“What am I supposed to wear for this, Lily?” Arthur said. “These are the god kings of the Demon World, right?”

“God kings?” Lily looked confused but soldiered on. “Why are you asking me? I’m normal. I don’t do Arthur things. You should ask Karbo. He’s goes there, I bet.”

Karbo nodded sagely. “A light shirt you can move in, durable pants enchanted against fire, and whatever weapons you can find. An extra dagger never hurt anyone.”

“Never mind,” Lily said. “I forgot who we were talking about. Ella? Itela?”

“Just wear normal clothes. I’m not sure what you are visualizing, but it’s not a festival or anything. It’s just people. They’re not god kings or what you’re thinking of. That was before The Bear,” Ella said. “I’m sometimes very curious how weird your world was, Arthur.”

Somehow, a half dozen people were in Arthur’s room. Eito was missing and Milo was off causing some sort of metallic havoc somewhere, but Karbo, Ella, Itela, and Mizu were all in attendance. Minos had poked his head in and given some words of encouragement, although he had then wandered off to try and source some pep from a non-Arthur source.

“Got it. Any other tips?”

“They’ll ask you questions. Answer them,” Itela said while brushing a bit of invisible lint off Arthur’s clothes. “Remember, they aren’t that scary. They can do things you can’t, and some of them could give Karbo trouble. But they’re just people, trying to make sure other people do well. And you are a person. Make sure you tell them what you want, too.”

Arthur chewed on that as he walked towards the center of the capital with Lily. After a few quick jumps on fast transit and some burned shoe leather, they were almost there and he still hadn’t quite calmed down.

“How,” Arthur said, “do I possibly believe that?”

“What?” Lily gave him the side eye. “You haven’t talked this whole way, Arthur. I have no idea what you are talking about.”

“That it’s okay to speak up here. I get that it’s the Demon World, but these are rulers, right? The highest authorities in the land?”

“I mean, yeah,” Lily said. “But when was the last time you saw them actually command people to do anything? Even the frontier expansion was a suggestion.”

“Still.”

“Still nothing. If you don’t think you can speak up for yourself, just answer the questions as best you can and leave the other words for me. I’m plenty loud all by myself.”

The doors to the council building were two separate continuous pieces of wood that must have been twenty feet tall and looked for all the world like they had been taken from one enormous, monstrous tree. They were set in a wall so ornately carved that Arthur could only imagine it had taken some artist years of chipping out various geometric designs before he was finished with the front wall.

He peeked around the corner to see if they had spent the extra years it would have taken to carve out the other sides of the building. They had and even done so for a square of massive, thick pillars that bordered the entire building, as thick as two Karbos standing shoulder to shoulder. The rock used in both the building itself and the pillars wasn’t normal either. Arthur didn’t know their purpose, but the material was so jam-packed with majicka it was literally glowing.

“I read about this in the library last night. The council building is just about the only big structure that survived the war,” Lily said. “It wouldn’t look like this if we built it now. You shouldn’t let this intimidate you.”

Arthur broke down laughing, sitting on a nearby bench that very likely took some craftsman months to get just right and chortling until he got snotty-nosed. Lily looked on in shock, apparently legitimately afraid that Arthur had finally lost it.

“I’m sorry. I’m fine, I promise,” Arthur said when the laughs finally died down.

“You don’t look fine. You look cracked up.”

“No, I’m fine, I promise. I’m not intimidated by this building. I’m almost not intimidated at all, anymore.” He let out another long, wheezing laugh that had lagged behind the others. “I should be. But when we walked up, I thought ‘Oh, good, a giant, terrifying building. At least that’s like how it would be on Earth.’”

“And that made you feel better?”

“Much. The giant, terrifying building that glows with ancient power fixed it. Come on. Let’s go before it wears off.” Arthur started climbing the stairs to the doors double-time.

The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.

Any worries Arthur was harboring about actually getting the huge doors open evaporated as they seemed to sense him, lit up in silver elegant runes from top to bottom, and swung open themselves.

“Looks like the doors can tell who we are,” Arthur said.

“Nope. Anyone can come here if they want,” Lily replied.

“And take a tour?”

“And complain. The doors open at certain times.”

“So they just walk through and tell the council they are doing a bad job? Just like that?”

“The book made it seem like they’re usually more polite than that.” Lily shrugged.

An Aardvark-demon found them before they got much further into the building and waved to stop them. “Arthur Teamaster?”

“Yes.” Lily nodded. “And Lily Expediter, who is coming along to save Arthur from the scary things.”

The Aardvark chuckled. “I’ll tell them you said that, later. They’ll get a kick out of it. Arthur, It’s not as bad as you think.”

“You sure? I might not think it’s going to be that bad.”

“It’s not bad at all, so I still gotcha.” The Aardvark patted Arthur on the shoulder. “It is, however, slow. If you end up wanting pep, there’s a table with things to make tea. Which I understand you shouldn’t have a problem with.”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“All right then. The door you want is that way, labeled ‘Teamaster Inquiry.’ Have fun.”

Arthur and Lily walked alone and unaccompanied down the hallway. Whatever expectations they had of a fun Aardvark escort was dashed. Arthur looked over his shoulder and saw the demon intercepting other visitors, figuring out where they were going, and directing them there. Apparently, he was a front-of-house figure.

The actual door they needed was small enough that they almost missed it. It was a much more normal kind of wood, not the ancient, clearly magical stock that made up the building’s entrance. And, just as the Aardvark had said, it was labeled.

“Is that a paper sign? Like a handwritten paper sign?” Arthur asked.

Lily nodded, dumbly, staring at the paper taped to the door.

“I expected brass. That’s not even a full sheet. And they tore it by hand. What is this?”

“No idea.” Arthur put his hand to the knob. “But there’s only one way to find out. Are you ready?”

“Ready.”

The knob turned easily. It was a masterfully crafted lunk of metal, well-oiled, and put together by an experienced hand who took the time to perfectly fit it to the proper gaps in the wall. Arthur opened the door to see a mostly undecorated room and a group of four demons sitting on two of the four couches surrounding a perfectly normal coffee table. Their attention was entirely focused on the cookies in the middle.

“No, you can’t eat all the jelly ones, Neppo.” A wolf demon woman of relatively advanced age slapped a squirrel demon’s furry hand, firm but not hard enough to actually really hurt. “Other people like them.”

“This is an open plate. There aren’t names on the cookies.” The squirrel reached again, then pulled his hand back as a bear, huge beyond belief, pivoted his eye to look at the hand.

“That’s why we are polite, you old tree-mouse,” the wolf demon said. “See? Pomm agrees with me. Thanks, Pomm.”

“I thought we couldn’t say tree-mouse anymore. We put out a circular or something about it,” a snake woman said, snagging one of the few remaining jelly-centered cookies from under the squirrel’s hand. “That it was best to only use the official names for each of the demon variants.”

“Well, it was, but…” The wolf pivoted in her chair, suddenly seeing Arthur there. “Oh. Hi.”

“Hi. I think I might have got the wrong room, actually.” Arthur reached around the door and ripped off the piece of paper. “Do you know where this was supposed to go? I’m supposed to be in a council meeting or something.”

The bear snorted, and gave a tiny smile.

“Oh, he got Pomm to laugh. I like this guy.” Neppo tried to sneak another cookie while he talked, and got another hand-slap for his troubles. “Arthur Teamaster, right? Sit. There’s cookies. If you can sneak any past Stygge.”

“He can have all the cookies he wants because he’s the guest. See, this is why we shouldn’t have people like you on the council. You don’t understand anything,” Stygge said.

“What do you mean, people like me?” Neppo said, the faintest of potential offense slipping into his voice.

“Dummies,” Pomm said. “She means stupid people.”

“Oh. That’s all right then.” Neppo turned his attention to Arthur. “Why haven’t you sat? There’s cookies. Actually, make tea first. You can do that, right?”

“You can’t just ask him to make tea, you nut-stasher. He’s the guest for this entire…”

“Excuse me,” Lily said. “You are freaking out my human being offworlder. Could you please explain why everything about all of you is weird?”

Neppo started to speak, and Lily shook her head. “No, not you. Or the bear because he doesn’t want to. Snake lady will do. Why aren’t we in a giant room, intimidating Arthur from atop a huge dais?”

“Oh. Because that room is cold,” the snake lady said. “And it’s huge in a way that isn’t useful. We use this supply closet when we can.”

“Ah. And the limited supply of cookies?”

“We had plenty, but…”

“Neppo,” Lily concluded.

“Right.”

The conversation lagged. Arthur kept one leg out in the corridor in case he had to flee the insanity.

“Pomm?” Lily said. “Could you pick up Arthur and put him near the tea? He’s frozen. It might take him a couple minutes to get better if he’s not around kettles.”

Pomm considered this, nodded, then blurred. Arthur didn’t see the bear move, or even feel himself move, but in a moment he was across the room next to a table set up with a pitcher of cream, some sugar, tea leaves, and all the utensils he’d need to work. He was also happy to find he was facing away from the insanity now, which helped him feel more settled.

He got to work while the others talked.

“So who are you, tiny owl girl?” Neppo said. “I like the way you make Pomm do things. He’s pretty lazy normally.”

“I’m not,” Pomm said.

“He’s not,” the snake woman said. “But it’s still nice to see him move at full speed every once in a while. But that’s missing the point. Who are you, dear?”

“I’m Lily. I’m here to make sure Arthur doesn’t faint or get overstimulated, and to protect him from you.”

“Oh, good,” Neppo said. “Well, there’s not going to be much protecting today. Today we learn. Tomorrow we debate. And some time before the end of the expo, we decide.”

“Ah.” Arthur was feeling better off in his little corner, especially once he got the water bubbling on the heat element. “Well, you can get started. I’ll just be over here.”

“We can’t, actually.” Stygge turned back towards the door. “We’re missing two members. There are supposed to be six of us.”