April 1, 2112
I've learned something new about my power. Just as I can eliminate exhaustion and fatigue by recombining. I can also re-up emotions, like rage. If I split while furious my duplicate will also be furious, and then recombine. Well I essentially just doubled my rage.
In other news I've been depressed for almost two weeks now, and I wish I could say April fool's. I just don't know what to do with myself. After experiencing such non-stop violence, I want to curl in a ball and hide, and also go start some more fights.
I've still been splitting and reabsorbing myself, hoping that I could work through these feelings faster, but not really. I've decided that I need to keep the memories of what I went through. Just to remember the cost of senseless violence. Not that it will stop me from fighting, but hopefully it will help stay my hand when I'm angry. At least a bit.
During my depression I haven't been up to my normal task's. Instead I've been trying to draw. I heard that it's a good way to express your emotions. Even improving four times as fast I'm still garbage. But I think it helped me get over the whole swallowing my own teeth thing. Maybe.
I might be more fucked up than I can handle on my own.
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June 7, 2112
Good news I haven't killed myself yet. Sanity took a real up swing when I chose to let go of the feeling of swallowing my own teeth. I sorry talk about it so much, but come on. Some adult beat the everliving fuck outta me, and made sallow my teeth one by one. Because they thought I deserved to be knocked down a peg, but holy fuck that makes me livid. I don't remember the exact sensation (thank God), but I know that it happened.
Better news I've gotten better at art. You can actually tell what I'm trying to draw now. I'm getting better at drawing human anatomy too. Maybe in a few centuries I'll be good, that however isn't what I'm aiming for. I just need a way to express all the feelings I don't have words for. I think I'd definitely like to be a therapist now. Help people who need it, and well it would be nice to help people even if I can't be a superhero.
I am writing this today because I've decided that I've moped long enough. I'm going to get back into my schedule or rotations or whatever. The first addendum to that is drawing. On my reading days I will now also try and draw something. The second one is, instead of just training martial arts on a random week day I will go into the undercity and start a fight.
I think part of the reason I've been so depressed lately is that I've been trying to deny part of myself. The part of me that loves violence and fighting. I don't know if it was just because I spent weeks fighting in the dark or if it was just the way I was born. However I do know that it's a part of me and something I deeply enjoy. No matter how morally wrong it feels, I still find myself wanting to go back. So I will, but maybe in a few more weeks I don't feel entirely ready to go back.
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June 23, 2112
I went back today, I spent a lot of time just running around. My throat was dry the whole time and my hand wouldn't stop sweating. I went back to where I was beaten up, and nearly fainted. I know that sounds dramatic, but I couldn't help it. All the memories came back and it was like I was being chased again, hunted for two weeks. It was overwhelming.
Before I could faint I sprinted as fast as I could, and ran away. I went for miles and miles. When I felt like collapsing I would just reabsorb myself, and I kept going. I don't know how long I was down there, but it must have been hours. I didn't even fight anybody, I just ran. It got to the point where I couldn't absorb all my exhaustion anymore. Apparently there is a limit on how long I can stay awake for, and how much strain I can put on my body before it becomes too much. There's probably more to say, but I'm too exhausted to think anymore I'm going to bed.
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June 24, 2112
Holy hell, I did not know that I could get this sore all over. I actually thought it was an impossibility for me to be this sore, and yet here I am. I think it has to do with continuous overuse. During my two weeks of near non-stop fighting, I never extended myself too much beyond my own means. Yesterday however, I continually sprinted for hours, until I physically couldn't anymore and then only then would I split and recombine.
Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.
The soreness persisted even though recombination, perhaps it is a side effect of overuse? Or perhaps it's because this exhaustion is present in all of my duplicates. Either way I can't get rid of it, so videogames today. I've started this new one that is a four player co-op beat-em-up style game. The goal while playing it is to develop nonverbal communication during combat...
God I need friends.
Doing it didn't feel so weird but writing down sounds extra weird. I'm twelve for fuck sakes and and though mentally I'm not I still need to have some sort of teenage experience. Like worrying about girls and hanging out with people who aren't criminals.
Then again it's hard to make friends when you are as self-absorbed as me. Ha.
Wow I'm lame.
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July 7, 2112
Hurray it's my birthday! I'm thirteen.Yay. Math time. 3 year's as just me, 3 year's as 2, 6 year's as 3, and 1 year as 4. 3+6+18+4=31. Also I was told that my birthday was July 7, but it was just after my birthday when we got into the city and it was May. Which doesn't make much sense to me until you realize my dad is insane. He made his own calendar that we followed my whole life. So when we arrived and got our citizen paperwork together, I wrote my birthday as July 7, instead of what day in May it actually is. So I guess I get three extra months before 18. Neat. Side note this also technical makes me older than my math would suggest, but I like sound of the 7th of the 7th month.
While I could have it changed, well no actually it just sounds awful and tedious so no. So instead of 31 I'm 32 today. Probably I'm not sure on the exacts.
My sister's have been visiting me more, their school doesn't really have breaks, but it's super lax on schedule's. Unfortunately they are doing a lot of classes to get ready for their government service, but it is easier than military service. At least according to them.
What's more is that they've seen videos of me fighting, and we're impressed. Videos of 'the cruelty kid' hit the internet trying to paint me out to be a villain. But apparently most people think that I'm actually being a vigilante of sorts. Added together with how out numbered I always am, and my small stature. Well people seemed to be on my side. Plus the best part, you can't even see me splitting and reabsorbing myself. I do it so fast now you can't catch it if you don't know what you are looking for. It just looks like I'm blurring slightly, like I'm faster than I should be.
It's what I'm going to start calling re-upping, and it allows me to be at one hundred percent for a whole fight what's more I don't have to hold back. Most would worry about breaking bones, but I do not have to.
Thankfully the fights that have been popping up are all from after my rampage so they only have one of me in them. I don't want to give away my power if I don't have to. My sister's think that vigilante justice is wrong, but they also think it's really cool how someone so small can hold their own. The downside is most everyone thinks that I'm a girl.
I had kinda hoped I'd get some new facet to my power today, even though it's not actually my birthday. However over the last few months I've been thinking, and I think I might be able to force my power to adapt. My power changed fairly significantly during my two week brawl, near instantaneous duplications. Was that because I was splitting so much? I like to think so.
So in what direction do I want to push my power? What directions can I push in? Only one answer comes to mind, exhaustion training. Much like with the none stop running, I push my bodies far beyond their natural limits, absorb and do it again. I'm not sure if it will do anything for my power, it honestly might just improve my physique. I've tried not to stand out too much since I'm only 13, but fuck it lets see how far I can push this shitty power of mine.
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July 28 2112
No new adaptation yet , but it feels wrong that I have abs as a 13 year old. I haven't been lifting weights because I don't want to fuck up my growth, but I have been pushing myself in every way I can imagine. It helps to have motivation of getting my ass absolutely handed to me a few times. Just cause I win every fight I get in too doesn't mean that I haven't had my ass severely handed to me, my power is a cheat for normal fights.
Anyways I've been trying to find new ways to push myself, and doing parkour for hours is great for a full body workout. Unfortunately it's a bit repetitive, and I've thought of a new way to push my power. I can cancel out injuries, but is there a limit? So I spent today punching a wall to break my hands. Fortunately or unfortunately I didn't find a limit by breaking my hands, and definitely still have some residual pain. I don't think I'll be testing that limit again, for a while at least. I've packed on at least ten pounds of muscle which by my reckoning should be impossible for an average person, but for four collection people? Well 2.5 pounds of muscle in three weeks is still a lot. So why have I gained so much then?
Well I think it's because we aren't separate people, but one and we've had 12 weeks. So 2.5 pounds per me, in 3 months? Not so impossible. I just benefit from the total. So it's like an exponential growth. I've still been fighting too just on my off days, either that or video games. My schedule has once again gone out the window, but hey I made it nearly half a year. And next month, the potential for friends! Semester starts on August 15, and surprisingly I'm nervously excited. Harem here I come.