It's been awhile since I last wrote in this journal. Well not really too long. Only 3 months, but for me that's a year. I kinda forgot that I had decided to keep track of things, but was forcibly reminded when I got some news yesterday. My father is dead. He killed himself last night apparently he had tried when he first got put in prison, but seemed to be reformed since then. He left a note. Something about distraught with grief over my mother's passing. Something like that. Don't look down on me for this future me, but it seems so odd to me that he was still upset.

I of course still miss her, but the pain doesn't cut so deep anymore and I am getting by. Like I know that normal people experience time different than me, but it's different to see it in action. Plus if he really did love her and was blissfully unaware that he had powers. Then learning that you twisted and warped the mind of someone you loved could be devastating.

Regardless, I guess it's time to play catch up. For the last 3 months I have started something of a routine. Wake up, eat something, and then play musical chairs. Not really, but it's me the closest equivalent. With 4 of me I can do 4 different schedules maximum. For now I am only doing schedules to get desired results faster. The first schedule is to study and learn what I can, the school year starts in a month from when I am writing this. In August. Going to school would bite into a lot of my time, but if I pass the highschool equivalency exam then I won't have to go. Then I can be lazier. Seems a bit backwards, excelling so I can do nothing, but that's the goal.

Fortunately it's not as hard as it seems father taught me a lot more than a kid my age should know. It was part of my training, and general parentage since there wasn't a school around. So I have a strong foundation, just need to learn a bit more. Just in case, not exactly sure what the highschool level for this place is, but hopefully I'll pass. If not, well there is one in 6 months around January, or another one next year.

So 2 of us do that all day, while the other 2 practice fighting. I've always enjoyed martial arts and since I live in a super powered society it seems good to have a way to defend myself. Again me and the other duplicant are reading, but this is about basic stances and moves. One takes the stance while the other watches, then they recombine to see what it looked like. That went on for a while until we got comfortable with the stances the we started doing slow speed attacks. The process has been slow, but all the books talk about "strong foundations" and "good building blocks". Sounds like slow and steady to me so slow and steady it is.

When I am not forcing myself to do mind numbingly repetitive tasks I go out a lot. Exploring the city is a lot more fun than I thought it would be. It's even more fun going into the places I shouldn't. The sewers, abandoned buildings, apparently there is a cave system under the city, but I haven't found it yet. Most just call it the undercity. I hear a lot of things and go to a lot of places I shouldn't. It how I learned that I can cancel out injuries.

I slipped the other day while climbing and broke my leg. Like bone through skin bad. I absorbed myself into the duplicant and then recreated myself, injury was completely gone as if it never was. This also brings up an interesting thought, I've rejoined and split so many times that I don't which was the original me. At the end of the day when we all rejoin I have lived the other three days and they are indistinguishable from the original. I was the one who fell and the one who helped myself up. I am all the duplicants and they are me wrapped up in one. I am kinda like a hive mind just a really shitty one.

Thankful I don't have to struggle with the moral dilemma of who is the original me. I'm all of them and they are all me, the duplicants are not less than me, just extensions.

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I passed the exam. It turns out that it was pretty easy, and I worried over nothing, but at least now I don't have to worry about studying. Though I still might every once and a while I do have 6 years to burn well 5 years 8 months. Same difference though. When I turn 18 I need a job. Apparently my sisters took the same test that I did and got moved to some kinda private school for more specialized training. Apparently they also did extremely well on the test, and the government didn't want them to remain as low level grunts. Speaking of the future I think I want to go to college with one identity and do something menial with the other. That way I wouldn't need loans or anything. I'm not sure how important that is, but it seems to be something to worry about.

In other news I saw my sisters the other day. They were looking pretty ragged. Apparently the "hero training" is tough stuff. Seeing them like that made me want to volunteer for the course so I could look after them. I know that I'm technically the young sibling, but I worry about them. They told me the new course is a bit more relaxed and they are learning stuff, not just training. Still I want to help.

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They are still grieving for mother, and probably father too. They tried to hide it, but I could tell. They are hurting, and I just wish I could do something.

Side note I think I decided on a third schedule, you know what I'm just going to call it a rotation instead. For every duplicant I'll have a rotation. So first and second will be training, full speed and heavy contact. Third rotation will spend time exploring the city getting to know the lay of the land, and learning about the history of this fair nation. Fourth rotation, is relaxation and light studying. I'm thinking it would be useful to know about finances if it strikes my fancy, otherwise I'll be playing games. Getting a day off every day sounds too nice.

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Having a day off every day is great, unfortunately it corrupted my plans. Third rotation quickly devolved into playing games with fourth rotation. Should have seen that coming, but it does feel safer to go out in pairs. I accidentally found a criminal enterprise in the sewer, but idk if they saw my face. So I've been trying to stay safe by staying inside, for the most part. 

Looking back at my other entries I have not idea from when I actually wrote. I mean I know roughly, but I'm sure I'll forget eventually. I'd put the date on these, but I'm lazy. I'll do it for the next one. Maybe. If I remember.

I've been in the city for 6 months now, almost to the day. At the end of this month it will be exactly 6 months. They have a holiday here called Christmas where you are supposed to give gifts to friends and family. I don't have any friends except for myself, and I'm not sure what to get my sisters.

They seemed to worry about me a lot. They tell me I should get more social interaction, buuut I think I get plenty of that. I have me, myself, my pretend brother and I.

Okay maybe they are right.

I read my first entry the other day and forgot that I was considering removing the memory of moms death. It seems silly, but part of me still wants too. If I make it a habit though part of me would just always be wondering what I tampered with, and if I removed the memories of me tampering with my memories in the first place. So I think I am going to avoid using that function for memory. Seems tedious. 

Granted I think I used it a few times to blank out the memories of dying. My father decided to test and see if there was a limit to how many times a duplicant or I could die. Well it's rather cruel, but even still I kept the very first memory of the test and my first death. It wasn't so bad, but the fear was something else. 

We discovered that I could reabsorb a dead duplicant when I got mad and push him off the roof. Broke his neck and a rib punctured a lung. I didn't die from the broken neck I was just paralyzed. Blood filled my lungs and I drowned in it. It was slow and painful and the me that had pushed me was frozen with panic. How could I tell me parents I had killed myself. If I had been faster I could've ended the suffering before my parents found out. Then my dad wouldn't have tried to find the limit. Okay it was pretty bad.

He didn't kill me painfully, just filled a room full of carbon dioxide, I would get dizzy pass out and then I'd be dead. The scary part came from wondering if this was the time I'd stay dead. Lucky after 250 "tests" I was still coming back.

I realize that my whole point in writing this has been defeated if I don't write don't the things that happen to me. I'm trying to have a log of the things that happen to me, but this has turned into me complaining about the past and the things already ingrained in my brain.

Sigh, okay back to the christmas thing. I was thinking about getting them similar bracelets, but not matching ones. They are similar but not the same, and they hate anything that makes the feel too identical. Why is this important I hear you ask, future me? Well if I don't write it down then the days will slip by and I'll forget.

Hopefully this way I'll remember. 

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Well I fucked up and forgot.

Thankfully nobody got anything for each other this year. We are all a little broke. The government gives us all an allowance, but its not very much at all.

Christmas day rolled around and my sisters show up unannounced and I panicked. Told them it was against my religion to celebrate Christmas. They just laughed at me and came in. They didn't realize that they got the day off of training since it was a holiday. We made a big meal together and it was a lot of fun. Well we made a lot of spaghetti, with garlic rolls, because that's about all our combined knowledge could make. 

I forgot how nice it was just to have my sisters around, they are more vibrant than me, but they make everything seem like it's painted in warm tones. While we were talking, I had two of my duplicants go to park and chop off the top of a tree. I hear that it's a Christmas thing, but not to sure. 

The tree was sticky and small. We didn't have any decorations, but we cut a shirt in ribbons and my sisters made it glow magically. They even added snow and a star (more shirt). It wasn't the best tree, but I'll always remember it. I think it was the kind of interaction that we both needed. It made me feel like we could be a family still, even missing a few members. It felt like we could still be happy together. 

I think they felt the same way.

New year is almost here, I'll try to write more. Write you again in the new year future me.