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Chapter 156

156 Facing Therapy

(Winona)

Dr. Barnaby Greyson, M.D., Ph.D.

Consultant Psychiatrist and Psychoanalyst

Guiding the Minds Behind the Headlines

I hover outside his office door, reading the name over and over. This is it. My nerves are toast. My hands clammy and my heart rate like a racehorse who just finished a steeplechase.

I look at Jayden beside me and he looks exactly like I feel.

His eyes meet mine. "We got this."

I nod. "We got this."

We step inside together and a receptionist asks us to take a seat after she takes our names.

We both sit in silence. I'm sure the clock on the wall is on high volume as the seconds tick over.

Then out he steps. He's younger than I imagined. Not even any gray kissing his hair. I'm not sure he's much older than us. Maybe he has a good hair colorist and does Botox or something.

He nods at us, peering over his glasses like he is actually one hundred years old. This is weird.

We stood up and walked into his room. "Take a seat," he says as he sits in his huge leather office chair.

It's more luxurious than I expected in here, with plush chairs and a soothing earthy color palette. imagined stark, clinical walls and a hard, brown sofa for some reason.

We sit down across from Dr. Barnaby, the silence stretching out like a taut wire ready to snap.

I have no clue what to say.

I'd

I feel exposed under his scrutiny as he looks from Jayden to me and back again. He nods his head like he can see all the mess inside me I've kept hidden.

Maybe I'll explode and blurt out everything at once.

"Good morning." Dr. Greyson's voice is deep and calm as he gets straight to the point.

"Today, we begin the process of unraveling what's brought you both here. By the media reports, you both should already be in padded cells...": text © owner.

I stare at him.

Then a huge grin takes over his staid face. "But that's why you pay me the big bucks. I wish I could say you're the worst cases I've had but sadly not. I think you're saveable. Maybe."

I'm really not sure if I should laugh or cry. Doing both will likely get me that padded room.

"Relax folks." He holds his hands up in the air and lowers them again.

"Dr. Greyson..." Jayden starts but is interrupted.

156 Facing Therapy

"Call me Barnaby. If you knew Dr. Greyson, my father, you'd understand."

I raise my eyebrows in surprise.

"What? Just because I'm the best psychiatrist in the country, arguably the world, doesn't mean I don't have father issues. Sure as hell never going to be one myself. That parenting shit is fucked up."

I can't help but laugh at him this time. Jayden does too!

In fact, the three of us laugh together until Barnaby stops and stares right at us both in turn, his voice dead serious, "this isn't going to be easy. But it is possible."

I stop laughing and glance at Jayden, searching his face for some sign of how he's feeling. I wonder if he's as confused as I am right now. Not sure what I was expecting but it wasn't this. Jayden looks at me, and yes, he is just as thrown off as I am.

"Before we start, I want you both to know that this space is safe. You can say whatever you need to say without fear of judgment. But I also want to be clear-this is not a place for games or passive aggression. If we're doing this, we need honesty. Brutal, uncomfortable honesty."

I stiffen at the word "brutal." It sounds so final, so unforgiving. I'm not sure I'm ready for that, but then again, when have I ever been ready for any of this?

My adult life has been a whirlwind of events that I've barely had time to process-Jayden's amnesia, Abby's health, Judy's manipulations, Ashlyn's metal health problems.

And now, therapy with the man I once loved without argument, the man who broke my heart, and yet the man I'm desperately trying to hold onto.

But I'm Jayden speaks first, his voice clipped. "I'm here because I want to fix things-for Abby, and for us. not going to pretend I'm not angry, or that I'm not hurt. There's a lot of stuff we need to get into, and I don't know if we'll be able to fix all of it."

His words hit me hard, but I nod. He's right-we're both carrying so much anger and pain. But hearing him say it out loud, that he's not sure we can fix it, makes the anxiety bubble up inside me like a volcano ready

to erupt.

I want to scream, to cry, to tell him that I'm terrified we won't make it. But I don't. Instead, I swallow that reaction down and keep my tone steady. It's not that I don't want to voice my emotions, I just want to do it in the right way.

-I'm

here because I need to understand where we stand." I say, my hands clenching in my lap. "I don't want to keep going around in circles. I want to find a way forward, whatever that looks like."

Barnaby nods, his gaze shifting between us. "It's clear that there's a lot of unresolved issues between you both. Anger, hurt, mistrust-these are all things we'll need to address."

"Yes. I just don't know how we address them when we always end up in meltdown mode," I say.

"The first step is getting to a place of acknowledgement, exploring these feelings. Realizing they may come from things that happened before the two of you even met."

I swallow hard.

157 Going Deep