Chapter 33: The Arbiter

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Spilling my story to an audience of one was bad enough. When I told Nathaniel everything back at his house, it felt like I was going to drive myself crazy. Doing it in front of three people — with two of them being relative strangers — has me wondering if I’m unwittingly foaming at the mouth.

The only thing that keeps me from trying to find a rock to hide under is Jessica.

The woman doesn’t even flinch. She doesn’t raise her brows or give me a look of disbelief. No matter how strange my story gets — no matter how bizarre — she remains cool as a cucumber. Hell, I even get the impression mine isn’t the weirdest she’s heard.

Given where we’re sitting as I tell it, it probably isn’t.

We followed Jessica through a series of hallways that started slanting downwards. The underbelly of this church is straight out of an Indiana Jones movie. As we went deeper and deeper, it was easy to tell that we’d moved underground. Now and then I saw people walking past us: most of them were fit and young and wearing sleek uniforms with the symbol of a sword and shield over their hearts. I tried to get a better look at the image, but they moved past too quickly for me to make out anything else.

Jessica’s office is shaped like an octagon, the angles precisely cut in a way that I assume would have been impossible for the time it was built. She’s sitting behind a large oak desk, her hands interlaced loosely together. We’re seated on twin sofas in front of her, angled in her direction: Nathan is beside me, straight-backed to the point of looking uncomfortable. Dakota sits across from us. I can tell the two glance at each other occasionally, and there’s a palpable tension between them.

“You want us to intercede with the Archive on your behalf, then,” the Arbiter states. She studies me in a way that makes me want to straighten out my posture, and now I understand why Nathan looks like he’s been carved out of marble.

“If you’d be willing,” I reply. “The…the man I’ve been traveling with implied you might prevent them from offing me if our meeting goes South.”

“That creature is not a man.”

I swing my gaze towards Dakota. He spoke the words with such an edge of vitriol that it raised the gooseflesh on my arms. I clear my throat, subduing the spike of anger that follows. I can’t just explode at these people. I have to be rational.

“He’s saved my life,” I say. “Many times at this point. No matter what he is, I’m not just going to abandon him.”

I should say more. I should tell them the things William told me. About how the Archive made him what he is. For some reason, I can’t stop thinking about that golden thread I saw during the eldritch horror’s attack. Something about it stuck out to me. I feel like if I could just touch it, if I could just get it to come to me…

But no. I don’t know if that information would be damaging to him. Hell, I haven’t even mentioned William’s name. I know full well that the incubus likes me, and even then he wasn’t willing to give up that name.

There must be a reason for that, even if I don’t know what it is.

“The demon is bound to you, Miss Grace,” Jessica says. Her voice is gentle as she explains, and usually I’d find that patronizing, but there’s no hint of that. “The Archive employs people with very particular talents. The kinds of people who can bind dangerous entities into service.” Disapproval ripples across her face. “It is most likely being forced to look after your wellbeing.”

I shake my head. “You don’t understand,” I begin. “He…”

She holds up a hand, the gesture equal parts placating and firm. I trail off, curling my fingers into fists against my knees.

“You have to understand the purpose of our Order is to root those creatures out. To destroy them, or send them back where they belong.” She pauses, letting that sink in. “We have seen things you cannot begin to imagine, horrors that would put even what you’ve experienced thus far to shame. Your demon? It cannot survive in this plane without taking the lives of others. Every time it has to feed, someone must die.” She tilts her head slightly. “Is that something you find acceptable?”

An image of the emaciated girl with the needle tracks on her arms flits through my mind. Even knowing what I know, can I explain that? Can I reconcile it to this woman? I run my fingers through my hair, trying to come up with an answer.

“The demons that the Archive employs are less damaging,” Jessica continues, proving her question was rhetorical. Her gaze is still pinned to me, and now it makes me want to squirm. “Only because they are on a leash. Our Order deals with the creatures that slip through the veil on their own — that infest people and drive them to do monstrous things. I have seen children murder their parents. I have seen mothers butcher their sons.”

There’s anger in Jessica’s voice. Not anger at me — it’s righteous anger, fury at the travesties she hasn’t been able to stop. “You may think Dakota Hunter rash or violent, but let me be clear: his actions were warranted. We did not know what we were dealing with. Your demon could have butchered both him and your friends.” She flashes a glance toward Nathan, who looks down at his hands. “And I doubt that is something you would have wanted.” Drawing in a breath, she fixes me with a stare that makes me wither. “You could have been the one to do the killing, if you were the one possessed. Do you understand? You would have watched through the windows of your own eyes as you butchered the ones you loved.”

Across from me, I see Dakota’s face tighten. The lines graven on his face make him seem far older than he is. His fingers clench so tightly that I can see the tendons in his hands. He doesn’t say anything, but I can make a few guesses about why his reaction is so strong.

I decide I forgive him for pointing a gun at me.

They aren’t going to help William. To boot, I can’t blame them. No matter how I feel about him, Jessica isn’t wrong. William is dangerous. He does kill people. But I’ve met people far more evil than he is. Assuming he’s as old as he claims, I can’t help but wonder: what kind of a person was he before the Archive made him what he is now?

This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.

How good did he have to be to start with, to retain any of his humanity for so long?

Still. I can’t convince them of that. As we sit in silence, Jessica waiting for me to speak, I decide the only card I really have up my sleeve is the truth.

“I want to get into the Archive because I think I might be dangerous.”

Dakota stiffens at that. He doesn’t reach for his gun, but he turns his attention fully to me. Nathan frowns, reaching out to put a hand on my shoulder. “Lydia…”

I shake my head. “I think she knows it already.” I nod towards the Arbiter. She gives me a kind smile, tinged with sadness. “I blew out your wards, and I wasn’t even trying. I’m telling you the truth: I don’t know what I am, and that terrifies me. I’m not possessed, no, but I think there’s something else inside of me. Now that I’ve been bound to William, it’s been let loose.”

I pause, and when I speak again, my voice is hoarse.

“I don’t want to hurt anybody. I don’t want to die either, don’t want some monster to come sniffing me out to eat me. The Archive is the only chance I’ve got at getting a handle on things. I have to take that chance, you understand? I don’t have a choice.”

Now that I’ve said the words, I have to face just how true they are. What if I’m evil? Even if it’s not that simple, I’m a disaster waiting to happen. This entire church is vulnerable right now just because I walked inside. What if the wrong interests got ahold of me and used me for that sort of thing against my will?

“You understand that we cannot simply go against the Archive,” Jessica says. Her voice is stern, but not unkind. “Our truce with them is precarious at best. They inform us of demonic creatures that slip through the veil so they can be dispatched properly. We turn a blind eye to their affairs in exchange.” She draws in a breath. “The Archive’s main purpose is beneficial, but the kind of power their organization offers has…attracted the wrong kinds of people over the years.” She grimaces. “They will intervene when there’s some great catastrophe — mostly because such a thing would disrupt their own designs — but they are not benevolent, Lydia. If they truly want to meet with you, to offer you any kind of protection, understand that it will come with strings.” She stops for a moment, then shakes her head. “No. Not strings. With hooks.”

I grimace. “I know. Or I figured as much. But like I said, I really don’t have a choice. Unless you…?”

I look between her and Dakota. The latter manages to look sympathetic, the lines softening back out of his face, reminding me of the first impression I got of him. Jessica shakes her head.

“Our Order’s purpose is clear and specific. We don’t deal with anything outside of the scope of demonic forces. That is what we are called to. Believe me, Lydia: if we had any information, we would give it to you. As it stands, all I could offer would be guesses, bits of information I’ve gathered over my years of service.” She shrugs. “False leads that would probably do you more harm than good.”

I almost ask her anyway. A thread to follow, just a hint about what I’m dealing with, would be better than the total ignorance I’m sitting in now. But I don’t want to get off track. In the end, this is still about getting to William. I don’t know what I’m going to do once I’m inside, but I’ll find a way to protect him. To keep those people from hurting him any more than they already have.

“I don’t want you to act against the Archive,” I say. “I just want you to dissuade them from knifing me in the back and tossing me in a gutter. That’s all. I swear to you, that’s all I’m asking for.”

Jessica drums her fingers softly over her desk. She looks like she’s about to say something — I can see compassion on her face, and I’m sure she’s about to accept — when Dakota speaks up.

“This could be very useful to us, Arbiter.”

All eyes turn towards him, an unspoken agreement that he should continue.

“Without the help of that grimoire, Lucas Hallowsworth never would have been able to summon anything. If the situation were different — if he’d managed to sacrifice Lydia Grace — it’s not just her life that would have been forfeit. That creature is a powerful one. I’ve seen what it can do. In Lucas’s hands?” He shakes his head, and I can see his jaw working as he struggles to suppress his anger. “It would have been a bloodbath.”

“What is your proposition?” Jessica prompts.

Dakota looks towards me. “It’s extremely rare for the Archive to lose such a valuable object — let alone one so dangerous. It isn’t altruism: they covet their power, and they don’t share it freely. I want to know what happened in this situation to make that change. If the Archive has started peddling artifacts on some kind of black market, that will spell more than trouble. It’s a tragedy waiting to happen. It’s a promise of slaughter.”

“You want me to get information for you,” I murmur. “You want me to find out how that book got out.”

He nods once. “It will be dangerous, but…”

Nathan speaks up. I’d nearly forgotten about his presence. No, that’s not quite right — I knew he was there, because his warmth beside me is part of what’s keeping me calm. But he hadn’t seen fit to add to the conversation until now.

“You think you have the right to ask that of her?”

The Knight fixes his eyes on my friend, falling silent.

“You tried to shoot her, Dakota,” Nathan says, his voice quiet. There’s hurt in the words, and I find myself wondering what they talked about during the drive over. “You sicked your dog on her. Now you want her to play spy for you? If this Archive is as dangerous as you’re making it out to be, what’ll you think the consequences will be if she’s caught?”

“If we extend Sanctuary to Lydia,” Dakota replies, “That makes her our charge. The Archive will not go against us idly. To do so would risk reigniting old tensions, and our current arrangement serves their interests well. What’s more, selling their grimoires to the highest bidder is in direct violation of our current agreement. They know that.”

“But it’s still a risk. It’s still dangerous,” Nathan presses.

The Knight dips his head. “Yes,” he answers. “It will be.”

“I agree to those terms.”

This time all three pairs of eyes are on me. I hate it, but I ignore the uneasy feeling in my gut and continue. “If you help me get inside safely, if you give me…if you give me this Sanctuary, I’ll get what information I can for you. Besides.” I reach out and rest a hand on Nathan’s knee. “I’m not really keen on other people like Lucas Hallowsworth running amok with demonic servants. I got lucky, Nate. There’s no guarantee the next girl will.”

He looks at me, long and hard. Then I see his shoulders loosen, and he nods. “It’s your choice to make,” he relents. “Just be careful, Lydia.” He cracks a smile at me. “If you die, I’ll kill you.”

I look towards Jessica again, squeezing Nathan’s knee before letting my hand fall away. She’s giving me that look like she’s peering straight through me, right into my soul. And hell, maybe she is. How do I know? She can probably sense good and evil or someshit. I mean, she’s a goddamn Templar. She could be Anubis with a little sprinkle of Jesus mixed in.

“We’ll help you,” the Arbiter says at last. “But if you get inside and find the danger is too great, Lydia, I want you to draw back. Take the utmost caution. I may not know you well, but from what I can tell, you’re a fine young woman. You’re strong and capable. I think in the future we may be able to help each other further.” The smile on her face is a knowing one. Her words feel like a balm to me. I didn’t realize just how bothered I was about the question of what I am until that moment. I have a feeling that if this woman thinks I’m good, then I can’t be that bad, can I? I can’t be.

She draws her gaze to Dakota. “Make contact with the Archive. Inform them that four of us are coming to meet them. I’ll be attending myself.” She glances at Nathan. “…It may be a good idea for you to behave like a member of our ranks. I’d rather not put you on their radar, and making them think you’re among us will prevent them from dismissing you as a dispatchable liability.”

“What if I want to stay behind?” he asks.

She arches a brow. “Do you?”

Nathan laughs. “No way in hell.”

Jessica smirks at him approvingly. “I thought not. So, think you can play the part?”

He rolls his shoulders back and sticks out his chest. “I was a theater kid, ma’am. Give me a role and I’ll nail it.”

The arbiter inclines her head towards him, then fixes her gaze on me once more. In her eyes I see a hint of excitement, the brewing of possibilities.

“Well then,” she says. “Let’s set things in motion, shall we?”