I couldn't remember the last time I felt lonely. And it wasn't just because my head was populated with chatty ghosts. Their silence was well appreciated. A love of solitude had remained constant across my changes. It had only intensified with my release from anxiety and the death of Walter.
I no longer judged myself by any outside standards. Consequently, my mind was not a hostile place of shame and hiding. If I failed at any time, it was up to me to change and I accepted this. In fact, thinking about all the changes I would make and the things that I would create; that was what gave me joy.
Therefore, along the deep drift to mars, my imagination wandered pleasantly. With time to spare, I dwelled inside the invisible channel dreaming up so many new designs for my new world. Just like the old days.
When I was a child, I found the greatest excitement in building my own worlds, just like I was now. I would think of houses, cities, boats, cars, and everything in between, wondering stupidly why you couldn't build a floating country only for the cost of concrete. It was naive. But I knew now that recapturing the freedom of naivety is what lifted me up. Self-censure was the enemy.
And so, after so many months in the empty void of space, I was ecstatic to reach the ground.
The red planet had come into view at last. So beautiful and barren. It was full of potential. That was the right way of looking at it, not like a waste of space or effort.
Why would we look up there when we have so many problems down here? an ex once asked me.
Because what's the point of living if you just stay on the ground, I replied. The only kind of problem that exists is the kind that impedes flight of every kind, including spaceflight. That was the way I saw it, even back then. Let Earth be uplifted by forgetting itself to the heavens. Not the other way around.
But that was a long time ago in a life far, far away. Just thinking about it gave me cognitive dissonance. You couldn't get more unrecognizable than who I now was.
I was a set of biological ships recombining their mass in orbit and preparing a heat shield for entry. Forget a scrawny gas station clerk. I was not even human.
As the heat shield formed and I struck a thin atmosphere, the fire began to fly. I came burning down in a glorious streak from the heavens. The feel of the wind on my surface was a brilliant rush. All to crash into the rusty soil with a violent bang.
After such a long time confined to a single form, it felt great to break apart against the ground. With no need to be gentle about it, I happily splattered.
The Martian world had grown from a distant red dot finally to a great expanse around me. Hills and valleys and mountains stretched in every direction, and the evening sky had a tint of green to it. Novelty and beauty were one and the same here, despite the emptiness.
Twenty-three hour days, I recalled. One third the Earth's gravity and hardly any atmosphere to speak of. But it had soil, water, and sunlight, and that was all a budding flower needed to grow. At least, one that was capable of performing the necessary chemical reactions to otherwise sustain life. But that was far less elegant to say...
I spared my compatriots the details and simply got to work, anyway. By the end of this week, I desired to have double the biomass to work with. The exponential function would carry itself from there. Before long, my potential would be reached and there would be no other way to put it.
I would be a god. The only thing worthy of killing its past.
All of this went through my mind just as I was pulling myself up from my own crater into something which resembled a giant mound of fungus. Walter was equally excited and appeared as an illusion in my sensory organs. He clapped his hands and took off his hoodie as if adjusting to a hotter climate. Strange, given how cold it was. But I noticed he had gained muscle mass, however that was possible. He was clarifying himself.
He congratulated me. "Well, here we are. Plenty of room to stretch our... appendages. Good job, man."
"You know," I told him, "I can see now why you might have wanted to sail so badly. Though it can be a form of escapism, I think it's also a natural instinct to flee for space."
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"It ain't much to look at, that's for sure," Hickory injected himself into the conversation, sauntering out of thin air. Quite an entrance. But he spared us from a total cynicism. He offered a positive note. "With time, though, I reckon we could make something of it. If we're smart, of course."
I was glad to see he had finally gotten over his poor attitude. For a while, he had done nothing but insist we turn back. Yet even Hickory with all his disdain for compliance knew when to shut up and accept the situation. And that was about ten thousand miles past the halfway point in deep space, if I recalled correctly.
Better than nothing, I laughed to myself.
"So, what's next then? Yes! We rally the group," I announced.
It was Walter who objected this time "But why? Shouldn't we be focusing all our efforts on increasing biomass before we spend it on... side projects?"
"No no," Hickory wagged his finger. "You can let me have this one, Bucko. I wanna see the look on those bastard's faces. This is a huge occasion! We've got to mark it with a little ceremony."
"We don't have enough spare materials to bring everyone out." Walter set a limit.
"You know who I'm talking about." But Hickory had just one person in mind.
"Fine. Whatever. I guess we're overdue for some drama."
Seeing as a decision had been made, I went about manifesting it. One by one, I started with the original motley crew. As per before, I gave them their faces but housed the body in a protective exoskeleton. Given the environment, I didn't consider this a luxury anymore. Unlike on Earth, my improvements to the human form were more necessary than ideological.
Daniel tore himself free from the hill of fungus and tried in vain to rub off the film which covered him. As a newly born body, it took him a minute to get his bearings.
"We're here?" he asked. "We're really on Mars?"
Meanwhile, Foci, the old man, was faster to escape and make a judgment. He answered before I could, a mixture of horror and excitement in his old voice. "That's the only place we could be. My God... the future has never been so quiet before. Not a single complex causal chain but ours." Turning to me, he lived up to his job and reported proudly. "There are no threats here."
"Wonderful," I responded. "Good man." I could tell just how surreal this situation was for all of them. Paradise was no different, pulling bits of flesh from her dirty black hair.
"Shit," she sighed. "This is my life now."
Each of them had been willing to do anything to survive. But much like me with my confusion early on, they thought it was about protecting themselves. Now they were beginning to understand. Survival meant losing the self, not guarding it.
Seeing Cyber slide out and onto the Martian dust, her eyes screwed tightly shut, I couldn't help seeing this rebirth as a slightly literal event. Yet, I shook that mental image out of my head. It gave me the willies, to be honest.
Hickory's requested figures came next with Mary and, lastly, the Tall Man from the clearing. The one who had opposed us so virulently just after we recovered from Seraph's glassing. Already, I could see the look of betrayal on his face.
Hickory just wanted to rub it in, I knew, and I wouldn't deny him that. I saw no problem with a little bit of confrontation. Pointing out the losers was naturally just as important as calling out the winners. Besides, it kept him happy.
Hickory would not get much satisfaction in his attempts, though. As the Tall Man came out, he simply sat down in a tripod position and groaned. "I thought you said that we didn't have to go if we didn't want to."
Using direct manipulation of their neurons, Hickory projected himself into the minds of everyone present. Then, he could truly be the ghost that he was, leaning down to torment the man. "I had him make an exception in your case, bean boy. I wanted you to see that you failed to stop us. Know that your King's work is meaningless now. We're the Earth's true liberators. But you'd rather piss and cry than be a part of the clan."
Mary had the same flash of doubt as before, but I could see her eyes harden in real-time. Inwardly, she doubled down again on her choice. She clenched her teeth and nodded. "This is the way, Ricardo."
"So that's your name?" Hickory hovered in closer. "But what's your Power? What do you bring for our Cause?"
"I will never serve a fucking monster," Ricardo told him. He cut a bitter glare at Mary next. "It's not what any sane person would do."
While everyone else was falling silent at the impasse, Daniel shrugged and laughed. "It's not what any of us envisioned, man. But it's only because we never thought it was possible. Who would have asked you as a kid if your dream was to be an all-powerful monster? What? Your mamma never did? Then I feel bad for your childhood, man."
Through the levity, I saw what he was doing. He was really coming to believe that this was what he wanted. He was changing to thrive and I couldn't have been prouder.
"Before you all know it," I said, "this planet will be overcome with life. Each of you is immortal now. The only deaths you will experience are those which are necessary to your growth. The small ones. It may not look like much now, but give it time. Tell me what your desire is, and we will make it happen. Together."
"We'll show you what you really want," Hickory ominously told them. "Time always favors Power in the heart."
"For better or worse," I added, trying to end it on a positive note, "we're all in this life together now. One body. Many souls from the same cloth. Today is the start of our world."
I wanted my words to ring true. I hoped that they would be remembered.
As my tendrils spread out through the soil, absorbing nutrients and water; as my skin basked in the sun, I realized the name of this place. It was our Eden. It was our Zion. The beginning of a new history and new people. An act that was meaningful in the cosmos and deserved to be celebrated.
This was our dawn.