Chapter 5: Jango

Onboard the famous ‘Slave-1’, I was sitting in a small lounge area. I placed the blackened cocoon on the table and took a breath. Using my claws, I cracked it open and saw my cat curled up in a ball. He was covered in glowing purple slime and crimson blood.

“Maoo!” I opened his eyes and glared up at me as usual. Aside from being ‘filthy’, he was relatively fine.

“Than God you’re okay, Middy.” I breathed a sigh of relief, even though I already knew he was alive and well.

Izsha placed the heavy green suitcase next to the table and then floated over to my right side, “What God do we worship, Master? Zonama Sekot?”

“Fuck Sekot.” I reached out and sucked away all the Zergy gore from Midnight’s body before he could try licking it away, “I’d rather worship Mommy Abeloth than that planetary bitch. Okay, that’s a joke, don’t actually start worshipping eldritch horrors. The Zerg don’t need Gods or Xel’Naga. We only need each other.”

“Yes, Master.” The cute black Drone cuddled up against my side like a giant scorpion-spider with purple webbing on her legs.

“Mao~!” And of course, Master Midnight jumped onto my lap and started crying as usual.

“The cat seems… Unnecessary. What is his purpose?” Izsha tilted her armored head to look up at my face.

“Cuteness mostly.” I tried to pet the little bastard with my left hand, but the claws scared him, so he ran away. A few seconds later, I saw him running over with a small yellow mouse-like creature that had a head on both ends of its body.

“And exterminating small animals across the Galaxy.”

“He is not Zerg.” She clicked her mandibles, “He will hold us back.”

“Yeah, probably. But that’s just how it goes.” I scratched under her nonexistent chin and ran my other hand down her slimy armored plates, “He’s an anchor. That’s his true purpose. A memory from another life. An important milestone in this one. A lovable little monster. Just like you, Izsha.”

“I don’t understand.” That telepathic voice wasn’t as deep or inhuman anymore. Almost childlike, really.

*Tshh~!* The metal door opened on our right and all three of us turned our heads.

*Thump-thump-thump~!* Jango walked across the metal floor in his full suit of Mandalorian Armor. Midnight jumped onto the couch to my right as the dude slammed a heavy durasteel case on the similarly metal coffee table. It opened automatically and revealed a thousand golden coins. Not that they were necessarily made of real gold, but they were golden in color.

“A thousand Peggats. As promised.” He didn’t sound happy to be paying me, but he also wasn’t stupid or dishonorable enough to shoot me in my exposed face with the blaster on his right hip.

“Cool.” I’ll be honest, I didn’t actually give a fuck about the Credits or Peggats. They were useful, but they definitely weren’t necessary. Izsha closed the case with her claws and placed it on top of my green luggage, which was next to the coffee table.

“I’ve met a few Langhesi before.” The armored man sat down on the simple gray couch that was across the table from us, “They were a lot less-”

“Handsome?” I smirked.

“No.” He didn’t laugh, “Dangerous. Their abilities were negligible. They fetch a high price on the Black Market though. They’re talented doctors and geneticists. But I’ve never seen a Langhesi Jedi.”

“Neither have I.” I smirked and shook my head, “Force Sensitivity is rare for some Species, but it’s super common in others. I’m half Langhesi, half Ferroan, born on a living planet that can use the Force. My parents, grandparents and great grandparents were all Force Sensitive to some extent. I edited my own genes when I was a toddler to make myself stronger in the Force.”

Ensure your favorite authors get the support they deserve. Read this novel on the original website.

“Lucky and crazy. A scary combination.” Jango finally snorted and chuckled a bit, “So why Tatooine?”

“You’re afraid I’ll fuck with Jabba and get you in trouble?” I put Midnight on my lap and started petting him as gently as I could with my claws.

“Yes.” He took off his helmet and revealed his surprisingly young, tan face. He did have a couple scars here and there. Brown eyes and a full head of short but thick curly black hair. I guess he’s probably still in his twenties now, huh?

“I mean, I did wanna collect some Hutts for genetic experiments. Heheh~!” I laughed, but his expression was stony and serious. Breathing out a long sigh, I complained, “Fine, I won’t fuck with Jabba… In the near future.”

“I should’ve talked Vhonte out of this bounty when I had the chance.” He leaned back on the sofa and looked at my suitcase, “Any chance you brought some Zonamian Ale with you?”

“Nope. It’s mostly clothes… Which I guess I don’t need anymore, huh?” I looked down at my reddish-brown carapace. There were also some pretty glowy purple bits here and there. I looked at my right hand and was tempted to transform back to my soft, squishy red flesh. But then I decided against it.

“Mostly clothes.” He asked, “Anything I need to be concerned about?”

“Nah, just some gene samples and experimental notes. A few books that contain secrets of the universe and knowledge of future events. Some porn, okay, a lot of porn. Emergency rations. You know, normal stuff.” I didn’t bother lying, but I doubt he’d believe in prophecies or future knowledge anyway.

“Right…” He looked at my twitching tentacle hair and asked, “As long as you don’t leave behind any bioweapons on my ship.”

“Don’t worry. I’d never leave my cute little bioweapon behind.” I pat Izsha’s back and she hissed in agreement.

There was an awkward silence for a while before I offered, “I can increase your blood alcohol level directly?”

He put his hand on his blaster, “I can increase the temperature of your face directly.”

“That’s a great idea!” I can’t believe I didn’t think of that before, “I could use the Force to create a blast of microwave radiation!”

“I have a feeling the Jedi are gonna ‘love’ you.” He chuckled and took his hand off his blaster.

“Aww, I love the Jedi too. They’re so cute and innocent.” I smirked and scratched under Midnight’s chin, but he freaked out and jumped off my lap, hiding under the table.

“Maaou~!” He cried angrily, probably scratched him a little too roughly with my talons. He’ll be fine though.

“I wasn’t kidding when I said that Tatooine was on the other side of the Galaxy.” Jango suddenly brought the topic back to reality, “We’ll need to stop for fuel and supplies on the way. Have to drop off a few bounties as well.”

“That’s fine with me.” I’m running out of time, but a few days won’t make a big difference in the grand scheme of things. I’ve spent over a year under house arrest and before that, I had to walk on eggshells to keep Zonama Sekot from getting mad at me. Now I’m ‘free’. My chains have been broken.

As long as the Force doesn’t give me the Sarah Connor treatment and send Droids from the future to come back and murder me, I should be totally fine.

I wonder if the World Between Worlds is still easily accessible through the temple on Lothal? Maybe not, since the Big Three are still alive and well. Not that I really believed that they could die so simply and easily, but I probably don’t need to worry about them either.

Whether it’s the Force or the Father, Son and Daughter, they generally just let things happen. Abeloth was the one that ‘made’ things happen on purpose, but she was more an agent of Chaos. Not necessarily Light or Dark, good or evil, just kinda Chaotic Neutral.

“Master, the human has left.” Izsha spoke into my mind while making some clicking noises.

“He probably has to go take a shit or something.” I shrugged, “Probably takes a while to remove the armor.”

“Defecation is inefficient.” She commented.

“It really depends on the perspective.” I looked down at Midnight’s face peeking out from under the metal coffee table, “On an individual organism level, excreting waste is an inefficient use of resources. But in terms of an ecosystem, one creature’s shit is another’s sustenance. The ecosystem of a planet lives and thrives off of the exchange of resources like that.”

“We are not in an ecosystem now.” Izsha pointed her claw towards the wall, “Waste is wasteful.”

“I think they actually have machines that filter the piss and turn it back into water. While the shit gets turned into fuel, that creates electricity. Or something like that. I’m not totally sure what this specific ship does. Might just have a septic tank and then spray everything out into the void.”

“What happens to feces when ejected from the ship during Hyperspace travel?” She asked a pretty interesting question.

“If I had to guess, probably the same thing that happens to debris from ships that get destroyed in Hyperspace… I think they’re just stuck in this dimension forever. Traveling at insane speeds and potentially hitting some unlucky motherfucker in the far-off future, or past. For that matter, you’d think more planets would get destroyed by ships crashing into them at nearly the speed of light, right? I’ve literally never heard of that happening before.”

“Wasteful.” She wasn’t wrong. And that’s how I feel about it as well. But realistically, accidents happen. Ships jump to and from Hyperspace not far from planets, not to mention all the crazy spice addicts and Sith out there. Wasn’t there that one bitch that blew up like ten stars by accident while using Naga Sadow’s overpowered supernova-creating starship?

“The Cron Drift, I think it was called? I wonder if those Sith Crystals still exist?” You wouldn’t think they’d survive the destruction of the ship amidst nearly a dozen supernovae but then again, this is Star Wars. With the Force involved, anything is possible.

“Master. The cat is excreting waste.”

“Yep… He sure is…”

AUTHOR’S NOTE:

I feel like there isn’t much dialogue from Jango Fett in Canon. In Legends, he has a bit more, but he still doesn’t really talk that much. And his dialogue isn’t particularly… Complicated?

He wasn’t totally antisocial though. He did have a lot of friends. He managed to pull together like 75 Mandalorians, including Vhonte Tervho and formed the Cuy’Val Dar. There were also 25 non-Mandalorians who he brought along to help train the Clones.

Anyway, now it’s time to decide how badly I wanna fuck up canon.