Dennis sat on his evil throne inside his evil tower listening to his evil vizier after attaining lichdom. Sure he could now raise armies and create untold havoc across the overlands, but he shouldn’t forget the responsibilities of a ruler. He still hadn’t announced his immortality to the kingdom, instead he was planning to tell it publicly when he finished the orphanages and mushroom farms he constructed. He would do so as an honorary lich.

He wasn’t just any run of the mill lich however, he was a divine lich blessed by stacy. Sure his other friends from the necromancer union could make other people into undead, but they always returned less than what they were before. Being a divine lich allowed him to raise others as stronger undead, while still retaining their taste buds and warmth. Essentially an undead without the drawbacks of being one like holy light, fire, mercury, angular geometry, and a bunch of other stuff that could honestly fill in pages and pages of dialogue.

He was starting to get sleepy (another boon he could finally sleep again woohoo) sitting in his cozy furred chair. He wasn’t sleepy before the ritual, in fact he had taken literal decades of sleepless nights researching in his lab. The exhaustion of years of sleepless nights were catching up to him. Honestly if he didn’t know that he’d still be running the place the following day he was pretty content on sleeping for years on end.

He could probably take a few hours of sleep right about now. He started to think about cheeses and fruits, maybe tasting it now wouldn’t feel like eating sand. Before this, he had only subsisted lifeforce as it was the only thing that would stave of his ravenous hunger and seemingly inappropriate hatred of life. He fantasized about the grapes he had eaten when he was still four. It was the tastiest thing he’d ever munched on in his life.

Unfortunately, grapes have been extinct for quite a while now what with all the blasted wars going around the place. So sad that the last grape seed (yes only one) was stolen by sewer dryads and were never seen again.

Mmmm grapes. As he drifted off to slumber.

“Oi wake up! Did you listen to anything I just said?” A brown bat/ratman hybrid who had cream colored stripes, red eyes, and tiny fangs shook him up. It was his vampire rat vizier clad in black leather matched with a cape and wearing gray eyeshadow paired with colored extensions.

“Whuh..huh”

“Unbelievable, let me start all over.” His vizier woke him up, still rambling on about geopolitics and inter-kingdom economics. He always cared for him. Wyatt was always so sweet to him, probably why he chose to give him the heart of a slain primordial vampire so that he could live together by his side. Yes, he was gay and evil, and even with all his power he still hadn’t told his feelings towards Wyatt.

He silently wept, he had wasted his youth away. Not only was he gay and evil, but he was also a virgin. He lamented the fact of never even coming out to the people closest to him. He lamented that he never had sex in his long, long lifespan. His penis was a normal size damn it! It’s not his fault everyone else had an abnormally large member. Three and a half inches was okay and it was actually proportional to his body.

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Damned it all, if only he looked more like a guy and not a feminine ratkin. He wished he looked more like a man and that he didn’t envy every male he ever talked to. He always felt emasculated, which was why he always wore a dark cloak and intimidating headgear.

He still remembered when people thought he was a girl and had to clarify that yes he was a MAN!

Yes, many ratclans offered their daughters to him when he built his kingdom, but he refused all of them. Instead, he offered the daughters apprenticeships instead. One of the reasons he chose to be a necromancer was to avoid marriage entirely stating that he was too busy research and what not.

He was still concerned with his appearance though. Sure, maybe he looked mediocre and maybe he still recently shat his pants, but he wasn’t that bad looking right? Right?

Okay maybe he could get a bit more groomed, and maybe he could get that thing otherworlders always called, what was it? Oh yeah sneakers.

Bitches love swag. He distinctly remembered one of his closest friends who taught him about that. Considering that he has a gaggle of people around him at all times and something called a cheat skill, everything he said was probably true.

He sighed. Former prince, to king, then to a powerful undead wizard heading a prestigious academy in the underlands, yet he still couldn’t get over his insecurities. He always had low self esteem. Sure, he made many speeches rallying his kind out of necessity, but deep down he’s just a mess of a person.

He doubts he’ll ever find love, so he usually reads while sobbing to sleep in the academy’s library. He’s worthless and undeserving of anything. He should probably just dump himself in a lake of soulbane and end it all. The world is an awful, vile place and nothing is right in the world. The only constant is suffering.

Wyatt stands close to him and shuffles the files. His vizier is near him and he smells… nice. He blushes as his bestfriend, and maybe husband one day, brushes his fingers next to him. He wonders if wyatt might want children and thinks that maybe they can adopt some from the local orphanage.

Wyatt stares at him with piercing eyes and dennis freezes.

Wyatt mouths a question slowly. Dennis didn’t understand what it was, but this feels familiar to him.

Could this be…. does wyatt like him? Wyatt gets closer and says the same thing and says it slowly. Dennis still did not hear anything that was said, but he could feel it carry weight.

After all the night rituals praying to stacy and the multitudes of gifts that he gave wyatt, is his unsaid love finally reciprocated?!

This is his chance. He strains to look at his vizier but forces an answer damn it! He’ll finally ki- kiss a boy! Huehiiihiiihiheue

His heart beats vigorously for the first time in decades metaphorically and physically. He needs to answer now, he needs to be honest!

“Yes!”

Stale blood from years of necromantic practices rushed to his face. His arms and legs feeling wobbly as if they were cursed with an enfeeble spell. His heart is beating out of his chest. And for the fist time in years he might just pass out from loosing his breath.

There I said it. It’s out now. It might hurt but, at least it’s over. Dennis took a deep breath and focused back to Wyatt’s face.

“I see.. so you’re letting the banefolk access to our city and our academy. Can’t say I’d approve of the idea, but I suppose it’s time for a change. I just hope the clans would react kindly to your suggestion.

sigh

Anyway onto the next topic.” Wyatt flipped through pages of agriculture works and social projects dated to occur within a few months.

Did I misunderstand? Was I just hoping things would fall into my lap again?

…

I need to change.

Dennis felt his resolve. Growth was always scary, but so was death and he conquered it multiple times. He can change and he can grow better, for himself and everyone who relies on him.

But first I need to bring back a few folks from the dead, undeath, stasis? Some state that isn’t alive.