Dracula in Bob, the Slaughtering Forest (1)

"Yes, I'm still lost. I don't like this, Bob! At this rate, when I find you, I won't just kill you. I'll make you suffer."

There was no response. Well, unless you counted the creaking of branches and the whispering of leaves, of course. Dracula didn't.

"Alright, Bob. Keep it up, you jerk. You'll see. I'll show you soon what's good for you."

That is, if he found the way. If he did.

Shit.

Shortly after, he chose a random direction, just like every time he had faced a crossroad so far, under the reasoning that sooner or later, he would reach his destination. Although "later" could mean a lot, a lot of time when talking about traversing a forest that was many kilometers long and wide.

Shit.

Well, he had time for that, at least. Being immortal served for that, but it didn't make it less monotonous. He hadn't returned to the world to casually stroll through the forest but to spread misery and destruction.

Shit.

And that's why he was here, of course. Because he needed the separate pieces of the medallion to summon his castle, his center of power, from where the army of monsters that kneeled before him could emerge to darken the day and make it rain blood.

Shit.

But this was damn boring.

A giant bird and a giant ant came out to meet him, not what he was looking for, but at least, by merely appearing, they managed to break the monotony. How long had he been wandering lost in the forest? It felt like hours, but it probably hadn't been that long.

Dracula stopped.

These creatures were surely products of Bob, the slaughtering forest's effect on the terrain. They had been nothing but a bird and an ant, but now, they were much more. Now, they were something out of a nightmare.

He was used to nightmare creatures kneeling before him, but they didn't, just like their master, Bob.

"At least, you're here," said Dracula. The animals only made unintelligible sounds in response, as usual. They were just animals. Although it reminded him of their reaction to half the things that came out of Justin and his friends' mouths. Incomprehensible and confusing crap. "Since I entered, not even the branches bother me, I thought Bob wouldn't put up a fight, that it had hidden with its tail between its legs. But I see that's not the case. I see that, at least, it will provide me with some entertainment. Although painfully brief."

The giant bird lunged at him, squawking so loudly that his ears hurt.

The ant was very ugly at that size, but at that very moment, he decided that's why the bird had to die first. Dracula dodged the creature's charge, jumping over and cutting off one wing as he passed.

With the sword, not with his nails, although he probably could have done it with his nails too.

Just not as fast.

In any case, the creature lost control; its squawking became louder before crashing into the trees, stopping abruptly.

Its companion took its place, attempting to catch him with its pincers.

Dracula threw himself to the ground, sliding between its legs to the other side. To dodge the attack and to position himself behind the enemy. Killing two birds with one stone, so to speak. He could have done it in more dignified ways, transforming into smoke, for example, or directly finishing things off in one go by turning into a swarm of bats, but it wouldn't be too fun. It would be too easy, instead.

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Life was about having fun; everything else was secondary.

He knew many people who wouldn't agree with his amusements, like all the ones he had burned, mutilated, or impaled through the ass until it came out of their mouths. But he never said that fun had to be shared, to be fair.

In any case...

Dracula's sword sank into the ant's back and came out the other side, dripping black blood. Damn, everything was disgusting. With that, he had confirmed that he had changed them from the inside, not just making them bigger. Their blood should be red, not black.

More importantly, it didn't seem to have even tickled it.

Its body bent backward with great flexibility, and its legs closed around its neck. Dracula found himself face to face with those huge black eyes.

As the Prince of Darkness, he had seen an endless number of terrible things. That's how he earned a living, but still, seeing this thing up close made him, let's say, feel like vomiting blood again. A good stream.

So that's what he did.

It had an immediate effect, just like on the branches. The enemy recoiled, releasing and bringing its legs to its own face, scratching as if it could wipe the blood off. As if it mattered at this point.

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The blood was devouring its face as if he had thrown a bucket of acid on it.

Which didn't help at all with how repulsive the thing was. Oh yes, he had almost forgotten. He said the bird would die first. To keep his word, as he always did, he couldn't take this opportunity to finish off the enemy before it recovered from its burns.

So he didn't.

He ran to the side in time to see that damn bird flying towards him like a bullet. The wing he had cut off had somehow regenerated. Well, fantastic. They weren't strong enemies and couldn't even dream of stopping him, but damn if they were annoying. A real pain in the ass.

Fighting with them was better than wandering lost in the forest, only able to entertain himself with his own thoughts, but not much better. He was actually fed up, so he decided to end this decisively.

In other words, Dracula didn't dodge the bird.

Instead, he collided with it—with enough force to pierce through it. He burst it like a comic panel, splitting it in two, and bathing in its "gifts."

It felt good. And not just because he had kept his promise, although that too.

Smiling, he turned to the giant ant.

Just in time to see it impaled by dozens of branches and dragged into the darkness in silence.

"Bob, you bastard. I was having an epic fight scene. How dare you?"

Silence had returned to the forest, and it didn't seem like it would be broken anytime soon.

"Alright, alright, keep it up. Keep it up, and you'll see what awaits you. I'll give you a good lesson."

He shook his head.

What an ingrate. Despite welcoming him into his service, enduring his idea of turning into a giant man-eating forest because it sounded cool and added variety to his army, and even giving it his name.

For this. For stabbing him in the back.

"This must be how a mother feels with a wayward child."

He guessed there were worse things for human mothers, like a wayward and dead child, but Dracula disagreed in this case. He wouldn't cry for Bob and the good times they had had once he was no longer there.

Probably.

——

Alex descended into the forest. She had already observed enough for her liking. She didn't feel like getting into it, but facing monsters like these was her job.

"A slaughtering forest. What's next, hills with eyes?" her companion approached.

"That's called tempting fate," said Daniella. "And if we ever come across that, you won't even hear me say 'I told you so' because of how quickly I'll be out of there."

Alex laughed. "You wouldn't leave me alone."

"Maybe yes, maybe no. Don't tempt me."

Ghostly weapons manifested in their hands, taking shape and weight from nothing more than pure magical energy. A sword and shield for Alex, a lance twice as large as her for Daniela.

Alex would joke that her companion liked handling thick and long horns if she wasn't very aware of her preferences.

"Ready, let's play," said Alex.

"We're going to do our job. Whoever created this abomination has already played enough. A forest that moves with the earth and robs the life of any living being that enters it. How could someone do this under our noses?"

"But, seriously..." Daniela said as soon as they took the first step into the forest. If the forest itself was their enemy, then it didn't make much sense to try to go unnoticed and keep their mouths shut. They had talked enough, they had prepared as much as possible, so she supposed whatever had been kept was not very important and therefore worth talking about here and now. "A wizard powerful enough to do something like this could do practically anything. It's not about giving life to something that didn't have it, not really, but to an entire forest. Calling it a deadly trap falls short. The word miraculous to describe such a feat also falls short, undoubtedly."

"They could be enjoying a position in the Watchtower, with some elders undoubtedly willing to offer them a tongue bath for their balls or vagina. Metaphorically and literally. And instead, they only create this stupid forest. I don't understand."

Not only how someone could do this, but why. She didn't understand it either, of course. She wasn't a fortune teller. But that wasn't what interested her.

Moreover...

"There's something you've overlooked."

"What?"

"Maybe this is not the creation of anyone."

Alex thought about it. But not too much.

"Screw that."

Because it made too much sense, she was sure. Alex laughed as Daniela punched her in the shoulder. Playfully, of course.

She hoped it wouldn't be the last time she could experience this.

Dracula in Bob, the Slaughtering Forest (1): END