"The next phase is all about strength and endurance. At the end, there will be an exam. You must be able to lift a minimum of two thousand pounds, run a mile in under twenty seconds, and survive falling from fifty stories,” Katherine said on the first morning of our third week.
Spaz looked like his face had been smacked with a wooden plank. “How’re we supposed to do all that?!”
“Yeah, we can’t survive a fall from that height,” Lily said. She crinkled the bottom of her shirt in her hands repeatedly.
"It's completely possible," Kavi said. "My grandfather fell from twenty-five stories. But, it was into water."
Katherine shook her fist the way motivational speakers did. "See? With the right conditioning, you'll easily be able to withstand more."
“Okay, but why do we need to be able to do that in the first place?” Spaz asked.
“Some of our enemies can generate an enormous amount of force. I don’t want anyone dying from a hard punch,” Katherine said. “Also, if you build up your strength and neglect your endurance, your body will break when you try to use your abilities.”
Hot Stuff started to rise but froze as Spaz's hand shot into the air. "What happens if we fail the exam?" he asked.
Katherine rubbed her hands together. She seemed like she’d rather not answer that. “If you can’t pass, I’m afraid you won’t be fit for combat. You won’t be on the team. However, I will do my best to find a suitable place for you in a different division.”
“But we’d have to start all over,” Wolf said. “We wouldn’t know anyone or anything.”
She nodded. “In a way, yes. You’d be training to do their jobs instead of operations.”
"You can't even get into some of those divisions!" Spaz said. He turned to the rest of us. "It's true! The Science Division makes you take some kind of genius test, and if you don't answer everything right you can't get in!"
“Then I guess you all have a lot of incentive to pass my exam,” Katherine said.
“Let’s get to work!” Hot Stuff said before Spaz could think of another question.
Together, we made our way down to the gym. Hot Stuff had set up different stations around the room. At each one, we were supposed to perform three exercises then rotate. I tried to pick the one that looked the least daunting; the only equipment at station three was a rack of dumbbells. Katherine blew her whistle, and the gym filled up with noise.
"So, going for the easy station first?" Katherine said as she came up behind me. I stopped moving; I knew I was in trouble. "Good thing I caught you before you slacked off." She gave me a mocking smile. She put two colossal dumbbells at my feet. With her hands on her hips, she waited for me to begin.
She managed to move them easily enough so they couldn’t have been that heavy, but when I tried to lift them, I thought I was trying to lift Mount Everest. The weights didn’t even budge. The harder I tried to get them off of the ground, the more I worried I’d bust the vein in my forehead. I panted and put my hands on my knees.
"Come on; I don't have all day," she said. I groaned and tried again. The blisters forming on my hands were getting pinched.
“Grah! I can’t! It’s too heavy,” I said. “I need something lighter.”
“Not an option,” she said. “What if this was a steel beam that fell on you? Are you just going to lay there and die because you can’t lift it off of you?”
My forehead knotted up. “That’s not fair!”
“Pick. It. Up.”
I wasn't happy with her and, honestly, I wanted to chuck the dumbbells at her. I tried once more; maybe it was my irritation that helped because the weights moved this time. I yelled as I brought them off of the floor.
I had to use my entire body to hoist the weights over my head. It felt like gravity was crushing me. My arms vibrated and I realized I didn’t have the strength to lower the weights. I jumped back as I dropped them.
“Ha! I did it!”
“Good, now do it again.”
For the entire hour, she followed me and barked orders at me. She was loud enough to draw the others’ attention. I wondered why she wasn’t harassing any of them. I would’ve loved for her to ignore me right then. Maybe this was her way of getting back at me for asking questions she didn’t want to answer.
“Keep going, Kaine. If I can’t convince you to leave, then I’m going to make sure you survive,” she said as she piled more weight onto me.
By the time Katherine announced we were moving on, I was so weak I couldn't lift my canteen. My arms felt like limp noodles. I'd gotten so sweaty my uniform was sagging from trying to absorb it all.
We spent the rest of the afternoon outside. The sun baked us as we were forced to hold heavy logs over our heads, sit in a bucket of ice, and hit a punching bag wrapped in sand paper for as long as we could. Everyone’s hands were bloody by the end of the day.
I couldn't bend my fingers to hold a fork, so I had to eat my dinner out of the bowl like a dog. I was in too much pain to fall asleep. I managed to drag myself outside towards the pool.
The pool had a beach-like entry, and the water was so dark at the deep end I'm sure a submarine could fit down there. I followed a winding path lined with trees wrapped in white lights to what I was searching for, the hot tub.
I didn’t bother unmasking, I just sunk into the bubbling water. A deep sigh escaped me as gravity’s pressing weight was taken from me. I leaned my head back against the ledge. It was only me and the stars—
"Hey, there you are," Katherine said. I'd been trained to dread her voice all day. I winced as I saw her coming.
I waved at the air. “No, leave me be you cruel woman,” I said.
She laughed as she sat down and put her feet in the water. “I’m cruel because I want you to live?”
“You didn’t give me a single break! And you’re always singling me out. You never treat the others like this,” I said.
She kicked her legs back and forth. “Sure, I do.”
“And I’ll believe that when pigs fly.”
She frowned and watched the water. "Well, if you hate it so much, you can always quit," she said. I was used to her saying that phrase with more conviction. This time it was like she didn't want to say the words.
“Is that really why you’re so hard on me? You don’t want me here?”
She dipped her fingers into the water and flicked a couple of drops at me. "I never said I didn't want you here." She stood up and wandered off into the darkness.
I shrugged and shook my head. If she wanted me here, then she sure had a funny way of showing it.
----------------------------------------
It was searing outside, but it wouldn’t last long. A storm was moving in. The clouds were bloated with rain and angry with lightning, and reached so high they dwarfed the mountains below them.
Everyone gathered around the pool. We watched Katherine, and Hot Stuff drive mini dump trucks up to the water, pouring in hundreds upon hundreds of pounds of ice. Katherine dropped gelatin dummy people into the deep end. There was one for each of us.
“This exercise is simple: you’re going to endure the delightfully refreshing water to rescue your victims,” Katherine said. “Keep in mind that you will be timed.” She put a whistle to her lips and blew.
One by one, the team started to wade into the water. I gritted my teeth as the water wrapped around my shoes. I thought it would feel good compared to the extreme heat. Now my body was miserable half-frozen and half-roasting.
The water was such a shock to my system that my body locked up. I stood there shivering for three minutes. My skin turned pale, and my fingers became numb. My teeth chattered. When I found the will to walk further into the pool, it felt like the water was replaced with broken glass.
I shut my eyes. It felt like all of the heat in my body was draining out, but I knew it was pulling inward to protect my core. I focused on the heat gathering in my torso. I willed it to increase. I felt the tiniest bit of warmth radiate outward. It could’ve been in my head, but I was able to stop shivering. I swam for the deep end.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved being in the water because it helped to keep me at a comfortable temperature. Usually, I was too hot. There was only one thing I didn’t like about swimming pools—especially big ones—and that was the deep end.
My lungs compressed as I saw the nearly vertical dip in the pool floor. The water was darker and more menacing down there. I could see the dummies lying on the bottom. I almost had a heart attack when I saw mine was on the drain.
I went to the surface for air. I had to control my fear or I would run out of breath before I reached my dummy. First of all, it was impossible to get sucked through the drain's grate. Second, there was nothing sinister living in the drain that could get me, but irrational fears couldn't be reasoned with.
“Get moving!” Katherine hollered.
I dived back under. Lily swam by and gave me an encouraging wave. I nodded and inched closer to the deep end.
I tried to keep my eyes on the dummy and ignore the drain, but they disobeyed me. The bars on the drain were like white teeth over a wide mouth. It groaned and gurgled as it sucked the water towards it. I could feel it pulling me in.
I was afraid that if I got too close, I wouldn't be able to escape its pull. Every part of me wanted to turn around, but I knew I couldn't go without that stupid dummy. I just had to grab it, and then I could flee.
The darkness of the water closed in around me. The drain grew larger and larger until the dummy became the size of a pencil and the drain was as big as a state. All I could see was the abyss staring at me, waiting to pull me in.
I reached as far as I could and at last, I felt my fingers on the dummy. I snatched a limb and spun around. I launched myself towards the other end of the pool, forgetting my aches and pains. The next thing I knew I was coming out of the shallow water, gasping for air.
"You've got some impressive sea legs there," Hot Stuff said. "Took you five minutes to get out there and one-hundredth of a second to swim back. That's the fastest time today."
I blinked. “What?”
Hot Stuff went to time someone else, but I stood there unable to move. Had I really gone that fast? I looked over at Wolf who was drying off. I would’ve figured since he had the water power that he would’ve been faster.
“Well, I was going to give you a towel, but you seem to be drying off just fine,” Lily said. I looked down and saw I was steaming again.
"I guess the thought still counts," I said and took the towel. I ran it through my hair as we sat down on one of the benches and waited for the others to rescue their dummies.
“I’m curious about what sort of ability will spring out of this heat thing,” she said.
I threw my towel down. “If any surfaces at all.”
“You just have to keep working on it. You’ll get it.”
“It’s hard to notice that I’ve made any improvement—”
"—because you have to outdo what you've already done." Lily nodded, and we laughed. She looked at her palms covered in blisters. "I couldn't get the weights over my head today, and look what it did to my hands."
“That looks painful.” I shuddered.
“I’ve been reassured that they will heal and the softness will return. In the meantime, I have to put up with sand paper skin,” she said and shook her head.
The whistle screeched again. “Well, done. Everyone managed to save their dummies. Probably not before they drowned, but at least you retrieved a body,” Katherine said.
We finished as the clouds swarmed above us, dimming the bright day. Thunder began to rumble. Our commander paid no mind to the storm. She led us away from the pool to the open field. Lying on the ground waiting for us were long combat staffs. One end of the staff was blue, and the other was red.
"Everyone find a partner. Kaine, you're with me," Katherine said as she picked up a staff. I took the one across from her. I thought the red and blue ends were full of soft foam. I frowned when I felt rocks inside. "Your goal here is to hit your opponent as many times as possible and as hard as you can. You want your body to adapt to getting bruised."
Katherine spun her staff. I felt something hit my ankles and I was thrown backward. My head smashed into the grass. "Ow." I groaned as my head spun. I got back up and gripped my staff tightly, trying to prepare for another attack. A fat raindrop splattered against my forehead, then another and another.
“Begin.”
I heard the others yell with excitement and charge to attack their partner. The sound of the rock filled sacks smacking into bodies was deafening. I gulped and turned back to Katherine. She didn’t bother taking a fighting stance.
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“How am I supposed to hit you?” I asked.
“You’re not.”
She blurred. I felt the end of her staff whack the back of my head. I tripped over my feet as I struggled to stay upright. The back of my head throbbed. The flesh was already tender from falling; now it hurt even more. I couldn't see her move; I could only wait to get struck. I doubled over as she hit my stomach.
“Ow! Okay! Okay! You got me!” I said, rubbing my stomach.
“I hope you don’t do that in a fight.”
She struck my knee. A sharp pain flared up my leg. I shouted and gripped my knee. She hit the back of my head again. I growled with anger; I could feel nasty welts covering my body.
I spoke through my teeth. “Isn’t there a better way to do this?”
“No, not really.”
Lightning flickered overhead. Suddenly, the world looked a nightclub with flashing strobe lights. The thunder rolled and shook the ground.
I watched Katherine encircle me. My hands were trembling with fear. She was a billion times faster than me and stronger. I never thought that miraculous power would turn on me.
“How about you move as slow as me?” I said. “That’s fair.”
She smiled malevolently. "If you think that will make this fair, fine."
“You don’t have to hit so hard either…”
"An enemy won't pull their punches," she said as she lunged towards me. I threw my body aside to try and dodge the attack. The blue end of her staff smacked my ear. For a moment, the world went silent, and all I could hear was a ringing noise. "You should at least try to hit me.”
I grunted. “I am trying!" I charged towards her, swinging my staff in a wide arc. With no trouble, she deflected it and jabbed me in the chest. I fell back. The rain soaked the ground, and the dirt had turned to mud.
I got up and tried to wipe the sludge off of me. Katherine didn't wait; she swatted my arm. I cried out and nursed my arm. I didn't know if the staff was better or worse than if she were using her fists; either way, it was painful. I felt like the thunder itself hit me.
Katherine’s expression hardened. I wasn’t her student or her friend anymore; I was her enemy. She went after me without sympathy. I did my best to block her, but she may as well have been fighting a pumpkin. She would strike me down to the ground again and again. Stupidly, I kept getting up.
At last, I didn't have the strength to lift my staff. I had no energy to try to move out of the way, either. She hit my stomach so hard; blood exploded into my mouth. I tried to shout, but only a bone-chilling, gurgling sound came out. I flopped onto the mud as she continued to batter me.
I gasped in shock as the pain hit me in wave after wave. I tried to curl up into a ball. My body turned into putty, and she was an angry artist pounding me into any lumpy shape she wanted. I'm sure I was crying, but my tears were lost in the rain spraying my face.
Katherine grabbed my wrist and twisted my arm back behind me. Her other hand put pressure on my elbow. “No! No! Please!” I cried.
CRACK! A bomb of agony exploded in my arm and rippled all the way up to my brain. Once it reached my mind, it was so overwhelming I blacked out.
I was afraid to wake up. I knew what was waiting for me. The second I opened my eyes, a horrific throbbing welcomed me all over my body. I wanted to shout, but only a stressed gust of breath escaped my lungs.
I was back in my room, on the bed. The late afternoon storm had lasted long into the night, but now it was fading. The thunder was far off. The rain came in little drops that streaked across the window. The aroma of dinner lingered in the air, but the house was quiet. The others were probably asleep. I looked down and saw my arm was in a cast.
I tried to sit up. The pain that hit me felt like I was hugging a thorny bush. I flopped back onto my pillow, hissing.
“Mmmph.” Surprised that someone else was in the room, I tried to see who it was.
Curled up in a chair beside my bed was Katherine. She was fast asleep with a handmade quilt thrown over her. The deeper into sleep she fell, the more her foot tried to slip off of the chair. On the third slip, she jolted and woke up. She rubbed the exhaustion away from her eyes and noticed I was awake.
"Hey," she said, flashing a wide relieved smile. The indifferent killer that had smashed my body to bits was nowhere to be seen. I was so glad to have the regular Katherine back.
I shut my eyes. The pain was ripping through me. I couldn’t grip the bed or groan because that hurt too. “Hi.” I breathed out.
“I know you must feel rotten,” she said.
“I feel like I narrowly escaped with my life.”
“Well, in a sense…you did.”
“Thanks for not killing me then.”
“I’m only tough because I care,” she said. “The harder I hit you, the better prepared you’ll be.” She held up a glass of lemonade for me. Thankfully, there was a straw. It went down chilly and smooth.
“Ah, I never thought lemonade could taste so good,” I said. She stuck a thermometer under my tongue.
“Your body is responding well. You’re a hundred and five,” she said. “You’ll rest for tonight and heal. Tomorrow, you should be set to get back out there.” I was not thrilled to hear I only had one night to recover.
“Will you stay with me?” I asked. “Since we can’t do our usual nightly training?” She looked at the door uncomfortably. I could tell she was going to find an excuse to say no. “Please? You did this to me; it’s only fair you nurse me back to health.” She laughed.
“I suppose that’s true,” she said.
“We could watch a movie.” I tried to smile, but my face was too swollen. I felt a twinge of fear. I must look terrible. Katherine didn’t seem repulsed—maybe because she felt too guilty. “What do you like?”
“You don’t want to watch my movies,” she said.
“C’mon, I’m curious.”
“Okay…but don’t say I didn’t give you a choice.”
It turned out that her favorite movies were musicals. I thought they were outrageously cheesy, but I liked watching them with her. She chewed her thumb and tried not to hum along to the songs. She watched me nervously from the corner of her eye.
During the more romantic parts, she was so caught up in them she didn't realize she was gripping my hand. I stroked it and memorized every sensation her skin gave me. When she realized our hands were touching, she let go rapidly. Five minutes passed, and her hand slowly crept back into mine. This time I felt like she'd done it intentionally.
I don't know when I passed out again. The next time I woke up, it was early in the morning. The sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon. The darkness of the night had yet to lift fully.
I searched the room and found Katherine had given up trying to sleep on the chair. She was on the bed beside me, her hand still grasping mine. As if sensing my eyes on her, she woke up and bolted out of bed. She ran her hands over her wrinkled shirt.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to get on the bed,” she said.
“It’s okay. I’m sure the chair wasn’t exactly comfortable.”
“I have to go before the others wake up.” She dashed out of the room.
Once she was gone, I tried to get up. It hurt a lot, but my bruises felt like they’d had three days to heal instead of one night. Unfortunately, my broken arm hadn’t made any improvements. I was filled with dread and wondered what on earth Katherine was going to make me do with it.
I found my mask on the table. Somehow it had been washed. Although it had a crunchy feel to it from the blood, I pulled it on and went down the hall. I moved slowly to test how mobile I could be without hurting.
"Wow, he's still alive!" Spaz said as I came into the living room. The team's drowsiness was replaced by astonishment. "Dude, I've never seen the commander beat anyone like that before!"
“Thought you be dead for certain,” Kavi said.
“Uh, no, thankfully. I’m still here,” I said.
“You must really want to be a ninja,” Spaz said. “What, did your parents die or something and you swore to be a hero?”
“No,” I said and sat down. “Was it really that bad?”
“Yeah!” everyone said in unison.
“You were choking on your own blood while lying in a pool of it,” Wolf said.
“The commander was worried you might’ve had too much internal bleeding,” Lily said. “She carried you inside. After that, we didn’t see or hear a word from you guys. Hot Stuff tried to see was going on, but the commander shouted at her to go away. She was so upset that she might’ve gone too far.”
“I guess I was kind of out of it,” I said.
“Food’s ready,” Hot Stuff announced. She’d made rice balls and spring rolls. “Good to see you’re alright,” she said as she filled my plate.
When everyone finished eating, we gathered in the gym. The weight stations were waiting for us. Hot Stuff seemed to be the one giving us orders today. Katherine stood off in the corner, watching us yet not really watching us. Her mind was somewhere else.
“I know it hurts, but if you lift with your broken arm too, you’ll force it to heal faster,” Hot Stuff said. I gave her a begging look. She shook her head sadly. “You can do it.”
I did what she wanted me to. It did not feel like it was helping my arm. It felt like I was making it worse. Still, Hot Stuff was less demanding than Katherine. She let me do my exercises with a heavy sack rather than try to heave the dumbbells around.
After two hours, Hot Stuff led us outside. I swung my good arm backward, trying to sooth the aching muscles. I kept my broken arm close to me; I wasn't allowed to have a sling for it. I kept trying to look back as casually as I could. Katherine was bringing up the rear. Her arms were folded over in front of her as she stared at the grass. I wanted to ask her what was wrong, but there never seemed to be an appropriate time.
We hit the pool again. Instead of rescuing the dummies from the deep end, we had to swim laps lugging them behind us. I almost drowned trying to do it with one arm.
Katherine could no longer watch from afar as we got to the combat staff exercise again. She dragged her staff across the ground as she came towards me. I held mine up in an attempt to block her. It turned out that I didn't need to bother; she barely tapped me. I was able to land a hit on her, but only because she stood there staring into space.
“What’s wrong? This is your favorite part of the day; you get to hit me, remember?” I said and offered a wide open shot at my chest. She didn’t move. I grabbed her arm and tried to get her to hit me.
She dropped the staff. “I can’t do this.”
“But what about making sure I—?”
She started walking away. The whole team stopped and watched her disappear into the woods. Even Hot Stuff wasn’t sure what to do for a second.
“Well, gang, looks like the commander’s a bit tired. Why don’t we cut today short?” Hot Stuff said.
“Yes!” The others cheered. They threw their staffs onto the ground and ran towards the house. Hot Stuff rubbed the back of her head as she watched the trees.
“Shouldn’t you go after her?” I asked.
“I dunno, mate. Never seen her like this before,” she said. “Think she needs some time alone.” She started gathering the staffs. I helped her carry a couple.
We walked a long way to an old white barn. The paint was peeling, and some of the wood was cracked. It looked like it had seen one too many storms. She pushed the door open. The stale smell of hay and dust hit me.
It didn't look like much from the outside, but the inside was spacious. I saw a drivable lawn mower, gardening tools, and plastic bins. It was nothing out of the ordinary until we moved further back. There was an assortment of targets made out of different materials. Dummies lay in unorganized piles.
Hot Stuff dropped her load and brushed off her hands. I threw mine onto the stack, then wandered over to a rack of spears. I ran my finger down a black shaft. There wasn’t a speck of dust on it. Katherine must’ve come down here often to make sure they were in good condition.
“She has so many weapons, but we never practice with any of them,” I said.
“You’ve got to ease into it,” she said. “You don’t give a soldier a gun on their first day of boot camp for a reason.” She led me away from the weapons and towards the exit.
“Why are we taking the rest of the day off? Shouldn’t we be cramming as much in as we can? We have that test coming up,” I said, looking over the valley as she locked the barn.
“I figured everyone deserved a break, at least until the commander comes back to her senses. Might as well enjoy it while you can,” she said.
The house was far from quiet when we returned. Castile and Spaz ran around fighting each other with foam swords. Wolf hogged the basement TV to play video games. Kavi was playing with a soccer ball he'd brought to life. He would kick it down the hall, and it would hop back to him like a happy puppy. Lily was waiting for us in the living room with a stack of games.
Being able to do something fun was nice. I lost track of time instead of counting every second I was in pain. Yet, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Katherine had been quiet and distant the whole day. Simply wandering off into the woods instead of trying to prepare us was out of character for her.
Hot Stuff giggled as she messed with the game pieces. Lily shrieked and stretched across the table. “No, you can’t give me another kid!” Lily said.
“You pulled the card. You can’t make up your own rules now.”
“Where’re you gonna even put it?! My car is full!”
“It’ll have to be the neglected child trailing along behind the car then.” Hot Stuff fought to say through her laughter.
“No! Quit giving me kids!” Lily swatted our captain. I was pretty sure the game was over when Lily tore her over the table, knocking everything over. The girls fell into a giggling heap on the floor and hit each other with the couch pillows.
I smiled and looked around, still hoping Katherine would appear out of the shadows. I was disappointed when she didn’t. It was after nightfall now. Surely, she had to be back. I got up and tried to step over Lily and Hot Stuff, but Hot Stuff snatched my ankle.
“Save me!” she cried. “She’s tickling my feet!!!”
“Sorry, you did it to yourself,” I said.
“Nooo!!!”
I searched the house for Katherine, but I didn't have any luck. I even knocked on her bedroom door; I didn't get an answer. Discouraged, I went to sulk by the window. That's when I saw the lights outside. Maybe she was out there.
About a dozen yards from the house, there were flaming torches in a circle. The wind made the flames look crooked. I stopped in the shadows. Katherine was standing in the center of the torches. She had her sword in one hand. She took a fighting stance; her legs were in a deep lunge. They didn't shake with weakness; it seemed she could've held the pose for millennia. She inhaled deeply and then went through a series of swift moves. She was attacking some invisible enemies. The way she moved was fluid like water. She was so graceful she looked more like a ballerina dancing with a katana.
“Wow,” I said. Katherine spun around on her heels, breathing hard. She brushed the hair out of her face. “When are you gonna teach me to do that?”
“When you’re ready.”
“I think I’m pretty ready.”
“Is that so?” She smiled. “You think you can handle a blade sharp enough to sever your spine like butter?”
“I figure the sooner I start, the better.”
“Alright,” she said and tossed her sword over to me.
“WHOA!” I shouted and darted to the side as the sword clattered to the ground. I looked at her like she was insane.
“You said you were ready.”
"I didn't mean throw a sword at me," I said and shook my head. I picked up the sword. It was lighter than I thought it would be. The silk on the hilt was soft but worn out with use. I could see faint bloodstains on it.
She appeared behind me, and I lost my ability to move. She put her hand over mine and squeezed. "Hold it firmly, but not too tight. Then you want to make wide, slicing cuts." She guided my arm up and then downward like I was attacking someone in slow motion. "Got it?"
“I-I think so.”
She stepped away from me. I took in a shaky breath. The ground reverberated and the next thing I knew a giant mound of dirt was flying towards me. I hollered and swung at the dirt like the sword was a baseball bat. The dirt ball broke apart and covered me. I hissed because moving had hurt my broken arm.
Katherine laughed. “Well, at least you hit it.” When she took the sword from my hand, all of the dirt slid off of me.
“Thanks.”
She picked up the sword’s green scabbard lying on the ground. Something was written in a lime green color down the center of the scabbard. The symbols flowed like cursive. The very last symbol looked like a crude butterfly with a tail. Her weapon made a pleasant ring as it slid into its case.
She pulled up one of the torches from the ground and started walking off into the darkness. She glanced back. “Walk with me?” I didn’t hesitate to follow.
I figured we were far enough away from the house and no one would bother us, I pulled my mask off. I hooked my thumbs into my pockets and let my hands hang.
We didn’t say anything for a long time. The silence wasn’t uncomfortable. It was nice to simply walk with her and enjoy her company without the pressure of needing to talk about something. I looked at her and worried she didn’t feel the same, but she was perfectly at ease.
Eventually, she said, "You're ruining my resolve." She turned to me with a playful glimmer in her eyes. "I was used to being alone, and now I'm starting to like having company. What am I going to do if you go and get yourself killed?"
My eyes just about fell out. “Sheesh, it’s good to know you have faith in me.”
She watched her feet as she balanced from tiny stone to stone. “I’m sorry. I do have faith you, I just worry.”
“Worried you’ll be alone?”
She nodded slowly. “Everything I’ve ever cared about, I’ve lost. I can’t help but expect it.” I dared to take her hand and squeeze it.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I said. She grimaced and wiggled out of my grip. She took a few steps ahead of me.
“You don’t make it any better.”
“I’m just trying to be your friend…?”
She turned around. “That’s the problem,” she said. “I’m not supposed to be your friend. I’m supposed to be your teacher. I can’t get attached…to any of you.”
“It’s okay to want to be around someone. It’s not a crime.”
“No, it’s only asking for a world of pain later.”
“You’re going to stop being my friend because of ‘what if?’ Well, what if I don’t die? You’ll be pushing me away for nothing,” I said. “Isn’t it better to have known someone for whatever time you have with them, then not at all?”
Tension gathered in her eyes. “It’s better to avoid the pain.”
“Pain isn’t a bad thing. Pain tells you that it was worthwhile,” I said, stepping closer to her. “The more it hurts, the more you know you did something right.” My hands were quivering as I put them on her arms. “I would hate to see a girl so unafraid to leap off buildings and fight guys twice her size be defeated by her fear of what if.”
It was quiet enough to hear a nearby stream trickling. The cold look in her eyes began to fade. I could feel her muscles relax.
“You don’t have to push me away,” I whispered. “You don’t have to be alone.”
She screwed her eyes closed and dropped her head onto my chest. "Why do you have to be different?" She groaned. "I wasn't awesome, but I was okay on my own. I could handle not needing someone. I don't know what to do with this. I don't know how to respond to you."
“What do you mean?”
"I'm used to guys drooling over me, or saying I have a nice butt," she said and laughed half-heartedly. "I don't know what to do when you look at me like I'm the only thing you've ever wanted. Every wall I try to put up, you blow through it."
I couldn't contain the smile that stretched across my face. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her. I loved the way she felt in my arms, everything about it felt right.
“I don’t want to need you,” she whispered, “but I do.” I felt her fingers clutch the back of my shirt. I ran a hand across her back.
“It’s okay,” I said. “I need you too.”