No matter where I go, no matter what I do... I will fight.
That was the oath I swore to my lord nearly twenty years ago. Even to this day, I have never failed to fulfill it, and as my heart continued to beat powerfully, I dove deeper and deeper into the fray of battle.
Did my actions exist merely to fulfill the promise I pledged? No. They were more than simply a means to an end. More than just chains binding my soul. I swung my sword on my own accord. I drew and shed blood for my own sake. I lose myself in the violence of battle not for pleasure or for duty, but for my own sake. Even so, a knight is not what I am.
I am a knight.
“Then why is it that you don’t understand our plea, Dame Eirlys!?”
I heaved a sigh for possibly the twentieth time that day. I thought the war against Kaslavna would finally allow me to return to the battlefield where I belonged, but much to my chagrin, I remained stuck here like a caged bird. At first, I accepted the position of knight-instructor with pride, seeing it as an accolade bestowed upon me for my achievements on the battlefield, but ever since I was appointed as acting headmaster, my tenure here at the academy was nothing more than a curse.
After all, I wasn’t exactly a scholar nor was I particularly skilled when it came to clerical work. With Lady Viviane and Lady Rosaline gone, my burdens only exacerbated to the point where I was even relying on Bradley to help me. I could scarcely believe the fact that I now left vital documents in the hands of that musclehead, but either way, it was the only thing I could do to alleviate the heaps of bullshit papers piled on my desk day after day.
Yet, I continued to suffer from more and more inconveniences as each day passed. No matter how desperately I wished to be fighting my battles with a sword in hand instead of a pen and atop a glorious steed instead of behind an accursed desk, I would never receive my salvation. In fact, today managed to be an even shittier day than the previous.
And the reason behind that stood before my desk. Three pairs had gathered mere minutes earlier, barging their way into my office without even making an appointment. It was thoroughly annoying, but unfortunately I am Eirlys Innesheath, proud knight with the epithet of “Bloody Snowflower” and the one who repelled the fell witch Amelia with a glittering blade of pure frost. I had a reputation to maintain and a facade of maturity to uphold in front of these youngsters, as irritating as they were.
I turned my attention to the large windows behind me. There were still numerous cracks in the glass and a multitude of pieces yet to be repaired, but they served their function well enough. That is, allowing me to look outside and grant myself a much-needed but imaginary respite from the jail cell of my makeshift office.
The goddamned Sun’s nearly set, I heaved a sigh. I should really be finishing up and done with my work already, but here they are again. These kids just won’t let me off the hook, huh?
Reluctantly, I returned my attention to the fiery-haired girl standing in front of my desk. Incidentally, she was also the one who had asked the idiotic question which made me wonder why I still continued to live despite being relegated to nothing more than a desk jockey. Slowly and deliberately, I swept the sharpest glare I could muster around all the idiots who had gathered in my office.
Brigitte, Levant, Melindra, Lady Jocelyn, Esmeralda, and Nicholas.
Over the past few days, these three pairs have gone to incredible lengths just to pester me, and I had no idea why. Of course they were upset about their friends being sent on a mission so quickly, but I had set aside ample amounts of time during their first couple visits solely for the purpose of explaining to them the importance of the missions as well as why I made the choices I did.
It wasn’t as if I wanted to send junior knights and untested nobles to the battlefield. I had no choice. The Imperial order was clear, and without the option to send senior knights like Bradley or Richard on the missions instead, I was forced to pick from the most talented of individuals who still remained at Avalyne Academy. Honestly, I was still worried about sending Estelle to Rosenhall Fief, but the deed was already done.
Besides, she’s got Rosette with her. I doubt anything will go wrong... I shook my head and refocused my attention to the problem at hand. Brigitte was still waiting for an answer to her question, returning my glare with a determined stare. It was incredible how patient she was despite my zoning out, but then again, she probably thought I was cooking up some sort of profound argument thanks to my resting bitch face and neutral expression.
Both were qualities I’d learned to master over the years as I slowly acclimated to my role as a teacher once I discovered how invaluable they were when dealing with problematic students and persistent ones. Unfortunately for me, even my best attacks were being fended off and parried by Brigitte’s almost unflappable attitude. She was definitely an old soul and the most mature of the group. Lady Jocelyn came second, and the two of them constituted the sextet’s main line of offense.
Meanwhile, Nicholas and Levant were equally annoying, but for completely different reasons. As nobles who were not only well-connected and skilled in the arts of debate, the two noblemen oftentimes supported Brigitte and Lady Jocelyn’s arguments whenever I finally managed to stonewall them, leading to the incredibly infuriating continuation of a discussion that should’ve ended days ago.
That left the two idiots and also the greatest threats. Melindra and Esmeralda. Normally, I enjoyed their company and light-hearted banter, and I could definitely see the two of them being popular on the battlefield thanks to their bright and cheery personalities coupled with their undeniable skill at arms, but holy shit were they starting to piss me off with their absolutely idiotic quips and comments every time I tried to explain a concept. Like, seriously! What part of “IT’S A FUCKING IMPERIAL ORDER!” do they not understand!?
I heaved yet another sigh, hoping to stall for more time before I was inevitably forced to answer Brigitte’s question. My brain physically hurt from all the documents I’d completed today and I could literally feel my head throbbing even as I considered my possible lines of attack. Eventually, I resigned myself to the fact that I could no longer delay the discussion that would devour the next few hours of my life, so I settled for a safe opener against Brigitte’s brutal push.
“It is because I am a knight that I cannot listen to your pleas. Brigitte, you understand as well as I do why your presence here is vital. With Leticia, Rosette, and Medrauta gone, the academy has lost three of its most stalwart defenders. As low on manpower as we are, we cannot risk losing three more knights.”
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I thought my reply was rather well-formulated and logical, but it seemed like the group thought otherwise. Brigitte was already preparing to issue her riposte, but it looked like Lady Jocelyn had something to say first. I faced the noblewoman, plastering an obviously fake smile on my face.
“Dame Eirlys,” Lady Jocelyn began. The moment I heard the ring of authority in her tone, I knew this was going to be a long one. “I understand your hand was forced as a result of the Imperial order, however, the Imperial order did not specify that you were only permitted to send a single pair, correct? As you were sending junior knights and untested noblewomen to the battlefield, should you not have sent two pairs in an effort to reduce the risks posed to such inexperienced knights and nobles? Of course you should have. However, it’s not too late to fix this problem, Dame Eirlys. As you can see, we—”
“Terribly sorry to interrupt you, Lady Jocelyn, but I’ll have to stop you there.” I replied, struggling to maintain the smile on my face.
As much as Lady Jocelyn wanted to emulate Lady Scarlet, she certainly wasn’t Lady Scarlet, and I didn’t appreciate her attempt at weaving in her own answer to a question she posed to me. Granted, it was a classic debating tactic that Lady Scarlet used to a frightening degree of success, but the ducal daughter had always been far more subtle about it compared to Lady Jocelyn’s blatant usage just now. All things considered, I suppose I should be thankful that it was Lady Jocelyn I’m going up against instead of Lady Scarlet. I honestly don’t think I could’ve lasted this many days against a noblewoman of her caliber.
“First, allow me to answer your questions one by one. You are right in that the Imperial order did not impose restrictions on the number of pairs I could send, but there was also a very explicit addendum to not only conserve our forces, but also protect the lives of our precious students. You and everyone standing in this room are a part of those ‘precious students.’ I hope you haven’t forgotten how difficult of a decision it was for me to make. As a proud knight-instructor of this academy, it is my duty to protect all of you... and in sending the trio of pairs that I did, I have already failed that task.”
The six kids standing in front of me were hit with an uncomfortable silence as I concluded my part. Yes, despite their impressive growth, they were still nothing more than children. Even Medrauta.
In truth, I found it not only morally reprehensible to send students on such dangerous missions, but also incredibly sad. As young teenagers who were slowly being introduced to the rigors of society, I wanted them to spend their most carefree years here at the academy, whiling their days away with laughter, matches, and maybe even a bit of romance. Instead, I thrust them into reality and forced them to witness the horrors of war long before they ever should’ve.
I could’ve made the excuse that my hand was forced by the Emperor, but that was all it was. An excuse. If I had any real guts in me, I would’ve rejected that Imperial order and rallied a group of knights to oppose the Imperial Inquisitors sent after me just like how Lady Scarlet was currently fighting a pitched civil war against her own father. Come to think of it, I probably could have rejected the Imperial order without much consequence seeing as the Emperor was completely preoccupied with Kaslavna’s attacking forces, but I...
I pursed my lips. No. This isn’t the time to dwell on thoughts like those, I told myself. I had somehow managed to wrest the momentum from the kids, and now it was time to lay it on thick. My eyes watered easily as I filled my head with thoughts of worry for the young knights and nobles I had sent to deal with the rebelling fiefs. They were genuine of course, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t weaponize them. After all, the strongest sword is one guided by your heart.
“...Would you have me fail that task again, Lady Jocelyn?” I fluttered my eyelashes delicately, wielding my natural beauty and elegant features without hesitation. If I wanted to, I could charm the most stone-hearted man or woman in the empire with ease. Probably. “And you, Dame Brigitte? You would have me thrust all of you onto the battlefield mercilessly...?”
Both Brigitte and Jocelyn flinched as I allowed my crocodile tears to fall from my eyes and onto the documents before me, staining them with dark marks of sorrow. While these tears may not have been truly genuine, they were certainly necessary in preventing the foolishness of these six. A surge of victory leapt in my heart as I saw both Brigitte and Jocelyn take a step back, clearly reconsidering whatever arguments they’d formulated thus far.
Call me a manipulative bitch, but I am a fuckin’ queen! Hell yeah! I celebrated silently in my mind as the six exchanged glances, hiding my shameful immaturity from the world. Clearly, they were just a push away from putting their foolish ambitions to rest, and I certainly wasn’t planning on pulling any punches now that I was on the precipice of victory. If I managed this, I would be well on my way to finally ending my shifts at reasonable times this week.
“But... We’re, like, volunteering, right?” Melindra said in the dumbest voice imaginable. I nearly choked on my spit as she spoke. “So it’s, like, you totes didn’t fail if we go? Like, we’re not asking you to send us, Dame Eirlys. We’re just saying we wanna go and help out our friends!”
“Yeah, yeah!” Esmeralda agreed with Melindra almost instantly. Putting the two together almost made a complete brain cell, but sadly, that was still only almost. “It’s not a problem if we just go! Actually, what’s even stopping us? Dame Eirlys said the academy doesn’t even have enough guards, so can’t we just like... Go after Med?”
“...You know, you’re actually right, Esme.” Brigitte replied, clearly surprised. I could tell that she never even considered the idiotic idea of running off on her own, and for good reason. The fact that she even agreed with Esmeralda and Melindra was crazy considering how much greater her mental capacity was compared to them. “We could just run off, Dame Eirlys... But that’s not what we want. We want to do this properly, so will you please give us your permission?”
“No.” I replied simply. As much as I was trying to take advantage of my tears to shut these kids up, I really didn’t want to send more students out on these dangerous missions. As I prepared to attempt yet another explanation as to why I couldn’t capitulate to their desires, I was struck with an idea. An idea that—ridiculous as it sounded—was inspired by Melindra’s own.
While I wasn’t about to let a bunch of students run off on their own and risk their lives, I couldn’t say the same for senior knights. If Bradley, Richard, or one of the other senior knights still stationed here decided to escape and do their own thing, there was little I could do to stop them. And that was the absolute perfect excuse for me to simply let a group of senior knights “slip away.”
My lips curved into a smile as I wiped the lingering tears from my eyes. No longer did I have to use cheap tricks like deception or guilt to deal with my precious students. As annoying as they may be, I had to admit that they were far more creative than I was. Perhaps I had lost something during my tenure as a senior knight, but I somehow found myself missing my more idyllic and carefree days as a junior knight.
I faced Brigitte and the five other students in my office with a determined light in my eyes now, confident that the seven of us could cook up a compromise that would not only ensure my students’ safety at the academy, but also the safety of the trio who were currently undertaking dangerous missions.
“I can't give you permission to leave the academy... But I have another idea. Let’s sit awhile and talk, shall we?”