“Hey. Hey. Wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup-”
It feels as if someone is shaking the bed. I try to remember what I had just been dreaming about. It had been a happy one. I believe that it had something to do with Ashley, but the details are slipping away now…
“Hey, you gotta get up, Zoe. Mom’s about to finish breakfast!”
I give up and open my eyes. There, at my bedside, is my younger brother, Collin, no doubt sent here by my parents.
“I’m awake,” I tell him to calm him down.
He grins. “About time! I’ve been here for like a minute.” He then proceeds to jump to his feet, and take off out of my room in almost a run.
Collin is only one year below me in school, but somehow through the years he has yet to lose his youthful spirit. You can tell we are siblings by our matching blonde hair and blue eyes, which are also shared by my mother and my two older brothers. His is getting to be almost as long and curly as mine, which is something which I expect our parents will put an end to soon.
So, I arise from my bed, get dressed as best as I can, and head downstairs.
My mother is indeed already setting the table with plates of scrambled eggs. My father is sitting on the couch, holding a newspaper in one hand and a mug of coffee in the other, as is his typical morning routine. My second oldest brother, Derrick, is setting his backpack on a chair by the front door. (My oldest brother, of course, is not here; he is beginning his first year of college at Texas A&M.) Collin is mysteriously absent. (Where could he have wandered off to since waking me up? Perhaps he is washing his hands.)
My mother had finished setting the table, and is hustling over to see me. For such a thin woman, she could, when desired, create quite a foreboding presence.
“Why, surely, you do not intend to wear that to school today?” she asks me sternly.
I feel a stab of shame. I had dressed in my favorite pair of jeans, and a red t-shirt from the junior high I attended last year, Bynum Intermediate School.
“You’re a high school student now,” she says. “You can’t be walking between your classes in a regular old t-shirt. You’ll be outdressed.”
This is not necessarily the case. Based on what I observed yesterday, most students seem to dress at about the same level as I am currently. Ashley was even wearing sweatpants.
“I will change, then,” I tell her, turning back to my room to do so. Satisfied, she hovers away to begin rounding up the boys for breakfast.
It is not my place to question my mother on these things. Me being the only daughter of four children, my mother and I always had a special one-on-one relationship. Growing up, she was my teacher in all feminine matters.
As I am walking back to my room, Collin suddenly bursts out of his, as the doors to our rooms are right next to one another. So, he was not washing after all.
“Why did you go back into your room?” I ask him, curious. “What were you doing?”
“Nothing,” he says, seeming annoyed with me for asking. Without further ado, he takes off for the breakfast table.
Ah, his evasive manner is not unusual these days. I’m afraid he is going through quite the rebellious phase.
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Just a little bit later that morning, I arrive at my school. Because the high school is closer, Derrick and I are dropped off first. I go into the band hall, even though I do not have an instrument to drop off today.
I look around to see if Ashley has arrived at school yet. I do not see her at first, however I hear a trumpet player practicing in one of the practice rooms, and check to see if it’s her.
As it turns out, it is. She doesn’t see me because she is faced away from the window. She’s playing a quick-sounding jazz swing piece that is constantly shifting tonalities. It is only the second day of school, and she’s already at it? What could she be playing?
[I can’t help but to stand and watch her for a minute. She’s honestly quite an imposing personality. She stands rather tall for a girl, must be about 5’10”, with long, red hair that gleams behind her back, and nothing ever seems to faze her. It’s hard to put into words, but she’s somehow different than any of my other friends; there’s always something with her that is just out of reach for me. I know she’s not the most warm and friendly person ever, but whenever I’m around her, I feel some sort of unique feeling of security, which I find myself craving. It’s as if nothing bad can happen to me.]
Anyways, I worry that others would find this strange, with me standing outside the room staring in at her, so I knock on the door. I know from past experience that she doesn’t mind me coming in while she’s practicing. She opens the door for me and says, “Morning, Zoe” in her usual flat, low voice.
“Good morning!” I tell her. “What are you working on in here?”
“All-region jazz band music,” she says casually. “Auditions are in three weeks.”
I immediately feel a wave of terror. In three weeks? Why, I had no idea such a thing was happening! I should have been preparing for this yesterday, and yet I did not even take my saxophone home.
“Oh no!” I say. “W-where can I get the music?”
“Go talk to Mr. Castro about it,” she says. “I just got the music this morning. He’s going to hand it out in jazz band later this week.”
Oh! Well, I suppose there was no way I could have known about it. Still, I can not shake the feeling that I could have done more. I didn’t even know there were all-region tryouts for jazz band.
So, I set off for Mr. Castro’s office to ask him for the music. It is important that I get it today, so that I can work on it in my lesson with Ms. Davis this afternoon.
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During lunch that day, apparently the school lunch lines were serving pizza. I am grateful that my mother is gracious enough to prepare us lunches to take to school, because the pizza on Ashley’s tray honestly looks disgusting. Still, she does not seem to have any issue eating it.
And then, Anja and Nova take a seat across from us, as they did yesterday.
“Hello everyone, how is ECHS treating you all so far?” Anja asks us.
If this means that they are our new lunch partners, I am a bit conflicted on this. Anja has been easy to get along with, so I am not worried about that. However, I have heard certain rumors about Anja from some of my other friends, about something that happened between her and a girl named Ruth back in middle school. The nature of these rumors makes me concerned what they will think if they ever see me sitting with her.
The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
Anyways, I answer her prompt, as nobody else seems in a hurry to. “It is going well so far,” I say. [That is not exactly true, given my scare this morning, but I don’t know what else to say.]
“It’s hard to gauge at this point, given that we still haven’t really started any actual schoolwork,” Ashley points out.
Nova does not respond; he once again does not seem to be eating, and is instead playing on a video game system. Is his family not able to afford the school lunches, perhaps? I do not know much about him. He moved to our school part way through last year. He does not seem to be much for conversation; I suspect that he is shy.
“Well, I said ‘so far,’” Anja says to Ashley. “I know that, as the semester goes on, it’s going to get crappy with all the work and stuff.”
For some reason, Ashley glances at me, as if she is expecting me to say something. Then, she says, “thanks for the words of encouragement.”
I force a giggle to try and cover the awkward moment. Then, I ask Anja, “do you expect your classes this semester to be difficult?”
“Yeah, I’m sure it’s going to be all the usual shit,” Anja says dismissively.
(This is the first time I have heard her using foul language. I hope that this is not overly common with her.)
“I just can’t wait until my senior year when I take US Government,” Anja continues. “You know, my mother was Ellen Beatty.”
The name sounds familiar to me, but I’m not immediately able to recall why. I glance at Ashley for help, but her frown suggests that she does not know either.
“Am I supposed to know who that is?” Ashley asks.
“You know,” Anja says, “the woman who, in 2006, nearly became the youngest governor of Texas since the 19th century.”
I gasp. I had heard a story about the election from that year.
“You m-mean,” I say, embarrassed that I am stuttering again, “that lady who nearly unseated Gov. Schneider before-”
I could not say it. But I believe I know who she is talking about. After Gov. Schneider had finished his first term, he was challenged by an energetic Democratic candidate, before her campaign was cut short by her unexpected death due to health complications.
“Was she really your mother?” Ashley asks her.
Anja nods solemnly. “Nearly turned Texas blue again, she did. And now, that probably isn’t going to happen for a very long time…” Anja sighed wistfully.
(Given how Anja seems to revere her mother, I make a note not to repeat what my own parents have said about her, as their comments were quite harsh.)
“You’re an odd breed around these parts, Anja,” Ashley comments.
“Yeah,” Anja says, “wish I could have grown up in California.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that,” Ashley says. “I mean, there’s a reason why my parents decided to move here instead.”
“Oh yeah?” Anja asks. I notice that her pleasant, relaxed demeanor seems to be going away. Knowing how upfront Ashley can be, I expect that this discussion could quickly get heated. “And what was that reason?” Anja asks.
“The cost of living there is insane,” Ashley says, still as nonchalant as ever, seemingly not noticing the danger signs coming from Anja. “It makes a big difference, not having to pay a state income tax.”
And as I expected, this does erupt into an argument between them. Unfortunately, I lose track of the conversation at this point. They both get into some heated discussion about welfare or something that I’m not quite able to follow along with.
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After lunch, my next class is Pre-AP Biology. Unfortunately, Ashley is not in this class with me. She does have the same teacher the period after, though. Also, I do have other friends in this class: Terra, Diana, and Yonca.
Terra and Diana are old friends of mine from church. Terra is the tallest of the three, and has a cool and in-control temperament. Diana is much more peppy and outgoing. Yonca small in stature, like Anja is, but she also has olive skin and long black hair. She’s rather different than most of the people around here, but she’s very sweet and warm.
As I take my seat at their table, they are already in the midst of chattering about something. However, when I sit down, they all turn towards me at once.
“So, Zoe,” Terra begins, “I know you hang out with Ashley a lot, but if I were you, I’d look out for her.”
This alarms me, and also fills me with fear once again. I try to stutter a reply, but Diana seems to figure out what I’m trying to ask and says it.
“I just heard from Tessa that she spent all of summer band hanging out with that dyke,” she says.
It takes me a few seconds to try and figure out what she just said, but Terra continues before I can.
“I know that you’re closer to her than any of us,” she explains. As she talks, she has a sort of odd smile on her face. It’s as if she’s trying to be reassuring, but the smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes, and it instead only makes me feel more nervous. “I’m not trying to ruin your friendship,” she continues. “I just thought it would be kind to let you know.”
I just sit there for a few seconds, starting back at her, trying to figure out what on earth they are talking about, while also trying not to show how panicked I feel. Why are they suddenly so concerned about her? What even is a “dike?”
Before I have time to formulate a reply, the class begins, and the teacher, Coach Everheart, embarks on a lecture about the parts of the cell. Unfortunately, due to the confusing exchange I just had, I have a very difficult time listening to and understanding what he is saying.
So, they’re warning me about Ashley… because she was spending time with a dike during summer band? That doesn’t make any sense. I thought that a dike was a wall that’s constructed to prevent flooding. How can Ashley hang out with that? That is an inanimate object.
In addition, I know that Ashley is not quite a social butterfly, and I do not recall seeing her talking to anyone else different during band camp.
But then, I come to a realization which makes my gut wrench. Ashley was at the school during lunch breaks every day. And then, when school starts, Anja suddenly walks up to our table and announces that she is in marching band with Ashley. Is Anja the dike?
Or perhaps it’s Nova? No, that can’t be right. When he arrived at the table, even Ashley seemed a bit confused as to who he was; she was asking him vague questions. It didn’t seem as if she already knew him from camp.
And then, of course, I remember the rumor about Anja. Back when she was in sixth grade, she was caught kissing that other girl. Does that have something to do with all of this? It must- whatever a “dike” is, the way Diana said it made it sound like a really bad thing.
And then, at this thought, my thoughts begin to spiral out of control. Different thoughts and fears are popping into my head so quickly that I can’t keep track… I worry that I will not be able to stay visibly calm, so I excuse myself from class to go to the restroom.
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Even after my last two class periods and marching band, I still feel rather out of it. Because I had a lesson with Ashley’s mom, I got a ride home with her.
The ride is quite awkward. At one point, I am so spaced out that I had not realized that Ashley’s mom was speaking to me.
“Hey, Zoe,” Ashley says, lightly tapping me on the arm. “Mom asked you something.”
“Oh! Um… I’m sorry… What was that?” I bumble out in reply, embarrassed that I had been so rude.
“Were you able to get the all-region tryout music?” her mom says. Thankfully, she does not seem annoyed with me for not hearing her.
“Oh yes!” I say, speaking more enthusiastically than normal to try and make up for my mistake. “I got it this morning!”
“Alright, excellent,” her mom says. “So, we’ll have to talk some more about improvisation. The region tryout etude for improv is easy as cake, just a b-flat blues. The area tryout music is…”
“Hey Zoe,” Ashley says to me in a low voice.
I look at her. Her eyes are wide with concern.
“You okay?” she asks me.
“Um… y-yeah,” I say.
“Do you need to talk about something?” she asks me. I can also hear the concern in her voice. It’s very unusual for her to act this worried about anything.
“Um… l-later.” I say. How on earth am I going to be able to explain everything that has happened?
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I try to focus as hard as I can on the lesson, and on acting normally during the lesson, so that I don’t make anyone even more concerned about me. After we are done, however, I run into Ashley one more time for the day.
She is standing in the entry hall for her house. I can already see my father’s car out front to pick me up.
“Oh, um, that’s my dad, he’s already…” I start to say, in case Ashley is wanting to talk now.
However, Ashley surprises me yet again by pulling me into a close hug. This is only the second time we’ve ever hugged, the last time being the last day of school last year, and I initiated that one.
“I just want want to let you know that it’s going to be alright,” she says to me calmly. “I have faith that you can do it.”
I’m really not sure what she’s talking about, but I don’t worry about it. I just hug her back as closely as I can. I once again get that feeling I get from her, that feeling of security. After being anxious about what my friends said for the past few hours, it’s a blessing. I try to savor each second that passes, wishing that we could stand there for longer.
However, the moment is interrupted when her mother comes out into the hall behind us. Ashley catches her eye, and quickly lets go of me. And so I leave out the front door, all of my confused thoughts about the day quickly catching up with me as I walk.