I swung my feet into the hole which the villains had left behind. High groundwater had filled it now, turning the pit a muddy brown. It was cool and nice on my dry skin.
Ironbolt's jet made a vertical landing further down in the clearing, between the sparse trees. The noise of the engines subsided, and I heard the complete power-down follow. Out of the back a platform lowered and two figures came out in short notice.
The speedster and Dupe kept in a cautious formation on their approach, with the latter having decidedly more spring in his step. They only relaxed when they saw Tulpa, standing triumphantly over the six or seven unconscious villains still alive. The situation was neutralized.
"Not optimal," Tulpa said, "but a victory nonetheless, don't you think?"
Ironbolt didn't sound thrilled, but he agreed. "The consequences are always worse than you think, but yes. We did our best." Again, he took off his helmet for us all to see his face. It was an intentional move.
I could see him looking at me and thinking. All the damage I had sustained in the last fight had left me shaken and bitter. I didn't try to hide it.
Back at the Station, I had figured out Ironbolt's Power, seeing how fast he spoke when he was frustrated with Dupe. It all made sense then, his combination of speed and technological prowess. Everything he did was eerily calculated by long deliberation.
The man before me was far older than he looked. If his mind was anything like his body in speed, he would have long surpassed a hundred years of conscious lifetime. It was not by any strange gift that he understood technology, I knew, but the raw burden of endless time alone. It was a sad circumstance, but one he made powerful use of.
This was why he had pity on me. He knew what it was like to be cursed by a Power. To be carrying a burden which no one else could understand. He wanted me to overcome that curse and bring it to good.
Yet, he misunderstood me. I wasn't afraid of my body. I knew in my bones the cruelty and unfairness of life. Fate was a bitch, but she was my bitch. Never again would I waste a moment crying over something which no one could change. I would kill myself or get over it.
My parents had died a long time ago, and I had learned to accept that. I had learned to survive.
What I couldn't stand were those who made excuses, crafting high ideals to cover a naked monopoly of force. Those who dealt out judgment and death like it was their right. Who, taking on the mantle of Heroes, would claim to stand above kratocracy in the name of fairness and an equitable, just society. They were no more than the human personification of the ignorant mob, lashing out at the new and unpredictable.
Tulpa was oblivious to the stare down that was going on between Ironbolt and I. He ordered me, thinking I needed to get off my ass to stay useful. "Help me load up these villains in the jet, Creep."
"You've got plenty hands on your own," I said. "Do it yourself." No more pretending for the girl.
"Hey!" he barked back. "That's not how this works. You show some initiative if you want to be on this team. It's a privilege."
That word was like a knife in my back. It was an unambiguous threat of violence, to my ears. Work or die, monster. "If I want to be on this team?" I asked him, laughing to myself. "That's rich."
Ironbolt tried to raise a hand to stop me from getting up. "It's fine, Walter. You've been an incredible help already. You have nothing to prove. Take a seat and let us get these sorted out."
"No," I said. "You know what? This was all a stupid mistake." I dusted myself off from the sand, looking at each of them in turn. "I should have known that if you people let me live at all, it would only be to use me. I should have known..."
"I should have been looking out for you, Walter, it's my fault," Fortitude apologized, not addressing my implication at all. "Just because you can heal, we shouldn't have put you on the front lines."
She ran up and tried to hug me in remorse. This was the girl, I realized, who was willing to kill. Just like the rest of them, she was willing to do anything for the greater good. The common fear they harbored of chaos. My mention of them killing me, too, had not phased her. In so much disappointment, I quickly figured out why. The door had been left ajar in the station. She had been along a short while later.
Everything Ironbolt did was intentional. Absolutely every move.
"That's enough, Fortitude." Tulpa could see by the hardness in my face that the lie was over. "You're not fooling anyone, you coked up moron."
She pushed me away, then snapping at Tulpa. The mask fell instantly away. "Screw you! You're the one who screwed this up because you're so fucking obsessed with your image. You never wanted him on the team and so you undermined the plan!"
All the flirting and kindness from her had been a scheme to get me to roll over. Ironbolt had set her to it, to pull me in with excitement so I wouldn't try to leave. It was all so obvious to me now.
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"How far fetched in retrospect that she wouldn't know who I was," I said. "Dupe knew who I was, why wouldn't she? You knew I was hurting, Ironbolt. You knew I wouldn't say no to someone so painfully happy to see me. I'm only human, despite how I look. So you decided you could control me with someone pretending to want me alive."
"I want you alive!" He protested. "I did all of this so you would see, it's not a bad life, Creep. The lie could have gone on indefinitely. No one had to treat you as anything less than a full member of this team. Nothing less than you deserve. It's something you could even learn to enjoy. Doing good! Stopping murderers and monsters!"
As I began to walk around the crater and towards him, Tulpa spawned his minions behind me. I scoffed. "Yet that's how they see me, isn't it? And it always would be, no matter the lie. A monster and murderer."
"No. That's not how we see you," he said. "All of us know what it's like to be seen by the rest of the world as Other. Some hide it better than others, but none of us forget the distance we share between the rest of humanity."
Dupe started to open his mouth at Ironbolt's side, but I shouted him back. "Don't you dare speak! You still don't get it, Ironbolt. You still think I want to be understood, loved even, because that's what all you Heroes crave. To satisfy your conscience or your need for attention. But your little lie is living proof. There's no love or friendship among those pretending to be altruists. You all wear a mask and you're terrified of anyone seeing behind it. Goddamn me for forgetting that."
"This isn't you," Ironbolt tried to tell me, hearkening back to what seemed to work last time.
I would set the record straight. "I was an antisocial freak with a philosophy degree working a dead end job, man. And you think you know me, because what? You read my essays from college? The cloying fantasies of a young and naive idealist, insistent in believing that cooperation was the inevitable direction of life? I was a useless and weak pissant, but I learned better. After that, I went for money."
"Yet you can't learn to keep your mouth shut," Tulpa said. "You're so self-aware and disillusioned? You want to seem above the system, but you can't even control it for your own benefit. Why don't you tell us what happens now, huh?"
"Why don't you show me?" I asked.
The specters moved as soon as I had. They were poised to try and put me down like the animal they saw me as.
"No!" Ironbolt shouted. He went so far as to draw his stun pistol from his belt, pointing it at Tulpa. "You and Maximal are out of control if you think I'll let either of you kill an innocent man. I tried to use manipulation to keep the situation in hand, but the time for that is past. This is not how we do things. Not while I'm still breathing, understand?"
At last I came face to face with him, Dupe backing up while Ironbolt held his ground. "One person with principles is not enough," I told him. "Not to justify an entire world built on lies. You're going to have to kill me if you want to stop me, this time. Words won't work."
As I turned away from him and towards the open woods, I could feel the ocean breeze coming in over the dunes. It couldn't be far. After all that I'd been through, the thought of seeing it nearly brought tears to my eyes. No more waiting for heaven, I decided. I would storm its gates.
Before I could get far, Ironbolt called for me to stop. "Walter..." he paused, waiting for me to face him, buying him time to weigh his words. He aimed to challenge my certainty. "I'm sorry, but, if I can't let them kill you, I also can't let you leave. No one gets to break the rules today."
"How are you going to stop me," I asked. "You going to beat me into submission?"
"It can't be done. That's all I have to tell you. If you try, you will die, and I won't be able to stop it."
Fortitude explained what he meant. She was jittery and stressed as she spoke. "We all want a happy ending, Walt. I wanted the plan to succeed, but there are safeguards in place. The injection Ironbolt gave you contained trackers. It's called Smart Blood. You can't clear it out. They'll just replicate in your system. So, you can't... escape. Not without Maximal finding you."
Her words sunk in like a millstone around my neck. "It's goddamn slavery," I said, eyes going wide. "If I stay but refuse orders, you'll just court martial me and throw me in Tartarus. I'll never see the sun again... But if I leave, Ironbolt can watch me die with his conscience clean?"
"I would find you first, and take you in alive," Ironbolt countered. Prison was worse, so it was no comfort.
"These are the measures necessary for national security." Tulpa sent his specters to begin loading up the villains in the jet. He would let Ironbolt have his way for now, if he wanted it so badly. In the end, he didn't really care. "Good luck with that."
I could smell the sea, and I just kept thinking aloud, "I always wanted to learn how to sail..." The sun had risen and the wind brought the cry of the gulls in from the distance. The world carried on, humanity only a temporary nuisance. It was all so free to be selfish. "And you expect me to give that up? To put blood on my hands protecting... no, enforcing a society ruled by liars and wretches? A flabby, helpless society, addled by drugs and meaningless spectacle?"
"You'd let the villains win?" Fortitude challenged me. "To go sailing?"
I started walking before I knew what my feet were doing. "There's no villains," I told her. "Just people with Power wanting more control. I've got Power, and I'm taking control of my life."
"You're giving up, Walter!" Ironbolt said.
I was sure now that this was what I wanted. I would make a life worth living, or die trying. I was no one's slave. "I'm refusing to give up," I told myself, too quiet for them to hear. "No amount of coercion can change that."
There was some commotion behind me, originating with Fortitude, arguing about what to do. My mind was far away with every footstep. The distance to the sea was shortening.
Between me and freedom, the jet sat with its loading doors down. Tulpa had put the villains into cramped holding cells within the cargo bay, and he told me, "you belong in there with them."
"I thought I belonged in the ground?" I asked.
"Maximal is more paranoid than I am. He said you killed Hickory, but after your performance today, I'm not convinced. Tartarus would probably be unnecessary. A regular steel cage would do."
I waved to him as I circled around the craft, undeterred. "You'll just have to take what you can get."
"Indeed."
It was a long walk, but I never tired. My muscles had begun to wither away by the very last time I put myself back together again. There was plenty strength left for swim, though. It was winter, but the waters would be emerald green.
In the early morning cool, I wandered my way over the last dunes, catching first glimpse of the waves. Sea grass took over and the bush and pines subsided to pristine sands.
Finally, the foam of the waves lapped up against my ankles where I stood. The whole world was open around me, with no one else in sight.
All I had to do was step forward, but I didn't.
Too soon, I heard it. A jet roaring through the sky.