Rosie walks into the cavern, “Dragon, I've brought beer, come whet your whistle.” The busty lady says.

The dragon gulps. “Rosie, I said not to come out when customers are around.” He says, quickly swallowing several mugs of beer.

“Who's that?” Reginald the Sapphire Warrior asks.

“Hi all, I'm Rosy. Mister Dragon hired me to be a tavern maid a few weeks ago.” She says happily.

Kublah Kahn's eyes widen. “Delicate Rose Petals?” He asks.

The dragon begins to blush.

The Night Warden smirks. “The Lusty Maiden.” He says, letting out a short laugh.

The dragon clears his throat. “Well I’ve had the beer, Rosie, thanks.” He says.

“Okay, I’ll–,” she says before stopping.

“Wait, dear Rosie,” Jarome Assal says, stepping forward. “If there is a tavern maid, there’s surely a tavern, correct? How much for some apple pie?” He asks.

Rosie thinks it over. “Hmm, how ‘bout your sword? Is that fair?” She asks.

Jarome bows. “Surely my dear, my sword is yours.” He says, presenting his blade.

Rosie smiles. “Thanks.” She says before strolling off. “I’ll be back with apple pie.” She says.

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

The Night Warden smirks. “Smooth operator.” He says.

…

...

Alucard sees a black shine glisten in his vision. “Hey, dragon, how much for the slave collar?” He asks.

The dragon thinks about it, “Four thousand nine hundred gold, and a glass of your pee.” He says.

“Hmm,” Alucard says, “Very well, if you must.” He says, dropping five thousand gold and pulling out a glass bottle. He begins to urinate, pee overflowing.

Alucard seals the bottle, and throws it over, “I’ll be taking this.” He says, picking up the slave collar.

…

…………

...

Rosie comes back with the apple pie. “Okay, there are only six pieces, come get them while you can.” She says.

Jarome Assal comes first, “Thank you Rosie,” He says, taking his pie.

Reginald slips into second, “Thank you, love, I appreciate all your hard work.” The sapphire warrior says, taking his pie.

Kublah Kahn jumps into third, “Thanks, love,” He says, taking his pie.

Hikaru walks over and sighs, “Oh, at least there’s pie,” He says, walking over and grabbing fourth place, taking his pie.

“What’s wrong dear?” Rosie asks, patting the man on the arm.

Hikaru, the merchant from the East, takes off his sunglasses, “It’s my family, I won’t be considered as the next head of the household, until I receive an escalation of world privileges.” He says.

Rosie raises an eyebrow, “What are you talking about, dear?” She asks.

Hikaru shakes his head, “It’s Jecember, he refuses to escalate my privileges.” He says.

Rosie thinks it over. “How would you normally escalate world privileges?” She asks.

Hikaru lets out a sigh and puts on his sunglasses. “Through Life Merits,” He says. “But opportunity is like a loaf of bread in a sea of piranha,” He says.

“Life Merits? I think I’ve heard of that before. Jecember likes to write comics, and he wrote one called ‘Life Merits,’ or was it called ‘Shadow Seeds?’” Rosie says, wondering.

Hikaru raises an eyebrow. “Comics?” He asks, before his eyes widen, “Damn dragon! Who knew you were hiding a treasure? If there was a way I could elevate naturally, of course I would choose that!” He exclaims, running over to trade that damn Holy Maiden’s Water of Life.

…

…

The dragon smirks, holding in his hand that sweet Holy Water, he quickly pops open the vial and swallows that sweet juice.

“Rosie, my love, you deserve a treat,” He says, laughing.

…

…

Alucard comes back. “Hey, dragon, do you have any holy items?” He asks.

“Fresh out.” The dragon says.

“Hmm. Any god artifacts?” He asks.

The dragon sighs, “How much would you offer for a god-blessed item,” He asks.

Alucard pulls out a curved dagger, hugged in a ruby hilt. “The Southerner’s Blade.” He says.

The dragon smiles, swings his tail, dropping the blood of Aros the War God before Alucard’s feet.

Alucard sheathes the blade and throws it into the treasure pile before bowing to pick up the blood vial.

Alucard the forest elf stands and smiles, “Just what I needed.” He says before walking away.

The dragon shakes his head, “It will take more than rituals to assault the heavens,” He says.