"Hey Lad!"

I blinked.

"Yes, Lad, I'm talking to you!"

Glancing from the hanging signs of shops overhead, to the bustling crowd, I finally looked at the man who spoke to me. A merchant with sandy blond mutton chops and wobbly jowls was glaring at me from behind a market stall.

"Are you gonna stare, or are you buying something?" He asked.

I straightened, as if that would make me look more mature.

"Maybe…" I dropped my voice a little.

"Maybe?" Grunted the Merchant, scratching his chops. His wobbly jowls made him look like a grumpy old dog. "Well, maybe I might interest you in some of my wares?"

"Sure, why not?" I agreed, and looked at his table full of gear.

"So, what brings you to the Monster Market, Lad? Are you shopping for your adventure, or are you just paroozin'?" He asked, sizing me up.

It would be a stretch to even call myself an adventurer! No sword. No powers. No armor. Not even a stupid compass! All I had was the clothes on my back and a very light coin pouch.

"Yeah, I'm in a party" I lied, putting my hands on my hips.

The merchant eyed me suspiciously. Seeing a pudgy, weaponless, adventurer must be an odd sight…

"I'm looking for a weapon to fight with." I clarified.

"Hmmm… might I interest you in some gear?" The merchant waved at his stall.

There was an assortment of stuff like; leather harnesses, armor, weapons and adventuring kits. My attention was drawn to a sword. It was large, with a broad handled guard and a long double-sided blade. I picked it up and unsheathed it.

"Oh that? That'll be five." The merchant said.

"Nice! I can buy that-"

"Five gold coins, mate." The merchant added, folding his arms over his chest. I felt my shoulders slump.

Five gold coins for a sword!? That's like asking for five hundred bucks for a pair of shoes! The guy probably knew that I was broke, just by looking at me! I felt my heart skip a beat when he said that…

"Erm… I can't buy that, actually…" I said to the merchant. He sighed.

Glancing back down at the table, I looked at the weapons. Next to it was a small sword.

"Right, and how about this short sword?" I asked, putting down the overpriced sword and picking up the smaller blade.

"Oh the dagger? Five."

My eyes widened, and I started to put it down, when he added; "Five silver coins. I reckon you can afford that?"

Is the economy in this world as broken as mine!?

"Y-yeah…" I said, feeling pressured, I took out my coin pouch and paid for the sword.

"Now you're a true adventure, mate! So what's it called?" He asked me.

"Huh, the sword?"

"No, not the dagger. Erm, what's your party called?" The merchant asked me.

"The Piss Poor…"

He blinked.

"The Piss Poor?" The man said to himself, before his face lit up like a tavern at dusk. His big barrel belly heaved, while he gave a deep, hearty laugh.

"Aren't we all?" He chuckled. "That's a bloody good name for a starter party! Piss Poor and outta luck!"

I nodded, and glanced down the long paved street. Colorful market stalls lined it. It felt like a trap. You'd go in one end rich, and leave the other broke.

"Well, now that you're a true adventurer, how about I show you something?"

I turned to look at him. My eyes twitched.

"Okay…" I said.

Shit. A quest? This is bad. Maybe I should fess up and tell him I've never adventured a day in my life!? Lying was easy. I could've stopped… but it was easier to continue! It's like having a shot; if you've had one, then you might as well have a dozen more!

"Now you've done some looking, how about I show you the pride of my collection? She's a truly vile monster! If you want glory, my friend, then look no further! This beast will wow the crowd and have 'Piss Poor' on everyone's lips from here to the Capital!" Said the merchant. I breathed a sigh of relief.

He reached down and lifted a cage up. It was draped with a canvas cloth. After placing it on the table he said;

"Behold, the fearsome Cockatrise!" He tore it off with a dramatic flourish!

Now, I've played enough fantasy RPGs to know that the chicken in the cage was no cockatrise.

"Nice cock." I said, with a smirk.

"It's not a chicken!" The merchant shot back, indignantly. "Are you blind, boy? Just look at the size of this thing! It's bloody terrifying!"

Indeed, it was a big chicken. The only terrifying thing about it had been the way it was treated. The poor thing had been painted black with tar! A thick line of strawberry jelly was smeared over its beak to give it a more "fearsome" appearance!

"Um… that's obviously a chicken. Besides, a Cockatrice would turn me to stone, just by looking at me!" I pointed out.

The merchant grimaced.

"Erm, y-yes! But only when it wants to!" He stammered. "Any bee can sting, right? Any cat can bite! Skunks can stink too. But what do any of them have in common? They do it when you fuck with them!"

"Tch, Riiiiight…" I scoffed, and rolled my eyes.

He took a piece of crudely carved rock and held it up.

"This was a mouse that snuck into his cage. It was turned to stone, I swear on my mother's grave!" He insisted, waving the poorly carved rock in my face.

If you discover this tale on Amazon, be aware that it has been unlawfully taken from Royal Road. Please report it.

"Bwok!" The chicken said.

An awkward silence fell between us.

"I see, well I am… erm…afterall, piss poor. With my poor luck, I wouldn't be able to best her, so I think I'll go now." I said, struggling to hold back my laughter before backing away.

"May the gods give you good fortune." The merchant replied curtly with a timid smile. He threw the cloth back over the cage and returned to his wares.

Well that was scary… not the chicken, but the prices were high, everywhere was like though. Especially in the Monster Market! It was a narrow street in-between towering townhouses. Most days, this part of town wasn't crowded. But it was payday, so everyone was here to spend their hard earned coin.

Now, this was my normal route home from a long day at work. Not because it was quicker, no, but because it quickened something inside of me. It scared me. It thrilled me! It reminded me why I decided to come here, instead of reincarnating into yet another boring life! A normal life filled with normal life bullshit; like day jobs, long lines at the coffee shop, traffic, and taxes. Except… that's life here. The only difference is that there was no internet to make you feel left out. You could just go to a tavern to feel that way…

I came here to slay dragons, become super powerful, get a hot girl! Not work a day job and share a bed with a Goddess that snores! I want to get a castle and hoard treasure! Not spend my meager earnings on renting the attic space above the guild. Since ending up in Townshend, walking through the monster market was the closest I came to that.

"Over here!" A buff woman in a colorful pattern of motley clothes called. "You want Ogres! I got Ogres! Straight from the Wilderlands, fierce as they come!"

"Buuuuuugbears!" Another merchant called, this time a young man, with a shaved head and a heavily scarred face.

"Bugbeaaaaaars!" He roared, and indeed, there were bugbears in a large, cast iron cage behind him.

They were giant, furry creatures that stood on two legs. Think Chewbacca; but mean, scary and less huggable!

"Kobolts for Sale. I've got Kobolts for sale! Buy one, get five eggs! Get your Kobolts!" Another Merchant announced, nearby.

"Goblins!" An older lady called out, atop a caged wagon, pulled by draft horses. She had frazzled gray hair, and an exhausted look in her eyes.

"Two silver crowns for one! Get two free! Buy another, get four more! Goblins, get your Goblins!"

I looked into the dark cage and saw dozens of glowing red eyes gazing back! Within sat numerous short, green skinned, ugly brutes with sharp fangs and sharper attitudes. The cage buzzed with insults from the unruly creatures. All of them vying to say the nastiest, rudest thing possible to me.

I found their defiance funny. To think of these Iill-fed brutes being in a cage were still talking shit.

Almost like myself…

We were in the same boat. Trapped by circumstance, and for a moment I felt sorry for them.

"Oy!" The lady yelled at me. "Hey Boy, this ain't no toy shop, so if you're not buyin' then fuck off!"

I made a face at the Goblins, and more abuse followed.

"If I get outta here, I'll peel yer face off yew cunt!" I could hear one of them taunt.

I chuckled and backed away. For a moment I tried to imagine buying all of them with the gold I could get from the Fountain. At least then I'd have an army!

All I could hear Akira say is "Fuck no" in the back of my mind, and a smile crept across my face.

'Why did I have to drag her to this world with me, when I could have an army of trash-talking goblins?' I thought wistfully as I weaved my way in-between shops and stalls.

"Heya Rey!" A familiar voice pulled me from the reverie.

I jumped, and checked my pocket to find it empty. I turned around to face her. The voice belonged to the only "friend" I made so far. A female Rogue about my age called Sam Barley. She was another outlander like myself. The girl had bronze skin, and brown almond shaped eyes. Her short thick black curls clung close to her head, giving her a boyish appearance.

"Don't you have a job?" She teased, flashing me a sly grin, she held my coin pouch in her hand.

"I have a job, everything's just expensive…" I grumbled.

"And you seem to have just enough to buy yourself a fancy dagger." She flashed me a sly grin.

"How's business going with you?" I asked.

"Oh, it's going…" She chuckled, giving my coin pouch back.

Sam was what one would call a professional pickpocket. The first time she pickpocketed me she came away empty handed! I didn't have anything valuable, other than my credit cards, some cash.

In fantasy, it's all about gold, silver, and bronze. I might as well have had pebbles in my pocket. She laughed at me for not having any money. Though, I think she felt bad for me, because she taught me some slight of hand. We stole some small stuff together; shoplifting the occasional merchant stall, or finding a drunk adventurer slumped in an alley. We made just enough to help me and Akira afford rent for a week.

I never said that I was the good guy in this story. ;)

So anyways, back to it;

"So I heard you were hiring people for an adventure party?" She asked, as we walked through the market together.

Occasionally she'd swipe something off of a stall without catching a sideways glance.

"Yup." I answered, glancing over at her. "Are you interested?"

"Nah!" She let out another laugh and shook her head. "That's a little too much action. I might be a guild member, but that dungeon crawling business is too dangerous! I mean~ sure it pays well… but I'd rather make my coin quick and easy!" She says, swiping another knickknack off of another clueless vendor.

I grit my teeth.

"Mmhm, do you know anyone who'd be interested in joining?" I asked.

"Maybe?" She said in a tone that asked for something in return.

"Oh c'mon, Sam! There's gotta be someone in this damned town!" I said with an exasperated sigh.

"You could always join other parties, there's loads of them!" Sam offered.

'Loads of them who'd die getting to the fountain of fortune.' I wanted to say, but I didn't trust her as far as I could throw her! I shook my head.

"I'd rather lead a party than be part of one" I said, glancing over at a Dwarf selling a massive mace to a hulking female Orc.

"Pffft, easy there tiger, you're still new to it! You don't even have any levels. Who in their right mind would follow you? If it wasn't for that Cleric friend of yours, you'd be out of luck." She said, following my gaze.

I watched her slink behind the Orc and hide behind a barrel. Not wanting to be around if she got caught, I continued to walk without her. She returned moments later, somehow with the Orc's coin pouch between her hands. How the fuck does she do that!?

We kept walking.

"I might know someone who'd be interested." She said, after a long silence.

"Oh yeah?" I asked. "Care to give me a name, or tell me what they look like, or…"

She held out her palm.

"Really?"

"It's payday!" She said, weighing the purse in her other hand with a smirk.

"I'm broke!" I protested.

"Sucks to suck my friend, but I don't do anything for free. Maybe you should've bought a pocket knife?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose and said; "I'll pass…"

She rolled her eyes.

"Cheapskate." Sam scoffed, and tossed the Orc's coin pouch between her hands. "If you had the coin for a dagger, then why didn't you buy new clothes?"

My eyes twitched again. The heat rose to my face.

"I'm just teasing." She said, patting my back. "Do you want to know something?"

"Will I have to pay for it?" I asked her.

She shook her head.

"So, there's a bounty that'll pay over a week's wages. The guild has had it posted for weeks! But I heard the bounty went up." She spoke in a hushed tone.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, leaning in to hear her.

"Yup, it's doubled. Apparently someone's gone missing!" She explained, "Rumor says some rich girl got kidnapped."

"Lemme guess, you want an equal share?"

"Nope!" She said with yet another sly grin.

I gave her a puzzled look.

"This is all a rumor. The bonus hasn't been posted yet. So, think of this as… a favor!" The Rogue gave me a wink. "For a friend."

Very suspicious.

"Riiiiiiiight, okay."

We had walked back to the guild. I looked at the sign above our heads and cringed.

"Just keep an eye out for the bounty, they'll be posting the bonus soon." She said.

I looked over my shoulder at the guild doors. The sounds of clinking mugs, chattering, and rowdy merrymaking wafted through like a summer's breeze.

"How much?" I asked, turning to face her, but she had disappeared into the crowd.

"Fine then, keep your secrets!" I muttered to myself.