Episode 9: "So, Do We Have A Deal?"

Alicia stepped out of the bathroom, her uniform in her arms. She didn't want to continue being a 'nurse' so she'd be sure to pick out some new uniforms in the brochure that she liked.

She rounded the corner and walked out to see Christian sitting, waiting for her with a towel around his neck.

Why was his hair damp? Did he have some kind of an accident? Or did he just move so fast and she slow that he managed to shower before she got done? Unless the rooms in his home were noise canceling, she doubted she wouldn't have heard the water going.

"You have an accident or something?" She asked.

"No." He said.

"Then why is your hair wet?" She asked, setting her uniform down in a chair against the wall.

"My hair is wet." He said, signaling that part of questioning him was over. "Can we get this over with?"

"Oh! Well excuse me! I'm only giving up blood!" she said. She walked over to the chair and laid back.

"I am grateful, don't get me wrong, but..." He held his tongue.

"What?" She said.

"It's nothing." He said.

"It's not nothing. Considering this is a very serious exchange, I think I have the right to know what's going on with you."

"Not everything." He said. "As we get to know each other more, you will know what you need to know and that is all. Delilah only knew so much herself."

"Did she ever get tired?" She suddenly asked, wanting to know Delilah's view on their relationship. She didn't know her well enough to question her, and she wouldn't want too.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"Like, did she ever get tired of being with you? Did she want to see someone else-and that's right!"

"What?"

"How does all this work as far as a relationship? Let's say I wanted to see someone else, date someone?"

"You can't." He said.

"Excuse me?" She sat up. "So that's all I'm gonna be to you? A chained up blood bag! What if I want to see someone else!"

"Well, I shouldn't say you can't. You can, but, it will put a strain on..." He mentally shot himself. Why was he letting these things slip out of his mouth so carelessly?!

Alicia caught on. "What? I can't have a man on the side because I'm your donor?" Her voice was mocking. "Sounds a little possessive, don't you think?" She continued on. "Especially if you don't intend to see me as anything but that, why shouldn't I seek loving arms elsewhere?"

"Could you?" He countered.

"Oh? So I'm supposed to take that response as you'll care for me and won't get jealous if I do find someone outside of this relationship?"

"I didn't say that, I said could you?"

"And let's say I did?"

Christian had nothing to say. He thought about the other man, but the truth was that he would never know about him or what he was doing with Alicia. It would really only be limited to her giving him his blood, he healing her, and that was it. There wouldn't be room for more. The other man would get jealous if Alicia was spending too much time with him, which was something he'd go out of his way to do. But, he could just limit everything to friendship.

Friendship. Lending blood until he either croaked or turned. Two things came out of that scenerio. Love. Or hate. Both Delilah and Alice had loved him. But both did things that hurt him. That was all due to him refusing to turn and they both trying to find ways nullify that problem and cause him to make a choice. They both got tired. Simply put.

With each new girl there were past mistakes he could learn from. Unfortunately, he had to put them through it in order for him to get it. Truth was that he did. But neither Delilah nor Alice wanted anybody else but him. That, and It was kind of an unspoken rule that they shouldn't see other men? Or wouldn't have a reason too, he thought with everything he gave them.

He thought about that. Everything he gave them, but him. He didn't give himself. It was almost like they were girls for hire. They gave him what he wanted, and he in return gave them a lavish lifestyle of gifts and materialistic things. Pecks on the cheek every now and then, and ballroom dances.

Observing the human soul and even his own, materials didn't gratify them. Love did. The one thing that he'd elude, or try not to fall into again.

"Hello! Christian!" she shouted.

He looked to her.

"Were you not hearing me?! I've been calling you!"

"What is it?" He said.

"You tell me?"

That's what was doing it. Her honesty. Alice and Delilah had never spoke so freely to him. Well Alice did, but it was only after she had got fed up past certain points. No strings attached. Maybe that was because they had nothing to lose and she did. Either way, he enjoyed hearing her speak. It was refreshing to say the least. No, no he wouldn't want her seeing anybody else while he had her as a donor. It would irk him too much and while he had no intention of falling for her, he didn't want her with anybody else but him.

Controling. You're going to attempt to control her now? Why? Is it because you never cared about the other two and this time you may have actually found something you don't want to lose? He thought. He gave himself a mental shake of the head. But you did love Alice.

And he did. She was the one mistake that he wanted to make right.

"Christian, you're going off into a daze again."

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He looked to her. Her brown skin. High cheek bones. Wavy brown hair. Her brown eyes. She was nothing, a nobody. Just a simple girl trying to find her way through life like everybody else. Just like him. So why was it a problem if he let this one go?

She saw the veins appearing on his skin again.

He closed his eyes knowing they were getting ready to change color again. Christina, the one person he didn't want to think about at all came to his mind. Despite their differences, she was the one that spoke, a bit with poison at times, the truth.

"You want a purpose just like everybody else, Christian. You want to belong. We all do. Whether that's with our own, or a mortal. We all want a reason to live. To make this life worth living. Even if we can't die, or age, we want something, need something to share ourselves with...bind ourselves to...and the most messed up thing about it all, is that somewhere, deep down, we know exactly what that thing is. Whether it's a person or a place, we know it once we find it. It's immediate. Our hearts give us no time to make a choice. That's why we're at war within ourselves so much. Why the heart is wicked above all else. It does not care how it is to obtain what it wants, it just wants it. No strings attached and if something hits the fan, then it get's broken, and wants revenge. Or it's selfish..."

He remembered the look she had given him. One of sorrow. It was an image seared into his brain as his twin was very difficult to read and looks like that he couldn't help but want to remember. It let him know that she was suffering just as much as him. That she wasn't a total corpse.

He had responded in a way that annoyed and angered her, but you couldn't have one side without the other.

"And what if what we want, is bad. Painful. Terrible. What kind of a life is that then? One where you hurt others? Or you're the one that's constantly being hurt? Wanting to or not, where's the reason to live in that?"

The smirk she gave him made his skin crawl because he knew that she was an expert at it.

"If the pain becomes too much, dear brother, then just turn it all off. Go numb. Go rogue. Who cares? In this world, isn't the saying 'kill or be killed' so relevant now? It doesn't have to be a physical one. You can die emotionally."

"Wouldn't that be worse?"

"Of couse. But, there's a wonderful gray area that you can stay in for as long as you like, and that is numbness. It's a dangerous game though, I warn you. So far I've managed to dodge it's very charismatic, yet deadly hole. You have to know how to turn it on and off, but don't leave it off for too long where you'll lose yourself. Do that, and you'll have to find yourself all over again, and now you have two problems. Struggling with that little organ called your heart and what you logically want to do, which is your brain. I personally think you've spent too long in there though, and that can be a problem too."

"I thought you said you could stay numb for as long as you like?"

"You can. If you don't plan on ever returning."

"Then that's not forever."

"Of course it is, dear brother. You have to know your limits. Know why you're shutting down to begin with...I guess I lied then huh? How about you can stay numb for as long as you like, as long as you know how to turn it all back on again? And if you can do that, then you can go on having bouts of numbness forever eh? How does that sound to those overthinking ears of yours?"

"I think you're making all this up."

"Am I? Or is this just very painful truth to swallow, Christian. Fine. Maybe you can't be forever numb, but it sure as hell works when you need it to! No matter the time period."

"And you're not numb now given your emotions?"

"I am actually."

Her eyes were another feature that he couldn't shake when she gave him certain looks.

"Who says you can't be numb but act the part? Even be numb to only some parts? That's the beauty of being numb, Christian. You can choose what you want to be numb too, unless something in you completely snaps and you just don't care anymore, then you really are gone. Nothing can bring you back."

"What is your point in all this?"

"It's very simple. It's called life. And we're curses, Christian. We're curses that exist and still have to go through whatever those humans do, but for us it is so much worse, so much more amplified that by default, we need an escape. We need an escape unless we are lucky enough-no, blessed enough to find it. Find that one thing that completes us. Until then, we're gonna be monsters--scrambling and scrounging around in the dark. Reaching out for anything that gives us gratification..."

"So how does that make us any different than mortals?"

Christina had reached across to touch his face. She cupped his cheek, he still remembering how she felt. Surprisingly very warm.

"The difference is that there are many of them, and so few of us. And who's going to accept us, Christian. They've called us witches and ghosts. Werewolves and vampires. Faires. All these things are non-existant to the human mind and even for us, yet here we are. With lines visibly drawn. Whatever we are there are sides to it. There are differences. And there is you. You who upsets the so-called order of things. Who's going to love you, Christian?"

Not Alice. He was sure that ship had sailed and he wasn't to sure he wanted to bring it back. Not after everything was said and done. Not Delilah, she had betrayed him. And he didn't want her in that way anyway.

He remembered her arms around him in a rare, sickening embrace. How her hands cupped the back of his neck, and her lips kissed his cheek. Leaving him with the most bitter truth for some, not all.

"And so it goes back to what I was saying. About knowing what you want before you even knowing why, or how. Before you can negotiate or get out of it. That little automated response--those responses that will start from your heart, your soul, and lead up to your brain. How it will cause you to turn off all rational thought, although sometimes it is the opposite. It's rare, but it does happen."

His brows furrowed deeply. He could still feel her breath in his ear.

"How your heart will snatch it. Cause you to cling to it and never let it go. And you pray that whatever is the cause for this madness doesn't let it go, doesn't let you go, Christian. Because if it does, you will go insane. Or you will go numb. Either way, you will feel pain, and how you deal with it is entirely up to you. No one can help you with it."

He opened his eyes to see Alicia staring at him.

"It's true that the heart is the most wicked. It can cause you to do many things. But the soul, or your spirit I should say doesn't get enough credit. If you have no soul, you cannot feel. Which means you don't have a heart. I say that to say this. Your heart is a very lonely organ."

"So wouldn't that mean your soul rather than your heart?"

Her last words were icing on the cake.

"It's always your heart calling the shots, but it's your soul that feels them. So you tell me? Which is really in charge? You want orders? Or do you want fufillment?"

"Are you going to say anything or continue to weird me out?"

"I need you to promise me one thing." He began.

"And what is that?"

While his sister may have been right, there was one more thing you could do, and that was run.

"Do not want what I have. The speed and accelerated healing, even this supposedly immortality that we have. Do not want it. Even if you do deep down, do not voice it in my ears. I will not hear of it. If it gets too out of hand, then this relationship will be over. If you can promise me that, make me a deal, then no, I do not mind if you find a love interest outside of me."

"Why would you say outside of you? As though you have any weight?"

"Maybe I don't. Perhaps I'll be nothing to you but a bank and you my bloodbag, but this is where it's at right now."

"And should I fall for you?" She asked.

And if she should then it would be unfortunate for the both of them. He would never turn her. Under any circumstances. His sister's words cut him, but he shut them off.

"I'd be flattered." He said.

Alicia smiled a little and turned away.

"What?"

"I don't voice all my thoughts either, Christian." She said. She looked to him again.

They were both silent.

Christian broke eye contact and took a breath. "Ready?"

"Do I have a choice?" She said.

"Sure, if you want to end up homeless and with secrets that could get you killed at any second."

"Very funny." She laid back.

"Let me wash my hands." He said.

She nodded, her eyes not being able to keep up with his darting speed as he went into the bathroom and she heard the faucet turn on and off in a matter of moments.

He came back and slipped up some rubber gloves.

"You sure you cleaned your hands at all!"

He chuckled. "Yes. It takes me a lot less time to work up a lather than you."

"Hm."

"Lift up your shirt some." He said, hearing her heartbeat soar then.

"How far up?"

"Just enough to stick these on?" He had the wires in his hand.

She slowly did so, revealing a flat, barely toned belly.

"A little more." He said, causing her to blush as she did so.

He placed the wires where they were needed.

"There." He said. "You can put your shirt down." He went through the motions of cleaning her arm and the untensils used for the tranfusion and then took the cap off the needle. He looked to her. "Do we have a deal?"

"Yes." She said.