I thought someone was trying to break my door down. The noise uprooted me from my sleep. “Get up!” Hot Stuff called from the other side. When I didn’t reply, she gave up punching the door and started kicking it.
“Mmmwake…I’m awake!” I said.
I growled and opened my eyes. I’d fallen into one of those deep slumbers, the kind where you’re too tired to dream and a thousand years seems to have slipped by. I expected my room to be dark because I’d slept all day. To my surprise, daylight filled every corner of the room. The clock told me it was noon. I’d only gotten a few hours of sleep.
“Ugh, have mercy, it’s too early to be up.”
I tried to sit up but got slapped with pain. I yelped and fell back onto the pillows. I tried again this time with the help of my arms, but it wasn't much better. My entire body was sore.
I gritted my teeth and waddled to the door. I could barely lift my mask to my face; it felt like serrated knives were combing through my arms and back. Somehow I made it to the living room where the rest of the team had gathered. Together we moaned in despair.
Spaz was the worst out of all of us. He sat on the couch staring at the wall; his mind seemed far, far away. His skin was ghostly pale.
“I hope you all thought about what I said earlier this morning,” Katherine said as she strode in. “You’re going to need a good reason to get through today.” She smirked. She was the only one not fighting to stay awake. Even our captain looked like she could use a nap.
Katherine ordered us to go outside. As I went down the balcony steps one at a time, apprehension began to overwhelm me. She wasn’t going to make us repeat everything, was she? She couldn’t be that cruel. How were we supposed to run in this sorry state? We were limping and tripping over our feet.
We huddled together on the grass, not even trying to form a line this time. “You know the drill, let’s get those legs moving.” Katherine clapped her hands. She led the way onto the running trail.
I knew right then that it was going to be a very long day.
I was so wrong to think yesterday was unbearable. Today was worse since my body was already spent and tender. It took twice the effort to do things, and it hurt twice as much.
I couldn’t even dream of keeping up with the group. My joints were like rusty hinges. I wasn’t the only one; our team run soon mimicked a cross country run. Everyone was spread out by vast distances, all of us in our own world of torture. I had to keep Hannah at the front of my mind the entire time.
I became more pathetic once we returned to the gym. I had to battle my fatigue as we stuck our hands into the barrels of sand again. My eyelids felt like an elephant was sitting on them, an elephant that kept getting bigger and heavier until its weight was unsupportable. I closed my eyes, and for a blissful moment, I was free of the weight. In the calming darkness, I drifted away…
“Stay awake,” Katherine said.
I fought to open my eyes, and the struggle started all over. Hannah, think of Hannah. In my exhaustion, she seemed like a distant memory.
Finally, we moved on to the hanging exercise. I tried to grab the bar, but the moment I touched it, I thought I'd gotten electrocuted. I managed to get myself up for a moment before the pain forced me to let go.
"Get up there, this is ridiculous!" I thought Katherine was yelling at me, but I wasn't the only one in trouble. The others weren't able to get on to the bar, either. "This is only the second day! If you're burning out on me now…" She shook her head. "When the first mission rolls around, you can consider yourself dead."
The next time I gave it everything I could. I ignored the pain for as long as possible. Only a minute had passed when I fell. I couldn't find the will to try again.
What was I doing? Why was I trying to put up with this torment? I should be at home on my soft bed. The truth was, I knew I could quit and nothing would happen to my family. Katherine wouldn’t let the masked people get so close to us a second time. Sure, I’d like to be the one that kept my sister safe, but I didn’t have to.
Was I staying because I wanted to be like the heroes in my comic books? Honestly, who wouldn’t want powers and the excitement of going on missions like their life was a video game? The attention from a girl couldn’t hurt, either. Of course I wanted to be special, but I sure didn’t care about any of that when my limbs were ready to fall off.
I never wanted to be a police officer or a soldier. So, why on earth was I trying to be a ninja? Protecting the world and bringing justice was honorable, but I didn’t mind someone else doing it for me. I didn’t pay attention to politics or corruption, so why? Why do this? Why was I training for a purpose I didn’t have a passion for? To be important and to stand out wasn’t good enough.
That seemed to be everyone’s problem today. No one had the will to push their hardest. Everyone was locked up in their minds, probably wondering why they were here.
We moved outside again to do balance exercises. “It’s all getting so hard now, isn’t it?” Katherine said. “Whatever life you had back home is starting to sound so much better than this. Think about it…back home you can do whatever you want. The only thing you have to worry about is yourself. What’s keeping you here?” I wobbled as I tried to balance on one leg while holding a heavy sack on my back. The others were wavering, too. “Wolf, why did you want to join?”
Wolf gave a cry of pain. He was shaking worse than I was. His sack was sliding to one side, pulling him with it. His forehead was brighter than a red pepper. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to focus.
“I joined to get away,” Wolf said through his teeth. “You see, I didn’t grow up poor. My father had all the money in the world. He bought me everything I wanted, but he could care less about me—like I’m one of his cars he could easily replace if it got damaged.” He grunted. “I wanted to get away from my fake father and my fake life. I wanted something real.”
“You got something real alright,” Katherine said, crossing her arms. “How’s it feel?”
“Doesn’t feel good.” He spat the words out.
“You’ve got a nice, comfortable life waiting for you. I’m sure you could easily put up with everyone’s phony emotions compared to what you would face doing this,” she said. “Why stay?”
“I don’t know.” Wolf groaned.
“Then you should put that sack down and go.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Why?”
He lowered his head. “The ninja are supposed to be compassionate. They look after one another like family. There’s no room for bogus. I want that…to truly be cared for.”
“What about you, Spaz? Last night you couldn’t take any more. You came back for another round. Why?” Katherine asked.
Spaz was quiet for a long time. I thought he wasn’t going to say anything. Then tears built up in his eyes.
"I'm staying for my friend," Spaz said. "I tried to be the funny guy at school, but everyone thought I was annoying—everyone except Levi. We were best buds." He wiped his eyes. "We were riding our bikes home from school, about to play an epic hour of video games. We looked both ways before crossing the street like you're supposed to, right? Levi started crossing, and a car came out of nowhere. The doctors and whoever said he died on impact. The driver was some teenager. They were texting when they hit him." He shook his head. "I remember…the kid just didn't seem to get how serious it was. The cops and their parents kept yelling, but they didn't care. My friend died because some idiot didn't want to be responsible. I’m staying so I can’t stop other kids dying for stupid reasons."
Katherine nodded heavily and placed a hand on Spaz's shoulder for a moment. "Lily, why do you want to stay? You have a pleasant life. Your family and friends love you. Nothing tragic ever happened to you, or to the people you know."
“No, nothing ever happened to me,” Lily said. She watched the edge of a cloud’s shadow pass over us. “And it would be easy to shrug everything off and say it’s not my problem, but how can I do that and have a clear conscience? No one else can do what I can. No one else has the power to stop something terrible before it happens.” She locked her knee in place and drove away her shaking. “Yeah, I’m giving up my life—my dreams—so that other people can have theirs; but I can live with that.” She looked to the others. “I mean, if we were born normal and someone else had our gifts, wouldn’t we want them out there protecting us?” We all nodded.
“Compassion, responsibility, and duty are all good reasons for staying,” Katherine said. She came over to me and squatted down so our eyes could meet. I focused on the grass instead because I knew what was coming. “What’s your reason, huh? What keeps me from being able to send you back home right now?” she whispered.
“Umm…” I had to think quickly. Didn’t I have some tragic story to explain why I wanted to stay? Did I even have a legitimate reason for being here? “Pretty much what Lily said, I guess? I have a gift that can help, so I’m obligated to help. I couldn’t live with myself if something bad happened that I could’ve prevented,” I said.
Katherine didn't move. I wondered if she wasn't satisfied with my answer. Maybe she could tell that what I told her wasn't entirely accurate.
“Alright.” She sighed. She stood up and went back to overseeing the others.
It was safe to look at her now that she focused on something else. The sun stood right behind her, framing her in a golden halo. She was beyond dazzling.
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I knew why I was staying. I just didn’t want to admit it or think it, because that would make it real. I was driven by my fear of failing, and if I failed that meant going home. I wasn’t afraid of going back to being invisible, ugly, or bored every day; I was afraid to return to a life without her.
She was my guacamole.
For forty years, my mom had never touched guacamole. The sludgy texture and sickly green color made the dip too sketchy for her. Then one day I made her try it, and her entire world changed. Now, she couldn't possibly live without it. She knew her life would be bleak if she couldn't have it anymore, or if she had to find other substitutes because there were none.
Likewise, there were no alternative girls who could fill this spot in my life—a spot I didn't even know needed filling. I didn't care if Katherine was my friend or someone I only saw at the bus stop on Wednesday. As long as she was in my life, I was set.
So, I could put up with the horrific ache in every fiber of my muscles, the possibility of a gruesome death, and sacrificing whatever hopes and dreams I’d had for my life because I knew this girl would be worth it.
"Kaine, you look worse than a skyscraper during an earthquake. Lock it up," Katherine said. All I could do was smile as I fought to keep still.
Thankfully our training day ended at eight p.m. The team retreated into the house. The moment I stepped into the living room, I flopped onto the couch. I shut my eyes and was ready to pass out that instant. Lily and Hot Stuff squeezed in beside me.
“Castile and Wolf, you’ve got kitchen duty tonight,” Katherine said. She was already in the kitchen setting out ingredients. Wolf and Castile had no enthusiasm in their eyes as they joined her.
“Cooking is for a woman,” Wolf said.
Katherine held up a ladle like it was a knife. "Cooking is for anyone who wants to eat." She shoved a box of rice at Castile. "You can make the rice." She turned to Wolf. "And you can cut the vegetables."
The kitchen came to life with clanging, bubbling, and the delicious smell of spices. My stomach rumbled. It felt like it expanded outward, pressing against my other organs to let me know it was empty. I didn't know which was worse: our intense training, or being tortured by the smell of food while starving.
I was too exhausted to occupy my mind with thoughts or have a conversation. All I could do was envision the flavors soon to be in my mouth. It wasn’t long before my stomach made begging noises.
“Dinner!” Katherine said at last.
I did an ungraceful shuffle into the kitchen. The rest period between my yawns was growing shorter. I only had a limited amount of time to get food into my system before I blacked out.
There was no messing around with small bowls or plates tonight. Wolf handed out platters, and Castile then piled them with food. Although, he seemed to be holding back to save a significant amount for himself.
“Lights out after you eat, but I doubt any of you would want to stay up late,” Katherine said. Everyone grumbled in agreement. She seemed rather happy with the amount of anguish we were in.
I lumbered to my room; I couldn't get there fast enough. Then I practically inhaled my dinner. I didn't feel hollow, but I was far from full. I was tempted to sneak out to the kitchen to see if there was any left, then I found I had no will to get off of the bed. I didn't even have the energy to turn off the light. I was lucky I could manage to pull my mask off. I began to float away from consciousness…
Knock. Knock.
"Mmph?" I tried to open my eyes. They felt glued together. I scraped my hands over them to loosen them. The door cracked open, and Katherine poked her head inside.
“You passed out already?”
“Mmmm…yeah…tired,” I said.
She tilted her head to the side and gave me a sympathetic frown. “I need you to come with me.”
"Mmmkay." I fumbled to get my mask on the floor.
“You won’t need it. The others are asleep.”
I wasn’t going to complain that Katherine had woken me from my sleep, or that I was going to have some time alone with her. I just wanted to be more awake for it.
When I came into the hallway, the house was dark. She led the way with a lantern. The light cast a cold blue on the floor and the walls. The long hallway was suddenly creepy with darkness in front of us and behind us. We stood close together and tip-toed. I felt like we were sneaking around.
“What’re we doing?” I whispered.
“There’s a lot I’ve already covered with the others. Since the day is full, I can only teach you at night,” she whispered.
“So, every night I’ll be with you?”
She halted and looked back at me. “Is that a bad thing?”
I threw my head side to side. “No!” Her eyes widened. I coughed and tugged at the bottom of my shirt. “I mean, it’s great, I love spending time with you.” My face scrunched up like I ate a lemon.
She laughed. “You must be really exhausted. You’re acting…different.”
“Yeah, just tired,” I said.
We went down into the basement and outside to the patio. Three square couches with green cushions surrounded the fire pit. A fire was already going with flames that rose to my height. The heat sunk deep into my skin, massaging and soothing my body. It also kept the frosty mountain air at bay.
I found a blanket on one of the armrests and wrapped it around me as I sat down. I stared at the flames; their dancing and fluid waving lulled me into a trance, it was hard to look away.
Katherine sat next to me with a dry erase board in her hands. She shivered as a breeze went past. Without thinking, I wrapped some of the blanket around her.
“Thank you,” she said. I went rigid as her arm brushed over mine. Suddenly, sharing the blanket didn’t seem like such a good idea.
She tucked her hair behind her ear as she drew a diagram. The firelight painted her in a vibrant color. Somehow I'd missed how smooth her skin looked before. I was overtaken with the desire to stroke a finger across her cheek. I had to fight my eyes to get them to focus on the board instead.
“What’s this?”
“These are the five divisions.” She pointed to the pillars she’d drawn.
“What’s the blob on top for?”
"That's the overseeing council. It's made up of five masters, one for each division. They lead the entire organization. Grand Master Enki is seen as our figurehead since he's our founder, he is the oldest living being at nearly three million years old," she said.
“You’re kidding?”
She put a hand over her heart. “I swear it’s the truth.”
“Doesn’t he get bored living so long?”
“Mmm not exactly. He’s hard to comprehend. He’s not like the rest of us. He doesn’t experience emotions the same way we do, or time for that matter,” she said. “Anyway, you and I belong to Combat and Operations. It’s our job to do the dirty work.” She erased one of the pillars and drew circles within circles. “Right now, you’re at the bottom of the rankings as an apprentice. Above you are the genin, our foot soldiers. We operate in squads of six to twelve. Each squad is overseen by a commander, sometimes called chunin—but we don’t really use that word anymore. There are five hundred squads within a legion. Each legion has a shonin, sort of like a general.”
“So, a shonin would be like your boss?” I poked her leg.
“Yes,” she said, trying not to smile. “We do all kinds of missions. Everything from putting out fires, ending wars, and securing dangerous beings. Sometimes you’ll work by yourself and other times you’ll be with the team—”
“How am I getting orders if I’m not with you?”
This time she poked my leg. "Which leads us to the next division: Preservation. Part of their job is to monitor the activity across the globe. We get our orders from them. Whenever you dial 911, they're the ones who answer. They'll either dispatch local police or us. This division is also responsible for cleaning up whatever messes we make. For instance, that night on the highway…the reason there was no news coverage or debris is because they covered it up. They hide pretty much everything, our activity, conspiracy theories, and the latest Bigfoot sighting," she said.
I knew I wasn’t going crazy! I was tempted to ask her how they did it. How’d they get that many people to either forget or be silent about what they saw? Were they also the reason Hannah seemed to have forgotten the incident by the warehouses?
“Our most talented spies and liars work in Preservation. They infiltrate governments and companies. They have eyes and ears everywhere, so we never miss a thing.”
Something about that made me shiver. Suddenly, I wanted to move on to the next division. “What about this science one? Why would the ninja need that?”
“Part of our whole ‘judge wisely’ thing means being knowledgeable. Back when we started, it helped to know that disease came from microorganisms instead of the wrath of the local witch. The Science Division also gives us useful inventions to help make life easier. You can thank them for the refrigerator,” she said and nudged my arm.
“Well, I guess I’m gonna have to.” I laughed.
“As for the Unnamed Division, they look after us. They clean and maintain the base, they manufacture all of our equipment, and they run the infirmary.”
The last division on the board was called the Black Guard. I guessed with a name like that; their job would be something scary. "And what does this last one do?"
“They’re our elite fighting force. They handle the stuff too dangerous for the regular squads. They also guard the base and oversee punishment,” she said.
I recoiled. “What kind of punishment?”
"Don't worry. You have to screw up really, really bad to be sent to them."
“What do the ninja consider bad?”
"If you intentionally harm an innocent person, or you disobey an order, and the result ended up severely hurting someone. For those crimes you could be imprisoned or banished," she said. Some of the tension in my gut loosened. I'd imagined the ninja using ancient torture methods as punishment like tooth pulling and branding. It was relieving to know that they didn't.
“All of this to protect humans?”
The fire hissed as the breeze disturbed it. "Yeah," she said and stretched out her arms. "It's quite a task. We've been around since the dawn of civilization, and we've yet to usher in world peace."
“Why do you let the humans control the world? Why live in secret? With all of these powers, if the ninja just took control, wouldn’t that make it easier?”
She set the board down beside her and traced her fingers with her thumb. "People like power and they fear the things they can't control. If they knew about us, despite all we do for them, they'd turn against us. They'd see us as racist dictators. That because we have stronger genes we think that gives us the right to tell them what to do."
“But isn’t that what you do?”
She shook her head. "Our relationship with the humans is more like a parent. Of course the child is going to think they know better, but they don't. When your mom asked you to do something, and her reasoning was, ‘because I'm the adult' did that make you want to listen?" she asked.
“No, it just made me mad.”
“Humanity is no different no matter how old they are,” she said. She threw another log into the fire pit. The flames fought each other for the right to engulf it.
“It’s hard to imagine that every single one of you wants to devote their lives to serving humans forever.”
She sighed. "Trust me; they don't. You remember the masked people I was protecting you from?"
“The lightning arrow guys.” I nodded.
"They used to be on our side." She watched the fire in a daze. "We call them the Betrayals—Betrayals not Betrayers; betrayer is used to describe a person." Her eyebrows drew closer together, and her eyes turned to slits. "Whatever happens to them when they leave…they become less than human. They are evil, manipulative things. All they care about is themselves and getting whatever will benefit them.”
For a long time, she looked like she remembered something terrible. Whatever it was, it was bad enough to make the most caring girl I'd ever known, fill up with pure hatred. I was afraid she'd lash out and break something.
"They do whatever they can to prevent us from helping people. They try to kill or convert any potential apprentices, which is why they came after you," she said with a rigid jaw. "They were behind the Nazi movement; they unleashed the black plague and thousands of other disasters."
For the first time, I wanted a history lesson. I wanted to know what really happened, but I didn’t think this was the time to ask. So I waited for her anger to subside.
“I’ve got something for you,” she said and handed a black book to me. In gold letters across the cover read: The Essential Guide to Ninjutsu 7TH Edition by Genevieve Florence. "Everything you need to know is in there. I suggest you read it in your free time and don't lose it."
“At this rate, everything I own will be something I can’t afford to lose,” I said.
"Good, you're starting to catch on." She smiled. I tried to laugh, but all I could do was yawn. "I think I’ve already stolen too much of your sleep for one night.” She slipped out of the blanket and came to her feet.
“I wish I was more awake to be able to deny that,” I said. I felt so torn between my need to sleep and my desire to be in her company.
She took the lantern and led the way back to my room. We stopped in front of my door. “I suppose this is goodnight,” she whispered.
"Sweet dreams," I said as I cracked my door open. She took a few slow steps backward. She looked surprised by the words like no one had said them to her in a long time.
“You too,” she said and turned around. I watched her go to the mysterious doors at the end of the hall. I wondered what lay on the other side.