Jun’s first thought was to start charging contribution points for his formation services, but then he remembered that his customers were no more than bums. Broke bastards, all of them. As for offering his services to the sect itself—he was nowhere near skilled enough to do that.
‘If only Chen Hao was a godly craftsman.’ Jun sighed. ‘It’s hard being the breadwinner in this relationship. I’m both a successful businessman and an abused housewife.’
Seeing that no brilliant multimillion-dollar idea struck him, Jun took out his writing supplies from his storage pouch and spent the next hour drawing a portrait of an older gentleman who tried so desperately to cover his balding with oversized hats and bandanas. Even in a cultivation world, dealing with hair loss was a tragic matter. Beneath the breath-taking painting, he wrote directions and instructions on where to likely find this man, as well as a reminder to ditch the robes and put on a shadier-looking outfit.
“10 rabbits. Alive. Get a box and leave them in a secluded alley.”
Having written these vaguely ominous sentences, Jun left two piles of spirit stones in the box, hoping he remembered the rabbit costs. Stalking the butcher and finding out where she got her animals was paying dividends now.
“Then, get me as many different types of fast-growing spiritual seeds as you can with the rest of the spirit stones. The smaller pile is your payment.”
There was not much to do at this point but wait. Having Xu Peng do this would have been more fitting as the boy was more familiar with the lower sect, but Jun didn’t want to ruin the whole “mysterious elder” vibe he had painstakingly cultivated. He had recently passed off the fire magical techniques that the butcher had, giving them to the boy as a reward for joining the Zhao family. The investment was already paying off—they had gotten a much better formation tutor than before.
For the rest of the day, Jun lurked beside the building until he saw Wang Lei sneakily leaving in what looked to be women’s clothes. Despite them clearly being borrowed from one of his “conversation partners” and not his size, he looked good in them, resembling a boyish girl more than anything.
‘Hold on a minute. Have I awoken something inside of him? Is this the start of a new crossdressing legacy?’ Jun looked on at the already long, black hair and the androgynous features. Only a bit of makeup would be enough to trick the world.
Regardless, the disguise was effective. Too effective, perhaps, as Wang Lei got several strange looks from older men. Eventually, the boy found the right person, made the purchase, and carried off a large box that shook suspiciously, trying to escape from his hands. He quickly deposited the mysterious package in an abandoned alley before scrambling out the undersect.
Now came the horrible issue of logistics. Living creatures wouldn’t fit inside his storage bag, and Jun lacked the hands to carry the thing outright. Eventually, he settled on just pushing the box with his head like he was a character in a bad puzzle game. Using his superb human-avoiding skills, Jun cleared the level by arriving at his house. His reward was someone taking a shit in the box.
Round came the evening, and Chen Hao was deep in meditation, advancing by leaps and bounds by taking pills and breathing in the hippy air. The garden was deathly silent except for the occasional thump against the box. Wagging his tail, Jun excitedly unsealed the cage of fluff, revealing ten adorable rabbits squished together. They had thick and luscious coats of fur, coming in brown, white, and grey colours. Like a barrage, they leapt out of the box and into the garden, backing off once they saw the big dog in front of them.
‘They’re so damn cute,’ Jun thought, keeping low to the ground to not scare them.
The rabbits sniffed around, wary but curious about the creature in front of them, and the dog imitated them in response. The bunch scattered throughout the garden, but one daring rabbit in particular hopped and leapt until he was in front of the scary dog. Both of them circled to each other’s butts in a sniffing ritual. Jun suddenly had the urge to name the thing.
“Let’s see. I’m pretty sure that’s the smell of a dude rabbit. He’s so round and brown. How about Cinnamon?” he said, but something about it felt wrong.
“It’s not a very local name… I’m worried he’s going to get bullied by everyone for having a soft and non-intimidating name like that.”
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
The dog thought long and hard while the rabbit hopped around Jun. Then, a brilliant idea struck him.
“For your bravery and courage, I name you General Guan Yu, the Saint of War. Rejoice, for you shall win a thousand battles yet to come.” Jun solemnly said, placing a paw on the rabbit’s head.
The bastard hopped away from him, suddenly scared.
“You are a disgrace to your name, Guan Yu.”
It was after playing with the rabbits for ten whole minutes that he realised he had made a huge mistake. After all, what was the point of naming them when their lifespans would end in an hour? The dog sighed, pulling out a wicked sharp knife from his storage pouch and holding it in between his teeth.
The rabbits must have seen a health bar appear over his head because they immediately backed up against the fence, gathering together in one big group. At the front was Guan Yu, the brave hero who was viciously hissing at the monster that towered over them.
“As the general, I shall leave you for last. Now, move out of the way,’ Jun said, giving an ultimatum to the rabbit. Guan yu must have been stupid because he did not retreat.
“Move!” Jun said, headbutting the brave rabbit and tossing him to the side. He could only watch on as the dog neared its dear friends.
Staring down death, they pleaded for mercy. At this moment, Jun took back every word he had said about Chen Hao and killing animals. It was difficult to kill someone so small and cute.
‘I’ve had rabbit before. Their long-lost Earth brothers are still in my freezer, waiting to be made into a stew. I can do this.’
Squee!
“I’m so sorry.”
Gurgle Gurgle.
“Oh God, I’m a monster.”
Squelch!
“What have I done?”
Crack.
Jun stood over the bodies of nine rabbits, their blood spilling into the soil and dyeing it red. Only one still stood, having witnessed it all from afar. Guan Yu was practically moulded with the fence, having retreated into a tiny ball.
“Where is your courage now, rabbit? Where is your god? I have slain your kin, and you shall be next!”
Blood still dripping from the knife, he approached closer and closer until he could see how violently Guan Yu was trembling. The rabbit was whimpering in fear. Upon seeing this, Jun’s righteousness fought back against his villainous tendencies. Seconds turned to minutes as he internally struggled with the choice.
“How can I kill someone I’ve named and given my blessing to?” Jun eventually said, dropping his blade and sighing heavily.
“Go. Flee. When you come to take your revenge, I will be here. Only if you become strong can you avenge your fallen brothers,” he graciously turned away, letting Guan Yun flee.
It took a while for the rabbit to start moving, and even more time for him to acknowledge the dead. He mourned, and then, instead of hopping through the opened fence and running off to freedom, he went back to the corner and continued trying to hide.
“I forgot. Rabbits are fucking stupid.”
Jun was determined to be strict. From now on, Guan Yu would have to forge his own path. If he stayed the night, he might yet meet Chen Hao, and how that interaction would play out was up to anyone’s guess.
During this time, Jun was using all of his strength to dig deep pits in the soil, taking strange joy in the activity. His two paws were like excavators, able to shift numerous pounds of dirt in seconds.
He buried the nine rabbits, distributing them evenly throughout the garden. Just for good measure, he arranged them and their entrails in a basic Spiritual-Gathering Formation, hoping it would do something. Then, he made sure to fill in the holes and make sure there weren’t any signs of the brutal murder. Tomorrow, he would pick up the seeds and see how the technique worked. For now, he went back inside, locking the door behind him with a spare key. Settling on the bed, Jun cultivated his body by munching on the crocodile bones, feeling the next threshold rapidly approaching. Overfilled with energy, he quickly fell into a blissful slumber, dreaming of a bone-filled paradise.
“Jun! Look! I’ve found you a new friend. You won’t have to be so lonely anymore.”
Jun was rudely awoken by Chen Hao’s excited shouts. Opening his eyes, he saw that the boy was holding a brown rabbit in his hands, snuggling it to his chest. Guan Yu looked absolutely terrified.
“Great. Simply amazing.” The dog sighed, contemplating murder. He shook his head upon seeing how happy the brat was.
“Well, if you’re going to join us, then I shall be the teacher you never had. Guan Yu, I will teach you the Moon Rabbit’s Elixir of Life. Let the heavens decide whether you shall succeed.”