CHAPTER 32: THE SAMURAI'S DILEMMA

Masaaki watched Shannon and Theo climb the stairs up the front porch, and immediately his gut twisted with shame at the depths of his relief upon seeing the vampire lord again. Yet, even knowing that it was the lord’s magic that spawned that unnatural desire to see the vampire lord, Masaaki’s heart still lurched with anxiety as the two vampires paused on the front porch to argue.

Maybe he’s not coming inside, Masaaki thought, watching the queen raise her arms and gesture in disgust. He reached nervously for the door handle.

Immediately, Masaaki forced himself to pull his hand back from the latch. Enthralled. He was enthralled. He felt another wash of humiliating despair, then took several big steps away from the door.

He could fight it. He could just spend a couple weeks on his own, let the lord feed her for awhile while he recovered.

But then the lord stepped through the door and Masaaki took three unconscious steps forward and met him as he entered. He stopped himself just short of taking the man’s hand, but it was an overwhelming urge to feel the vampire’s skin against his own. He bit down another sob of humiliation and looked away.

The lord met Masaaki’s eyes before Masaaki dropped them in shame and in the silence that followed, Theo cleared his throat. “Hey, uh, Shannon, we can argue about this later. How about you go get the car and pick up some clothes for the fey? Cotton or hemp. Natural fibers, okay? Oh, and some pretty stone bracelets and stuff. They’ll like that.”

“What am I, the rich errand girl?” Shannon snapped, oblivious to Masaaki’s inner anguish. “Just go spend my money and bring you home something nice?”

“Make sure you buy some hot peppers,” Theo said, still watching Masaaki. “They’ll like those.”

The vampire queen made a disgusted sound. “Masaaki, let’s go,” Shannon said.

Masaaki swallowed and shivered at the agonizing thought of leaving Theo behind.

“Masaaki and I need to chat about important stuff,” Theo said. “Go do something else for awhile.”

Shannon’s mouth fell open in a slight gasp. “You are both assholes,” she snapped, when Masaaki couldn’t bring himself to leave the lord’s presence, after being apart for over two hours. Shannon turned and stomped back down the steps, went to the car, and slammed the Mercedes door shut. The engine rumbled to life and gravel flung out from under the tires, pattering up onto the porch as the car spun out of the driveway and roared off.

Theo tentatively pulled the door shut in the silence that followed. For a long moment, neither of them said anything, though Masaaki could feel the vampire watching him. “You feeling okay?” Theo asked.

Masaaki shook his head, awash in despair. He wanted, more than anything, to step up and be close to the vampire. Just to touch him would be enough.

Theo seemed to understand. “Okay, pal. How about a hug?” When Masaaki didn’t move, but instead gripped the hilt of his sword with bone-white knuckles, the lord opened his arms in wary invitation.

At the gesture, Masaaki lost control. Masaaki drooped with relief and, despite himself, stepped into the vampire’s embrace. Against the bigger man’s bicep, Masaaki said, “When I am free of this, I’m going to draw steel needles through your nuts and hang you by your thumbs.”

The vampire chuckled above him. “Feeling better?”

“Fantastic,” Masaaki growled against his arm. “Aside from the fact I’m hugging a vampire.”

“You’ll get used to it.”

Masaaki stiffened. “I won’t.” Never. He’d rather die.

Theo laughed and thumped him on the back, then lowered his arms, releasing him. Masaaki, shamefully, stayed several seconds longer than necessary, soaking in the relief, before regaining control of himself pulling back again.

Cocking his head at Masaaki, the vampire said, “You’ll get used to it. I’ve made you my pet project, crow. Seems you’ve decided to surround yourself with vampires. Last thing you should have to do is live in fear the rest of your life. I’m gonna fix that.”

Masaaki’s eyes widened. “That was not the agreement.”

Theo grinned at him. “No, but I’m the vampire and you’re the thrall, and I’ve got a soft spot for former slaves. How about another hug?”

Masaaki ground his teeth and kept his feet rooted in place. “Fuck you.”

The vampire laughed. “You sure?”

Masaaki gasped, shame and horror and humiliation wracking his being, but he could not make himself step away from the vampire’s presence. What was worse, his heart began to pound with anticipation at prolonged contact with the lord’s glassy-smooth skin. He shuddered and closed his eyes. Jumonji giri. The cross-shaped cut.

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Theo gave him a long, considering look. “I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking that the moment you find yourself alone again, you’re going to ram one of those swords through your gut and cut yourself open. Probably as painfully as possible.”

Masaaki shuddered under the urge to do just that…and the disgrace of wanting to move back into the vampire’s arms anyway.

“So tell me,” Theo said. “Wouldn’t it be better to learn to trust me as a friend and let me help you overcome everything those bastards did to you? Make you that warrior again? Give you back what they took from you?”

Masaaki felt himself shaking. Shaking with the nauseating fear of the vampire in front of him. Shaking with his disgust at himself. Shaking with the need to step closer. He just shook his head, unable to respond.

“I can help you,” Theo said. “A thousand times more than that naïve little queen who can’t control herself. She was probably doing more trauma than anything else. I have control of myself. You saw that, in the hotel room. I saw you recognize it. I know you know I can help.”

Masaaki sucked in a wretched breath and let it out in a low, desperate sob. More than anything, he wanted the vampire’s help. He wanted to be whole again more than life itself. Yet the creature terrified him. What he’d done to him terrified him. His mind was warring with his instincts. He was a twisting ball of terror inside, feeling trapped and hopeless. Yet, even humiliated at being helpless, ashamed at the instinct to surrender to the vampire’s desires, Masaaki felt that tiny tingle of hope…

“You just have to do one thing for me, to make it work,” Theo said. “One thing, and we’ll get you back on your feet again, where a vampire can sink his teeth into you and you can still keep your head long enough to blast the fucker into the next millennium.”

Masaaki blinked back tears and looked up at the lord. For a long time, he simply scanned the vampire’s pale green eyes. “What thing?” he finally whispered.

The vampire lifted his arms again in invitation. “Trust me, Masaaki.”

Masaaki eyed his arms, swallowing down his fear. “Trust you?”

“Trust me not to hurt you when I touch you.”

Masaaki felt bile rise in his throat and he looked away.

But the vampire lord went on, “Trust me not to take advantage of your feelings for me. Trust me to have the control to stop if you ask me. Trust me to never take what is not freely given. Trust me not to use my strength against you. Trust me. I’ll take care of the rest.”

Masaaki swallowed and stared down at the floor for long minutes. “You’ve done this before, haven’t you?”

The vampire grinned. “Well, never with a guy, ‘specially not one who can gut me alive. But yeah. I have.” He continued to hold his arms open, waiting.

Masaaki considered the vampire’s bigger, stronger body, then his own hands, fisted on his swords. Very slowly, he unlocked his fingers and pulled them away from his blades. Stiffly, he allowed himself to give in to the impulse to step forward. He tensed as the vampire wrapped his arms around him again.

“Okay, just relax.” The vampire continued to hold him. “I’m here, man. It’s gonna get better, okay?”

Something within Masaaki shattered, then, and he lost control again. Once more, he was grateful that the queen was not there to see him completely break down in the vampire lord’s arms. He felt his tears pour forth on a humiliating wave of gratitude. Once he finished bawling, covering the vampire’s shirt with his tears, he tried to wrench away to go hide his humiliation. He might as well have tried to wrench away from the grip of a granite statue.

“No shame, bud.” The vampire continued to hold him.

“Steel needles,” Masaaki growled. “Through your nuts.” But when the vampire just chuckled, he eventually relaxed and just spent several minutes listening to him breathe. Eventually, he tried again to pull away, and this time the vampire let him.

“Do that any time you need,” Theo said. Then the vampire lord flinched. “Well, as long as it’s not in the middle of Wal-Mart or something.”

Masaaki grunted, fighting a clashing inner turmoil of gratitude and shame. Clearing his throat, he decided to change the subject. “You must teach Shannon about sex.”

Theo groaned. “Do we have to go back to that, again? She’s totally not interested.”

“You said if I stayed behind today, you would talk to her about it,” Masaaki growled. “What did she say?”

Theo winced. “Something like, ‘In your sad and pathetic dreams, dude.’”

That did sound like something his daimyō would say. The stubborn fool! “I will talk to her when she gets back,” Masaaki muttered. “She will agree.”

Theo rolled his eyes. “You can’t tell her to have sex with me, Masaaki.”

“I can. And I will.” If he was going to swallow his pride and hug a vampire, his daimyō could certainly accept this lord as her mate. After all, it seemed a perfectly decent match to Masaaki. Theodore’s age and experience, Shannon’s money and naiveté. It would allow her to relinquish the position of daimyō to Theo, a man who already knew how to wield that power, and start managing the womanly arts of money and entertainment. Masaaki would see that she was enrolled in music and home-making classes. Her cleaning and decorating skills, as far as Masaaki had seen, had been lacking.

But Theo was giving him a skeptical look. “Why am I getting the idea you’ve got a lot to learn about women?”

Masaaki snorted. “She will do as she’s told.”

“Yeah,” Theo laughed. “You’ve got a lot to learn about women.” He looked like he was going to say more, but his ‘phone’ started making a horrible cacophony in his shirt pocket and he yanked it out. “Hold that thought.” He put his ear to the phone. “Yeah?”

Masaaki waited and watched as the vampire suddenly went pale. “Mandi?” Theo asked. “Where are you?” The vampire’s hand, Masaaki noticed, started shaking. Then, much too soon, Theo was lowering the phone. “Oh shit. Oh shit oh shit.” He licked his lips, looked at Masaaki, then at the front door. “Um.” Masaaki watched Theo swallow. “Uh. I’ve gotta go. Like right now.”

Masaaki felt a stab of panic that the vampire was about to leave again. “Where?” He hated the way it sounded nervous, close to begging.

“Uh. Fuck. Kenai. Look, man, I’m really sorry. I’ll be right back.”

“How far is Kenai?” Masaaki managed.

“Uh…like four hours away.”

Masaaki felt his heart lurch. Four hours? “You can’t,” he blurted, before he could stop himself.

Theo glanced at the door, then at Masaaki again. “Uh. Okay. Look, I gotta go rip off a few heads. You can tag along, if you want, but I have to go. Now. They gave her four hours to live. I might not make it in time.”

Masaaki frowned. “That sounds like a trap.”

Theo laughed. “Yeah, well, I’ve had worse. You coming? I’m outta here. Find me a piece of paper to leave a note. Fast.”

Caught between the inconvenience of leaving his daimyō alone for a day, and the unspeakable horror of going without Theo’s presence for eight hours, at minimum, Masaaki went to find a piece of paper.