Interlude-Indictment
“[How long before someone starts to notice me?]” Her voice was hoarse.
Remaining flight time will exceed eleven hours, ENVY flashed. A signal will be broadcasted once the module is closer to Sorc’s orbit.
“[Thanks,]” Nora said.
The AI had fallen out of contact while Nora’s shuttle…pod…thing went around the dark side of Paris. When ENVY had resumed flashing messages onto the display Nora had welcomed the surprise.
There was a lot she wanted to ask the machine, but for now, she needed to stay focused.
She’d been so unbelievably lucky, she was ready for the law of averages to cause everything else to go surely wrong.
Lucky? Rationally, she knew that’s what it was. She’d flipped heads so many times in a row, the likelihood of any of it boggled the mind.
But she didn’t feel lucky. The important part had still gone wrong.
Nora had been trying to think of a way back to her campers for weeks. She’d said nothing to Caleb. He…hadn’t understood. She hadn’t expected him to. He was too close to see how bad his situation was. That felt like she was giving him too little credit though. Caleb had truly made the best of an awful situation. She’d wanted to make a proper plan with him. She would have killed for an opportunity to explain herself properly.
But every opportunity she had was ruined. No circumstance had existed where she could tell Caleb about her desire to return to Archo without Coalition personnel finding out. So she’d kept quiet, resigning herself to the knowledge she might have to drag Caleb along by force.
The guilt of that decision had been awful, even when it was only a hypothetical. Having actually attempted such…
It certainly wasn’t the zero-g that made her want to vomit.
But self-loathing needed to wait. It had to.
There was information to gather, plans to make, as long there was more to do…
It had to wait.
“[Can you keep talking, ENVY?]” Nora asked nervously.
About what?
“[Anything really,]” Nora said, placing her hand against the back wall of the module. She pushed her tascade through the surface and began weaving a creation on the other side. Tricky work for someone with her range limit. “[What about how you’re talking? You must be transmitting from wherever you are to here, right?]”
A tightbeam aimed along your trajectory, ENVY agreed.
Nora nodded. She’d already guessed as much. It meant the antenna she’d materialized in her hand was correctly detecting transmission bursts.
On the exterior of the module, her creation finished coming into being. A simple addition of pressurized gas snapped it off, decelerating it a hair. It would drift away from the craft, psionically feeding Nora crucial data.
“[Your speech is different,]” Nora noted. No more movie quotes. “[What’s changed?]”
Contextual restrictions have changed.
Contextual, huh? That would be worth digging into later. For now though…
“[And I’m sure you can’t elaborate on those restrictions, right?]”
Information on that topic will not be disclosed.
“[Yeah, that’s about right,]” Nora sighed.
She closed her eyes and focused on the antenna she’d left to drift away from the craft. It was still receiving the same signals as the antenna in her hand.
If ENVY had been able to see what Nora was up to, the AI might have objected. But there were no cameras in the craft. ENVY was limited to the microphone built into the console. The machine intelligence had admitted being party to the abductions. Blood was on their hands, whatever ‘their hands’ were. But ENVY was also helping now. Or appearing to.
Nora didn’t know what to think about them. It? The whole thing was screwy. Part of her wanted to pulverize its motherboard, while another part wanted to shower the AI in all the RAM it wanted.
But for now, she merely made probing conversation and marked down the timing of the signals her antennae were picking up. Psionics were a gift that kept on giving, and Nora added another data point to the chart she was keeping. She had a dozen data points measuring the delay between her antenna in the craft and the ones she kept having to recreate on the exterior.
Triangulating was not her favorite kind of math, but the labor would pay off later…
“[Keep me company, ENVY,]” she said. “[What can you tell me about the other abductees?]”
Contact outside the system is limited. Transtellar communications are difficult. Beacon shutdowns do not simplify matters.
“[Okay…okay…estimate for me then…]” Nora continued.
She kept up dialogue with the machine, prodding it for whatever she could learn. ENVY didn’t share anything earth-shaking, but with each exchange Nora’s understanding of their situation sharpened.
Over the course of the flight, Nora assembled question after question, psionically taking notes on ENVY’s every answer. Each one produced half-a-dozen more questions. She wouldn’t get answers to them today. There too many to even ask in one day, much less receive answers for.
Multiple AIs, a creator in common—now gone missing. Caleb had been positive something went wrong with the abductions, and after talking to ENVY, Nora was pretty sure she knew what:
The one running the show had up and vanished.
There would be more chances to glean information from the AI. Deciding exactly what to do with ENVY could wait until ENVY couldn’t help so much.
Hours later, with ENVY’s instructions, Nora broadcasted on emergency channels.
“Distress call, distress, distress. I’m in a non-thrust craft in need of immediate rescue. Any recipient: distress, distress, distress.”
The radio crackled a Vorak voice back at her.
“Distress, we have your craft on scopes. This is Patchwork station control. Identify your condition and person.”
“Uhh…I’m fine. A bit thirsty. I…” Nora looked down at the console display where ENVY fed her instructions.
No leaks. No maneuvering. High priority. Make sure they know you’re human & looking for the Deep Coils.
“…I don’t have any leaks,” Nora continued. “No maneuvering either. High priority? My name is Nora Clarke. I’m human, from Earth.”
“Priority copy,” the voice said. “Repeat identity, please?”
Nora glanced at ENVY’s new advice flashing onto screen.
You are a First Contact looking for Tashi Umtane Fromil of the Deep Coils.
“My name is Nora Clarke. I’m a First Contact from Earth of the Solar system. It’s critical I contact a Deep Coils Tashi, Umtane Fromil, as quickly as possible.”
Silence answered her for too long. When she heard the Vorak on the other end swear faintly, she breathed a little easier.
·····
An hour later, armed with the results of her Organic Authority examination, Nora had defused the authorities of any biohazards. And now she was sitting in a Deep Coils’ interview room on Patchwork station, orbiting Sorc.
A Vorak sat across from her.
“You know I haven’t been a Tashi for months now, right? It’s a temporary rank. I’m an accountant,” the rak said, staring at her. Their eyes were piercing. Every twitch Nora made felt like it was under the microscope.
“I didn’t know,” Nora admitted. “I got your name a few hours ago from Caleb Hane. He said you could help me.”
Umtane gave a groan.
“Not hard to figure that out...” they said. “And just what did young Caleb Hane say of me?”
“That you owed him…and that you could help me,” Nora said.
“And what exactly am I supposed to help you with?” Umtane scoffed.
“I need you to contact Halax Ba in the Red Sails, tell him where he can find me, and make sure he can do so before anyone else,” Nora said. Direct. To the point.
The beginning stages of her plan had been chaos, but what she would do away from the Coalition? This part she’d practiced hundreds of times in her head. She’d even imagined a dozen contingencies in case different parts went wrong.
Finding an opportunity to escape had been the first hard part, and it had practically fallen into her lap. For now, all she had to do was follow her flow-chart.
Umtane stared at her, their expression somewhere between anger, shock, and awe.
“…Can you help with that?” she asked.
“Yes,” they growled unhappily.
“How long will it take to find Halax?”
“Not long,” Umtane fumed. “I know the name. That rak debriefed me two or three months ago before I came back here.”
“Please hurry then,” Nora said. “Every minute matters.”
·····
Two days later she finally got to see a familiar face.
Halax found his friend waiting just inside the station’s cargo processing, half a dozen soldiers scattered around her throwing wary glances.
He recognized the rak standing closest to her, the one who’d run into the other Human on Yawhere—Umtane.
Tides she looked tired.
Without a word, she threw her arms around him in a tight hug.
“[Good to see you too,]” Halax said.
“We were naive,” she said. “Somehow, two weeks was optimistic.”
Halax chuckled. When he’d first gone with her to seek out Tox, they’d hoped the trip could be accomplished in just a few days. That had been close to three months ago.
He blinked, recognizing she was using Starspeak.
“You’ve been busy,” he noted.
“You have no idea…” she whispered sadly. “But we’re not done yet, either.”
“Sounds important. Umtane’s message wasn’t specific,” Halax said. “What do you have in mind?”
“Evaluate priorities,” she answered. “Let’s you and I compare notes. Then we can figure out if I’m right about what to do next.”
“Good to have you back,” he smiled, months of angst melting off him.
The last time he’d seen her she’d been shot several times. You wouldn’t know it, looking at her now.
“Yeah,” she nodded, returning a smile of her own. It was an empty one though. Forced. It was only then Halax recognized Caleb Hane wasn’t here. That bode poorly.
·····
“The Coalition knows where they are?” Halax confirmed.
Nora nodded.
“Is that a problem? As long as it might help my campers, it seemed like a good idea to help them look,” she said. “From what I gathered though, they weren’t really in a position to get to Archo.”
“From what you’ve shared, I doubt they are,” Halax agreed. “But it does put the pressure on us. But…they won’t make that decision on their own…They’re relying solely on Caleb Hane.
“No…” he corrected. “They’re back to solely relying on Caleb Hane.”
“That’s going to slow the Coalition down?” Nora asked.
“It’s going to shape their decision making,” Halax said. “They have two options: try to get to the abductees on Archo first—not likely—or they can focus their resources on their investment in Mr. Hane. The more feasible choice is obvious.”
“They’re going to focus on protecting him at least,” Nora said. “…Because there’s no way they can spare the resources getting seventy humans off Archo.”
“No, they can’t,” he agreed.
Nora gave a small breath, something like relief going through her. Only just though. It was the tiniest hint her decision had been correct, confirming what no one had seemed ready to tell Caleb. The Coalition didn’t have the resources to help the abductees. Not in time in this system at least.
Maybe it was because of their war, or maybe it was because of the Vorak. It didn’t really matter to her priorities. She couldn’t afford to be picky about who helped the abductees.
She wanted to think her decision was wholly a rational one, solely in the interests of her campers. Hopefully, it still was. But it would have been a lie to say her friendship with Halax didn’t factor in at all.
“[Dammit…]” Nora muttered. On the whole, it was a good thing for her campers. It meant she and Halax could almost certainly be the first ones to reach them on Archo.
But it meant there was even less she’d be able to do to help Caleb.
“[Kid?]” Halax asked.
“[…I had to make a hard choice to get away from the Coalition, one I knew I’d regret,]” she said.
“[So, why make it?]”
“Because I would have regretted the alternative more,” she said. “It’s a long story. Not important right this second.”
“Alright,” Halax nodded. “Then I think we should get on a ship.”
“Archo bound?”
He nodded. “No point staying here. Whatever we do next, we’re going to need Tox’s help. Lightspeed delay between here and Archo is more than hour, so we might as well start cutting that down.”
Nora nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, you’re right. Just let me thank Umtane before we launch.”
“Of course,” he said. “We need to decide what we’re doing first, negotiate with Marshal Tispas or reconnect with the humans?”
It was a serious question, despite how much more appealing the latter option seemed. The Marshal would move fast if or when he got wind of what Nora was up to. It could be worth confronting Tispas early to avoid giving him any extra breathing room.
Nora shook her head. The rest of the plan would take too much time anyway. No, she could reconnect with her campers and contact Tox at the same time. It would give both her and the Marshal more time. She had to hope the extra time would be worth more to her than him.
“Campers first,” she said. “Here, hold onto this. Read it once we’re on the ship, because I need to try and get some sleep as soon as we’re underway. I’ve been awake for almost forty-hours now.”
She began materializing sheets of documents one at a time, quickly forming a hefty stack. Halax’s surprise at the trick didn’t escape Nora’s attention.
“That’s a new trick,” he remarked. “You really have been busy.”
“Call it summer reading for you,” she said, foisting the stack of paper into his arms. “It’s my master plan.”
“Let’s get going then,” he agreed.
Halax and the ship he’d commandeered left just four hours after arriving, with Nora in tow.
·····
Caroline was watching Dustin and Jacob muddle their way through a discussion with Sendin Trakin when the alarms went off.
The otters standing guard at their living-hangar’s door instantly drew weapons along with Sendin Trakin.
Poor Shakri instantly looked like a deer in the headlights, and the campers let out a series of screams until Jacob shouted loud enough for everyone to hear.
“[Campers in the cabins!]”
Caroline caught a wary exchange between him and Trakin before bolting toward the hangar’s exit.
Jacob and Dustin worked fast, getting everyone inside and hunkered down. The counselors stayed near the entrances to the tin cabins, trying to watch the hangar doors.
Shakri was the only Vorak to stay in the hangar with the humans. She clutched the only radio. When a low rumble could be heard somewhere above them, everyone knelt a little lower, trying to keep out of sight.
But the sound faded after a minute leaving the abductees to trade confused glances amongst themselves.
The alarms cut off as abruptly as they broke out.
Eyes turned toward Shakri, who was hiding her nervousness well. No message had come through the radio.
Caroline and the other camp leaders kept their eyes glued on the hangar doors. When the armed guards reacted like this to an alarm… no wonder fear was thick in the air.
Events turned from tense to confusing when two figures in space-suits traipsed through the hangar doors.
Dustin was the first one to react, Jacob alongside him. He materialized two pistols, tossing one to Jacob who paused only long enough to check the weapon’s slide before aiming at the newcomers.
“Sten Sendin!” Shakri hissed into the radio. “Two at the hangar entrance!”
“Hands up!” Dustin yelled.
“[Easy,]” the bigger figure—definitely Vorak—spoke. They didn’t stop walking toward them, but they did keep their palms raised. “[Let me take off the helmet?]”
Jacob nodded, keeping his gun on the Vorak.
The Vorak pulled the helmet, revealing a familiar face.
It was Halax!
Shakri was more shocked than everyone
“[You?! Where’s—]” Jacob began. The realization cut him short, and his eyes locked onto the one in the smaller spacesuit.
Caroline’s breath stopped—and she wasn’t the only one—when the other figure removed their helmet.
“[Hi guys,]” Nora smiled. “[My trip went a bit longer than expected.]”
Chaos erupted.
·····
Dozens of kids immediately exploded into noise, screaming and shouting their excitement. Jacob couldn’t describe the sheer relief that went through him.
“[You…bitch!]” he angrily stomped toward her before squeezing Nora into a hug.
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
“[Yeah, I earned that,]” Nora wheezed.
“[As of this moment, you’re back in charge!]” Jacob said. “[I don’t know how you managed it. I’ve been dying being the first person everyone looks to.]”
Nora grimaced, but nodded.
“[So, what in the hell happened?]” Dustin asked.
“[It’s a long story,]” Nora said. “[And right now we’re on a bit of a clock.]”
Like it was on cue, half a dozen armed Vorak burst into the hangar.
“[Whoa, whoa!]” Jacob yelled, immediately putting his hands up. Everyone quickly followed suit, save Nora and Halax.
There was a moment where the campers and counselors all saw Trakin’s soldiers identify Nora and Halax as the odd ones out. All the guns trained on them, and every single abductee didn’t budge.
Sendin Trakin hesitated, and Jacob saw Nora’s body language shift almost imperceptibly. She’d just seen something…something that made her sure this would turn out okay.
“Yeah…you can’t really shoot me,” Nora said. “You can’t really detain me either…because, isn’t this exactly where I’m supposed to be?”
“That one’s still getting court martialed,” Trakin growled, jutting her head at Halax.
“I think we both know it’s not that simple,” Nora said.
Jacob was not the only one lost in the conversation. Nora was speaking the alien’s standard language better than any of the other abductees. Ever since starting dialogue with Sendin Trakin herself, Jacob had felt like their progress learning the language was reassuring.
But hearing Nora now?
Trakin, like Shakri, hid her surprise well. But Jacob knew he wasn’t the only one to have noticed a delay upon hearing the alien language coming from Nora.
He realized that Trakin was actually on the back foot.
“Guns down!” she barked, before adding “...for now.”
The soldiers lowered their rifles, but stayed ready in case of more excitement.
Nora on the other hand was cool as ice, creating a simple stool for herself and materializing a second one to slide toward Trakin with her foot.
“I know we’ve never properly met, but I’m going to call you Trakin,” Nora said. “And I gotta say, I’ve got some complaints about your handling of my campers.”
“I’d tell you to take it up with my commander—” Trakin began only for Nora to cut her off.
“I’ve got something on the books with Marshal Tispas, so for now Marshal’s Adjutant Tox will have to do. You want to talk to them now or after we catch up? Either way is fine with me,” Nora said, offering Trakin a radio.
Trakin glowered back at her.
Between the words he was managing to recognize and Trakin’s body language, Jacob’s suspicion was only being confirmed.
Nora was back, back!
“Let’s be honest,” Nora said. “You’ve been willfully butchering First Contact procedures for months now, only now I know those procedures exist. I know what you were supposed to have been doing months ago. Quite embarassing for you, your boss, your boss' boss, your whole fleet, honestly it's embarrassing for anyone remotely connected to you. So you can either help me start changing our situation here—starting with the accommodations—or you can keep on pretending like Tox and I don’t have a boot on your throat.”
“I’ve been acting under orders directly from Marshal Tispas,” Trakin said. “Tox doesn’t have the authority to overrule the Marshal.”
“Not before, but Tox and Halax have been busy going over the Marshal’s head,” Nora agreed.
Halax stepped forward, handing his old commander a stick of some kind.
“That’s a certified file from the Assembly office of Fleet Oversight,” Nora said. “I’ll be honest, I’m pretty dependent on Tox and Halax to understand the contents, but the short version is simple. You’re no longer the Red Sails officer overseeing these First Contact proceedings. Tox is. And ever since you lost track of Halax, Tox put him under his own command. You should thank him, he picked up your slack. Feel free to radio…well, anybody and confirm.”
A grin went across Jacob’s face. They hadn’t made a ton of progress conversing with Trakin, but one thing Michelle, Caroline, and the other girls had managed to wheedle out of the commander was that they were under strict radio isolation.
Trakin could receive signals, but not transmit them. Not without violating these orders she was so insistent about.
“Tox has a destination prepared for us,” Nora said. “I expect you to help us with transport? You’ve already moved my [campers] on short notice twice before. So can we get on with it? Or are you going to keep insulting us like this?”
Trakin’s eyes narrowed furiously, but she pocketed the stick.
“You’d best believe I will check,” she growled. “So start talking. Why is Tox tearing down the quarantine?”
“Because it was ruined from the first minute,” Nora said. “That thing that has Tispas spooked? That thing he doesn’t understand? I do. It’s everywhere but here. Or…it wasn’t here until just now. I brought it back with me.”
Trakin looked like she might shoot Nora just to feel better, but their fearless leader returned in full form. She just tossed the radio to Trakin before standing up from her stool and walking back to start directing her campers.
The Vorak commander slunk off speaking into Nora’s radio. “Tox, you’d better start explaining this…”
“[What. Was. That?]” Dustin asked. “[You speak the language? When did that happen?]”
“[It’s a long story,]” Nora repeated. “[But there will be plenty of time to tell it soon.]”
She materialized another stool, this time directly underfoot. She climbed atop it to get a look at the crowd of abductees.
“[Hi everyone, I’m back. Sorry there isn’t more time, but we’re moving again. If everyone can get packed in the next hour, I’ll start catching everyone up to speed while we fly.]”
“[We’re probably going to be split between transports again,]” Jacob pointed out.
“[I actually wrote up a lot of what you'll want to know,]” Nora said, materializing papers and handing them out. “[Camp counselors first. There’s plenty of copies. Not quite one for everyone though, so share…who’s been filling in for my cabin?]”
“[I have,]” Caroline said, stepping forward.
“[Oh!…Okay. Um, can you keep handling our cabin then? There’s a lot of moving parts for the next few days, at least, and I’m not going to have the time to do it all and then some,]” Nora said.
“[You bet,]” Caroline nodded.
“[Now everyone, break! Get packing!]” Nora directed.
Everyone lurched into motion and the older abductees set about keeping their respective younglings on task.
Jacob couldn’t wipe the stupid grin off his face. She was sliding right back into her role like she’d never been gone, and for the first time in months, things seemed like they were turning out well.
·····
It was too soon to tell if things were going well. So Nora didn’t breathe any easier once they were underway.
The seventy abductees were split into three different transports, so Nora knew the hugs and reunions she got now were just one third of what was to come.
Telling the story of what had happened was hard. She couldn’t go over every detail, though their flight would be more than long enough.
But she’d been pushing herself nonstop since fleeing ENVY’s platform. What little sleep she’d managed to get wasn’t enough. She’d need to rest later in the flight. But for now, she was overjoyed to tell everyone all about the Caleb Hane and the fourth abduction ship, Apollo.
She shared some of the basic Starspeak Caleb had translated into English, told them about the Casti and Farnata she’d met on Lakandt. She avoided Adeptry for now. Best not to have anyone trying to create something unpredictable when they were in the air.
Two hours into the ride and half of their transport was asleep in their seats. Nora found a quiet moment to chat with just Caroline alone.
Mostly alone.
Michelle tactfully moved to the far end of the transport, drawing the attention of those still awake and going over the information packet Nora had materialized.
“[We actually changed the name,]” Caroline told her once things had quieted down. “[Of the ship, I mean. Apollo?]”
“[Really?]” Nora asked. “[To what?]”
“[Chariot. It was less confusing, since, you know, there already were Apollo spaceships.]”
“[Kinda ruins the naming convention though,]” Nora pointed out. “[The Artemis and the Athena for the girls ships, the Ares and Apollo for the boys. Can’t really keep calling them A-ships with one of them named Chariot.]”
“[Some people want to compromise and call it Apollo’s Chariot,]” Caroline admitted. “[Still keeps the convention and we can use Chariot as shorthand.]”
“[Well we’ll get to take a look at it in person soon,]” Nora said. “[The stuff I’m arranging with the rak will involve us getting access to those ships. Maybe even custody.]”
“[…You’ve been busy,]” Caroline noted.
“[Gonna stay busy for a while too,]” Nora said. “[A lot has happened, and if I fuck it up, a lot of people could die. Humans and aliens.]”
“[Get a load of the ego on you…]” Caroline chuckled.
“[I wasn’t kidding,]” Nora said. “[I’ll go over the details with everyone when we get to the new digs, but there’s a lot more abductees out there than just our campers and Caleb.]”
“[How many?]” Caroline asked.
“[Unless I’m being lied to? Thousands.]”
“[Is there a significant chance you’re being lied to?]”
That was a good question. ENVY was unquestionably involved in the abductions. They hadn’t even denied it. There was a lot not to trust about the AI. But Nora’s gut said they were probably being truthful.
Whether that was the same thing as trustworthy…
“[I don’t think so, and I hope not,]” Nora said. “[But I can’t deny the possibility.]”
“[You don’t seem eager to talk about this right now,]” Caroline noted.
“[God no,]” Nora admitted.
“[Well if there’s anything you want to talk about, I’m game,]” Caroline said. “[But I’m cool if you just want to sit peacefully too.]”
That sounded divine.
But it didn’t turn out that way. Too many demons were nipping at her heels to quietly enjoy her company. Nora’s mind went back to her last good conversation with Caleb. He’d given her some advice.
Given how much work lay ahead of them, she might not get a better chance to give it a try.
“[…There is one thing we could talk about,]” she said quietly.
“[Oh, please tell me it’s philosophy or religion,]” Caroline smiled. “[I’ve missed our chats.]”
“[Not quite…]” Nora sighed, dropping her voice, “[…romance.]”
“[What was that?]” Caroline asked. She wore a smirk just faint enough that Nora couldn’t tell if the girl was messing with her.
“[Romance!]” Nora hissed quietly. “[Are you going to make me say it any louder?]”
Caroline’s eyes widened a fraction, and Nora instantly felt her heart clench. Had she already fucked up?
“[Oh! Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting that,]” Caroline said. “[So what’s new?]”
“[I came out to the guy on Lakandt,]” Nora said. “[He was weird about it, but not in a bad way, I think.]”
“[Good for you!]” Caroline grinned, jovially slugging Nora’s shoulder. “[But…Lakandt, that’s the moon?]”
“[Orbiting a gas giant,]” Nora nodded. “[But stay on topic.]”
“[Right. Came out to someone, all on your own, for the first time. How’s it feel?]”
“[Amazing,]” Nora said. “[Some of the aliens Caleb and I were staying with were supportive. It was incredible. But…it kind of hurt too, because I’m not sure if I ever would have gotten that same kind of support back on Earth.]”
“[Well you’ve got support now,]” she replied.
Nora clenched her fists. She’d had support back on Lakandt too. One of the last things Caleb had said to her were words of encouragement. Wouldn’t it be insulting not to at least try seeing it through?
“[I like you,]” Nora said, voice barely audible.
This time Caroline didn’t pretend not to hear her.
“[Yeah? Got the hots for me?]”
“[…Yes, I am…attracted to you,]” Nora admitted, looking away. Different impulses were warring in her brain, twisting her heart into knots.
“[Big surprise,]” Caroline snorted. “[You were not subtle about it.]”
“[Fuck, seriously?]” Nora gasped.
“[Not even a little bit,]” Caroline chuckled.
“[Dammit, you never said anything!]”
“[I figured I’d give you time. I was never really closeted, but I still know pressuring people is never the right thing to do. I’m a little surprised you didn’t say anything sooner.]”
“[…I’m uncomfortable with our age difference,]” Nora explained.
“[That’s fair,]” Caroline nodded. “[Just how young do you think I am?]”
“[Fifteen. Almost sixteen?]” Nora said. “[I feel creepy as hell just talking about it, but I got Caleb’s advice. He made a… point. I don’t know if it’s a good one or not though.]”
“[Spill,]” Caroline said. “[What’s our Chariot survivor have to say?]”
“[He thought that I should try asking you out, because going out with me can’t really ruin your life any more than it already is,]” Nora said.
Caroline dipped her head. “[Not untrue,]” she acknowledged. “[If you want to…I think...I’m interested too.]”
For a moment, Nora let herself imagine kissing the girl. It was a temptation her common sense clamped down on without delay. The idea sent shivers down her spine, some good, but even more bad.
She winced at the idea.
“[…Nope. Nope. Sorry. Can’t do it. I’m… really uncomfortable with our age difference,]” Nora insisted. “[You’re fifteen. It’s not a question of how ruined your life already is. It’s…fuck, I don’t know…emotional intelligence?]”
“[Gee thanks,]” Caroline deadpanned. “[I’m not exactly a kid. We’ve all been stepping up around here.]”
“[Growing to tackle new responsibilities isn’t the same as maturing,]” Nora said. “[I got shot. I went through a life-or-death experience, and I didn’t immediately become wiser on the other side. Growing up takes time and there’s no substitute. You’re still a kid because I’m still a kid too. I like you. I want to keep being friends. Close friends even. But more?...Not now. Not yet. Maybe not even for a long time.]”
Nora wanted to scream after she was done. She’d spoken her mind, but it felt like an insult to Caleb. She knew it wasn’t. Nothing he could say would change her mind. But just disagreeing with him made fresh guilt well up in her.
“[Well, I turned sixteen before you left,]” Caroline said. “[Assuming our clocks are good, at least.]”
Nora shook her head.
“[No. I’m sorry, you’re great, but no. Too young. It’s too weird.]”
“[I understand,]” Caroline nodded. “[I think it’s sweet, even. I think I might have my own hang-ups too.]”
“[…Yeah?]”
“[I had a girlfriend before all this. I…still feel like I’m together with her. I know it’s silly. If she moved on, I wouldn’t blame her for a millisecond. But…I still don’t know if I should move on yet.]”
“[Did you love her?]” Nora asked.
“[For sure,]” she nodded. “[We’ve known each other since we were like seven. Regular childhood sweetheart stuff. We went on this laser-tag date back in September, and holy shit, she wore this lipstick that glowed in the dark. It was amazing...]”
“[I’m embarrassed,]” Nora admitted. “[I’m in college, but I feel like you’re more mature about relationships, more experienced.]”
“[That’s because I am more experienced in lllooovvveee,]” Caroline drawled, playfully bumping Nora’s shoulder. “[I know I’m an outlier for seriously dating as young as I am, but you’re on the other end. You’ve been inhibited your whole life. You’ve never even had a boyfriend when you were closeted.]”
“[I didn’t think any of the church boys were interested in me,]” Nora said.
“[You sure it’s not because you just weren’t interested in them?]”
“[No. Not sure at all…]” Nora said.
“[Well boss, I’m interested. So, if we’re still stuck out here when I turn eighteen, and if you’re still interested then, it would be my pleasure to have sex with you,]” Caroline joked. She was completely serious too, though.
Nora’s face flushed.
“[Who said anything about sex!?]” she squeaked. “[I’m talking about dating! I don’t know, dinner dates, kissing, maybe cuddling.]”
“[Jesus, you really are repressed. Those things tend to lead to another thing…]” Caroline chuckled.
Nora smiled half-heartedly. It really was reassuring that Caroline respected her reservations, but she still felt worse than ever.
“[You look like you’re sucking on a lemon,]” Caroline said. “[Something else is getting to you.]”
“[I can’t talk about it right now,]” Nora said.
“[It really seems like you need to. You’re practically shaking.]”
“[...I fucked up,]” Nora whispered. “[I’m going to get everything sorted out in the next few weeks and then I’m going to have to step down. I can’t keep being the leader.]”
“[I remember why you said you stepped up in the first place,]” Caroline said. Because no one else would. “[I’m pretty sure that case still applies.]”
“[Can you trust me when I say I feel really shitty about something, and that talking about it won’t help?]” Nora huffed.
“[The first part? Sure. Not the second part though. Trust goes both ways,]” she said. “[Confide.]”
“[I don’t want to,]” Nora said. “[I don’t want sympathy. I don’t deserve it. I know what I did, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it. Best I can hope is…I don’t know.]”
“[Confide,]” Caroline simply repeated.
Nora couldn’t withstand the sheer sincerity of the word. As long as she kept talking around the issue, there was nothing more Caroline could actually do. It was cruel to bury the lede like that.
“[The aliens that are helping Caleb can’t really help us,]” Nora said. “[They don’t know anything about our abductions, they don’t have the resources…or the inclination, some of them at least. I don’t want to presume too much. But the point is, from the moment I woke up, I’ve been trying to get back to you guys. Pretty quickly, I realized that meant escaping somehow. For a long time, it was just a half-formed plan, because I knew I had no way to execute it. Until, as we dug into things more, this golden opportunity just drops itself in my lap.]
“[But I didn’t tell Caleb what I was thinking to do. It felt wrong hiding it all. So I got romantic advice from him. It seemed like if I couldn’t talk to him about getting back here, I could… make it up to him and give his advice a shot —I know it’s stupid, I know. But… godammit I'm such a piece of shit!]”
Caroline patiently put a hand on Nora’s shoulder. She didn’t have any words that would help Nora right now. She had to let her friend vent.
“[You know the trolley problem?]” Nora whispered, curling her knees under her chin.
“[…Yeah?]”
“[I had to…]” she started, only to shake her head, unhappy with the words. “[I…I pushed the guy. I was responsible for him, and I fucking pushed him…I killed him.]”
Nora’s composure finally broke. After sleepless days on end, saying the words aloud was finally too much. She sobbed into her knees.
“[…Literally?]” Caroline asked, hesitantly.
“[...N-no…not literally. But functionally,]” she said. “[I tried to drag him back with me, but the Vorak were hostile to him before. I knew he was never going to come back to the Vorak willingly. He didn’t. Wouldn’t. There was a moment where I could have given up and stayed behind. But I didn’t. I decided getting back to you guys was more important than bringing him with me. That…as good as killed him.]”
“[…You might need to elaborate,]” Caroline said. “[Why would that kill him?]”
“[Caleb is the reason we’ve been quarantined,]” Nora’s voice shook. “[The Vorak leader thinks humans are psychically contagious, especially with regard to the Adept technology that enables interstellar travel. If this otter is right, then this star system is in danger of being cut off from all the others. So they’re ready to kill Caleb to keep psionics contained—the psychic stuff he created…And he made it very clear how serious the Vorak are about this. I knew what might happen when I decided to come back here.]”
Nora knew as she said it that Caroline wouldn’t be able to follow. She hadn’t gotten to explain psionics, or even what the word ‘Adept’ meant. She tried to correct herself, but there were a million other things storming through her mind, and it was all she could do to choke it out like this, muddled and confusing as it was.
But Caroline nodded along.
“[…Jesus, this Caleb guy covers a lot of ground. How’d he manage to piss of the aliens that badly?]”
“[It’s because the Vorak actually found him before us,]” Nora said. “[They only managed to hold onto him for a few days though. He escaped their asteroid when it got attacked by aliens from the Coalition—long story—but he went with these Coalition aliens. The Vorak haven’t taken kindly to him ever since, and it’s why Trakin has been so goddamn stupid about working with us.]”
“[…You really learned a lot out there.]” Caroline let out a slow breath. “[Makes it really hard to agree with you when you say you need to step down.]”
“[I killed him,]” Nora repeated. Maybe that was hyperbole, but it sure didn’t feel like it. “[Even if I don’t leverage a single thing I’ve learned, the Vorak are still going to be able to deduce the truth, just from the fact that I escaped. I left, knowing it would put Caleb in danger. I picked between one life and seventy—maybe thousands more, and I don’t want to pretend that was a good choice. It might have been my ‘best’ option, but that is not the same thing!]”
“[You’re right,]” Caroline acknowledged. “[It’s not a good thing. But, with the limited information I’ve got right now, I don’t think it’s evil either. You couldn’t convince him, and you still tried to bring him back with you. You did the best you could, sounds like.]”
“[So did the Vorak when they tried to kill him,]” Nora said. “[So were the Coalition when they shot me. Trying our best isn’t always good enough. Failure has real consequences. Case in point, Caleb is going to die because of me, unless I can somehow pressure these stupid fucking otters into not killing him.]”
“[Sounds like you could use some help,]” Caroline nodded.
“[I appreciate the thought,]” Nora said. “[But I’m getting help from Halax and Tox. You need to stay focused on your campers. I’ve got a way to speed up communication. It should let you all learn Starspeak faster—]”
“[Whoa, whoa girl,]” Caroline said. “[I wasn’t volunteering; I know my limits. But a lot has happened here too, and if you’re playing brinksman with the Vorak, talk to Dustin and Michelle. Especially Michelle.]”
“[…Okay,]” Nora said. “[Thanks for talking with me. I’ve missed you guys.]”
“[We’ve missed you too. So now that you’re back, don’t try to carry this all yourself, okay?]”
Nora nodded. It was easier said than done.
But she could try.
She had to.