Entry 5

Day 3

Guess who’s back after not sleeping at all last night…

…

Amazing job.

I spent the entire night reading his my illusion spellbook, working on that stupid spell that I couldn’t figure out the first time.

Minor Illusion is the first spell in the book, and from what I read, the prerequisite spell for learning any other form of illusion magic. It allows the user to manifest simple objects or sounds. The objects don’t have physical form, they’re just mirages and can only be big as something you can hold. The sounds can’t get any louder than a scream… at least according to the first couple of pages.

The directions were… interesting. The main instructions it gave were: “Steady your mind on the illusion you wish to create, then allow that thought to travel down into the hand, wand, or other magical focus you wish to cast from. It is important to visualize your object or sound traveling through your shoulder, down your arm, and out into your desired focus. This will ensure smooth and steady mana flow throughout the casting process and result in more convincing and effective mirage manifestation.” Follow-up pages mentioned snapping or wiggling your fingers for performative flair…

The main thing that caught my eye was “mana”, as if I needed any more proof I got sent to a video game world… Sarcasm aside, how could I even be sure I had any “mana” at all? Unfortunately, this illusion book wasn’t a mana book, so it didn’t cover what mana even is. Is it something you’re born with in this world? I wasn’t born into this world, I was brought into this world! What if my body is just completely incapable of spells?!

That’s how it felt for the first couple of hours. Attempt after attempt after attempt of just nothing. I tried imagining a bunch of different things to make. An apple, a tennis ball, a pair of dice, my phone, a knife, a deku nut, a triangle with an eye, a slice of cheese, and a knight from the critically acclaimed, previous world-renowned board game, chess, just to name a few. I even tried to imagine a pebble, just the smallest pebble I could think of, but I felt and saw absolutely nothing.

So I tried to move on and make sounds. Maybe I’d be better at making sounds! Once again, I imagined as much as I could. A cash register cha-ching, a water drop, a snap of some fingers, a bird chirping, the sound it makes when you pick up a rupee, or even Navi’s little “Hey! Listen!!” that’s burned into my brain!! I couldn’t even make the sound of my own voice! A sound I didn’t even need to imagine from scratch! I’d just say a word and try to mimic it one-to-one but… NOTHING!

I was getting so incredibly frustrated. Every single thing I tried failed. Doubt filled my mind more and more with each failure, wondering if I’d ever figure out the spell. Eventually, I lost hope. Maybe I didn’t have any mana to work with at all, so practicing this spell anymore would just be a waste of time.

That was it. I gave up.

I spent so long trying to figure out this spell that I didn’t even know if I could physically do, so I did something I decided was much more reasonable given the circumstances. Something I knew I could do.

I found a cozy little corner to crawl into and cried my eyes out. This Minor Illusion fiasco was just a continuation of my horrible streak of bad luck. Nothing was going right for me, and I just… I felt so drained.

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So physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. The last couple of days have been nothing but… Eventful to say the least. Traumatic to say the most…

I curled up into a ball and sobbed into my knees. I started reliving everything that had happened to me, including the stuff I don’t even have it in me to write about. I was spiraling. Hard. I clutched at my skull and pulled at my hair as I began both hyperventilating and hyper fixating on everything that had just happened tonight.

My hands started to tremble as my breakdown reached its apex. I felt like I could barely even feel my fingertips, and my vision was getting so clouded with tears I was nearly blind. I went to wipe my eyes with my hands, and once I cleared my vision I shrieked in visceral horror.

I looked down to see my hands covered in dark red stains. I frantically tried to shake them off, but they stubbornly persisted. I thought I was just hallucinating the blood, thinking I finally reached my breaking point and had gone off the deep end. The stains looked… so real… I was so convinced there was no way this could possibly be my imagination.

But… maybe it was!

Mostly for the sake of my own sanity, I believed I was performing Minor Illusion. My fingers were feeling a bit tingly and numb, but I wasn’t entirely sure if that was because of the mana or the mania. Desperate for some levity, I frantically thought of something much more lighthearted to create.

I pushed my right hand out and tried to imagine pink little twinkly fairy sparkles shooting from my fingers! I focused the whole thing down my arm and through my hand… ANDDDDDD….!!!!

Only one came out… and it was red!!

The bloodstains littering my hands never faded. I guess because I was still really worked up they were still persisting. My attempt at cute little sparkles was hence, also stained red. Still, I made one red little twinkle of light that flickered out almost as soon as it was created, but still… I made it!!

I did it, I really did it!! I was so… ecstatic! More tears began streaming down my face, but these were in celebration of me performing my first ever spell! Maybe not the most appropriate celebration but… I was going through a lot.

I stood back up, overjoyed with my success and with a new, reignited passion to practice. I looked back down at my hands and saw the crimson streaks begin to fade. I let out a deep sigh of relief watching my skin return to normal.

I tried once more with a closed fist. To imagine the pink sparkles fluttering on my palm. I focused, planted my feet, and sent the little stars down my arm. With a snap of my fingers and an open palm, there were tiny pink twinkles floating in my hand. They weren’t the brightest or shiniest, but they were mine, and I couldn’t have been happier with the result.

I close my hand and let the sparkle illusion fade. I gave the spell some more attempts, repeating the process three times in succession. Each time, the sparkles became just ever so slightly bigger, brighter, and more vibrantly pink.

I could feel my fingers really starting to get numb after the third consecutive attempt, so I decided to end my magic training there for the night.

However, I’m still both too determined and too unstable to sleep. Despite the joy this spellcasting success may have given me, I’m still super stressed out.

I stopped thinking about spells and, am now, currently thinking about surviving. With him gone, I’m left to completely fend for myself.

Good. I’d rather it be this way.

What I need right now more than anything is to ensure sustainability. I have the cabin for shelter, and it’s equipped with a well out back for water. There’s also plenty of food lying around to at least last me a week, give or take. I know it won’t last me forever, so I have to find a way to keep food on the table.

Unfortunately, I lack the skills, knowledge, and time to either hunt or grow my own food. Fortunately, for me, I can go back into town and look for a job. Buy food the… normal civilized way…

Alright, so now the question is. What job do I look for? Well… I have my rapier, my leathers, and my newly learned Minor Illusion. I might as well put them all to good use.

Honestly, the guild might be my best bet. I can sign up and start taking commissions. I think I’m technically already registered… though not under my name but his I hope it’s a simple thing they can change with little to no issue.

I also… want to sign up and be an adventurer. The guild is all about helping people. I know that now more than ever after… tonight. I also want to help people. People who can’t help themselves. People… like me.

It’ll give me a chance to be better than him.

Besides… I’ll also get the chance to see that guild girl again. She’s pretty much the only friendly face I’ve encountered at all so far… even if she’s just faking being nice for the job.

She’s also kinda pretty… I wonder if that makes her job as a receptionist easier or harder. Or if that also played a part in the decision to hire her. It… probably did, yeah.

I’ll be sure to say hello and try to be as friendly to her as she’s been to me. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it. She works in customer service in a fantasy guild as a woman… She could probably use a friendly face, just like I do.

I just want to help.

Shit… the sun is coming up. Already? Ugh… well, I suppose it’s time to set my plan into motion. I’m going to work on some breakfast and then head out to the guild to officially sign up.

I… I feel a little better now.

Thank you, diary