So! We’re finally here at the end! I’ve gotta say, it’s pretty crazy to actually be finished with Direwolf after so long. This story has quite literally been in my head pretty much 24/7 from the moment I started it back in 2022. It took over my life, and now it’s finished, so I guess I gotta find something else to do now! But first, let’s take a look back at how this all started.
Direwolf first came to life back in September/October 2022 as an idea for a very simple jock x nerd highschool romance between two characters that had been floating around my head for years. Roxy was the nerd, and Sam was the jock, and they were gonna meet and fall in love and yada yada yada. I wrote maybe 3k words of that before I had the incredible thought of “what if it had werewolves?” in the middle of a very boring Music Business class, and immediately opened a word document and slammed out 500 words of the very first scene, right then and there, instead of doing my work. Honestly, I half blame Direwolf for the fact that I failed that course, but I’d say it was worth it for the writing experience alone. Anyway, things just spiralled out of control from there.
For those of you who’ve been around since the very beginning, you may remember that Direwolf wasn’t always called Direwolf. For the first 3 chapters of its life, Direwolf was known as ‘The Social Benefits Of Befriending Woodland Creatures.’ Yeah, I know, I sucked at naming things, and at that point, the concept of a direwolf as we know them in the story today wasn’t even around yet. All that lore at the start of chapter 4 was actually the first time I thought about having multiple types of werewolves. I was really just writing by the seat of my pants at the start, honestly. But, it was around then that a larger plan began to form. I thought about the things I wanted to have happen in the story: Blaine’s downfall and transformation, Sam’s first kills and fucky shifting, the kidnapping arc, and the night of the bloodmoon. Those were the beats I wanted to hit, so the next step was to slowly bridge the way between them with character moments and little trickles of plot. Yes, it was slow paced, but it has heart god dammit!
Looking back on it all with the experience I’ve gained in this past year and a half, there are many things I would do differently, but isn’t that always the case? I had saddled myself with the requirement to get at least one chapter out every two weeks, and as such I didn’t have time to meticulously plan ahead or to ensure I was doing what I really wanted to with certain things, nor did I have the luxury of going back and changing things if I decided something was wrong. It was just pure luck that Sam’s situation as a lone werewolf allowed me to play a little fast and loose with the lore and retcon it believably, since she really wouldn’t have had a way of knowing. I will admit that there are a few small things I went back and changed from time to time, though I doubt anyone picked up on it.
If I had to choose a few things to change, I would definitely go back to act one and fix stuff up. I’d like to make Blaine less of a one-dimensional villain (a problem a lot of them have, honestly), and maybe introduce Pedro a little earlier, after Roxy and Leif’s run in with the stalker. Also make Kimberly less of a little sociopath, or at the very least do something with it instead of her just being a generic bully. In act two, I’d probably make the kidnapping arc a little less torture-porney, at least to the point to where what Emmerich’s doing isn’t just solely because he’s a sadistic psychopath. As many of you probably know, especially if you follow my tumblr, I am a whump enjoyer, I find it interesting to both write and read (although it’s a lot more harrowing when you’re not the one writing it lol), and I definitely let that part take over during that arc. There was no reason for the hunters not to try to begin training Roxy immediately, even while she was still defiant. Sure, she’d definitely still be hit with a few nasty punishments, but I feel I may have gone a little overboard with her treatment there, and I do lowkey call myself out for it in act 3 with Chris lol. Emmerich was just a nasty bastard. I’m still generally happy with how everything turned out though!
Alright, let’s talk about characters. First, Roxy and Sam, because they truly can never be separated. These two guys have been floating around my mind in some form or another for at least 8 or 9 years now, possibly longer. They weren’t always the exact characters that you see in Direwolf, but their designs were generally the same, aka girl with short dark hair and girl with long light hair. I’ve been putting them into situations for years, and honestly I don’t think I would be who I am if I didn’t have them in my head to help me process stuff. To me I suppose they represented both halves of my personality; the carefree, goofy, friendly side in Sam, and the more introverted, insecure, serious side with Roxy. Obviously their personalities in Direwolf are much more complex than that, but when they were just simple character concepts, that was generally how they played out. They are my children and I love them with my whole heart, even if I do put them into situations that they may not enjoy.
Leif was the first new character I made for Direwolf, and whoo boy there is a whole lot I could say about her. She’s probably as close as any character gets to a ‘self-insert,’ though I wouldn’t really call her that either. Direwolf, at its core, is a story about love (obviously), and I think Leif represents that quite well. Whereas Sam is the romantic love interest for Roxy, Leif is an example of a platonic love interest. Roxy and Leif aren’t partners, but one could probably be easily convinced that they are. They frequently cuddle with each other, they kissed each other because they wanted to know what it was like. They’re always there when the other needs them, totally ride or die. They’re best friends, and often refer to each other as siblings. There is a serious lack of strong friendships in most media I feel. So many of them either become romantic or are overshadowed by the romantic relationships in the media, but I really wanted to capture the beauty of true friendship with Leif. She’s been there for pretty much Roxy’s whole life, and they’ve stuck it out through everything. In a deleted scene, Roxy and Leif shared that they had a pact to marry each other for tax benefits if they were both still single by the time they turned 30. There is just SO MUCH LOVE between these two and I love them so much too.
Pedro! Everyone’s favourite DILF! As a lot of you may already know due to my ramblings in chapter notes, I did not come up with him myself! I had been idly discussing the kidnapping arc with a friend some time during act 1, and a few hours later she sent me a small snippet of writing about this detective character named Pedro Luna who had been assigned to Roxy’s case while she was missing. I loved it so much that I immediately decided to make him a character then and there. His character did change a bit through his development from that initial snippet, but that’s always the case with these things. My little shipper heart desperately wanted him and Damien to get together but the friend who designed him demanded that he remain the Token Straight™ which was really lame but we did get Valerie out of it so that’s a small plus. Anyway he’s great and I want him to be my dad. Also shoutout to Sam letting him walk her down the aisle on her wedding like she doesn’t already have an adoptive dad lmfao.
Drew is an interesting one. There were a lot of interesting ideas that went into his creation that really just weren’t utilised to their full potential due to the limits of where he was introduced in the story. While Roxy’s recovery arc was important to the development of her character going into act 3, I also didn’t want it to overstay its welcome as a much slower and less action-heavy arc of the story. Drew being introduced here was just a rough necessity as I wanted his character to be solidified as part of the group moving into act 3 as a whole but it meant that his whole “i don’t know that I’m a werewolf, let alone a direwolf” arc kinda didn’t go anywhere. Also, when coming up with his character, I failed to realise that him being a direwolf wouldn’t really change anything if the hunters didn’t know about him, so that kinda fell flat too, but that’s more on me lol. I do still really like where his character ended up in the end though, even if he wasn’t what I planned for at the start.
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Clarissa, all I can say is RIP. You deserved better, but there was just no way I could rationalise the hunters keeping you alive when they were trying to lure in Sam and Drew. The only reason they didn’t kill Leif too is because she was human and they could take her in as a trainee. It was just a rough situation all around and I wish I’d done more with her character before act 3. Hell she even got written out of the kidnapping arc cuz I realised I hadn’t planned for anything for her to do in it so I sent her away on holiday. She really did deserve better. Oh, and also, in case it wasn’t super obvious, Clarissa was aroace. I also feel bad for killing off the only aroace rep but fuck dude what can you do
Now Chris is interesting. His character went through so many changes in my head in terms of my plans for him throughout act 3. At first he was just introduced as a faceless boyfriend for Damien with no plans beyond that, but then I had the thought of “what if he was actually a spy?” and then chapter 32 happened and you find out Chris is actually a little bit crazy and that was what he was going to be going forward. But then, a little bit after that, he mellows out a lot and does some self reflection, and you realise that the way he acted when Damien caught him was mostly him freaking out because he’d been caught and his relationship (that he was genuinely invested in) was ruined. It was him probably at his lowest emotional point and he lashed out because of it. From there he was just moving forward with his plan because that was his job, but he didn’t have much real motivation for it anymore aside from the sunk cost he already had. He’d already lost so much for the plan, so to not keep going would mean he sacrificed his relationship for nothing. It was around here that I decided he was gonna turncoat in the end. I don’t think Chris is a bad guy deep down. Morally grey, sure, but mostly I think he was just indoctrinated by the hunters propaganda and followed it without really introspecting on it until he actually met werewolves in a non-combat scenario. I think at his core he’s just a selfish guy. He followed the hunters because it worked for him, until he met Damien and was forced to realise that it didn’t. Yes, he eventually learned to care about how Sam and Drew were being treated, but the catalyst for those thoughts was realising that being with the hunters means he can’t have the happiness that Damien gave him, which made him reflect on the hunters as a whole and his experiences in Dewsbury. A very fun character to write, if difficult to balance his emotional and moral state lol.
Anne is pretty much the same as Chris, only instead of being indoctrinated she was tortured and conditioned to follow orders, so it was easier for her to realise that the hunters were bad as she’d never fully subscribed to their views in the first place, only followed blindly out of fear and a misplaced sense of gratitude for them taking her off the streets and out of poverty. Her character came out of nowhere tbh, I just kinda threw her in there and suddenly she was having thoughts and POV scenes and I had no say in it. Love her tho. In a better kinder world she and Clarissa would’ve been besties.
So…. Now what? What’s next on the agenda for little old me? Well, I’ve got a few things planned, including one larger project that I am so so so excited to get started on! It’s kinda hard to describe the genre as the genre of the plot and the genre of the setting are different lol. The plan for the plot is murder mystery urban fantasy romance, but since it’s still very early on we’ll see if that changes at all. The best way I can describe the setting is sort of cyber-noir urban fantasy, if that makes sense? But the cyberpunk is pre-cyberpunk. It’s not quite there yet, hence the noir aspect, although that could also play into the plot as it’s sort of a detective thriller too. See what I mean when I say it’s hard to describe? ANYWAY if you’re like me and you want a story with a trans protagonist that isn’t just about their experience transitioning, then you might wanna check it out. I post about my thoughts and planning around it on my tumblr so give me a follow if you wanna stay up to date, but if not that’s fine, since I’ll likely post the first few chapters here whenever it’s finished. The plan is to self-publish on amazon or wherever, but if I get the chance to publish traditionally it would be cool to take that path too, so we’ll see. If you liked Direwolf at all, watch this space for the next couple years lol.
Other than that, I have a couple smaller things floating around my head, like a superhero story about cloning that’s probably gonna be quite tragic, and an idea for a roswell-esq small town alien abduction mystery that I’m going to at least attempt not to make a romance as well. In most cases just assume that there will be lesbians in my stories unless stated otherwise. In terms of the future of Direwolf, I may yet return to this beloved world of mine! I’ve teased with the idea of writing some short stories about the period during the epilogue timeskip, mainly when Roxy and Sam were embroiled in all that betting fraud, cuz that shit sounds interesting as hell. I doubt there will be a full on sequel though, Roxy and Sam’s stories are finished and they deserve their rest. If by chance there is one, it’ll likely be with a new cast of characters, but don’t hold your breath for it either.
I have also dabbled with the idea of rewriting direwolf in the future, once I’ve gained more experience. This story is my baby, and by writing it right out the gate with no experience, I feel it's been done a bit of a disservice. This world and these characters and this plot means so much to me, and if I could have the chance to rewrite it all with more experience and knowledge of the craft so it can meet its full potential, I would take it. It would likely be quite different, many details will probably change, but the core plot would remain the same, as the message and allegory it holds is quite important to me.
Speaking of allegory, let's talk about that. Direwolf definitely takes the idea of ‘werewolves as a metaphor for queer people’ to its extreme, and it doesn’t take a genius to draw some very clear parallels between the hunters and the current state of the American Far Right. My siblings all around the world are murdered every day for who they are, and they’re often demonised by people who don’t understand them in order to foster the hatred that promotes those killings. It’s so painful to hear that news all the time and not be able to do anything about it. I think writing Direwolf was my way of getting those feelings out of me, in a way. In Direwolf, the werewolves were eventually able to fight back against their oppressors and overcome them. I guess it was just a projection of what I’d like to see happen in the real world, though ideally with less violence. I’d just like things to get better so I don’t have to be scared to walk down the street as a trans woman, especially with the way those primarily American ideas are starting to slowly trickle into the Australian far right as well.
Wow, got a little personal there, huh? But hey, these are my feelings, and they were important in the creation of Direwolf, so I feel they’re also important to record here. Direwolf is obviously a very personal story to me, so it makes sense that my feelings around it would get pretty personal too.
I think that’s about it! I’ve said all I really wanna say. If you’ve read all the way to the end of my ramblings, hey! Thanks for sticking around! You’re a real one.
Thank you all for taking the time out of your days to read my silly story about werewolves and lesbians, it means so much to me that people are interested and like my work! I’d love to hear from you all again some day when I’m finished with this next project, but if not, I suppose this is adieu. Much love, everyone! Until we meet again!
❤️🐺 THANK YOU FOR READING DIREWOLF 🐺❤️