The unwanted visitation finally at an end, Billy sat down at his desk and tried to get back into a writing flow.

The legendary minotaur, Discrete, stood in a cavernous chamber at the center of the labyrinth, the cold obsidian floor littered with the dismembered remains of the latest war party. The bodies wore the markings of House Deleon, who were supposed defenders of the imaginary border between the mountains and the human-infested territories.

Presumably, they’d also played escort to the trio of figures stood sulking in the shadows, none of whom bore any visible sign of weaponry. A different manner of seeker, then. The minotaur stifled a yawn, then took several casual steps forward, the bare pecks of his impressive chiseled torso flexing with each clattering hoof-fall.

“Step forward,” he announced, his booming voice echoing against the walls. “Who dares venture into my kingdom?”

Hushed, harsh whispers followed as if the trio were arguing about who should lead. Finally, a fine-featured human female in flowing white silk robes emerged from the shadows, trailed very loosely by what appeared to be retainers of some sort--a pudgy bard and a plain maiden, each stuck with the unenviable job of hauling loot bags.

The minotaur straightened, drawing his shoulders back. “Have you come seeking glory?”

Unexpectedly, the lead female started to convulse...with laughter, of all things. Who did this human think she was, barging into his chamber and showering him with mockery? Finally, she found her voice. “Umm, okay, LOL. I guess that beats ‘Come here often?’ as a pickup line.”

The plain maiden and chubby bard chuckled nervously.

“SILENCE,” he boomed, then paused to admire the handiwork of his intimidation attempt. Worked like a charm, every time. “Do not trifle with me, human. Kneel and tremble before me, lest you suffer the same fate as these fallen warriors.”

The woman stopped laughing but was unable to wipe the smirk off her face entirely. Yet, she did as he commanded.

He stepped closer, then closer still. Until finally he could make out this interloper’s every feature. She was of an impressive stock--he’d give her that. He’d taken the maidenhoods of far lesser beauties. Thinking back on all of the glory seekers he’d sent home bow-legged brought a satisfied grin to his face.

The pretty human in silk robes was wearing a grin that rivaled his own. “So,” Lily began, her eyes fixed well below his chest, “the rumors are true…”

A knock on the bedroom door interrupted any further developments.

“Gods be damned,” Billy exclaimed, slamming a fist on his desk. “What?”

His mom poked her head in. “You have a phone call.”

“A what?” When was the last time anyone had bothered calling their house, other than solicitors or bill collectors? Or...damn it, is it time to vote, already? “Is it election season again?”

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“It’s your sister.” She held a hand up, forestalling any protest. “I know, I know. You’re not talking to her. Well, too bad. If you want to live under my proof, you’ll talk to her.”

“But, Mom…”

“Now.”

She vanished out of the doorframe but didn’t bother closing the door. There was no need. She’d already won.

Billy tramped down the stairs and around the corner to the kitchen, where an old-school land-line phone hung from the wall. His mom held the phone out, her eyebrows raised expectantly. Billy didn’t bother to glare as he accepted the cool device into his hand.

He hesitated, then lifted the receiver up to his ear. “Hello?”

“Billy Archi-BALD Bush, you piece of shit.”

“Umm. It’s good to hear your voice, Sis’.”

“I know it was you.”

“What?”

“What? What?! You know damn well what, you punk ass little shit.”

Billy suppressed a feral grin. His mom was still watching. “I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about, Lily. Would you like to talk about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about. I don’t know how you’re doing it, but I know it’s you. The unicorn book.”

“Unicorn book?” he parroted back.

“Yes, you little creep. Who else would possibly be putting out books about me?”

“I’m afraid I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Billy paused and winked at his mother. “Even if I did, I’m confused. Are you saying there’s any, uh, validity to the contents of said unicorn book?”

“Fuck you, Billy. I’m on to you. And when I find out how you’ve been spying on me in-game, I’m going to get your ass banned so hard you won’t be able to register in the nearest three time zones. Do you hear me?”

Despite playing it cool, he felt a small thrill run along his spine. No one could have caught him spying on his sister, because to date he hadn’t any need to. His “friends” had done a perfectly good job infiltrating her guild and reporting back to him offline. Unfortunately, any such “friends” were now on the outside looking in. If he wanted to keep collecting juicy in-game tidbits from his sister’s online adventures, he was going to have to find a new way to get the job done.

“Hello?” she repeated.

“I hear you.”

“Good. You may think it’s funny to ruin my life, but I can assure you it’s the tragic kind of funny if you don’t leave me the fuck alone. Now, fuck off and die, you little runt.” The line went dead.

Billy replaced the phone on its holster on the wall.

His mom eyed him curiously. It had been an eventful evening so far. First, Charlie’s visit, and now this highly unusual phone call from his estranged sister. “What did she have to say?”

“Umm. She loves and misses us dearly,” he lied.

“Oh, that’s sweet of her.”

“Yea sure, mom. Now, can I please be left alone? I don’t care if the Pope or President of the United Fucking States comes over--I need to get some work done.”

His mom frowned before turning to busy herself at the sink. “Sure, dear. I’ll tell the Pope you’re busy. Not that I’d leave you alone with an ordained priest, anyway. Wouldn’t be very motherly of me, now, would it?”

“Jesus, mom…that’s awful.” Despite his mood, he let out a harsh bark of laughter. His mom was anything but perfect, but she had her moments.