Shen stared at the stone door sliding into the floor, and closed his eyes slowly while bobbing, unconsciously tilting his neck downwards. He blinked a few times, shook his head and lifted it up again, but each time he did that, his back muscles turned to jelly and loosened, sapped of their strength. The sound of the rock moving down cracked his head with a severe headache, but he couldn’t muster the energy to cover his ears. The pungent smell of blood invaded his nostrils, burning them from inside out. Each step he took towards the bed, his vision blurred and the images multiplied, changed colors, transferred shapes and mingled together. Before he could even reach it, he collapsed limply as his consciousness quickly failed.
***
- Hey Shen, wanna play with us?
- No… You smell, stay away…. – he motioned to push the girl away, push her friends away, push everything living and inanimate away and off of his sight, pinching his nose for a moment but then smiling warmly. At that instant, he was so intent on keeping his distance that they consciously sniffed their clothes even if offended by the new kid.
- Liar, we don’t smell!
- Liar, liar, Shen is a liar!
- Quiet you three! – the woman yelled obnoxiously, her nostrils dilating and snuffing a big tuft of air.
The children got scared and ran as fast as they could with those tiny legs, but not before one of them showed his tongue with a mix of both fear and playfulness, as if that would make his presence bigger among his circle of friends, but also spring up unknown consequences. The fun of playing with fire.
- You rude brat, it won’t be so funny when I tell the mistress about it and your parents get thrown out! Hmph! – she yelled, but the latter part came off as a whisper in that distance as if she didn’t believe what she said herself.
The old lady was tired of training the younger children, the newest batches would never know their places. ‘That’s why we should buy slaves…’ but her Lord wouldn’t allow any inside the manor, although it was nothing to be reprimanded for by the masses. She couldn’t blame Shen for his reaction – they were a filthy bunch, an array of bugs, rats, and maggots crawling through every dirty hole they could find. Those scrawny beings barely fit the description of a human, they were merely a group of misfits abandoned by society, she could only curse their existence in silence and pray for their quick demise in their beds of disease. Slaves were worth much more than these people, even the lower quality ones would bring out a lot of manpower and a few females had good fertility to give rise to more of them - they were a very good investment.
- I understand you, boy – she sighed – they are a distasteful bunch, that they are! But curses, we are both stuck with them for the time being. Well, at least I will, you are going to pass the rest of your days with these people, so get accustomed to the smell.
Shen shook his head in denial, why did they have to take him away? He hated being bound by others, not just these intrepid kids and the annoying hag – all of them. The man working his sweat on the mines to earn an income for his family, the corrupt court official that puts heavy taxes on him, the girl who was going to be married with a young lord and the depraved man who raped her and ruined her life, it held no difference what they were, are or could be. Shen didn’t care for their gender, background, current situation and future prospective – he couldn’t feel any empathy towards them.
What made them equal in his eyes was that every single one had that smell. Some more strongly than others, admittedly, to the point Shen could tell they had been bathed on it, whereas most carried it as a natural smell. He couldn’t even breathe through his mouth, it tasted worse than it reeked; he released his nose to let in the putrid air before shutting down his inhalation.
- They’re gone! – The old woman yelled – you can stop pinching your nose!
She was quite fond of Shen, or rather, Shen’s appearance and cleanliness. He was a cute little boy and didn’t smell as bad as the other kids. Coats of dust covered his face, but they were shallow, probably acquired during the trip. At the very least he seemed to bathe frequently, something not everyone had the luxury to.
His breath ran out and he took a quick sniff before shutting down again.
- You also smell…
- Say that again, you brat! – She slapped his cheek without holding back – say it, I dare you!
Shen coiled down on a corner without replying, but away from her eyes he whispered in loathing: ”You smell of blood…”
***
It was comfortable for a moment, a soft bed after sleeping all the time on hard mats was a nice change. Shen couldn’t recall sleeping on such a bed ever in his life, not in the manor, not in his master’s home, and most definitely not in the outer sect. He could open his eyes to see what was going on but chose to stay quiet and appreciate it.
More than comfortable, it was warm. His ears caught the crackling of flames and the image of burning wood came to his mind, though the aroma resembled incense. There was something else warming his body, it was hot and a bit moist and it enveloped his body while brushing his cheeks and lower lips with a shallow ghostly wind, his heart beat faster and he gulped down awkwardly as he noticed his throat being pressed by a choker.
Shen opened his eyes and was shocked.
There was a girl by his side, and from the restrained view he had, it held some resemblances to the one whose throat he pierced with the rapier, but he couldn’t see clearly in the darkness – the only light was that of the fire, and it was farther away from the bed. He was bewildered and couldn’t afford to think clearly on an explanation, each time he worked to build a theory, her rosy lips that almost touched his’ moved shortly and produced an adorable moan, typical of those who sleep soundlessly. Her sweat mixed with his own as he felt her hands touching his chest and her thighs rubbing on him.
When he tried to move, he found out both his hands and legs were tied, and the choker prevented him from lifting his neck. He could also feel something tied to his crotch, likely to make erections painful, but it was no use in this situation because all he felt was extreme repugnance. He loathed the idea of having so much skin contact and friction. Preferring discretion and a slow pace, he got irked away by her loud and obscene moans and lewd touch.
More than disgusted, he was trapped, exposed and unarmed, he couldn’t even feel his own qi, as if he had been crippled, and just the thought of it made his sweat run cold.
‘Just what the hell is happening now?’
- Shen... Shen… - she kept whispering softly under his breath.
A few minutes had passed on this situation, with the girl constantly massaging his body and feeling his muscles with the tips of her fingers, the palms of her hands. She woke up from her delusion and noticed Shen had finally awakened too.
- Is it your first time? – she asked, curling her arms around his neck carefully and getting behind him. She played with his hair, twirling a few strands around her finger and caressing his face.
Shen closed his eyes.
- Why are you alive? – He asked with great difficulty. His throat was burning, only now did he understand how dry it was – actually… Who are you?
She tightened the straps on his wrists and made a small cut at the base; it streamed down from the small bulge and tainted the bed.
- Tsc tsc, such a serious kid… You owe me a life, don't you think? – she spelled out amusingly while getting on top of him and collecting the streaming blood with a cup - You haven’t forgotten about the punishment, right?
- Why… Like this?
- Are you thirsty?
- That doesn’t matter… - he replied coldly. Every moment she meddled with his hair only served to push forwards his hatred. Where another man could feel the lovely touch of her silky hands, he felt the grease of her sweat mixing into his hair and smearing it. His skin itched and he nervously tried to endure the urge to scratch it, knowing full well it was useless.
Shen’s blood held a strange and enticing fragrance that couldn’t be explained. The girl had seen a great deal of that sickening and sweet liquid, more than enough to be numb to its effect – if the opposite occurred then her path would be cut right then. However, although it was the same red and the same metallic smell, she was attracted to it. She tasted a single drop and a spark flowed through her body.
It was thrilling, both pleasurable and painful, but only lasted for a moment. ‘No wonder you took a fancy for him.’ She poured tea down his throat, and he almost choked from the downpour.
It wasn’t a normal tea. It made him sweat even more after some time and his mouth became so dehydrated it didn’t stop prickling. He felt the need to cough multiple times, and he did it in small intervals because of how wounded he became each time he did so.
The stinging sensation was unsettling. For him, it was worst than twisting and contorting his bones and muscles, a long agony that had no end in sight.
- Oh? Still thirsty? – She asked while looking at the tears flowing from his eyes. He was so desperate, so furious, the look on his face made her hands tremble with excitement.
He coughed harshly and suddenly and his body shivered. He felt like being covered in a thin layer of honey and thrown with his arms tied to his back in a hole full of cockroaches and insect larvae. She advanced on top of him like a predator, this time revealing her voluptuous breasts and going further, her lower body in full view, very close to his face. Shen squinted his closed eyes as if doing so helped him get away from the sight, even the small amount of light reflected on his eyelids - and clearing out a minuscule amount of darkness - he didn’t wish to see.
- Suck it – and she sat on his face while relaxing the straps on his crotch and grabbing it.
- Stay away! – He shouted angrily before his mouth was shut. He tried to bite and scream, but his throat was so wounded that, even in his rage, he recognized that moving too much would definitely do him serious harm which would take time to recover from – time which he didn’t have.
Shen moved his mouth and tongue desperately, he was out of air which only added to how frenetically he acted. Moaning passionately, she hard gripped on his penis until she lost strength on her legs and came on his mouth.
Shen’s eyes were bloodshot. Filth, filth, filth – filth all over his body. Her smelly and oily sweat mixing with his blood, slimy saliva – that damn bile - surrounding his crotch and covering his sex, the lump of meat stuck to his face and spreading itself on his eyes, nose, lips, cheeks – everywhere – and secreting that liquid most foul that even rot would make a more fitting end to his hygiene. That it even entered his throat and alleviated the itch irked him to almost puke all of his innards.
He wanted to kill her.
He wanted to die.
He had never been so thoroughly humiliated in his entire life. Hell, he had always thought that there was no reason to feel humiliated by someone else’s actions, but that was exactly what he was feeling – and the worst part, that he didn’t want to acknowledge, that for the first time in his life he so badly wished to see someone’s blood. All he hoped for was to disappear entirely and leave no trace of his existence, but not before hers was erased.
The girl continued to rub herself on Shen’s body and force him to hear her moan in all different pitches. She grabbed his penis and stroked it and massaged it and rubbed it between her palms, but always tying it down thinking that somewhere between the lines, it would get hard.
- Stop, damn you, stop this! – He cried out, but she never did.
‘Damn it, damn it, damn it! Curse you...'
- Hahaha… You really are something. The guys usually go wild just from seeing my breasts.
- I’m going to kill you!
- Hmm… Alright. – she said while looking somewhere else, her eyes turning red for a moment.
The girl stood up and looked at Shen.
- Am I beautiful, Shen? This side of me... Do you like it? – she loosened his choker and gave him water to sip a bit at a time.
He tried to get over his shock and reply honestly, that she was indeed beautiful - at least her physical appearance - but still thinking over what happened just a moment before, he gulped the bitter taste of his saliva. He wouldn’t say, no matter what he wouldn’t do it.
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
- You are beautiful… - he replied, without an inch of empathy.
‘What?’ Shen was now even more confused than before.
- Do you like me? – She got closer, her breath once again brushing his face before he turned his head.
That day he had experienced two emotions he had never felt before. One of them was humiliation, brutal and crude humiliation. The other one was darker than that, something he couldn’t even describe in words, and could only surge when remembering the scene.
- I hate you… - he said, unfeeling and distant, not caring whether she would kill him for that or not.
- That’s good – What she wanted was not his love, but his hate, his humiliation, his wrath and his sadness, to evoke all of his negative feelings.
She looked away once more and whispered something to the walls.
She kissed him for a prolonged moment and bit his lip, tearing off a small chunk and sucking the blood that came out, feeling ecstatic. 'Sigh, I wanted it to last a bit longer'. Shen’s face was as lethargic as before.
- Remember this moment - she said.
Shen’s blue eyes were ripe with strong emotions, the ones which he had long avoided but still came seeking him out, and now he even learned the sad truth that, once again, his mask had been robbed in less than twenty-four hours. He could consider himself a lost cause.
The girl forced a wet towel on his nose and he blanked out again, this time with a lingering thought.
‘I hate this world…’
***
There was only the flickering flame of a candle in the open, revealing a small radius of that accursed darkness which encompassed the whole sect. Normally, a ball of green fire would suffice, so that candle could be considered uninteresting.
Near the candle, a figure sat cross-legged with a small undulated blade by its lap. Those were very difficult to craft and showed the skill of the blacksmith, and the very small jewels encrusted in the guard revealed the status of the person whom it was made for, or maybe that person was insufferably vain in nature. By the looks of other sword cultivators, however, beauty was all it had because it was nothing short of a toy – but a toy with something eerie about it.
The figure picked up the blade and slowly, almost statically, pushed it towards the fire. It stayed like this for a long, long time, and it didn’t seem any closer to its target, but then it was suddenly there and the flames were cut like a sickle reaping wheat, something unbelievable in a mortal’s perspective – it trampled over everything they’ve known ever since ancient times.
- Three seconds… - the figure spoke, revealing to be the voice of a mature woman. Surprisingly, what was thought to be a long time was merely the passage of a few seconds, but in her view, it was indeed too much of a time span.
She returned the blade to her lap and put on a new candle.
- Still waiting? I will be here for quite some time, dear. If you want to accompany me, the moment is now – she said provocatively.
The candle’s renewed fire revealed a new figure coming from the other side. His steps resonated in the paving stones, which was unusual for someone of his power, but most cultivators weren’t famous for their deception abilities.
- Hmph, not so rusty eh, you old hag – the hoarse voice spoke off.
- How very mindful of you, barging into a pure lady’s room and watching her in silence like some perverted creep. Want something to drink? Feel at home, by all means – was her snarky reply.
- Pure? Pft! – he spat on the floor – you whore! Don’t dodge the issue! You know exactly why I’m here for!
The woman stared at the place he had spat on, filled with rage and revulsion. ‘This bastard loves ruining my day’.
- I have no idea what you are talking abo… - she stopped mid-sentence as the man pointed the tip of his sword towards her. She focused on her See All Evil and saw the tinges of blood streaming from his pulses and punctured hands all the way to the tip and dropping on the cold floor.
- Are you serious? – She stared at him with genuine surprise.
- Dead. Serious. Hmph!
She stayed quiet for a while, trying to catch any hint present in his eyes and find a way to turn over the situation – but there was nothing.
- I have nothing to do with whatever you charge me of.
- Not what you did… What your disciple did – he replied bitterly.
- Hmm? Oh, I see. You are still jealous for not getting her under your wing.
- That's not about her!
At that moment, the man showed a glimpse of fury directed at the woman, but he calmed down and analyzed her expressions from earlier. ‘Damn it, is she really telling the truth? Does she really know nothing about it? Damn it, damn it!’ he couldn’t be sure, the woman was a master of subterfuge and trickery. Even the most basic reactions that couldn’t be faked, she used a lot of her time to control and manipulate. She simply couldn’t be read, an enigma.
- Struck a nerve? Hohoho…
‘Tsk, bitch pisses me off so much!’
- For your own good, you should pray to your gods that you’ve nothing to do with my issues. Otherwise, I’ll be off with your heads.
- I already said. I have absolutely zero participation, now excuse yourself out of this place.
- You have been warned…
- Get the hell out! – She lashed at him and stood up, leaving for her inner quarters. She was way too angry to train.
‘Hmph. I made a big mistake, disciple. I’ll figure out a way to help you’.
***
With a stroke of the pencil, a curtain of blue washed the top of the frame, quickly descending towards the bottom side like a waterfall. With another stroke, the excess ink was cut down and the blue frame was rapidly diluted with drops of white of varying sizes. Red, green and black quickly filled the surface, often mixed and stacked one on top of the other to varying degrees, portraying the beautiful navy blue of the sky, devoid of clouds and emitting the faint sunny glow, trees blossoming with pink flowers dancing in the landscape while the few dead leaves and branches littered the soil, covered by a thick layer of green. However, the scene unnerved the painter.
That painting was just like all the others she had done earlier that day, all flawless depictions of what her eyes could see, the unblemished face of her home. However, without knowing, some thin lines of gray and white, so tiny they could be called dots, grew in the very middle of the field. Her heart started beating faster and her confused eyes opened in full, taking away her carelessness as the white lines transformed into a festering wound that bled black ink and drew a long line to touch the grass. She angrily destroyed the canvas on a wide motion of her arms and eradicated any hint that it ever existed, staring at the ones responsible for that catastrophe.
There were four boys running in her direction, all doting white robes detached of any distinguishing feature. The one at the forefront suddenly stumbled and fell on a slope for a disastrous drop. The painter looked at this scene and sighed. ‘It’s a calm place, they said. Nothing ever happens here, they said… Haah, I hate being part of a sect’
The system in which every single cultivator joined a sect from the get-go was simply ridiculous, to the point it was strange no one managed to go against it. ‘Why did you have to make it that way?’ Ignoring the sprouting discontentment in her heart, she walked without hurry to where the small boy fell.
The other three had already caught up to him way earlier and made a circle while kicking his sides and throwing things, yet they didn’t mutter a single sound and, from a closer look, their faces were neither angry nor filled with mockery - not a hint of enjoyment or satisfaction could be attached to them. What was shown was silent devotion to their actions, the kind of resolution that confirmed their belief in the rightfulness of their actions and the necessity of doing so. The boy being beaten didn’t say anything either, and the painter disliked the direction it was taking.
The group of kids suddenly stopped their actions and fluctuated smoothly in the air as they distanced themselves from the boy, breaking out of their zeal. Recognizing the identity of the one before them, they kowtowed and chose to remain as quiet and immobile as their bodies allowed, though they were unable to cover their uneasy breathing.
The painter made her way to the boy and couldn’t hide her confusion at the wide grin plastered on his face. From a single look she could tell many of his bones were broken, the distinguished smell of rot was smeared on his clothes, mixed with the dirt and the thick blood that flowed slowly from all over his body. Considering how much damage he had taken, he was most likely at the Mortal Layer along with the other three, although a bit weaker.
- Speak – she said austerely.
The three shared a concerned look.
- He… He said he was going to kill us… In a future not far…
- So you decided to kill him? While it’s hard to ignore your impulses and act based on reason, the desire to kill is the ultimate expression of unbalance and must be avoided at all costs, you must think about the consequences of your actions. Mind you, killing is not wrong. Sometimes it is the best option, sometimes, the only option. But right now you can’t discern the how, when and where a flame should be extinguished.
- But Nana. He is…
A small voice, cold and devoid of feeling, making its original beauty decay into lifelessness, cut his line short and, although it emitted no pressure, it carefully manipulated the surroundings to instill the will to follow, like a fish that cannot swim against the strong current.
- Silence – said the painter, her eyes lacking the usual green hues.
She then looked at the boy on the ground, still grinning, and with a wisp of air breathed life back into his body, the invisible stream invading his pores and recovering all vitality inside his body. He slowly got up and shook off the dust from his butt. The painter was about to rebuke him for bluntly saying he was going to kill the others, but after looking at his pale irises the same color of hers, she gave another sigh and dismissed the three, who fled at their maximum speeds.
- Your name.
- Hi, Nana, I’m Du Ye… – He exclaimed ecstatic, the blush on his childish face brimming with color.
She motioned for Du Ye to accompany her on a walk as they both made their way to a simple cottage in the middle of the pink forest.
- Why did you say you would kill them?
- I… I thought it would be fun to scare them a little… – He said while pouting, as if he had just been questioned about something obvious.
- Fun? Haah… Du Ye, the more you speak, the more you attract destiny. It causes the will of the world to bend over and bring the eventual concretization of your thoughts. If you only wish for their death, it changes little, because all things that are born must eventually perish. But, if you say they will die by your hands, the course of their life is changed and it is your hands that will spill their blood. Don’t you think it is terrifying? Morbid some would say. With a single thought, reality splits.
Du Ye's face was red, he was mesmerized by Nana’s rosy lips as they moved gracefully in her white and unblemished skin. Even his late mother whom he thought was the most beautiful woman in the world, prior to entering the sect, paled in comparison to Nana’s delicate and frail beauty. Funny feelings sprouted inside him as he replied absentmindedly, he understood almost nothing of her explanation.
- It’s very interesting…
- Interesting? In a way I suppose – she replied with a bored look that passed unnoticed – it’s likely that all I’ve said went through one of your ears and left through the other. All you need to know is: whenever you feel like your thoughts or actions might bring misfortune upon others, come to me. I will help you think of other things, happier for a kid your age.
- Yes, Nana! – he jumped up in joy and latched himself on her white dress, his figure as small as a radish and the distinct black hair making his laughing face appear cute.
Nana looked at him with the same unattached look she held when using her white eyes. She motioned her hand upwards and caressed his head mechanically, but in Du Ye, she didn’t see a human made of flesh, skin, and bones - a being with a frail heart, with feelings. What she saw was convulsing streams of red and black wires, linked to each other by dark spheres and tubes that arranged the entire thing into a stairway, its gears regurgitating ink all over the surroundings and splashing her with the stagnating substance. ‘Haah, filthy creature… You make me want to kill myself just so I could get rid of you’ She smiled for a moment and departed from his embrace.
- Promise me, whenever you have these kinds of thoughts, seek me. I will be waiting here.
- I promise, Nana! I will change for sure!
- Good. Now go back to the other side. They must be worried about you.
- Okay! Good afternoon, Nana!
The painter stared at the horizon as Du Ye became more and more distant, leaving behind a path made of ink. The pink petals floating in the wind seemed to slow down and fall to cover the path, absorbing it and disappearing like snowflakes. With a loud crack, a rift surfaced in the sky, revealing the dark mass beyond– it seeped in voraciously before Nana skillfully mended the falling pieces back into the screen. Her expression looked tired, with a tinge of weariness and disappointment; she put her pale hand on her forehead and looked up, inhaling profoundly and letting out a long sigh. ‘Is it too much if I ask to die now?’
Her day was basically ruined after the short encounter, she chose to rest in her place before going out again, but then felt something strange kilometers away. Her irises that were almost completely white blanked out and disappeared as she sensed the small presence that painted the surroundings with a blinding light. ‘You found mine, I found yours… I think it’s time we have that chat, right, Yunhai She?’
A voice suddenly spoke in her mind, it was coarse and cruel.
- Oh, you’re up on a fast lane, kukuku… Ah, what a pity. It seems like we’ve put our bets on the wrong horses, kukuku… KUHAHAHAHA!
‘Fast lane?’ she thought. She had never heard of that term before but shrugged. ‘We have no time, annoying lizard. We need to find the third one’
- Hmph! You headless chicken, I’ll make sure to…! Tsk! Whatever... You know very well only she can find the last one, and she isn’t very cooperative.
‘You’re the one closest to her, do something about it. Besides, I have no way to leave this damnable place unless you give me a part of your memories.’
- What the fuck? I only have a few of them left!
‘What, are you afraid I’ll skin you alive and roast you for a meal? Rest assured, I don’t eat rotten meat’.
- I’m glad you didn’t lose your sense of humor! Kekekeke… Heh, Don’t play me for a fool. We’ll wait.
‘The earlier bird catches the worm’
- That’s so old fashioned coming from you. We. Wait.
‘Haah… Alright, take good care of my kin. If it turns out bloodthirsty, I have no qualms on stopping this world right now’
- Kukuku, you’re so callous. Say, why don’t you give me one of your eyes? Maybe then I can reduce the burden on you – it whispered seductively.
‘Go die, annoying lizard.’
Nana shut off her communication with Yunhai She and entered the cottage. Her eyes darted from one place to another constantly, as if desperately seeking something, but never finding it. She shut them off, but disturbing images kept invading her mind without stopping, giving her an acute headache and nausea. Water beads formed on her skin and froze instantly, dropping on the ground and shattering like glass. She curled her arms in an attempt to shrug off the cold, but the temperature kept dropping.
She couldn’t stop the trembling of her hands, at each day it would become more of a serious issue. A small itch tickled her skin as she stabbed the metallic pencil in her palm, breaking inside her wrist. Her eyes opened in full, revealing the jade green of her irises, a small slit passing through them as they shrunk along with the contorting eyebrows.
‘I hate this world…’
***
Shen woke up again, finally in his room, but his will was broken. ‘What am I going to tell him?’ he couldn’t escape now. If he had to give details on the humiliation he had suffered, he wouldn’t be fit to be his disciple any longer; he didn’t know if his master could bear with his existence – each time he would look at him, he would feel nothing but shame for Shen. His efforts had been for naught, even the earlier bloodbath was useless since the mask was broke again, was there any reason to fight so hard anymore? ‘No, now I really am by myself. I just hope he doesn’t kill me right off the bat’.
He was torn between his wish for vengeance and his ultimate goal of peace. He couldn’t forgive that woman; it was something he found himself incapable of.
He tried to calm down, relax and think of other things. Things merrier, the wildlife and nature he longed to observe and appreciate, but it was still vivid in his mind and wouldn’t let him go. He was getting anxious by the second and decided to have a walk, trying to clear his thoughts. If anything bad happened, then that would be it, he wanted to vent his newfound anger on something but didn’t want to actively seek trouble.
He stepped out of the door and suddenly his nose was invaded by a powerful, disgusting scent. He remembered that scent, he had always felt it, but ever since he was seven he became accustomed to it and even learned to ignore it, yet now it came in full power bringing up all of his horrid memories from childhood. Shen looked at his left and his right and up and at all of the directions in between, like a madman robbed of his sanity, and couldn’t find a specific location where it came from. Seeping from the doors, in the hallways, coming out of the fog, drained on the walls and filling the entire air – it was everywhere.
He hastily came back to his room and shut the door. It still reeked, but not as bad as before. It was bearable, yet he couldn’t ignore its existence anymore. His heart beat faster and he held one of his trembling hands.
‘It’s the blood again. Why… Why now?’