At first, only silence was my answer, but then a strained voice rang through my head. ‘Fine. Just make it quick.’

Ignoring the shopkeeper’s cautious and confused looks, I pressed my palm on the slip of paper. It didn’t take me any effort to agree with it, and maybe because of this, I immediately felt a sensation of pins and needles where the paper touched me.

I jerked my hand away and saw my name written in the corner in neat letters. It worked! Except, Pest didn’t sign yet. ‘Pest?’

‘Put your hand back! I didn’t have any time to concentrate!’

With a scoff, I did as he said. Nothing happened for a while, and I began to doubt Pest’s intentions until the paper suddenly flashed white under my hand.

“Congratulations! You did it,” the shopkeeper said weakly. “You made a contract with… yourself.”

I put my hand away and saw “Toriaxius Magnificio Daresco The Best” written next to my name. Right, this WAS Pest’s real name. Whatever. More importantly, the paper didn’t have that magic pattern in it anymore. I opened my character sheet, and there it was.

[Voren]

[General Info]

Species: Human

Sex: Male

Age: 43d

Height: 179cm

Weight: 65kg

Emotional state: Glee

Titles: Devourer, Alpha Predator, The Lord of Nine Hells

[Contracts]

Unnamed contract (expiration date isn’t stated)

I focused on the last line and a full text of the signed contract showed under it. Convenient. The original paper, now just a piece of trash, I crushed it in my first and stuffed in my pocket. Maybe I will light a fire with it later.

I walked away from the counter and pretended to look at the magical items in the store, as I called for Pest in my head. ‘Pest, tell me if you got the contract.’

Stolen story; please report.

‘I did,’ and he sure was sour about this. ‘Damn it.’

‘Now, my first order to you, Pest—’

‘It’s the second, actually. You just gave me the first.’

‘Shut up and don’t speak to me until I ask you something. And don’t drain my EXP anymore.’

A blessed silence was my answer. I bit my cheek to stifle the laughter that threatened to escape me. Wouldn’t that look weird? I was pretending to be an ordinary guy here. Anyway… it was time for a good humiliation for all the EXP Pest sucked out of me. In fact…

‘Can you return me the EXP you took from me, Pest?’

‘No. No fucking returns!’

‘Oh, and don’t swear again. And don’t ever insult me,’ I threw the commands at him with a deep sense of satisfaction.

‘Are youuuu fuckingkidding?!’ Pest exclaimed. The first word sounded normal. The second sounded strained, like a grunt of pain, and the rest was spoken in a fast jumble.

‘Was it painful, the stat drain?’ I asked sweetly.

‘Awfully so, you…’ Whatever he wanted to call me, Pest swallowed it down.

A low rumble of cackle escaped my throat, and I slapped a palm over my lips to silence myself. Oh, the bastards that call themselves gods, here were so many ways I could make Pest suffer even without a body to torture… ‘Pest, you didn’t grovel well enough when you pleaded me for mercy. So now grovel harder! I want you to humiliate yourself well. Don’t stop until I tell you to.’

‘I… I’m a fu… I’m a pathetic worm—’

‘Boring! You used that already! Come up with a new one!’

‘I’m a… an abomination. I shouldn’t have existed, I shouldn’t have ever tried to go against you…’

‘And call me Master from now on, or Master Voren. And what’s with that tone? You sound like you want to kill me. You should sound like a filth you are!’

This command was much harder for Pest to comply with, because it took him a few seconds before he spoke again, but this time he sounded… Not remorseful, but surely pitiful. ‘You gave me too much mercy when you spared me, Master. I’m worse than a dog, worse than a mosquito, worse than a hangover, worse than taxes! The world would’ve been so much better without me. I don’t deserve to stand in your shadow, I don’t deserve to be so close to your majestic being…’

‘Good, very good,’ I nodded and turned to the exit out of the shop. ‘Keep going.’

Ah, the music for my ears, the sound of Pest’s grovelling. A marvellous thing to listen to as I walked down the stairs to the first floor. I still had a brown coin. What could I buy on it? Nothing, probably.

‘You are like the sun, Master, and I’m like a pile of sh… dung. You are like a dragon, and I’m like a stomach worm. You are like a king, and I’m a thief and a beggar. I am an awful, hateful creature, I shouldn’t have ever been made, everything in me is hideous and disgusting…’

I sat down at an empty table and decided that enough was enough. For now. ‘Stop grovelling, Pest.’

A sigh of relief was my answer. I nodded to myself and propped my head on my elbows and stared at the table. ‘Pest. Do you know a lot about the world?’

‘Enough to live, what can I say? Was enough to live until now, at least! My procreator passed me a good legacy.’

‘Procreator?’

‘Parent. We, draining curses, procreate by budding and pass on parts of our memories so we are born already knowledgeable.’

Oh, well. They also procreated. What an awful perspective. ‘Pest, never procreate. Now, tell me, what do you know about the bastards that here are known as gods.’