I could not sleep; too many thoughts were swirling in my head. After a couple of minutes of tossing and turning in my bed, I stood up again. I was tired and yet not tired enough to sleep.

Was Mike right? Was my demonic side just something from the game, or was there more to it? I never felt any demonic feelings, or did I? What are demonic feelings? What does being a demon mean? What does a demon want?

I am a warlord! I did raid cities and killed thousands! Tens of thousands? No, what about more than one hundred thousand? Is that demonic enough?

Yeah, but that was in a game? Or not? Was that world real? Was it real when I did that?

But no! That was not me; that was Markus, who played Cala at the time!

Yes, but I did have all kinds of strange impulses and wishes to use my power over others. That was me, not Markus! Did I not want to use and abuse even Alice? My Alice? How could such a thought even pass through my filthy brain?

Yes, true, but strangely, those wishes disappeared once I got out of the game world, didn't they? If those wishes had come from my demonic personality, they should still be with me, but they are not. So what was that?

The realization shocked me. Have I been manipulated by something when in the game? Who could have tried to place those thoughts in my mind? It had not been constant, but now and then, I did have some strange ideas and impulses. At the time, it mostly seemed normal to me, but now, when I think about it, I have a totally different view. How comes?

But then, why did my ma disavow me? Was her rejection only because of that damn license? I wonder, did she feel something demonic in me? She said something about me being marked! Could my birthmarks have something to do with it, or was that just some religious nonsense?

But even if it was just some religious nonsense, she did disavow me! I would have trusted her with my life, and yet she judged me so fast and repudiated me!

That thought stung, and tears filled my eyes.

Damn, I cannot go to bed with these thoughts in my mind, or I'll cry the whole night. What should I do? I looked around at the alien room. I was not at home. What could I do? There was a library with many books on the opposite wall, and I thought of trying to read a book; then I remembered my transformation book. Let me first try to read my transformation book again.

Even if I did try to practice whenever I had a few minutes free, I hadn't made much progress with the transformation spell. I had the feeling that I was missing something.

I retrieved the original book from my inventory and carefully 'healed' it before using it. Interestingly, when reading directly from the book, I experienced a slight headache, but I also felt that it provided more insight. Could it be that my copy was faulty? A picture has only a limited number of pixels, but the runes were very clear, so what was the difference?

It was so much different from what I had used in Mephisto's World! Maybe that's why I had difficulties with it. In Mephisto's World, we adventurers only chose our path and then bought and used specially prepared scrolls to teach us spells. One just had to open the scroll and magically learn that spell from it.

This... this was much more like how White Flower had learned magic, albeit not as deep. She had always said that runes were a stylized representation of the deep lines of magic underneath reality but could be used as a crutch to learn and memorize spells. White Flower had always said that intent was what mattered.

When reading from the book, it was as if the image would absorb my attention as if the space would slowly start to move around the book, and I was getting a bit dizzy. Why was that? I never felt dizzy when reading the photocopied pages! Perhaps that was the reason why I subconsciously decided not to read directly from the book and used the photocopy, but maybe that had been a mistake.

I took the book in my hand and opened it to the first page of the transformation spell. I looked at the runes and felt again how space started to contort, but I did not waver this time. I kept my eyes locked on the image, and then something happened. The space warping stopped, and I saw the image becoming alive: the runes were moving in front of my eyes. I watched in confusion. Was this the spell? It was like a 3D moving image.

When I finally lifted my eyes from the page, it felt like stepping back into a different space. The page in front of me suddenly transformed into a normal, typical paper page with something scribbled on it, but now I knew it was more.

I took a deep breath, my heart pounding in my chest. I had the impression that I now understood the simple transformation spell, but was it really the case?

With the light in my room, there were enough new test candidates swirling around, so I attempted the transformation spells again. I focused on a little bugger and saw the runes forming around it... and...

Damn! It flew away!

I sighed. I didn't want to grab the bugs with my hand out of fear of inadvertently transforming my fingers, not to mention the challenge of catching them. Every time I tried to transform one, they scurried away as if sensing my attempts, making it difficult to carry out the experiment.

In the end, I caught a May beetle, and after several unsuccessful attempts, I immobilized it by trapping its two rear legs under a book. Now I tried the spell, and... It worked!

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At first, I experimented with simple color changes. I gave it pink wings, then transformed the forelegs into pincers. It worked, and the beetle lived! A new species was born: a May beetle with pincers and pink wings!

I continued by giving another one horns, and then I transformed a moth into a ladybug. Unfortunately, it didn't end well for the moth, but I instantly realized why: I hadn't scanned any ladybugs before, so my target for transformation was not well defined.

Drat! I learned it! And I had lost so much time reading from the copy, and I almost let the original book decay completely!

I glanced at my claws. Should I try to transform those? Claws are actually dead tissue, so it should work easier. But what about a real model? I approached the wall; Sandra should be sleeping there. Indeed, I sensed her presence and let my magic explore her fingers. Luckily, she was close enough for my now limited control area.

Once satisfied with my 'inspection,' I proceeded to try the spell on the claw of my little finger. I witnessed the runes forming in the air around it and felt a prickle in the finger, then it suddenly worked!

"Okay, this is what bugs must be feeling; that's why they run away!" - I muttered to myself.

I watched in fascination as my little finger now sported a normal nail. Oh, gosh, I can get rid of these claws! I tried to calm my rapidly beating heart. No reason to get that excited, Lores. Keep cool.

I transformed it back to a claw, and it looked perfectly legitimate, just like the claw before. Now, back to a nail. Perfect!

I followed up with the second claw, and again, a total success! Slowly, I was becoming better at this.

Ten minutes later, I was admiring my feet, specifically my toes, with perfect little nails on them. Only now did I realize how much stress those claws had caused me! Should I try to get rid of my wings and horns, too?

I decided to wait and see if there were any issues with my new nails.

I took a deep breath. All this stress about horns, claws, and wings ends here! Hell yeah!

I looked at my horned self in the mirror.

"No, I'll wait no more! Damn the precaution, I want to be normal again! Wings, begone!"

I focused on dispelling my wings but soon realized that this was too ambitious for one attempt. I couldn't control the runes surrounding the wings all at once. It was too unwieldy, so I removed them piece by piece.

After about half an hour, I was completely covered in sweat, but I had a perfectly clean, beautiful back with no wings. I breathed a sigh of relief! Now I can wear any dress or blouse I want!

I almost started to do a victory dance when I realized that it was way past midnight. Keep it together, Lores, and don't make too much noise. Let me finish those horns, and then I'll be a perfectly clean girl!

I began with the right horn, tackling it piece by piece as I did with the wings. I concentrated on removing the tip, and it worked!

Suddenly, I felt dizzy. I tried to concentrate on removing another piece from the horn, but it didn't work. I couldn't visualize the runes anymore! Everything was diffuse and unclear!

I took a deep breath when I understood.

Oh, my! The horns are like my mana eyes! I knew this a long time ago; how could I forget? Without horns, I don't have that fine magic manipulation needed for the spell. Cold sweat covered me. Oh, no! What do I do now?

I attempted repeatedly to 'repair' the missing part, but it didn't work. I couldn't focus and arrange the mana as it should be. Properly visualizing the runes became a challenge, akin to a person with at least five diopters of eyesight impairment trying to paint a delicate artwork. I was far from clearly seeing the runes, making it difficult to cast the spell.

Cold sweat started to run down my naked back. What was I going to do? I could leave it as it was, but even the mirror spell to hide my horns had lost quality. What should I do? Stick with this and risk it with even lower-quality illusion spells?

I knew that with practice, things would improve, but even the illusion spell's duration was now under three minutes. Drats! I had only removed the tip of one horn!

I pondered what Flo did when she had no horns. Oh yeah, she had crafted some horns out of mana. They couldn't replace the real ones, but they served as a decent temporary solution for her.

Could I try the same thing?

I attempted to visualize my horn being back, and at a certain moment, it clicked, and I clearly saw the runes. It was just a brief moment, but it gave me hope.

It took at least another hour of concentration and effort to slowly rebuild my horn. First, adding itsy-bitsy small pieces, then completing it, followed by several iterations to make it match the left horn.

When I finally had it back, I released a huge sigh of relief.

Oh, fuck, this had been a beginner's error, as written in the book! I thought I heard Charmoise, the great Shaman of Norsey, laughing at me: "Never attempt to transform into a non-magical person or creature. You might be surprised if you succeed in transmuting into one, but reverting without magic is impossible. Yet there exists a lengthy list of idiots who've made precisely this error."

A lengthy list of idiots, and I almost added myself to it.

Well, my error was not that grave, but almost. I simply diminished my mana manipulation power. So the horns had to stay, at least until my normal mana manipulation power got to this level, even without horns. Would that ever happen?!

I think it was about three in the morning when I went to the bathroom and took a shower. I couldn't go to bed that sweaty. I sneaked back to my room as quietly as possible and went to bed.

I was almost asleep when I heard movement in the corridor, and then my heart froze as the door to my room opened quietly. I didn't move, trying to fake that I was sleeping.

I heard a whisper. “Lores?”

“Sandra? What's happening?” I wondered.

“I... I had a bad dream... Can I stay with you? Just for a moment?”

I hesitated, then sighed. “OK, you can come into my bed for five minutes...”

I heard her naked feet on the floor, and then she pushed herself gently into my bed. I covered her with the blanket and embraced her. She mumbled something and fell asleep almost instantly. I felt guilty. Could it be that my 'inspections' woke her up? But why did she come to me?

What do I do now?

I sighed. Try to sleep, what else?