The ringing of steel against steel and the grunts released as a result of strenuous physical activity reverberated throughout the training ground, but I paid no attention to the noises in the air, letting them enter one ear and immediately exit out the other.
I just couldn’t get the image of Auxis’s bloody face out of my mind. From the way the blood leaked out of his mouth onto the dirt floor, to even the way his bones audibly crunched as I whaled on his face, I could still describe it all down to even the smallest, most insignificant detail.
I had sat down at an empty bench, and after getting a brief lesson from one of the physical trainers on proper technique, I fully intended to begin training my muscles. But I just couldn’t muster the will, nor energy to do so.
I stared down at my fist, already throbbing with pain and turning an intense, purple color after the “duel” with Auxis.
I closed my eyes, feeling the pangs of hunger emanating from my empty stomach.
I rubbed the palm of my hand against the surface of the coarse metal of the bar I was meant to be training with.
I was able to feel all of these physical sensations, yet internally, I was empty, completely and utterly devoid of any discernible emotion.
I felt pity for Auxis, wished him a speedy recovery, hoped that the instructors wouldn’t be too harsh in judging him, and even wanted him to not be too affected by the duel such that his future growth would be stunted.
But I felt no regret welling up inside of me for what I had done to him.
And that unsettled me.
My mother had a saying she used to repeat to my father. That to feel emotion was to also be human. So if I had so severely hurt another person, and I felt nothing after the fact, what did that say about me?
It made me feel like even with the year I had spent with Aurelia in Frosthelm, I was still that weak little boy who had just left that cave so obsessed with life, but not on living.
“You, commoner, if you aren’t going to use that machine, get off.”
Raising my head to see who had spoken, a blonde boy stood in front of my bench, looking down at me. From his clear, pale skin, the way he was wearing a pair of golden earrings, and how he had so arrogantly referred to me as a commoner, he was most likely nobility.
Already exhausted from not having slept, I didn’t have the patience to deal with some arrogant little blonde bastard.
“Piss off.”
Stunned, the boy’s expression morphed from confusion, indignation, and finally disdain, before he finally formulated a response.
“What did you say?” he asked, his tone of voice taunting me, arrogant in such a way so as to imply that I wouldn’t dare repeat myself.
I felt a faint burning sensation in my heart.
Despite the fact that he was at least a head taller than me, I jumped up from the bench, intending to directly confront him.
“I. said.” I began, enunciating each word, “If you don’t piss off, I’ll shove the silver spoon you were born with so far up your ass it’ll turn red. So fuck off,” my final words imbued with as much raw vitriol as I was able to muster.
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The sound of clanking iron plates in our immediate vicinity stopped, those working out around us pausing, anticipation mounting at possibly getting to witness a fight.
The burning in my chest began to intensify, igniting the entirety of my heart, before spreading throughout my entire body, until an uncontrollable, directionless inferno erupted, engulfing everything inside.
I grit my teeth and clenched my fists. Pure, unadulterated hatred for the noble rat standing in front of me welled up inside of me.
I wanted so badly to bash his fucking face in. Wipe that haughty smile off of his face. To see if afterwards, he would still act so arrogantly.
“HEY,” Lunia suddenly rushed in between, forcibly separating the two of us.
Pushing me, “Please forgive my friend,” she hurriedly turned back and bowed, before continuing to lead me away.
Clicking his tongue, the blonde noble quickly took over my bench, and began to use the metal bar I had prepared.
Pulling me into the below ground white hallways, Lunia finally stopped, before shooting back to face me, her face visibly stressed,
“Are you crazy?” she hissed, “Were you looking to start a fight with him? Why would you do that? You said you didn’t sleep, but I didn’t think that’d -”
Despite the fact that Lunia had effectively put an end to the conflict between the blondie and I, the rage I felt didn’t lessen, rather, it inexplicably continued to burn white hot.
“Did you see the way he acted?” I interrupted, voice strained from anger, “That arrogant, I’m better than you way of talking, the way he looked down on me, treated me like I was nothing.”
Seeing how Lunia stayed silent, “What?” I asked, “Should I just quietly let myself be treated like that? Let him-”
“Who are you talking about?” Lunia questioned, her expression devoid of pretense.
“THAT BLONDE FUCK,” I exploded, yelling at the top of my lungs.
Lunia shrunk back, “... I didn’t notice anything weird about him,” she dejectedly whispered, looking down at her feet.
As if a bucket of ice cold water was dumped over my head, the fire inside of me was snuffed out, the rage I felt completely dissipating. But the inferno had already burned through my insides, leaving nothing behind but emptiness, and intense, mind-numbing guilt.
Biting my lip, I reached for both of her hands.
“I’m sorry,” I apologized, breaking the silence that had descended between us.
Unconsciously, I had been treating Lunia like a stranger the past few days, in the hopes that she would eventually get sick of me and leave, and as a petty, self satisfactory form of revenge. I couldn’t pinpoint the reason why, but after I had learned that she was Baron Elef’s daughter, each time I recalled the 3 years I spent in that cold hell, I felt as if I couldn’t even stomach being in her presence. So I rejected her.
But as I gazed at Lunia’s downtrodden face, her cheeks going red, and tears beginning to pool up in her eyes, her bloodline became irrelevant, that impulse to reject her fading away. Hating her wouldn’t undo what had already happened to me.
And even if it did, I still wouldn’t do so.
She was the first person I could call a friend.
“I’m sorry,” I repeated, “I shouldn’t have … yelled at you like that. Can we just pretend like that didn’t happen?”
Lunia wiped her eyes with her sleeve and nodded, before taking me by hand, the two of us beginning to silently wander the underground complex of winding hallways and rooms. But the air around her was still noticeably less lively.
As we rounded a corner, we came upon one of the lithe black golems walking forward, a brown haired boy following behind it.
“Student Sol,” the black golem suddenly stopped, and voiced, “You have been selected for further testing. Please follow me.”
Not even questioning how we were located, I turned to Lunia, about to say a word or two to acknowledge that we were about to part ways, when she suddenly embraced me.
Slipping her arms underneath mine, she rubbed her cheek against my shoulder. Faintly trembling, she dug further into my embrace. Lunia felt so frail; I held her tighter, afraid that she would suddenly disappear. I hadn’t noticed before owing to the distance between us, but she had gained a faint smell of blood she didn't have before.
“... Don’t get hurt,” Lunia quietly whispered into my ear, her voice desperate, “Please.”