“John!” Prota cried out.

The icicle flew right by the mercenary’s head, leaving him perfectly unscathed. That didn’t mean he wasn’t wary. His posture immediately took a defensive stance as Prota readied another fireball.

“Sheesh, kids these days,” Kenina sighed. “They’re crazy. How’d you react that fast?”

Prota had a slight frown as she faced off against her opponent. She’d aimed perfectly. The man hadn’t dodged with that much speed, so it should’ve hit him. How? How had her spell failed to reach?

“If you’d been even a bit faster, that would’ve hurt. Who the hell are you guys?”

“You hesitate, Prota. Just a little, every time you attack. It’s not a lot, but it’s a very small flinch that could end up with you dead.”

Hesitating? No way. No, no. She wasn’t afraid anymore, she was confident in herself. Wasn’t she supposed to be up to par? What was going on? Why was she still weak? What was holding her back?

“I was wondering why that kid paid so well for this job. I would’ve quit otherwise.”

“Kid…” Prota muttered. It really was Draco who had tried to kill them.

“It’s a shame, really. I don’t particularly enjoy killing kids, but, well… that’s enough talking.”

Prota gasped and barely dodged out of the way as the man’s fist flew towards her face. He was fast. Fast and strong. She felt a gust of wind rush past her as the blow just barely missed her cheek. Prota cast a worried look at John, who had a small pool of blood accumulating around his head, but she had to survive first.

She formed a ball of water and split it up, causing hundreds of droplets to appear. There was a crackling sound as the temperature dropped, the droplets freezing and reshaping into petals. A pseudo Blossom of Ice. It lacked the firepower the original had, but it was faster. It would have to be enough.

With a cry, she threw it forward, but once again, there was an ever so slight pause. Even she was noticing it now.

Kenina was too professional not to take advantage of such a pause.

The way things were going, Prota wasn’t going to land any hits at all. Everyone she’d fought against had somehow ignored this flaw of hers. The bandits were weak. The assassins had been caught off guard. The dwarf had gone easy on her and severely underestimated her.

Every opponent she’d faced had given her a handicap in one way or another. This man was different. He wasn’t playing around. He was fighting as if his life was on the line. And he was a professional. Before, Prota’s hesitation hadn’t mattered. Her opponents always gave her enough of a window that her attack would land, regardless of how quickly she reacted. But now, she was stepping into the big leagues. She was stepping into the realm of opponents of a certain calibur, ones who wouldn’t forgive mistakes, even ones as small as this.

“Tch, you’re good,” he grunted as he dodged yet another fireball. “And that look in your eyes… you’re not afraid of dying, are you? Seriously, what did I get myself into?”

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper with a circle drawn on it.

“I didn’t want to use this here, but…”

He ripped it in half, and there was a flash of light as the headless orc got up once more. Prota was momentarily startled but recovered in time, flinging herself out of the way of its charge with a gust of wind. However, that break in momentum was more than enough to allow Kenina to take control of the fight. Even though Prota was using Soul Siphon, it seemed that his mental strength was strong enough to somewhat block the effects, even though he wasn’t aware of what was going on.

He was just preemptively trying to block mind based attacks.

Prota was getting enough mana to cast mana recovery and mana reinforcement, but she wouldn’t be able to knock her opponent out easily. She wasn’t even making progress. She was just missing every shot. The split second hesitation was enough to telegraph her next attack.

And now that she’d lost her momentum, it was time for Kenina to take charge.

Prota was dodging blow after blow, but her body wasn’t nearly as well trained as Kenina’s was. Even though her body was acting on its own, it was inexperienced enough to make mistakes. She gasped as Kenina’s fist made contact with her stomach, sending her flying into a wall for the second time that day.

She gasped as a mouthful of blood burst out of her mouth. Mana recovery wasn’t going to fix this injury in time.

“It’s a shame, but really, it’s nothing personal. Sorry about this, kid,” Kenina said. “I’ll be sure to make it look like you fought against the orc well.”

Make it… what? Prota’s mind was spinning again. She didn’t understand what was going on. She couldn’t fall down here, though. She had to get back up. She had to keep fighting. No matter how many times she reset, she still had an attachment to life. She still wanted to live.

If she was dead, then John would die, too.

Therefore, she couldn’t die.

Her arms shook as she struggled to get back up, but it wasn’t enough. The strength just wasn’t there. She coughed up another mouthful of blood as she forced herself to sit up, but that was the most she could do.

“Seriously, let it drop,” Kenina said, walking slowly towards Prota. It seemed that he didn’t feel the need to rush now that his target was incapacitated. “You’re just gonna hurt yourself more.”

Pain? Prota wasn’t feeling pain. She was far too used to pain for it to be an issue. She closed her eyes. She didn’t understand. Was it impossible for her to grow? Would she always be the one to lose?

“Hey.”

There was an audible click as John pressed his gun to the back of Kenina’s head.

“That really hurt, motherfucker.”

Kenina stopped moving. He knew danger when he felt it. He wasn’t sure what the weapon against his head was, but John’s bloodlust was more than enough. He could tell. Death was knocking on the door.

“I thought I killed you.”

“That’s crazy. I didn’t know you could think.”

John’s usually flippant tone was nowhere to be found.

“You really beat my sister up. I didn’t know you were into things like that.”

“It’s a job,” Kenina said slowly. “I’m a businessman. Look, what do you want in return? I’m sure we can-”

“Yeah, yeah. Unfortunately, I’m more interested in your body than your services, so you’ll just have to be quiet.”

He looked at Prota, his face unreadable.

“Prota. You still haven’t decided.”

“...?”

“You think you’re doing this to protect me, right? But that’s not all you’re doing. Prota. Everything you’ve done, everything you’ve tried, it’s been for “me.” You did it because I asked you to do something.”

Prota didn’t understand.

“Prota. Is this really what you want? What are you trying to protect me from?”

It was as if Kenina didn’t exist. He was focused solely on Prota.

“I…” Prota’s eyes dropped to the ground. Her body was slowly healing from mana recovery, but that wasn’t important right now.

“What is it that you want? Can you put it into words?”

“I want to be with John.”

“What does that mean? What if I tell you to leave? Will you do that?”

“No…”

“Because of what? Because you’re afraid? Because I told you to stay by my side? What is it?”

Prota didn’t know. She’d made resolutions for herself, but how determined was she to keep those resolutions?

“Prota. Do you get it? You’re still afraid of your past. You’re still being pushed around by other things. You’re scared. You’re afraid of killing others, of being a monster, aren’t you? They called you a demon. Do you think that killing people will make their statement come true? All you’re doing is following my orders, but what happens when those orders go against what you want? Do you even know what you want? You don’t know, Prota. You don’t know what you’re doing.”

Prota didn’t know what to say.

“We’ll test it. Right here. Prota. It’s your choice. You can kill this man. Right here.”

John pressed the gun against Kenina’s head.

“You also don’t have to kill him. I’ll do it if you don’t. So make a choice.”

“Hey-”

John immediately shifted his aim and blew out one of Kenina’s kneecaps. The joint shattered into a dozen fragments, piercing through flesh and cutting through nerves, sending the man to his knees.

“You’re a teaching aid right now, not a person, so shut up.”

John’s expression was unusually cold.

“Choose, Prota.”

Prota started shaking. She had to choose? Why did she have to kill this man? No, John had said she could spare him. What did John want? She didn’t get it. It was so much easier every other time. If she hadn’t killed, she or John would’ve been killed. There was no choice. Why did she have to choose? What was the point?

She thought back to the conversation she’d had at the mansion. John had asked her how she felt about killing, and then had decided that it was a talk for another time. But somehow, she felt as if that wasn’t the point here.

“I…” Prota trembled, unable to give a response.

“...well, maybe I pushed it a little too hard.”

John pulled the trigger, brains splattering all over the place. The enemy’s eyes went blank as his body fell to the floor, dark blood pooling underneath. John ignored all that and stepped over the body, going straight for Prota. She flinched, expecting the worst, but was surprised to find that he had instead wrapped her in his arms. It was faint, but she noticed that he, too, was shaking a little. He exhaled slowly, letting out a deep breath as he held her.

“You’re fine… it’s fine… you’re doing fine…” John muttered. Prota wanted to say something, do something, but found that she was too tired to do so.

Her eyes closed as she slowly faded into unconsciousness.

~~~

“Very interesting.”

Zero had come out, assuring John that no one would be around to see him.

“Why were you so harsh on her?”

This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there.

“You probably know the reason better than I do,” John muttered.

“I’d like to hear it from you anyways.”

“Seriously, you might as well just tell me that it’s needed for the story. Really, this guy…”

John sighed and looked up. “Did I ask for too much? Was I asking for too much, Zero?”

“That’s a choice she made.”

“It’s a choice she made out of helplessness. If I hadn’t saved her, if I’d just helped her and moved on, would she have a better life? Maybe she wouldn’t be wrapped up in all this. Maybe she’d just be a side character or something, living a peaceful life.”

“There’s no point in questioning that right now, John,” Zero said. “Isn’t that your psychology? What’s done is done. Just move forward.”

John looked at Prota, who was sleeping on his lap. She looked so calm.

“Her trauma is what’s causing her to hesitate. She might not think it, but her body is reacting to the fear she’d developed while on the streets, right? It’s why she doesn’t touch people. I don’t think her fear of physical contact will go away any time soon, but… it just feels like she’s doing all of this because I told her to do it.”

He looked at Zero.

“At that point, I might as well just be the [Author]. Commanding [Characters] around.”

“Then your little test?”

“I didn’t care whether she spared or killed him. I just wanted her to do something on her own. I guess that was too hard. Or maybe I communicated it poorly. Or maybe I’m just stupid. I don’t know.”

He sighed as he put his hand on her head.

“What if something happens, and I’m not there? Will she be able to make a decision without me? Raw strength isn’t her issue. It’s her strength up here,” John said, tapping his head. “Her mental.”

Zero was still hovering above John.

“You’re quite the hypocrite.”

“What do you mean?”

“You want her to make a decision, but you won’t even make one yourself.”

John looked away. “That’s different.”

“Your entire thing is putting things off until you can’t. But you want Prota to decide? To make a decision, right here, right now?”

“I can afford to wait to make decisions! What if she can’t?”

“So you’re more concerned about her than you are about yourself?”

“She- I- It’s different, ok? I can take it. She… she might not be able to.”

“So what happens when you eventually have to make a decision for yourself? What then?”

“I’ll do what I have to do then.”

Zero flew in front of John and forced John to look at him.

“What if I do the same thing to you? John. You have to make a decision now. Choose. Prota or your goal. What will you do?”

“I’ll deal with it when I get to it.”

“That’s what Prota is doing, isn’t it?”

“Yeah? I’m different! I’ve made decisions!”

“For everything?”

“Stop asking questions you know the answers to, shitass.”

Zero continued to stare at John.

“Zero. Prota is a [Character]. I can tell. No matter how much I tell her the truth, she’ll still see the world as “real.” I won’t.”

“Then why did you tell her about the world in the first place?”

“I had to? For the [Destiny Bond]?”

“Don’t lie to yourself. You never had to. Why did you tell her? You don’t want to tell Fate. You won’t tell anyone. Then why Prota?”

John stayed silent.

“You wanted a companion, didn’t you? But you don’t know. You don’t know if it’ll come to you or Prota, so you won’t decide. You’re putting yourself at a mild distance from her, trying to help, trying to stay away, putting your emotions aside so you can what? Play both sides? Have a backup just in case things go wrong?”

“I’ll deal with it when I get to it, ok? So shut up and let me do my own thing.”

John took a deep breath and got up. He walked over to Kenina’s corpse and picked it up.

“Power: x200.”

He winced as a light pain shot through his head, but he put up with it. It was only for a few seconds. He threw the body against the wall, and it practically splattered as it made a crater in the rocks.

“Phew,” John sighed as the light in his eye dimmed. “No one’s gonna question that.”

His head was still ringing from the blow Kenina had dealt to him, but he had to get to safety first. He picked Prota up and walked back to the camp, where there would hopefully be something that would help with his head.

~~~

“So you’re telling me you found him dead?”

“Something like that, yeah,” John said, drinking a potion.

Fate and Danjo had come back after hearing that John was injured over the communication devices, which were working pretty well. They’d found Prota sleeping in the tent, and John struggling to stay conscious.

“That’s what I plan on telling everyone. In reality, Prota took the thing down, but then… it somehow revived? It was headless, but it moved towards us and slammed Prota into the wall.”

“It revived? That’s…”

“Well, it did it again, after the guy tore this weird piece of paper. I think it was a magic circle…”

Fate nodded. “If it was a magic circle, something like temporary reanimation or psychic control might be possible. It wouldn’t be unrealistic.”

John shrugged. “Well, that’s not something for me to investigate. Anyways, I killed him.”

“Alright.”

“What, you’re not mad?”

“He was trying to kill you, right? Did you have that much of a choice?”

John nodded slowly. Come to think of it, Fate hadn’t really criticized him for dealing with the assassins in the woods, either. Maybe he wasn’t as naive as John had initially thought.

“John, I’m not stupid,” Fate said, as if to confirm John’s thoughts. “There are times when we have to kill people. But… isn’t it better if we can avoid it?”

“Not really.”

“You’re impossible to deal with,” Fate muttered. “I’m going back out. You can stay here and keep an eye on your sister.”

John nodded and waved. “Yeah, yeah, get outta here.”

Fate just sighed as he took Danjo back into the dungeon.

~~~

John was asleep, having taken some heavy painkillers for his head. Prota had awoken and taken the potion Fate had left behind and was feeling alright physically.

Her mind, though, was a turmoil of thoughts.

She didn’t understand. She thought she was strong enough, good enough, but was that not the case? Her hesitation. Her indecision. They were costing her. She was suddenly understanding the difference that split second was making.

She didn’t understand. What choice did John want her to make? She was alright with just listening to what he had to say. She didn’t mind not making decisions. She just wanted to save her sister.

She just wanted to be with John.

Was it really too much to ask for? This whole [Story] thing, this deal about killing, not killing, making decisions, she didn’t want to think about it. Not because she wanted to put it off, but because it was just easier to follow John’s orders. But would making a decision really help her indecision? She didn’t understand. How was killing someone supposed to help with her irrational fear of touching people? Of hurting them? How was any of that related to her ability to fight?

Would it help at all?

“Prota.”

Prota flinched as Zero came out of nowhere. She didn’t mind him, but he’d appeared so suddenly.

“You’re thinking about the fight earlier, right?”

Prota nodded.

Zero sighed and flipped upside down, sitting on the ceiling of the tent. It looked strange, and it was mildly distracting, but he seemed comfortable, so Prota didn’t bring it up.

“You can’t just follow John’s orders forever. You know that, right?”

“Why?”

“Prota. What if John tells you to run? To leave? What are you going to do then? Are you going to follow his orders? Or are you going to go against his wishes and stay?”

Prota opened her mouth only to find that no answer came out of it. John had already asked her this question. She still didn’t know the answer.

What would she do then?

“I’m not saying that’s going to happen. But there are some times when you need to think for yourself, you know?”

Prota shook her head. She didn’t know.

“Prota. If you want to follow John, no one is going to stop you. But you need to make that decision. Why are you following him? Out of guilt? Out of thankfulness? Why do you choose to protect him?”

“I…” Prota’s voice trailed off as she thought about it.

Did she know the answers to those questions?

“You’re going to have to make decisions eventually.”

Zero looked at John with what could only be described as fondness.

“You know, he’s technically existed for thousands of years, but really, he’s still just a child. His mind isn’t really older than Kit’s. Not at all.”

“...?”

“We told you, right? He lost a lot of his memories. He’s out looking for them. The thing is, the memories aren’t linear. They’re fragments. Bits and pieces of various worlds and times, some memories so small that they don’t even do anything for him. He currently has maybe a hundred years worth of memories in him, but only about two years worth of memories make sense to him. Well, not really. There’s a lot more, but- ah, what am I saying. That’s for another time.”

Zero looked back at Prota.

“I never really got to say this, mostly because John would never let me, but… well, thanks, Prota.”

“Thanks?”

“For sticking with John. He can be kind of hard to put up with sometimes. I would know. I’m him, after all, and I find it hard to put up with him. Just like he finds it hard to put up with me. But… he’s someone that needs others, even if he won’t admit it himself. So thank you. For sticking with him.”

Zero smiled as he disappeared, leaving Prota alone with a sleeping John.

“Thank you. For sticking with him.”

Why was she staying with him? Was it because he’d saved her? Or because he was helping her save her sister? Technically, there was no need to be so attached to him. She didn’t need to go so far to help him or save him. He wasn’t really someone that needed protecting.

But then why had she been so afraid of losing him? Of being discarded? It had nothing to do with saving her sister. It had everything to do with John himself. She didn’t fully understand her feelings toward him. John was her brother. He cared for her, but at the same time, he felt so incredibly distant. He was a strange person who held millions of secrets yet acted like he had none.

Someone who called himself a [Reader]. A [Writer]. A [Character].

Then what was she?

She looked over at the sleeping John and put her hand on his head. He mumbled a little bit and rolled over, but she held on.

Why did she want to stay with John? For what reason?

“You can’t just follow John’s orders forever. You know that, right?”

She wanted to. She wanted life to stay simple, to be easy. She wanted to stay with John and do things like make food and sit under the trees forever. She would rescue her sister, and then the three of them would be able to do that.

Such a pretty image.

But… Zero was right. Such an image wasn’t realistic. It didn’t make sense for something like that to happen.

Then she’d have to make up her mind.

But she didn’t understand.

What was this decision that she had to make?