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CHAPTER TEN

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With renewed determination, Karl picked up the pace, his senses on high alert as they ventured deeper into the wilderness. He wouldn't let his guard down, wouldn't let his secrets destroy the fragile bond that he had formed with Jenn.

Jenn trudged after him through the forest, trying to keep up with his quick pace and struggling. His legs were longer, he was infinitely more used to moving among the trees like this, and she was still barefoot. While she'd gone without shoes whenever the weather allowed back home in Wisconsin, that didn't involve traipsing through the woods, and the bottoms of her feet ached from the myriad of sharp items that littered the forest floor.

Stumbling slightly once again, she felt tears prick at the back of her eyes. Karl was acting so different with her now, it felt like he was slipping through her fingers, and the profound sense of loss was agonizing.

What had happened? Was it his injury making him surly? She didn't imagine it could be that, the scars she'd seen told the story of a man who was used to being injured, he probably had a high tolerance for pain by now. It couldn't be her dream, that was just silly. It was a dream. And she was sure he wasn't offended about her seeing him there in her dream, as a wolf - the symbolism felt fitting to her, it hadn't been a bad thing at all.

She blanched as she realized he must regret the night before - she'd basically assaulted him, grinding against him like a stripper in the middle of the night when he was just experiencing a normal bodily function. Oh God, that must be it. And then she just kissed him again, forced herself on him once more... fuck.

She chewed on her bottom lip, fighting back tears with a practice born of many years of abuse, schooling her face into an impassive mask, retreating deep into herself as her self-preservation instincts took over. She just needed to get back to her cabin before her self-control snapped and she made things worse than they already were.

Karl could sense Jenn's distress as they trekked back through the forest, could practically taste her disappointment and confusion in the air. It gnawed at him, eating away at the walls he had so carefully constructed.

But he refused to relent. Refused to let himself turn back, to reach out and pull her close once more. Because doing so would only make things worse in the end, would only prolong the inevitable.

'Stay strong,' he counseled himself, gritting his teeth against the ache in his shoulder. 'For her sake.'

The path he forged went off of the marked trail – he knew his way through these woods like the back of his hand, and this was a much more direct route. He moved easily enough through the trees, hardly making a sound.

But Jenn's clumsy footsteps and the occasional gasp of pain as her bare feet made contact with unseen obstacles reminded him just how human she was.

Without thinking, he slowed his pace, allowing her to catch up to him. When she was just a step behind, Karl reached out blindly, searching for her hand.

His fingers found hers, and he laced them together, giving a gentle squeeze.

'You're not alone,' he wanted to say. 'I'm here for you, no matter what.'

The squeeze of his fingers threatened to bring Jenn's self-control to its knees, confused at the mixed messaging and afraid she would misread his actions the way she must have been this entire time.

'He just wants you to hurry up, he's holding your hand to guide you in the dark so you can return more quickly so he can tend to his injury. Remember, you woke up and he was gone. He left you there. For all you know, he wasn't coming back.' She swallowed thickly. 'He regrets it. Didn't want it. Doesn't want you.' Her thoughts battered her mind, head swimming, chest tight and full of the sobs she wouldn't allow to come. Not yet.

Karl's grip on Jenn's hand tightened as he felt her trembling, the subtle quiver of her fingers betraying the storm of emotions raging within her. He could hear the hitch in her breath, the faint sniffle that she tried to suppress.

'Dammit.'

He hated this. Hated that he was the cause of her pain, that his own fears and insecurities were driving a wedge between them.

But what could he do? How could he make things right without revealing the truth, without putting her in even greater danger?

Karl's thoughts raced as they continued walking, his mind a whirlwind of conflicting emotions and desires. He wanted to comfort her, to pull her into his arms and tell her that everything would be alright.

But he couldn't. Not without risking everything.

So instead, he kept his gaze fixed firmly ahead, his jaw clenched tight as they made their way back to the clearing, cabins both in sight. The silence between them was deafening, a stark contrast to the warmth and intimacy they had shared just hours before.

When they finally reached the cabin, Karl released Jenn's hand, stepping back to give her some space. He could see the tears glistening in her eyes, the way she refused to meet his gaze.

'Say something,' he urged himself. 'Anything.'

But the words wouldn't come, trapped behind the walls he had built to protect them both.

“Get some rest,” he said finally, his voice rough with unspoken emotion. “You've had a long day and it's barely noon.”

Karl turned to leave, his heart heavy with regret and longing. But before he could take more than a few steps, he hesitated, glancing back over his shoulder at Jenn.

'Don't leave it like this,' a small voice whispered in the back of his mind. 'Don't let her think that you don't care.'

Taking a deep breath, Karl stepped back towards her, his hand reaching out to gently cup her cheek.

His touch against her face was her undoing, the gentle caress breaking the dam of her guilt.

With a sob, Jenn stepped back, breaking the contact of his hand against her cheek even as she wanted to throw herself against his chest.

“I'm so sorry,” she gasped out, wrapping her arms tightly around her body, seeming to fold in on herself before his eyes. “Last night, I shouldn't have- I didn't mean- I thought-” she sobbed harder, unable to get a single thought out. “It's my fault, the cougar- you wouldn't have left if we didn't- if I didn't-”

A few harsh sobs and then her plaintive voice, a broken whisper. Please don't hate me, Karl, I'm so sorry.” she whimpered.

The sight of Jenn crumbling before him, her words a jumbled mess of apologies and self-blame, tore at Karl's heart in ways he hadn't anticipated.

He reached out, his hand hovering uncertainly for a moment before settling on her shoulders, squeezing gently.

“Hey, look at me,” he coaxed softly, tilting his head to catch her gaze. Tears streaked down her cheeks, her eyes red and puffy.

None of this was her fault. Every ounce of the guilt weighing on her slender shoulders belonged solely to him.

“I don't hate you,” he reassured quietly, hating how the words seemed hollow given the icy detachment he'd shown her all day. “Far from it.”

He wanted to pull her into his arms, to wipe away her tears and kiss her senseless until she forgot why she was crying in the first place. But he resisted, knowing it would only confuse matters further.

Instead, he focused on the most pressing issue. Her misguided assumption that their encounter had caused him to abandon her.

“I left because I was... struggling,” he explained, hating how weak it sounded aloud. “Needed to clear my head, to make sure I wouldn't put you in more danger.”

Danger. He hated that word, hated what it meant in relation to Jenn. She deserved better than to be tangled up in his fucked-up life.

Karl's thumb brushed away another tear, his touch feather-light against her delicate skin. “You could never drive me away, Jenn. Even when I'm being a selfish bastard and pushing you away, it's only because I care.”

Cares. What a crock of shit. If he really cared, he'd have cut ties immediately. Not gotten involved in the first place. Spared her the agony of falling for a monster.

Jenn looked up at him desperately, wanting to believe him but so confused that she had no idea what to think anymore.

“Y-you don't put me in danger,” she insisted, lips trembling. “I've never felt safer than I do with you, p-please don't push me away!” The tears started anew at the end of her sentence, voice raising in a soft sob.

“I want to help, l-let me help, we can help each other,” she looked up at him desperately, eyes wide and wet with tears, willing him to see the depth of her devotion - she would do anything to help him, she trusted him, she needed him.

“Let me in Karl, I p-promise, I'm the last person to judge...”

She unwound her arms from around herself to grasp at his forearms, her hands like vices, clutching so hard her knuckles turned white as if she could hold him in place there forever, keep him from turning away from her again.

Karl winced as Jenn's fingers dug into his forearms, her desperation palpable. He hated that she was pleading with him, hated that he was the source of her suffering.

'Goddamn it.'

He was a bastard, a selfish son of a bitch for letting things get this far. For allowing her to become so entangled with his mess of a life.

But at the same time, her words ignited a flicker of hope within him. Hope that maybe, just maybe, he didn't have to face everything alone. That maybe Jenn could handle the darkness lurking in his past. That he hadn't completely screwed up his chance at something real.

With a resigned sigh, Karl wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. Her body shook with silent sobs as she clung to him, her tears soaking through the fabric of his shirt.

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“Alright,” he murmured into her hair, his voice hoarse with emotion. “I'll try, Jenn. I'll try to let you in.”

It was a promise, a vow that he would strive to shed some of the weight burdening his soul. Not all at once - God knew he couldn't handle that - but

little by little, as long as she was patient with him.

He held her until her sobs subsided, offering silent comfort as she cried herself out.

Eventually, she pulled away, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand.

Karl gently tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear, his gaze softening as he took in her tear-streaked face. “Get some rest,” he repeated, this time with sincerity. “I'm going to go deal with my shoulder, get that cougar cleaned up, set some fresh traps in case there are more. We'll figure things out tomorrow, I promise.”

With those parting words, he turned to leave once more, but this time with a renewed sense of purpose.

Jenn watched him turn away, her heart clenching painfully. She opened her mouth, ready to ask him to stay, to let her help him with his wounds, but she stopped herself, letting the words die on her lips. He clearly wanted space. And as hard it was for her to watch him walk away, knowing he was hurting physically and otherwise, she knew she needed to let him go. The last thing she wanted was to smother him, to push him away.

“Until tomorrow then,” she whispered to his retreating back, lower lip trembling slightly. Closing the front door had a finality to it that made her feel sick and she moved to the tiny bathroom as if in a trance, starting to fill the ancient claw foot tub, needing to get clean even as exhaustion began to set in.

As the tub filled, she shuffled to the kitchen, leaving smudges of mud here and there from her dirty feet. She filled Kylie's food dish, ignoring the cat that was circling her with chirps and meows, trying to get her attention, the small creature concerned for her best friend who was obviously not okay.

She started a fire in the wood stove, turning one of the vents to blow towards the bathroom.

Next, she staggered to her bedroom, pulling out some soft shorts and a t-shirt, fresh panties, and some fuzzy socks, finding her slippers near the bed. Then she returned to the bathroom, where the tub was filling nicely. She dropped her change of clothes to land on the closed toilet seat, shed her outfit, and stepped into the water, not even bothering to check the temperature first.

The heat enveloped her, drawing a gasp and a hiss of pain as the tiny cuts and scrapes on her feet met the water, and once she had sunk into the tub fully, she laid her head back for a moment against the rim of the tub and closed her eyes.

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Karl left Jenn's cabin feeling lighter than he had earlier but also apprehensive about what tomorrow would bring. He knew revealing his past to her could either deepen their bond or shatter it beyond repair. Only time would tell.

But there was nothing he could do about that now. First, he needed to clear the fog muddling his brain, to figure out what exactly he planned to divulge to her. And for that, he needed something stronger than herbal tea.

Inside, he poured a generous measure of whiskey into a tumbler and downed it neat. The burn helped settle his nerves.

Going outside onto the porch, he sat heavily into a weathered wooden rocking chair that creaked under his weight, looking up at the stars overhead, lost in thought.

This whole situation with Jenn... had thrown him for a loop. Forced him to confront buried desires and painful regrets alike.

For the longest time, Karl had resigned himself to a solitary existence, too damaged and dangerous to risk letting someone in. Falling for Jenn complicated matters exponentially, reigniting needs he thought long extinguished.

Karl sighed, leaning back in the chair and stretching his legs out in front of him.

'What do I tell her? About the experiments? My transformations?'

He just hoped, wherever this path led, Jenn would remain by his side. Otherwise, he feared the beast inside would consume him whole.

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Jenn nearly fell asleep in the tub, exhaustion flooding her after her exertions running through the forest, the long trek back, and the emotional upheaval of everything with Karl.

She washed herself quickly and climbed out of the bath, drying and dressing before shuffling to her bed. She knew she should eat something, she hadn't eaten breakfast or lunch, but she was too exhausted. Her head felt thick, eyes itching from all her tears.

She settled under the covers, pulling the comforter up over her head, and felt Kylie hop up on the bed beside her, settling in to curl up against her stomach, purring softly.

Jenn dropped to sleep quickly, her rest fitful. She slept through the afternoon, and into the evening, sun setting over the mountains.

As darkness fell her demons found her, the nightmares she was so accustomed to coming home to roost.

Painful memories tore through her psyche as she relived each moment in vivid detail, a colorful tapestry of abuse woven across her mind, never letting her forget what she'd endured.

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Karl's head shot up, his enhanced hearing picking up on the faint whimpers and cries coming from Jenn's cabin. He stood from the couch where he had been nursing another glass of whiskey, head cocked as he listened carefully.

There were no other sounds at all, save for Jenn's sobs and whimpered pleas. She was entirely alone.

Dammit.

He knew she was having nightmares, he could hear the distress in her voice even from this distance. He wanted to go to her, to hold her and chase away the demons haunting her dreams.

But he hesitated, torn between his desire to comfort her and his fear of getting too close. He had already let her in more than he should have, and he knew it was only a matter of time before his past came back to bite them both.

With a frustrated growl, Karl paced the length of his cabin. He couldn't just sit there and do nothing, not when Jenn was suffering.

Making up his mind, he grabbed his jacket and headed out the door, striding purposefully towards her cabin. The night air was cool against his skin, a stark contrast to the heat of his emotions.

When he reached her door, he hesitated for a moment before knocking softly.

“Jenn? It's me, Karl. Are you okay?”

There was no response, just the continued sound of her whimpers and cries. Karl's heart clenched painfully, and he pushed open the door, stepping inside.

He crossed her tiny living room in two big strides, turning into her bedroom.

The sight that greeted him nearly broke his heart. Jenn was curled up in bed, her face twisted in pain as she thrashed against the covers. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and her hands clutched at the blankets as if trying to hold onto something, anything, her knuckles white with the force of her grasp.

Karl crossed the room in a few quick strides, sitting down on the edge of the bed. He reached out, gently shaking her shoulder.

“Jenn, wake up. It's just a dream.”

Jenn's eyes flew open, her breath coming in ragged gasps as she stared up at him in confusion. For a moment, she didn't seem to recognize him, her eyes wide with fear.

“Karl?” she whispered, her voice trembling.

“Yeah, it's me,” he replied softly, brushing a strand of hair away from her face. “You were having a nightmare.”

Jenn's lower lip trembled as her dream flooded back, and she threw herself into his arms, clinging to him as if he were the only thing keeping her afloat. Karl held her tightly, his heart aching at the pain she was in.

She burrowed her face into his neck, breathing in his scent and feeling herself begin to calm almost immediately at his presence, his strong arms around her grounding her, promising safety.

“Please don't leave me,” she begged, voice muffled by his skin. She knew she had no right to ask, but she needed him, she couldn't help it. When he was with her, she felt complete in a way she never had before. Everything felt in balance.

She could feel that he was holding something back from her; she didn't know what terrible secret he felt he needed to keep, didn't know how to convince him that he could trust her. She'd told him everything that she was, everything that she'd endured, given him every piece. She wanted that in return, wanted to be a balm to his pain in the same way he was for her. She wanted to help shoulder whatever the enormous burden was that he carried alone.

Karl felt her shuddering against him, her words ringing in his ears. He knew he shouldn't make promises he wasn't sure he could keep. But looking into her terrified eyes, he realized he couldn't walk away, not when she needed him the most.

“Alright,” he agreed, his voice barely above a whisper. “I won't leave you, Jenn.”

His fingers lightly traced the contours of her spine as he made a silent pledge to protect her. Even from himself.

He knew he was playing with fire, risking everything by getting closer to her. But he couldn't bring himself to pull back, not when she looked at him like that - like he was her savior, her knight in shining armor.

Karl shifted, easing them both back onto the pillows. He kept one arm around her shoulders, holding her close, while his free hand tenderly held her head to his chest.

“Rest now,” he murmured. “I'll be right here.”

Her eyelids fluttered shut, and her breathing gradually slowed as sleep reclaimed her. Karl lay there beside her, staring up at the ceiling as he wrestled with his conscience.

Tomorrow, he would face the fallout of his choices. Tomorrow, he might regret opening his heart to her.

But tonight, he would hold her and pretend they were just like everyone else, without the looming shadows of their pasts. Tonight, he could indulge in the fantasy that they might have a future together.

And for now, that was enough.