“What is a fair maiden like thee doing alone on the wayside?”

During their banter, a man on a wagon had approached on the road, jumped off his vehicle and moved closer to the tree Paul was leaning on.

‘Are really all people talking like this? I thought you were just messing around when you talked to the Stone Elementals.’, Grimiora incredulously asked.

‘As far as I know it’s more of recent trend to talk like a knight in some cheesy history drama. Also not a fan of it. Luckily, they only talk like that when they want to be really respectful. So rarely in day to day stuff. I think it’s supposed to sound sophisticated.’

‘It just sounds ridiculous.’, she attested with a finality in her tone.

‘I do have to agree. Other question: Who exactly is he talking to?’

‘Well you of course. My precious fair maiden.’, she answered with a teasing grin.

‘No shit. But I have a sword on my hip, a weird hair colour and the face I just saw in the mirror just now looks less “fair maiden” and more “Have mercy with me, your highness!”’

‘Ah, you are definitely going in the right direction. Casually comparing yourself to a queen. You really took my lesson of what it means to be a dragon to heart, didn’t you? I’m proud of you, such a quick learner!’, Grimiora crooned.

‘That hasn’t much to do with that lesson. And I think the queen of this country has nothing on me. If people didn’t know how the real one looked, I could probably just sit on the throne and they wouldn’t believe a word from the real one. The king would probably just be scared of going to bed with me.’

Ouch, that still kinda hurt. Even though I said I would face my reality. Seems like the part responsible for dumb jokes in my brain is a bit faster than the rest.

‘No, I was right! Thinking yourself capable of usurping the seat of the queen, just based on your stunning looks is definitely the dragon way!’, the real dragon eagerly assured. By now the young man had stepped close enough so that Paul could make out his features. The clean, but average looking clothing, his short, brown, combed hair, average height and build and his average face with a bit of stubble and brown eyes didn’t allow much in terms of conclusions, except that he wasn’t piss-poor and took a slight interest in his appearance. Just the typical farmer, craftsman or basically whatever you could meet around these parts of the plains.

“I cannot fathom how someone could let thou make the perilous journey through this forest alone. May my humble self inquire your name and offer thee a seat on my humble wagon if you also seek the refuge of the city of Sommtrum?”, the man asked with a friendly smile.

One to many “humble”s, mate. And you messed up with the “your”.

“Can’t you see that I’m an adventurer? I have come across bigger dangers than this forest.”, Paul pointed to his sword in a slight attempt to ward him off and also to find out if he was dumb. Most upstanding citizens wouldn’t offer a seat on their wagon to a female adventurer. Not unless they demanded the exchange of certain bodily fluids as recompense. But then they wouldn’t be so respectful. He had seen it a couple times on his travels with his group. Which always resulted in quite a sour mood for the rest of the day.

“Oh, thou means thy sword! But how could a lady make this journey without a means to defend herself? Madness! Sacrilege! Naturally one would have a sword!”, the young man replied with something bordering on religious fervor.

‘Something is wrong with him. How could this be sacrilege? What crazy religion does he belong to?’, Paul muttered.

‘Well, he is weird. But I don’t think he’s dangerous. Or, more accurately: not very strong. I think you should take his offer. He seems fun.’, Grimiora replied with a rather careless tone.

‘How can you tell that he isn’t strong? I don’t see anything.’

‘Right, I forgot to tell you that. I assumed you already figured it out. Which you actually should if you really focused on your surroundings. You already did it somewhat when you already spotted the edge of the forest.’

‘What? Focus my senses? My dragon instinct?’

‘Yes. Just where is your mind, girl?’, Grimiora complained.

‘Oh, umm, I think I was a bit to focused on not licking my eyes.’, he admitted. ‘And don’t call me “girl”. I don’t feel comfortable with that.’

‘That was the point.’, she huffed.

Getting back on track, Paul tried to focus. Not quite sure what to look for, he just tried to concentrate on his surroundings and the man before him. But sure enough, immediately he could hear the chirping of the birds clearer, the breeze through the leaves above and even the heartbeat of the man in front. Sight just provided the man’s stubbles in more detail, but the smell told him something more conclusive. He could clearly smell the scent of the young man, which consisted of sweat, linen and wood. But his instinct told him that the he hadn’t any malicious intent and that he was actually slightly nervous.

“Is something the matter, my lady?”, the man apparently a bit weirded out bit the longer pause in the conversation.

“No, no. But just so you know: I really am an adventurer. And I don’t plan to protect you on your journey, if you are looking for free service.”, Paul tried to guess at the other possible motive he could think of. Protection during traversal of dangerous regions was one of the major sources of income for many adventurers. Also a good way to ruin your reputation if the employer claimed that you “didn’t protect them enough”. As Paul and his friends didn’t want to take that risk, they had stayed away from such requests, even though such cases weren’t that common.

‘I could gleam that he doesn’t have any ill intentions, but not how strong he is. Do I have to focus further?’, he asked Grimiora.

‘You only got that? Then change your focus from his mentality to his physicality. Shouldn’t be too hard.’

Another try later, Paul did indeed could sense something with his instincts.

‘I got it. I think. I could sense that he isn’t “very dangerous”. But that doesn’t mean that he couldn’t be somewhat dangerous. Especially if I have my guard down.’

‘Obviously. But you already got that he doesn’t mean ill. So what’s to lose? Only a free ride and hilarious company if you refuse. Come on, don’t be such a wuss!’, she tried to spurn him on.

‘Being a wuss is a good way to stay alive, I might mention.’

Stolen novel; please report.

‘And a good way to die if boredom and never get anywhere.’

‘Okay, okay. I will agree if he doesn’t turn out to be a total creep if I poke him a bit further’

‘Good girl!’

‘Hey!’

“Taking advantage of thee? Using underhanded means? What heinous blasphemer do thee take my humble self for?”, the man was genuinely distressed, Paul could confirm with his senses.

“Apologies. There are all kinds of people out there. And sorting out the good ones from the bad ones isn’t easy. Well, I do indeed travel to Sommtrum, to answer your question.”, Paul responded with a slight smile. Which somehow managed to calm the man down.

‘Is he nearsighted and just can’t see my reptile eyes and the teeth?’

‘A compelling hypothesis, Clarbiw.’

‘Clarbiw? What are you talking about?’

‘Yeah, you wouldn’t know it of course. It’s one of my favourite books. Or series rather. It’s rom-com between a detective and the love interest, Clarbiw. And that was one of the more famous quotes. It was written by a dwarf by the way, hence the name. We really have to get back to my lair as soon as possible. I have so many great books still left to read and to show you!’, Grimiora excitedly blabbered.

Almost forgot the rom-com enthusiast dragon. I hope she spares me from the quotes in the future.

The exchanges between the two were a lot quicker than traditional speech, so the exchange had perfectly fit in the time until the young man managed to come up with an answer.

“Ah, of course, of course. I had not thought of such. Truly, not everyone in the world is a man of virtue. That makes it all the more distressing that a fair maiden such as thee has to travel alone through such adversity. Not even daring to speak of the dangers the forest spews forth at nighttime.” Now the man smiled again. Which immediately turned into one of shock.

“Where are my manners! I humbly apologize, I should have immediately stated my name! This one is known as Sigmund.”

Kinda sounds unimpressive if you have just a simple name and not a boatload of titles and middle names.

“I’m Paul Ray.”

“Paul. What a wonderful name for a fair lady such as thee.”

Am I hearing things right? Wait, Paul isn’t really a known name around here.

‘Hey, doesn’t Paul sound like a male name? I think it does.’, he immediately got suspicious after his slight mess up telling the man his real name.

‘Yeah, it does. The language from your old world isn’t dissimilar enough to not be able to tell that. But remember, he doesn’t know what you know, so why should he care if it sounds a bit like a male name? No reason to panic.’, Grimiora assured.

‘Actually, I just noticed: If he really is nearsighted, how could he tell that I was a women at a distance? And if he is not, why does he pretend that I look completely normal? I can’t believe that he would be such a gentleman to just ignore it. He should at least be a bit suspicious about me.’

‘Astounding conclusion, Clarbiw. But aren’t you overselling your looks? Or aren’t you just too suspicious of people?’

‘I don’t know, but now I have to get to the bottom of this.’

‘Uhh, the detective atmosphere! Soo excited!’, Grimiora squealed in delight.

“So, may I other a seat to thee on my humble wagon, so that thee may have easy travels ?”

“Yes, you may. And thank you very much in advance.”, Paul answered with a slightly forced smile and stood up.

“Oho, everything for thee. May my humble self take your baggage to carry it to my wagon?”

As Paul didn’t have his money or sword in there, he nodded. Stepping closer to the wagon, he noticed the sturdy build of the vehicle and the well-fed horse in front of it, a sign of some minor wealth.

“Does thee like my Froya? She is my pride and joy. Without her I wouldn’t be able to make the journey to Sommtrum nearly as fast. I would just spend days on the road, without anything to show for it.”, Sigmund explained proudly.

‘Look! Not even a word about my height! Not even a look! So suspicious!’

‘Why is that suspicious?’

‘People constantly said stuff about my height even before the change. Like “Quite a height you got there, boy.” or “Don’t grow through the roof! Haha”. Now I’m even taller and a woman. He basically has to at least look strangely at me!’

‘Well, then it is not suspicious, just unusual. Why don’t you allow him to be the ultimate gentleman that he aspires to be?’

‘Because the “ultimate gentleman” isn’t a random peasant travelling through the woods!’

‘Why not? Just because of your preconceptions formed through fiction? I have to say, for an ex-man you do have some really archaic imagination when it comes to knights in shining armor.’

‘Why are you talking about rom-coms again? This man obviously has a hidden agenda!’, Paul proclaimed and sat on the front bench of the wagon. The back was covered with a blanket, but he could spot some furniture underneath, when Sigmund lifted the cover to store Paul’s pack.

“You are a carpenter?”, Paul stated the obvious.

“Yes, I have taken over the business from my grandfather in a small village, two days from here near the river flowing through the forest. So I am still a bit new to things like buying materials and selling my products. It’s actually only my third time making the journey to Sommtrum.”

‘Look, he broke his character! No ultimate gentleman! And way too many details, the obvious sign of a liar!’, Paul still vehemently suspected the young carpenter.

‘Isn’t breaking your character more natural in this sort of situation? And wouldn’t a criminal with a hidden agenda be more practiced in lying?’

‘All attempts to throw me off track!’

‘Okay, now it’s obvious that you personally have something against him. So what’s the matter? He doesn’t really mean you any ill will, or did I miss some weird rule that humanity developed in my absence?’

‘Well, for one thing, he treats me like a frail little lady. Another is how his dumb noble like speech got on my nerves. And lastly, do you think there is anything better to do here, other than to pointlessly suspect him of whatever? It’s gonna take at minimum three days now to reach town.’

‘That was all an act? To think that went all over my head! And building on my favorite series no less! To think that I have fallen so low! The sealing from the gods was just a small nick in the road compared to this!’, Grimiora bawled in her best simulation of deep grief. Which was rather pointless as Paul could clearly feel the amusement coming from her.

‘Yeah, you really have to work on your acting skill.’

Sigmund was finished by that point and sat next to Paul and spurred the horse on. He immediately started retelling his most exciting moments in his life as a carpenter apprentice, to which Paul only nodded and otherwise ignored. And instead started to think about how the day had went so far.

Well, one emotional breakdown and sex-change after waking up does set new a new record in crazy shit happening in my life. One English lesson from Grimiora later and I’m only just a little bit grumpy about it. Either that’s the effect of this “soul-merge” or Grimiora is working something she hasn’t told me. Or I have completely run out of fucks to give. Probably that. Argh, stupid long hair…

The rattling of the wagon had made a strand of deep blue hair fall into Paul’s face. As he stroked it behind his ear he felt something unusual. Again, like so often on this precarious day.

Another thing I somehow missed this morning. I hope that stops sometime soon. Don’t want to get surprised all the time at my own body.

‘Oh, I already wondered when you would notice! You like ‘em?’

Well, I probably was just a bit too excited earlier. And my mirror isn’t all that big.

Taking out his pocket mirror for the third time this day, careful not to break Sigmunds flow of retelling his favorite anecdote for possibly the fifth time already, he again took a look at himself or herself. Paul actually wasn’t that sure anymore.

That dragon did do something! Probably after I got all mopey when I reached the road. Wait, that wasn’t that long ago! How fast did that work it’s magic? Whatever she did. Oh, that wasn’t what I wanted to do.

Finally having a look, Paul could spot that his ears were now slightly pointy. Not so extreme like the one elf he had seen one time in the adventurer’s guild to the south. Just coming to a point and maybe being a centimeter longer than before. She had probably just missed them in the morning as they were normally concealed by her shoulder-length, deep blue hair which hid his ears in her wavy locks.

Really don’t look that human anymore. I actually don’t know how bad xenophobia is in Sommtrum. Maybe people will leave me alone if they think that whatever weird lizard race I’m supposed to be just is that strong or something like that. Wait, didn’t I just do something really strange?

‘Grimoria, what the hell did you do?!’