Cleveland tries to get by Troy to no avail. Troy matches his movements and now they’re dancing in front of the door. Cleveland sighs. “This isn’t for you, bud, I got to keep this one for myself, old man says so.” “Bullshit” Troy says, “that’s mines fair and square. You said you were going to get me some dope shit from an old guy who has all kinds of fat vegetables, and that looks like something you should be giving me straightaway. Give it!” Troy lunges for Cleveland’s pockets. Another tussle ensues. Cleveland is panting and is all red in the face. He puts his hands on his knees. “I don’t have time for this shit, Troy. No joke, this shit isn’t for you. It’s too crazy for you to be able to deal with. You don’t even know how to, like..” Cleveland catches his breath “dig holes for seeds and shit. This is too valuable. You’re just going to kill it or something you lazy bastard.”
”Me lazy?! What about you, you couch sittin’ fat bastard? Only time I ever saw you scoot faster than a slow walk was that time you ran to the door to get a pizza!” Cleveland and Troy are about to cross the laughing and joking stage into the realm of buddies getting butt hurt at each other. Cleveland stands up “that’s not true, you know I travel all across the world, right? I’m always doing shit.”
”Yeah” Troy says “but when you’re traveling, all you do is sit, am I right? Sit on the plane, sit at people’s tables, sit in restaurants, sit in cars. You’re just sitting in different countries!” Cleveland frowns. “I’m doing you a favor here. All things aside, I’m surprised at you, Troy. I took some risks getting you those seeds and I’m not even charging you since we’re related or some shit. You don’t like it? Why don’t you just give them back? I can probably get about a grand each for those bags you put in your sink. You know how much money one of those little fukkin’ farms can make if they got their fingers on them? People will flock for miles around to get a bite. You ever had something so tasty that it made you mad that no one has ever introduced it to you before? That’s like this! These vegetables make the ones at the grocery store taste like wet styrofoam! Fuck!”
Troy sighs “Sorry. Sorry. I just got excited. Is that what you got there? Some tomato seeds?”
”yeah” Cleveland is calming down now. “The wildest Tomato seeds that make the wildest tomatoes. They get to about the size of a basketball. Swear to God, if you get one of them planted and taken care of right, you can fukkin’ throw out the thanksgiving turkey. That shit tastes like sunshine and meat. Tastes like something you’ve never had before. Take a little bite and that’s all you’ll be thinking about for the rest of your life. These are too precious. I didn’t mean to call you lazy, but these require a little something more than just, plopping them in a hole and spraying them with a hose from time to time. You have to make them your baby. You gotta talk to them and shit.”
Troy says “talk to them? Are you shittin’ me?”
”No” Cleveland says “that’s what the guy said. The seeds are wild good, but you need to take them an extra step of two, otherwise they just turn out great. Not spectacular.”
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Troy thinks for a minute. “Okay” He says, “how about this. You give me three” Cleveland rolls his eyes. Troy goes on more forcefully, “three seeds. That’s all! You got like, what, two hundred in that packet? Just give me three of them. I’ll show you how to grow some motherfukkin’ tomatoes, brother. Shit, I’ll even give you two fullgrowns! I’ll only keep one for myself! If they turn out as good as you say they can, maybe you’ll give me some more? Get me a little plantation going in my front yard or some shit. I’m not even planning on selling them or anything, I just want something good to eat that doesn’t make me want to barf. What say old pal? What say? You gonna give ‘em over? I’ll owe you big time.” Troy is hopping around like he does when he’s jazzed. It’s a catching feeling. Cleveland tries and fails to suppress a smile.
“Fine” He says, “but if you fuck it up, I’m not giving you any more. No excuses. No ‘oh Cleveland, I forgot to talk to them’ or ‘Cleveland ‘ol buddy, the slugs got into the garden and made a mess of the tomatoes’. None of that shit. Get it done right.” Troy is nodding and holding his hand out. Cleveland sighs and reached into his pocket and pulls out a little baggie, much like the others, only about half the size. “Here you go” Cleveland carefully counts three of the tiny seeds into Troy’s palm. “Don’t say I never gave you anything, you fucker you.”
Troy immediately drops one of them while holding them up to his face for a closer inspection. Cleveland shakes his head like he knew Troy was going to fuck it up immediately. Troy stoops fast and picks it back up. “See?” He says, “no sweat. You can count on me, Cleve. Get them all done up right.” Troy raises his hand as if to give Cleveland a high five, then when Cleveland starts to reciprocate, Troy slaps Cleveland’s gut for him. “Ha! oldest trick in the book. Got you dummy!” Cleveland makes for the door, tired from his travels and with dealing with Troy. Troy was his best good pal and cousin, but that guy could sure misread a room.
Before leaving, Cleveland says, “like you said, you owe me one now.” Troy says, “oh sure thing. I got next beers.”
Cleveland says, “not this time. This is way more of a favor than you think it is. I got a few things I can’t take care of on my own and I need a set of extra hands the next time I do a diaper run.” Troy groans out loud “do I look like a fukkin’ delivery man to you? I got shit of my own to take care of.” Cleveland holds out his hand. “Fine. Fuck it. Get your own seeds then.” Troy hesitates. “How long is this favor going to take?”
”I don’t know” Cleveland thinks, “about a few days. I can pay you.”
”Then why don’t you just pay someone else to do it? That doesn’t sound like a favor. Sounds like you just need an employee.”
“Yeah” Cleveland says “that’d be nice, but I don’t trust strangers with doing shit like this. They may get the idea that they’re going to just take away my business, or get to blabbin’ to their friends at the bar about making a big wad of cash selling dubious diapers. Took me too long to get to where I got this thing at. Balancing act and all that.”
Troy says, “okay, whatever. When you thinkin’?” Cleveland says “I don’t know, whenever I get a call from the man with the diapers I guess. It’s been a bit, so it may be a few days, or a few weeks. I’ll let you know. In the meantime, get that shit in the garden before it starts to get too cold outside for planting.”
Troy flips him a salute, and Cleveland takes his leave. Troy looks at the small seeds in his hand. “Fukkin’ Cleveland. What a drama queen.” But the seeds seem different than other seeds he’s seen. These seemed to give off a soft reflective sheen, like a golden oil slick.