Entry 4

I can’t sleep.

It happened so fast. All such a blur, but at the same time I remember every little thing so vividly.

It’s colder now. So much colder.

And quiet. So … so quiet.

I’m sitting in a dark, silent, and eerie cabin, scribbling this in total solitude. My only company being the voices in my head while I write this entry in an attempt to quell them.

I really am all alone…

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I know I never liked him, hated him even. But now I’m completely by myself, left frozen to my core with absolutely no idea what to do next.

Just like when I woke up in that stupid fucking field, running for my stupid fucking life, from that STUPID LITTLE FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT Sorry

I just need to tell myself that everything is okay...

It’s okay, Ashley. He had it coming…

Just keep telling yourself… that he had it coming.

He took you in and enslaved you. You weren’t a person in his eyes. He saw you as nothing more than a beast.

All he wanted to do was use you.

It’s okay, Ashley… This is exactly what you wanted. You’re free now. No more sharing a bed. No more being forced into deals.

No more collars.

It’s okay, Ashley… You’re just playing the cards you were dealt.

It’s not your fault you ended up in fantasyland, too weak to stop anyone or anything from coming by and taking you.

You aren’t weak, Ash. Not anymore.

I…

I hate this. Writing this shit down is fucking stupid. I don’t feel any fucking better.

Isn’t writing down how you feel supposed to make you feel better?! ALL THIS IS DOING IS MAKING ME FEEL WORSE ABOUT EVERYTHING!!

THE LAST THING I NEED IS TO SCRIBBLE DOWN MY OWN REMINDER OF WHAT I FUCKING DID!

As if I ever want to relive this shit again…

Fuck this stupid ass journal.

I need a different distraction.