to be. I expected to see a slender teen with glasses sitting at a table surrounded by chips and phones, and what I found was a two meters Viking with a white beard enjoying his second or third youth.

"Mike?" - I asked, unsure if he was the right person. I hesitated to ask 'Mr. Mike'.

He grinned, interrupted what he was doing and moved to me surprisingly fast.

He agreed to have a look at my phone.

In a couple of seconds, my phone lay dissected on the table, and he started to unscrew and check various components, his big fingers manipulating those little things surprisingly gently.

After less the one minute, he raised his head, tsk and looked at me shaking his head.

“Scrap. Several chips are burnt! I could try to change them, but that'll cost more than a new one. Do you need to save something from it?”

I had to ask:

“How can you check that with a simple voltmeter?”

“This is not a simple voltmeter; I can measure resistance too. These chips conduct electricity in ways they should not; for instance, here, between pin three and pin 24, do you see? I've put the plus here and the minus here, and I see a resistance. It should, however, not move; it should show infinite resistance.”

“How do you know it should not work in that direction?”

He grinned.

“I know most chips by heart. I have a database with more layouts for what I am missing. Transistors open only in one direction, you know?”

A person who learns chip layouts?

He shook his head.

“Don't misunderstand me; what interests me is only the general layout; that is enough for my tests. The only problem is that there are so many versions that you can get confused, but once you get an idea, it is easier.”

I had never heard of this method of measuring chips, and I do not know if he was right, but OK, my mobile is dead. I know that.

I tried negotiating a 'new' one, but he wanted money from me. Not much, five or ten or twenty, depending on the mobile, but not zero. There was no free beer, he said. I protested:

“But yes, I just drank a free beer!”

He laughed.

“It is not free. Hans worked hard to get it done, and the guys helped him!”

The fairy inside my head had other plans with the old man:

“I can try to charm him. This works with most spawns! He will love to give you the … whatever... mobile?”

“You did enough damage today; let me handle it my way.”

She pouted. I don't know how I knew that, but I knew that she pouted.

I sighed and made my best puppy eyes look:

“But I need a mobile. Can I pay for it tomorrow? I have no money with me.”

My 'charming' him action was not a huge success. He laughed, with a glint in his eyes:

“Sure, you can come and take it tomorrow!”

“This is not funny! I need it now.”

I was almost ready to let the fairy make her try, but I'll need now to beg her. He shrugged.

“Why do you need it so urgently?”

I sighed.

“I want to get to the salt mine as I got a voucher from... aaah … I think it was Peter, but it expires today.”

“So you got money for the train. Why do you need the mobile?”

“I don't have money for the train. I'll go by bike. It's cheaper. I need the mobile for directions.”

“Oh, I see. People nowadays cannot use a map anymore.”

“I have no map! That's where the mobile is supposed to help.”

He extracted a vast map and put it on the table.

“We are here!”

He pointed at a black point on the map.

“And you want to get there... Uh, right, this part here has been updated; here, you can cross over!”

“I hope you don't want to give me that map instead of a phone?”

“Give you my map? For heaven's sake, no! I was just showing you the way; it is good to have an overview first. Look, I am willing to borrow you a phone if you take this device with you and bring it back to me no later than one week. “

He held something black in his hands that looked like a modified phone with a couple of buttons on it.

He continued:

“Now, now, don't look at me like that! You turn it on when you start, here, and off when you get to the mine. I want to check my map against the GPS coordinates. This was also a mobile, but I adapted it to only record the GPS every couple of seconds, so I'll get the route you'll make. If I get the device back in a week, you can keep the phone. If not, the phone will turn off, and I will ban you!”

He said that, laughing.

“Don't tell me that you need the device to read it!? I would think you'll get your data online?”

He grinned.

“True, but I'd like to get it back.”

“Why do you need this GPS reading? You have the map.”

“I wanted to update the road to the salt mine and the passage here along the forest on my map. Even what the mobile is showing you is actually partially wrong and simplified. Not that you cannot navigate with it, but the route details are not precise. I wanted to do this trip myself, but now you are doing it for me. See, you help me, I help you.”

“OK, we have a deal!”

“Good, then let's see if the chip with your id is ok, then I'll prepare this phone for you? Satisfied?”

“Oh, that's really cool of you!”

He grinned again, showing me a set of metallic teeth alternating with proper ones. He shook my hand.

“A deal has to be closed with a handshake! Now let's get to work!”

Ten minutes later, I was the happy owner of a new phone. My old phone landed over a mountain of scrap. Nothing could be saved from it, no pictures, only some contacts I had on my chip, which miraculously escaped unharmed.

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

Once I wanted to leave, he asked me curiously:

“Where is your bike?”

“My bicycle? I left it outside; I hid it in the bushes.”

“A bicycle, not a motorbike?” - There was a note of disappointment in his voice, but then he added - “Oh, but that's even better for me; I'll get the bicycle path; you'll not be using the main road?” - I nodded. He continued - “Well, you took some risks to leave your bicycle outside. There is a gate if you go on the other side, and the building near the gate is used as a parking lot. Better use it next time, a bike or bicycle left along the road? I doubt you'll find it, but maybe you are lucky!”

This worried me, but what could I do now? He waved; I waved back and started the GPS tracker.

I was happy to find my bicycle waiting bravely for me where I had left it. Does it mean I am lucky? I jumped in the saddle.

The road to the salt mine took longer than I had planned. I was lucky that I took two cans of expired juice with me in a moment of inspiration, as I drank a lot on the way. I was sweating, and I got tired after less than one hour. When I arrived, I was wobbling, my feet hurting and trembling under me.

I needed a couple of minutes to be able to walk normally.

I presented the coupon and was allowed inside. I did not buy anything to nibble on as many people did and went to the elevator. I had to wait in a queue that took some ten minutes. A chill wind came over us as soon as I went on the platform, and I had to sneeze.

“You are all wet, and the air is cold. You need to take a jacket!”

“Those jackets are for sale. I have no money!”

“Then let me lead; I can keep you warmer!”

“No, please, no catastrophe here. You'll block the lift, and then I'll have even more problems!”

I sneezed again. We were about twenty on the platform, and some people were looking now reproachful at me.

“I won't block the lift, but you are going to get a cold. That's a sickness. I don't cure sicknesses; I only heal!”

“OK, OK, you lead!”

I gave up. Anyhow, any minute now, she should disappear. Or else she is me. My alter ego.

A pleasant warmth coated me. I suddenly felt much better; I was not shivering anymore. Well, this was unexpected but cool.

"Can you do this by any weather?"

"Sure"

Wow, this opens a lot of new options for winter clothing. I grinned happily.

The platform stopped, and we went into a kind of cavern. There was a guide who explained something about the mine. I ignored him and watched the scenery and almost missed that we had to move to another platform until somebody called me:

“Miss, miss, are you coming?”

Oh fuck, does this thing go even deeper?

I hurried to the next platform. This platform was faster, and it went much deeper underground. I did not know salt mines were so deep. The air was now warmer, but I let further White Flower in the lead. I enjoyed myself too much to see how men were looking at me. She moved so naturally and graciously that I was even feeling a tad jealous of her. How can it be that my body can move graciously but not when I am 'me'?

OK, but why is she still here? I should have no connection now! This is better than the Faraday cage; this is guaranteed.

“Are you still there?”

She was amused.

“You think I'll disappear if you go deep underground? I am anchored to you; we are connected, and I cannot leave. Why do you ask? Would you like me to disappear?”

I hesitated. What should I tell her?

“I fear that I am getting crazy because I can hear you in my head.”

There! I've said it! She is me, myself; she should also know it.

She sighed. She was in the lead, and I felt how she sighed. She even shook my head tiredly.

“No, you are not crazy.”

Now she shrugged.

“It is nice here, but the light is not enough. It is a pity. Should I make more light?”

“No, no. I don't want another S-event or something like that.”

“Hm. OK, but it is a pity... Unless... Yes, I still can show you!”

“What? What have you done!? No! No! Turn them off!”

“Don't panic. Nobody sees this. Look around. See, this is how bees can see, a light that normal people cannot see. Everything is now extra illuminated with that light. See how big this cavern is?”

A strange violet light was illuminating the cave. Magnificent show, done only for me.

Yes. The place was grandiose, monumental, like a cathedral. I walked, or rather she walked happily, showing and pointing to the many natural sculptures that still remained in this mine. It was entertaining, and I had fun. No, she is definitively not an AI. She is in my head. She must be my alter-ego. This is now established without a doubt.

I realized she was doing this as a consolation prize for me. Yes, I have to live with her for the time being, but at least I got my own private show. And I was not cold, even if I wore only a t-shirt.

I shrugged inwardly as I was not in the lead.

OK, yes, I know there is a diagnosis for people like me, but I am not harming anybody. Actually, I felt great as she healed my sore muscles, and we enjoyed our visit.