“Good morning, Yonca.”

I am pleased to see that she jumps about a foot in the air upon hearing my voice.

“I’m glad I could catch you alone. I want to ask you something.”

She slowly turns around to face me, trembling very slightly. “Ashley, I’m sorry about…”

“Bullshit,” I interrupt her. I press my advantage and step close to her, making her cower slightly. “So, it kind of seems like you already know what I’m going to ask.”

She gulps. “It wasn’t me.”

“If it wasn’t you, why are you so afraid?”

“I… someone else asked me... I saw you two walk away…”

“So who was it then? Who was it who, at your suggestion, followed after us and filmed us during our little special intimate moment?”

“No… I didn’t…”

I take another step closer to her, and she cowers like she’s about to be hit.

“You know, I really don’t care about the specifics. I just need a name.”

There is a pause. Then…

“It was Diana.”

Yeah. Somehow, that doesn’t surprise me.

“I’m sorry,” she says again. She has a certain facial expression, like that of a broken prisoner of war. It’s one that I know well, for it’s haunted my dreams for the past three years. (The fact that they even look a bit alike helps.) I’m not sure if this makes me feel better or worse.

“If you’re really sorry, here’s what you’re going to do,” I begin in a whisper. She looks up me apprehensively.

“Don’t apologize to me. You know, I’m not really the one being hurt by this. I’m used to this by now. No, you’re going to apologise to Zoe when she gets here. And you’re going to stick by her as a friend through everything that happens.”

She buries her face in her hands, as if about to sob. She shakes her head slightly.

“Why not?” I hiss at her. I think that, if there weren’t people watching, I actually would have laid hands on her at this point. “What’s wrong with you?”

She actually is sobbing now.

“You know, Yonca, I don’t think that you’re a bad person,” I continue in a whisper. “But, it really doesn’t matter in the slightest whether you are or not. You know why? Because people who are like you exist to be the pawns of others, and as such, you contribute nothing to society.” Then, because it’s no fun beating on someone who won’t fight back, I walk away.

I see that a few people had been looking from a distance as I depart from the dusty corner of the band hall I had trapped her in. But there’s one, way at the back near the director’s office, who is looking at me harder than anyone. I make my way towards her. No point delaying the inevitable.

“Good morning, Terra,” I say as I approach her. “I was curious if you knew where Diana is.”

“I don’t fear your wrath, Ashley,” Terra tells me.

“Nor do I yours.”

She gives me a hard, steely glare. “Diana is home sick today. Bullying people isn’t going to fix anything, you know.”

“That’s rich, coming from you.”

She leans back against the wall behind her. “You know, when Yonca first moved here, a lot of people picked on her. She was worried that she was never going to fit in here, due to her differences.”

“I don’t give a fuck,” I tell her bluntly. “I don’t care what religious views anyone has, what culture they hail from, what race they are, or whether they’re male or female. We are all equal under the law. And that means that shitty people will get that they deserve.”

“I see you fancy yourself the arbiter of justice.”

“Not me,” I say, smiling at her coldly.

Terra draws herself back up to full height. “I know it seems harsh. But I really am trying to help you guys.”

“Ah yes. Thank you so much.”

“But since neither of you seemed to have learned anything, I think I may just take this to a higher power.”

I give her a glare of instant death. Surely she doesn’t mean…

“And what makes you think that you’re helping anything by ruining Zoe’s entire life?”

“I didn’t do that. You did.” She bravely returns my glare. “When you did… whatever you people do to spread it.”

I force a fake snigger at her. “Spread it?”

“Absolutely.” She starts picking at her fingernails, like I’m no longer interesting enough to have a conversation with. “Men go into prison straight… they leave it gay. What conclusion can we draw from that?”

I’m wondering to myself if anyone would notice if I murdered her, when an interruption comes in the form of Nova, walking up to me from the side.

“Hey Ashley!” he says, seemingly ignorant of the intensity of the situation. “Can we go somewhere and talk privately? It’s time to come up with a game plan!”

I give Terra one last withering look, trying to get across that she is lucky she got away with just that. Then, I say, “C’mon, follow me.”

----------------------------------------

I leave Nova in a practice room in the back that nobody uses, and then go back to the side door to meet Zoe when she comes in. Now that probably the whole school knows about us, there’s no way in hell I’m letting anyone else have the opportunity to harass her.

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When she does come in, she looks surprised to see me standing there, but still greets me with a “Good morning, Ashley.”

“Says who?” I reply. “Follow me, the four of us are going to have a chat in the back room. Then, I’m going to go to Diana’s house and murder her.”

Fear flashes across Zoe’s face, making me feel a bit ashamed of myself. “Ashley… that’s not going f-fix anything,” she chides me.

“Well, it’ll make me feel better in the short term,” I say cooly.

I’m wondering how I’m going to track down Anja when we get into the back room, but when I walk in I see that she’s already there, sitting on the floor solemnly. Nova is on his 3DS again, but seems to be playing it more absentmindedly.

“Fancy meeting you here,” I tell Anja.

“I actually come here all the time,” she explains. “It’s nice to get some peace and quiet in the mornings.”

Zoe and I sit down across from her. Zoe presses herself into me in a tight hug. I’m half expecting her to start crying again, but she manages to hold it together. Yesterday, a concerned Mr. Castro actually went up to her and asked if she was alright after she came out onto the marching field with her face all puffy and red, and I’m sure that Zoe doesn’t want to repeat that experience.

“You guys should brace yourself for more bad news,” I start explaining. “I was just talking to Terra, and she said something kind of interesting .”

“Terra?” Anja asks, looking thoughtful. “Isn’t she Zoe’s friend who called me a dyke?”

“I… what? She said that?”

Zoe detaches herself and shakes her head. “No, that was Diana who said that.”

“What was she talking about with people becoming gay while in prison?” Nova cuts into the conversation unexpectedly. “That’s not how being gay works.”

“Um… you’re right, it’s not,” I reply, as Anja and Zoe both look extremely confused. “She said that because she’s a total cunt.”

Zoe winces at this. In all of the drama, I kind of forgot that she used to be friends with these people.

“Anyway, what did she say?” Anja asks me seriously.

“I think she might be planning to reveal us to the adults at our church,” I explain. “She said something…”

“No!” Zoe shouts, cutting me off and immediately diving back into my shirt.

“What are they going to do?” Nova asks. “Make you do double communion until you become straight again?”

“One, that’s not what communion is; two, the adults at our church include both of our parents, who can do quite a lot!”

“You don’t think… you guys are in danger?” Anja asks, looking startled.

Zoe is squeezing me so tightly that it’s restricting my breathing.

“In danger? I don’t know,” I admit. “But it’s probably not going to be a ton of fun.”

I’m thinking hard about whether or not my parents had ever indicated their feelings on lesbians or gay people in general before, but drawing a blank. Then again, I never know what they’re thinking about stuff like that. Honestly, it’s kind of funny. I could tell you without a moment’s hesitation that Chris Potter is my mom’s favorite saxophone player and that my dad can play every JJ Johnson solo on Trombone Master from memory, but I don’t know their opinions on gay rights, one of the most polarizing political topics of our day.

“Your parents are fairly conservative people, are they not?” Anja asks me. “I saw that sign in your yard when I visited…”

“I don’t think they’re that socially conservative,” I respond. “They just don’t want to pay out their ass in taxes, that’s all.”

Anja continues to watch me doubtfully. Nova is playing his game with a somewhat vacant expression. Zoe withdraws from me again, and seems to still be holding back a meltdown, though there’s a little bit of wetness on my shirt. She’s now holding her head and breathing deeply.

I wrap my left arm around her. “So, what I’m getting at is, we’re probably not going to want to do our big heist today.” I wait for a sign that Nova is about to start bitching at me again, but thankfully he seems to be restraining himself for now. “But I know that we’re on a deadline, so… let’s try and get started on Sunday. Until further notice.”

“But you don’t know when Terra’s going to do the thing,” Anja comments.

“Well… about that,” I begin explaining. “I think I’m going to just rip off the bandage and tell them tonight.”

Everyone else in the room looks up at me. Even Nova does it, which undoubtedly means he just ran into a pit in Mario Kart or something.

“It’ll allow me to deal with whatever horrible thing happens on my own timer,” I explain. “Also… if they’re going to learn about it anyway, I’d prefer that it be from me. That’s all.”

There is a pause. And then…

“I’ll do it tonight, too,” Zoe adds, sniffling a bit. “I… know they’re not going to like it. My family doesn’t like homosexuals. But maybe… if I can explain everything to them…”

She trails off there. I can see that there is fear in her eyes still…

“We’ll both do it at once,” I suggest. “That way… it’ll all be over in one go.”

Zoe nods in agreement. But she’s still looking blankly at the floor. Like staring into a fireplace on a cold winter night.

“Well,” Anja says, “If… you need anything… either of you, just let me know. No matter what happens, I’ll be there for you.”

“I… Thanks, Anja,” I say, taken slightly aback.

Zoe doesn’t say anything, but she does scoot over to give Anja a hug.

----------------------------------------

Normally, on a Friday afternoon after school, we’d be stomping across the blacktop, preparing for our upcoming halftime show. But as we have a week off from football games, instead I am at home, preparing to tell my parents that I’m a lesbian and that I’ve been dating my best friend for a week. I think I’d rather be at the game. I’m way more scared than I’d like to admit.

It’s even a day in which both of them are here at home, just laying around in the living room. I guess it was just meant to be today. (I did promise Zoe.)

And so I go into the room. They’re deep in conversation when I walk in, so I decide to just take a seat on the couch and wait for a break. They’re sitting in the armchairs that are set up directly across from the TV, which is playing one of the Star Wars movies.

“I still remember seeing Return of the Jedi in theaters as a little girl!” Mom was saying. “I must’ve been, what, seven? Eight?”

“The cultural impact the series has had is phenomenal,” Dad explains. “I wasn’t a big fan of the prequel movies, however.”

“Oh yeah, I forgot about those. Weren’t those coming out around the time you were born?” She asks, looking at me.

Listening to my parents just nonchalantly talk about movies somehow just makes me feel worse, so I decide to go ahead and get this over with.

“We need to talk about something important.”

“Oh, certainly!” Mom says, grabbing the remote and turning the volume on the TV down. “What’s going on?”

It’s stupid, but now that I’ve gotten myself into this scenario, I don’t even know how to begin.

Maybe it’s just that I always put myself in situations where I’m on the defense, and so I never have to properly explain myself. What’s the best way to approach this? Should I monologue about my experiences in life? Should I pose theological questions?

After I’m silent for a while, my parents give each other a meaningful look. (But what are they saying?)

“Well, it’s about something I’ve known for a few years now,” I begin. And I should continue from there, but I can’t bring myself to say the word.

What’s wrong with me? Why is this the thing that breaks me? I’ve always been able to charge through just about anything. Whenever I imagined this moment in my head, it’d always be with me being tough, even defiant…

My parents definitely seem alarmed by my behavior. After another significant glance, my mom actually comes over and sits next to me on the couch.

“Tell me what it is, Ash,” she says softly, looking into my eyes.

I’ve been so stupid. I never should have let any of this happen. I never should have put myself into this situation. My phone vibrates in my pocket, but I ignore it.

“It’s about Zoe and I,” I finally say. “We had a talk a week ago, and… we have mutual feelings for each other. Romantic ones.”

I see Mom’s shoulders relax slightly. (Why? That reaction doesn’t make any sense.)

“We were thinking something like that might be happening,” she says.

Of all the things I was expecting her to say, that was not one of them. All I can say is, “What?”

Mom gets up from the couch and starts pacing around, like she’s trying to do a lot of thinking.

“It’s true,” Dad explains as she does this. “Your mother and I, we have lived long enough to recognise when two people are in love.”

“Oh hush, I’m the one who noticed it first,” Mom snaps, though she’s smiling a little bit.

I’m speechless. They just… knew already? Or guessed, at least? My phone vibrates again… and again… I guess I better check that.

“Now, Ashley, you seem very nervous about this,” Mom explains uncertainly, turning around towards me. “But, you should know that…”

At that point, however, I stop listening to her. My phone was vibrating because Zoe was messaging me. I think she might’ve started earlier than I did.

And what Zoe says makes my blood run cold.