Never enough...

I often dream of a day when the longings cease when I can finally rest.

A day when the pain ends, and the emptiness inside either consumes me or is satisfied.

Journal entry of Jordan’s after his final chemo treatment

Jordan: Age 16

It’s been two years since I was diagnosed with a rare and untreatable cancer. When cancer spread to my bones, no one even knew till one unexpectedly snapped.

That break was the first of many and the end of a carefree childhood. Unfortunately, I was a gamer, a reader, and an all-around lazy kid. So, when I finally broke a bone, my scaffolding was nothing but a dried-out husk. The very foundation of my body was more haphazard scaffolding than calcium girders.

The latest scan results dropped my odds of surviving for another year from 5% to 1%. My parents, ever the eternal optimists, still were looking for options to add weeks to my life. Dad hired people to help in the search for a cure. He researched the internet to find answers or scientists who might. Mom took the opposite approach and turned to God. She raised money with our church and friends and got them all to pray for me. My parents were great, but the beast inside me continued to devour.

Jordan: Age 17

Six months and ten specialists later, all the doctors we saw said I had no hope other than palliative treatment. While strangers from the community tried to cure me with different kinds of essential oils and prayers, the medical professionals could not sugarcoat it beyond the prescribed drugs to keep me comfortable. There was no home remedy or experimental treatment left to fix me. Living as long as I had was a greater miracle than anything they could do. My days were numbered, an unknown number but a low one for sure.

I had accepted my imminent death and just tried to enjoy my family and ignore the pain. I’d been sick for quite a while, but still, we had some visitors. Not all of them were sad, tear-wrenching cries of sympathy. I had grown too calloused for tears and didn’t want pity. One Saturday evening changed everything as we had a knock on the front door.

#####

“Hello, James, Katherine. Sorry to stop by without calling first. Do you mind if I come in for just a moment?” a familiar voice spoke as he walked in wearing an unfamiliar and expensive-looking gray suit.

“Hey, Jeff, yeah, we just finished dinner, and the house is a mess, but come on in,” my dad responded, “You’re looking dressed up.”

He smiled but ignored the comment as they sat in the living room. My mom got them all some ice water. The summer was sweltering in our little corner of the Midwest, but I was in the next room under a pile of blankets due to the cool air conditioning running full blast. I was asleep before the knock on the front door. The current pain meds put me to sleep half the time.

“So, how is your farm doing, Jeff? Heat and drought are hurting the farm?” my dad sincerely asked.

“Yes, we aren’t seeing growth like we’d have liked to by this time. That’s just farming; when the temps are this high, you find things to do that won’t kill you from heat stroke,” Jeff changed his tone.

“So, listen,” Jeff paused, “as you said, I’m a farmer. But you and pretty much everyone else at church know I am a quiet person. A private person.”

“Well, there is a reason why,” he continued in a hushed voice. “My family has a business that I have some involvement with. Nothing local. Everything we do is handled overseas. I am on the board and have a say in some projects.”

“This sounds like more than a family business. It sounds like a big deal,” my mom said, intrigued as she leaned in.

“I’d still like to keep my small-town identity private still. But I am breaking my silence because I think I have a program that will help Jordan,” he let the news sink in.

“What?” my mom nearly dropped her glass. Before it fell, she set the glass down and wiped her brow, the condensation and sweat smearing her hair across her forehead. Unconcerned with how disheveled and disoriented she suddenly appeared, she started to tear up and covered her face.

“I know this is unexpected, but I want you three to visit our research facility. It’s in a lovely tropical location, and even if you don’t want to go through with the treatment, I insist you consider it a vacation.

“Jeff, we have known you for ten years now,” my dad’s tone grew accusatory but patient, “and I would say I respect you a lot, but to come here and say you think you can save our son whose been told he has a…” my dad whispered the rest, “less than 1% chance of living, that is asking a lot even for an old friend.”

“James, Katherine, I promise this is not a prank. I genuinely believe what I am offering will give your son more time to live, and there is a chance of curing his disease.

“That can’t be…” my mom’s muffled voice came through as she uncovered her now puffy eyes. Her vision seemed unfocused as tears trickled down her cheeks.

“Jeff, I don’t know if we can get his hopes up another time. Can I talk to you about this another time?” He was now concerned about my mom’s state of anxiety and could see hope in her eyes. He just hoped it wasn’t false hope.

“Sure, that is more than reasonable. I’ll see you tomorrow at church. Thanks for hearing me out.” Jeff stood and let himself out the door.

#####

I can’t believe Mom and Dad bought into this “vacation.” Sure, I didn’t get to pick the location, and it comes with an excursion that includes needles, IVs, and probably a surgery or two. But I always hoped to see tropical island resorts at least once before I kicked it. Although in my condition, even the luxury private jet was not a pleasant trip.

“So, James, when are we going to tell him?” Katherine leaned in close and whispered to her husband.

“Calm down; you don’t usually use my first name. I know you are anxious. We’ll tell him before we land. We still have a long flight; let him rest.

“Jordan, are you excited about sitting beachside?” my dad asked.

“Dad, I will fry like a lobster; I never go outside. But you said this was an important trip for the family: last chance and all. I do want my last memories to be with you and Mom.

Well, the thing is…This trip is a vacation, but…” James was searching for the right words, “This is also a chance to be near a special treatment facility that specializes in treating kids like you.”

“What?” I pretended to be shot in the chest and feigned outrage. “This was an elaborate trick to give me one last hope of not dying before the end? Don’t worry, Dad, I already knew.”

“Jordan, you little…” my mom nearly threw her pillow before she collected herself. “We wouldn’t have done this if we had another option. This is the last time we will try a treatment.”

“You said that after the last round of chemo. The doctors said they couldn’t do more without having the treatment kill me first. How is this any different? I can’t let you continue spending money on a lost cause.”

“Stop that. You’re not a lost cause; God can do anything. The odds are stacked against you. And don’t worry; this isn’t costing us. In fact, some of our medical debt is being paid by coming here and having you participate. Let’s go and see,” my mom encouraged.

“If you don’t agree, then we won’t force you,” my dad said. “They said you can still opt out and just enjoy the week at the beach. Will you at least check it out?”

Unwilling to grasp any shred of hope, I nodded. I still wanted to keep my parents sane, so I replied, “Fine, I’ll give it a try.” But I didn’t wait for their response before I lowered my hat over my eyes and turned up my headphones.

The last hour of the flight consisted of me pretending I was sleeping and hearing them talk about the chance of this treatment working. Internally I was dreading the needles, blood draws, transfusions, and everything that all the treatments so far had involved.

After the plane landed, we were driven along a coastal road. Paved and lined on one side with palm trees and lush vegetation, a vibrant blue sea was on my side of the SUV. The sand on the beach was nearly white and smelled salty and crisp.

The vehicle stopped at a gate, and the driver was quickly waved in as the high-security gate retracted into the wall. As we pulled past the gate, the landscape changed from an untamed tropical jungle to a perfectly manicured island resort. With one exception, rather than a hotel, there was a two-story-tall building that looked more like an observatory dome.

The connected buildings were more industrial. We were dropped off around the driveway on the ocean side and taken to our rooms. We were given a sprawling beach house that was initially out of view. My name was labeled on a bedroom door. I went in and found a regular teenager’s dream. There was a gaming computer, the latest gaming consoles hooked to a big screen, and a VR headset, and the walls were lined with books, games, and a giant array of screens opposite an immersive deep-dive VR rig. I had only read about these. Some companies were hinting, but none had launched anything like this yet.

We sat and watched the sunset on the beach for the rest of the evening. Due to my physical limitations, my parents had to help me get into the water. It is frustrating having to depend on your parents when you should be able to drive to school, let alone walk to the bathroom when needed. Being a teenager was about gaining independence and not getting so weak that you need help taking a shower. Instead, I’ve become a teenage-sized toddler who is constantly in pain. My whole middle school and high school experience had been canceled by episodes of “Let's get some chemo.” I knew my jokes were sad, but I could still laugh at myself.

The next day we had a meeting with Jeff. He had flown here days before us and was personally overseeing this treatment. He met us outside the beach house with another wheelchair.

“Jordan, hop on; we have a way to go. Tell me, what do you think of your room?” Jeff asked me as I settled into the wheelchair.

“It’s kind of my dream setup,” I gushed. “I wanted to try the VR rig if that’s what it was, but it looked way too expensive to touch. I was completely geeking out.”

“Huh, you actually resisted?” Jeff acted surprised. “That’s more than I could manage. Yeah, I helped set up your room for you.”

“Well, thank you. Not to be rude, but why did you bring me here? You know, I only have a hand full of days left, and we’ve tried everything. Is this a final vacation you are giving my family, or are you hoping your miracle treatment will work?”

“Jordan, this has nothing to do with miracles,” Jeff was more serious now. “Yes, I am a man of faith, but I also believe that God helps those who help themselves and are willing to work hard. Sometimes you need to take a leap of faith,” his serious tone changed at the end to a humorous smile as he winked.

Stolen content warning: this content belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences.

“Okay,” I said sarcastically, agreeing. “What leap are you expecting me to make? I can hardly walk, so it better be only a short leap of faith; maybe more of a wheelchair race than a leap? Okay?”

Jeff chuckled, “Still have your humor. I love that. Let me show you the leap I hope you’ll take.”

We chatted while he took us through security-controlled parts of different buildings. Or I should say buildings. It was a maze. After two elevator descents, we entered a windowless office in one of the industrial basements. The place had to be much bigger than we could see from the entrance and beach house. I imagined it was more went much deeper into the island's jungle. He finally parked my chair and walked around the front to look me in the eye.

“Jordan, we have been aware of your cancer and have monitored its progression,” Jeff informed me. “We apologize for needing so long to bring you this option. We weren’t exactly tracking you but looking for patients with similar rapid-spreading cancers. Especially ones that attack the bones.”

“Your condition is very rare, and you are one of the five people we have found that have the level of aggression in your cancer cells that make our treatment viable.” Jeff smiled softly.

“In simple terms, our treatment will take tiny self-replicating organisms that are so small no microscope can view them, at least not until a year ago. One of our R&D companies found some dense metal cubes while exploring with a deep-sea submarine. At first, they were thought to be something that fell in from a boat. But the carbon dating and metallurgical test came back wrong. The shape was also too precisely cut to be naturally occurring. We believe that your miracle substance has its origins beyond our planet. Once our company knew this represented went looking for more. And we ended up finding a lot. Most samples were in the ocean. Extensive tests have been run on every aspect of the substance. I won’t go into a lot of the technical stuff, but I promise it is safe for humans, at least those in your condition.

Our first human trial was with a 10-year-old girl, named Anna. We used one sample dose about the size of a quarter. You know the thin metal coin about this big,” he spread his fingers an inch apart to show me.

“That was five years ago. She was completely healed and on track for a long life,” he smiled and turned slowly away, “but unfortunately, she died six months ago in a car accident.”

“The good news is that since Anna’s initial treatment, we’ve obtained over 100 other samples. We think that with the added treatment dose, you will have exceptional results. Given your condition, we moved heaven and earth to get you treated as soon as we possibly could. The material we are using appears as a solid. But when placed near someone with your condition, the solid-state changes to a liquid, expands slightly, and seeks to interact with you.

We originally used quantum computing and AI-assisted technology to model the outcome of the treatment interactions near Anna. Then interactions with her body. All interactions were favorable, and we moved forward. We calculated that you will need twice as much of the treatment substance as Anna. Her response was positive. If your results are similar, it will seek out and modify the cancerous cells. Our best understanding is that the organisms act like a hivemind. They work best the greater their combined mass. The more we gathered and then put in proximity to Anna, the stronger the reaction. They were dormant till they got near Anna. Then they showed intelligence and desire to get in contact with her. Once ingested, they will spread through your body. In a year, you won’t have a single cancer cell, and your body composition will be saturated with these little guys. In every model we ran, the results were the same; you are probably one of a handful of people that not only need this treatment but also the only ones who will be compatible with it. You will end up stronger and probably smarter than ever,” after finishing his lengthy explanation, he went silent and looked intently at me until I looked back. “So, what do you say? Will you do it?”

“I’d be happy just to live another year, let alone be healthy. Let’s just do this,” I told him while scratching the back of my head. That was also a reminder of the not-so-distant chemo treatment since my hair was shorter than I liked. During Jeff’s explanation of events, I had grown quite excited. But the reminder of chemo was enough to stifle my hopes before they got too far out of the gate. But my lack of enthusiasm did not dampen Jeff’s.

“All you do is take a pill and drink the treatment; easy,” Jeff smiled at his simple summation.

“That doesn’t sound so bad. You should have led with that. It sounds like I’m getting the better end of the deal. I take a drink that kills my cancer, makes me healthy for the first time in years, and in exchange, you let me hang out on a tropical island. Yeah, I’ll take that deal,” I was being melodramatic and joking, but I was aware of the serious nature of the day. This was the best chance and the only chance I have to live.

We were taken to the next room by a nurse that came out. It was set up like a family doctor’s office. I sat in my wheelchair still rather than trying to climb the high exam table. The nurse put an electronic wristband on me.

“All right, you are ready. The wristband will monitor all your vitals while in the chamber. Now we need you to enter the sterile chamber to administer the treatment,” she said, encouraging me as she wheeled my chair to a pressure-sealed door. Air hissed as the seal unlocked and opened.

I stood from the chair and stretched my aching legs. Then I step through the pressure-sealed set of doors. They mechanically closed behind me, and my ears popped when the pressure changed. A nurse used intercoms and directed me where to go.

Seems like a lot of precaution for a cancer treatment, I thought to myself. “You guys housing the bubonic plague or a strain of zombie DNA?” I chuckled as I asked aloud. No one else thought it was funny, or I couldn’t hear if they did.

I was instructed by the nurse’s voice to sit in the sole chair in the room. I sat, and the tray next to the chair moved robotically until it was in front of me. Placed on top was what I thought looked like a fancy thermos and a plain paper cup filled with a big red pill. The thermos looked like it would hold a large coffee and had a sealed lid; along the sides were clear glass windows that ran down the side the size of a pencil.

I picked it up, and the contents inside shifted. I could see that it was nearly full of a very dark gray liquid that moved like mercury.

“Really? Do I have to drink all of this? And A red pill?” Jordan was reminded of an old movie he loved.

That pill is a fast-acting sedative. The insulated cup is the treatment. The sedative will help you relax while the treatment passes through your digestive tract. The medication takes about 30 seconds to kick in, and the treatment needs to be fully down your throat by then. The treatment takes about 24 hours to be fully absorbed.

“So, just drink the entire thing and swallow this pill?” I asked.

“Yes, Jordan, whenever you are ready. But swallow the Pill with the first drink, then drink the rest as fast as you can,” The voice instructed.

I had come this far, so I just went for it. I was used to dry swallowing pills. This one was big, but I managed to choke it down. It caught in my throat, so I quickly opened the canister with my liquid medicine. I quickly upended the bottle to get a quick swig. As the liquid hit my mouth, I tipped it down to avoid spilling the contents that couldn’t fit in my mouth. I tried to close my mouth, but the liquid seemed to be like one solid mass. Once it was in my mouth, the rest climbed after it. I couldn’t close my mouth fully; it squeezed through my lips and teeth and was down my throat.

It was unreal, and I couldn’t process it. Everything began to slow down. In slow motion, I watch my hand go slack. Then my body locked up, and I would have heard the liquid container clattering on the ground, except my whole being; every shred of focus was on the raging inferno that screamed down my throat. I couldn’t move but could feel the mass of liquid treatment pull its way to my stomach and then further. Every inch it moved, it coated my insides and sunk through tissue. I could feel it like little clawing talons digging along, digging deeper.

That clawing pain increased as the liquid spread throughout my body. When it hit my heart, the beating stopped for the length of two regular beats, and it hurt intensely but then thumped hard, like a hammer hitting my chest. Right after that, I felt the claws scratching through my veins and into my skull. My mental processing of the situation went from panic to overwhelming awe.

My mind was utterly overrun with data like I was downloading the entire internet into my brain. In one continual stream, the information flowed and was so dense it was like the shift of the ocean tide. I was the beach, unable to stop a tsunami and about to be destroyed by the coming onslaught. I was aware of the enormity of data for only a blink as it sloshed into my mind; then, I lost consciousness.

PreSystem Integration Status Check:

Compatibility Check: Confirmed

Primary Directive: Seed Arcana System

Mapping and Installing Neural Framework

Map complete. Installing Subconscious data routines

Entity System Diagnostics Check:

Scanning Biologic Systems:

Skeletal System

Muscular System

Cardiovascular System

Respiratory System

Digestive System

Urinary System

Endocrine System

Lymphatic System

Integumentary System

Nervous System

Reproductive System

Mana System: MISSING

Cultivation System: MISSING

Biologic Systems Compromised: All Systems Critical

Entity Systems Scan Complete:

Anomalies detected:

Parasitic Organisms,

Missing SYSTEM Connection

Insufficient Resources

Additional Results: Male Homosapien, Age 16 (local Solar Cycles), Arcana System Compatible

Status: Imminent Mortal Danger,

Cause: Foreign Parasite responsible for the destruction of multiple systems leading to cardiac arrest in 92 days, 4 hours, and approximately 3 minutes.

Recommend Immediate Arcana Integration and Unlock Missing Core Systems.

Request SYSTEM Input:

Error: No response from SYSTEM

Analysis of Parasitic Organism Complete

Recommendation: Repair Host Biologic and Arcane Systems

Insufficient Arcana Detected

Additional Recommendation: Cannibalize and Repurpose Parasite

Recommendation will result in converting the entity’s current Sub-G Rank to Arcana System

Host Choice to Decline: Overridden

Critical directives protocol

Grade G Entity permissions insufficient

Autonomous Authorization Granted

Arcana System Unlock Initiated

Time to completion and host system restart: Local Cycles and Calendar - 1 year, one month, and three days: September 2, 2026

Hibernation Protocol Active during Upgrade Sequence