It’s been a couple weeks since Victoria and I started training, and I’m making astonishing progress. We all are, I guess. Jackie’s been working on cosma-powered armor, producing really impressive results, and Penny’s been preparing and practicing for long-range detection wards she can use to keep us out of people's view once we're ready to leave the bunker. She’s also been helping along my progress, making sure to keep me intact and energetic so I can spend more or less all my time training. I half suspect she did something to my head too, because I’ve been enjoying it. It feels good, getting way stronger than I ever was before, learning how to fight properly. I guess it could be argued that I’m basically under the effects of magical steroids here, but, eh. I’m fine with it. The results are hard to argue with. I feel fantastic, better than I have in years.
I swing my legs over the side of my cot, sitting up and stretching my arms above my head. My body feels so light now, I don’t know how I lived like that before, sitting around all the time and yelling into a microphone about shit I didn’t really care about. I mean, I guess I do, there was one very specific aspect of that life that was keeping me right where I was, but still, it’s a whole new world. My body doesn’t particularly look different but it definitely feels completely new, brimming with energy.
When I finish stretching and open my eyes, Victoria is standing in front of me. I’ve gotten pretty used to her gray, scarred visage being the first thing I see in the morning. Her orange eyes are studying me intently, looking me up and down. “Hey, uh… What’s up, Vicky?”
“Don’t call me that.” Her expression remains as impassive as ever.
“Oh, ah, alright, but seriously, what’s going on?”
She remains silent for a few moments, continuing to examine me, before she replies. “I think you’re ready.”
“What? Victoria, there’s no way I’m combat-ready after just two weeks, I haven’t even-”
“Not combat-ready, no. You’re ready to start working on your new halo.”
Ah. That.
Well, I was in good spirits, anyway. I may have ultimately agreed that a spiked halo is probably necessary if I’m gonna be up against angels and demons and whatever else, but I still can’t say I relish the idea. Even if Victoria insists it won’t be the same as my old one, it’s hard not to feel panicky about it.
Then again, I felt panicky about training, and that turned out fine. I can’t say I fully “get” Victoria, but I certainly trust her a hell of a lot more than I used to. And that trust has been borne out pretty well, it’s thanks to her that I feel the way I do now. It doesn’t extend infinitely, of course, I haven’t forgotten the way that she treated me when we first met, and I know Jackie hasn’t either. I get that she had her own justifications for all that, but… I can’t say that makes us square. I don’t think I’m ever gonna like her. I do think I can believe her when she tells me that she thinks this is my best chance for survival, though. She doesn’t have any reason to lie about that, there’s no other angle she might be playing in this confined space among the four of us. Well, five if you count the doll, which… I honestly don’t know whether I should or not. Whatever, not the point. The point is, I really can’t justify fighting Victoria on this right now.
“So… What now?”
“Now, you start to learn how to use cosma. You’re going to need to build your halo out of it. What do you already know?”
“Uhhh… Cosma is some sort of energy that permeates the world around us. It’s everywhere, ubiquitous to the point that it’s suspected to be one of the core building blocks of the universe, and you can make it do different things by priming it to different vibrational frequencies.”
Victoria nods. “Is that all?”
“Pretty much, yeah. Just what I learned in school.”
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“Of course. Well, to start with you’re going to need to cultivate a cosma sense. Once you can actually perceive the stuff, we can start getting into the actual mechanics of how to use it, and what to do with it.”
“So how exactly do I do that?”
“Well, you listen. Of course, it’s not quite that simple, but that’s the absolute basics.”
I can’t help but grit my teeth a little. “Okay, well, what’s the not-basics? I’m already perfectly capable of listening, and I can’t say I’ve ever interacted directly with cosma.”
“Clearly. The not-basics is that you have to listen properly. You’re not listening for sound, you’re listening for cosma.”
I turn toward Penny. “Can you help, please?”
“Well… She’s not wrong, honestly. It’s true, you’re not listening for sound, you’re listening for the vibrations that undergird sound, the energy that makes up those vibrations. You need to listen deeper, more fundamental. Listen with your gut, not your ears. Sorry, I know that doesn’t really make sense either, but there’s really not anything more concrete I can give you. Cosma’s just kinda like that.”
“How long did it take you to figure it out?”
“A few days.”
“And you?” I ask Victoria.
“A week. I’m usually a bit more physical than that.”
I sigh. “So what worked for you, in the end?”
Victoria shrugs. “I just stayed quiet for a while and eventually I heard it. I still do, if I stay still long enough. I don’t get to do that a whole lot.”
“So I just sit quietly for a while and see if that’ll let me hear it?”
Penny cuts in again. “I have a spell that should help. It can't just make you hear it, but it should help you focus long enough to find it yourself.”
It's something, at least. "That sounds like the way to go."
She nods and steps toward me. "Go ahead and sit down. This'll just take a second." She places a hand on top of my head, and I feel a soft, slightly buzzing warmth spread down across my body, as if she'd just poured warm water over my head. Immediately all tension leaves my muscles, and I feel completely at rest.
Going from training and moving around to build up my body strength to just sitting, stock still, listening to the room around me, is a bit of an experience. Everyone else tries to keep quiet for me, apparently that can help, but there’s still a fair amount of ambient noise. Little clicks from Jackie’s workstation, the sound of something dripping somewhere in the nearby maintenance tunnels, rodents scurrying around. If I listen closely enough, I can very faintly hear cars passing by overhead.
Actually, the longer I sit here, the more I can pick up on. My roommates’ breathing didn’t used to be that loud, did it? I can hear all three of them clearly, even tell who’s who based on their positioning around me. In fact, I think I can even hear their heartbeats, and… Is that the sound of… their blood rushing through their bodies? The doll is the only one who doesn't have a heartbeat to listen to, which isn't exactly surprising. Though, the longer I sit here, the more I realize that it still does make sounds. Rhythmic little clicking noises as its components move inside it. The tiniest of creaks as its joints slide against each other. The more I listen the more I notice, the more I find new depths and nuances to the soundscape around me. The barest of crackles as the brickwork the room is made out of slowly settles further and further down into the ground. Who knows how long it takes it to move even a millimeter, let alone an inch. There really is movement everywhere. And underneath all of it, I think I can hear… a hum. It avoids me, at first, running away when I try to grasp at it, but it always comes back, and closer each time, until it’s truly everywhere, different tones, different pitches, pervading the space around me. Is… Is that cosma? Is that what I’ve been looking for? It couldn’t be, could it? I haven’t been here that long, there’s no way it’s that simple. I open my eyes and look around me. There’s… some kind of a yellowish glow to the room. I look over at Victoria, laying on her cot. “Hey, uh, how long have I been sitting here?”
She opens her eyes abruptly, immediately boring into my face. “Five days. Did you find it?”
“I- Excuse me? Five days? It couldn’t have been more than-”
“Than a couple hours? Yeah, feels that way, doesn’t it? Don’t expect that to happen again. I’ve never been able to manage it, and from what I understand, most people can’t. Something about the first interaction with cosma tends to do it.”
“Are you serious? Why didn’t you te-”
She raises a hand to cut me off. “Could’ve interfered with the process, if you were looking more for the experience than the cosma. Look, I get that you’ve got a lot of questions, but we’d really better get to work on your halo.”