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I didn’t sleep.
The minute we were back on Lakandt, Nai did me a favor and materialized a punching bag in the basement of our building. I didn’t even need to say anything. She’d just been able to tell I needed to wail on something.
So in the dead of night, while I was busy taking my frustration out on a sandbag, she was the one fielding all the heat surrounding what had happened on ENVY’s station. Knowing that just made me feel worse.
A dozen different reactions tugged at me, but two cut through the noise: stupidity and anger. I truly felt dumb not having seen it coming. Nora had as good as spelled it out for me. Every other thought was just angry.
Trouble was, it was almost difficult to be angry with her, because she had just about spelled it out for me. There had been little subtlety with her dissatisfaction with the Coalition, with her concern for her campers…every mote of anger I had for her felt like it just heaped right back over my head.
It was embarrassing in more ways than one.
I didn’t even know if I could call it a betrayal. The only reason we met was because the Coalition shot her.
Most surprising of all, she’d created a psionic masterpiece like mine. It wasn’t like mine, I could tell. It was specialized for a different purpose. But no one else had even come close to making something like the radar, much less the superconnector. It was humbling.
I did not want to feel humbled right now.
So I slammed my fists into a punching bag until even my augmented knuckles ached. I didn’t pay attention to the time, or anyone else that might have entered the gym. I just pummeled the bag in hopes I might feel better.
I was stirred out of it by a psionic prod.
“
I found Nerin and Dyn paused at the basement door.
“… Yoe,” I said dully, turning back to the bag. But shifting my feet made me realize how much sand had spilled out onto the floor. I’d been at it long enough to tear some holes in it. How long had I been hammering away at it?
My hands should have been in tatters after this long, but that was augmentations for you.
“This isn’t a social call,” Dyn told me. “Laranta wanted us to check you out for nerve damage.”
“…Yeah. Yeah okay,” I muttered taking a seat on a bench.
“You feeling alright?” Dyn asked. Nerin jabbed his shoulder trying to give him a not-so-subtle clue.
“No,” I said plainly.
Dyn winced apologetically.
“Medically, I mean…” he said.
“My body is fine. [Just dandy,]” I said.
“No pain?” Dyn asked.
“None. No lasting effects as far as I can tell.”
Nerin’s eyes drifted down to my fists and then to the torn punching bag.
“If you’re feeling no pain at all, that might not be a good sign either,” she said.
“I’m not,” I confirmed, “but it’s just my augmentations. This wouldn’t have hurt even before.”
Dyn took a penlight and flashed it into my eyes, looking for a concussion.
“I know this is annoying,” he said, “but it’s procedure. Having any trouble tracking the light?”
“No,” I answered.
Dyn started rattling down a list of similar questions, most of them focused on finding any lingering neurological symptoms.
I found myself realizing I could inflict half of them on myself psionically if I wanted to…
But try as I might, I couldn’t imagine myself pulling off the trick Nora had. While Dyn asked his questions, it occurred to me Nerin wasn’t on duty right now.
I said bitterly.
Nerin nodded.
<…Well she hasn’t blown past her mass limit since Korbanok, and she hasn’t shown any symptoms since; that has to be a good sign, right? We were psionically linked up, so I think I would have picked up if she was feeling anything off.>
A good question. It wasn’t so simple.
Nora hadn’t quite planned this, but neither had she acted on the spur of the moment.
Opportunities had presented themselves for her to use tricks she’d never shown before. Anti-telepathic gas…that kind of trick wouldn’t have worked outside an airtight structure. Nai had made sure we were both carrying emergency supplies ‘just in case’. The orbital platform and its evacuation measures had been functional. Just how many things had fallen right into place to make this possible?
Nerin’s phrasing caught up to me.
‘Us’, she’d said. Not ‘you’. After me, Nerin had probably spent the most time with Nora. This would hit her worse than anyone else.
·····
Once Dyn was finished, Nerin and I withdrew to our apartment. I still couldn’t imagine sleeping right now, so I sat silently on a stool sipping water while Nerin fought to stay awake. Toe the worm-thing nudged her feet every few minutes, prodding her back awake.
Someone had decided that I shouldn’t be alone right now. Nai and Serral were busy along with all eight bodyguards, so Nerin must have been tapped. Or she’d volunteered. Or—
I strangled the thought before it could go further. Nora might have been hiding things from me, but that just made me all the more determined to avoid prying at my friends motivations.
The fact that I was tempted to dig anyway just made me angry at myself again. I ignored the impulse to hurl my glass in frustration, but only because my arms were exhausted after the punching bag.
God, I was twisted up in knots…
I found myself wandering toward Nora’s room in the apartment. The unit had six small bedrooms, half of which had been unoccupied until Nora arrived. The three other Farnata living in the unit were all stationed elsewhere in the system. While we’d been on Lakandt, Nai had been one of them even.
Nora had taken the room from an Adept on Draylend who’d offered it quickly. We hadn’t so much moved Nora in as much as we’d moved them out. His room had been pretty sparse, so it had only taken an hour to empty his effects into storage.
Looking at the state Nora left the room in just made me feel sick.
Nerin joined me at the doorway, looking at the utterly bare walls.
“She didn’t have any personal effects to leave behind,” Nerin said.
“And doesn’t that just perfectly sum up all of it…?”
She’d come here with nothing but a voidsuit. She’d left with little more. Just an individual nutritional index.
“…You really are upset," she said.
I’d balled my fists and she’d noticed.
Immediately afterward, she winced. “Sorry. I don’t have anything better—I don’t know what to say.”
“I’m just angry,” I said. “It’s nothing you did.”
“…If you’re not going to get some sleep, at least say something. I want to help, but I’m barely staying awake.”
“You’re medical,” I said. “What would it take for an Adept to create nerves capable of hijacking a nervous system? It worked the same on a human and Farnata.”
“I have no idea. I’m a surgeon, not a subcellular biologist.”
“I can’t figure out how she pulled off a trick like that,” I said. “I keep coming back to her range limit. She can’t make anything more than a few inches from her body without the cascade extension trick. So she had to have touched Nai and I both at some point to materialize the invading nerves.”
“…I thought you can’t materialize inside someone’s body,” she asked.
“The constant internal chemistry of cells makes it hard,” I said. “But it’s not impossible.”
“How hard?”
“Extremely,” I said. “You basically have to figure out how to materialize between or inside cells. Both require overcoming the body's energy. I can’t do it at all, and it only gets harder the smaller the thing you want to make is.”
“…Which is why you’re so hung up on it,” Nerin followed. “You figure…even if she could materialize something inside you and Nai, you would have noticed.”
She was right. The fact that we hadn’t noticed meant we had no clue how long Nora had been leaving those nerves in our body, ready to activate. She could have put them minutes before using them, days, even weeks weren’t impossible.
The longer she’d left them there…the longer she’d been planning this without saying anything.
A frown broke my angry expression. Nerin was entirely right, but her manner of response was unusual for her.
“Talking like that, you sound like your sister when we’re brainstorming,” I accused.
“Verbalizing the other party’s thoughts helps ensure everyone understands what’s being said,” she protested.
“I agree,” I said. “But that just sounds like you’re quoting a self-help book.”
Nerin pursed her lips together, trying not to give anything away.
“…Because you did read it from a book,” I concluded.
“After you came stomping into my life, I wanted to get better at expressing myself,” she pouted. “What is it you say? [Sue me.]”
And Nora had stomped right out of it.
I winced. For a few seconds I’d managed not to think about it.
“I’m going to start packing up my stuff,” I said. “Laranta is probably going to want to move me.”
“Nora wouldn’t just tell the Vorak exactly where you are…” Nerin said.
“I want to move too,” I replied. “Nora backstabbing us isn’t the only thing that happened up there. We found out there’s a lot more abductees out there, and I can’t do much if I’m living here. I don’t know exactly how it’ll go, but I get the feeling I’m going somewhere new sooner rather than later.”
“Yeah…” Nerin mumbled, a complicated flicker going through her thoughts. “You want any help?”
Unlike Nora, I had personal effects. Even a small wardrobe. But it still didn’t amount to much. After getting everything I owned on Lakandt into four plastic crates, I resolved to get some decorations for whatever my next living quarters would be.
Once most of my stuff was packed up, I thanked Nerin and tried to convince her to get some sleep. It took a promise from me not to go anywhere without waking her. No trouble agreeing to that.
I lay on my bed knowing I still wouldn’t sleep.
<[What would you do here, Daniel?]> I asked.
Oof.
I needed something to distract myself or I was going to keep falling apart.
So I spent the late hours poking around the pieces Daniel had left in my mind. They were mostly snatches of my own memories from his perspective. Others were little notes he’d left me while we fled the Vorak.
Somedays it felt like I should have been able to put all the pieces back together again, back into whatever form of Daniel had survived in my mind.
But it didn’t work that way. There wasn’t any more ‘Daniel’ to join the pieces together. I’d tried using the superconnector to do just that, but holding the pieces together wasn’t the same thing as him being there.
Daniel had been able to talk, think, express himself, worry, and suffer. He’d been alive, in some sense. Holding all these inert pieces together now felt like pressing chunks of a corpse against each other hoping they would join and spontaneously reanimate.
He was gone.
I scattered Daniel’s pieces back to the corners of my mind, deciding to never try that again. It really felt too much like manhandling a corpse, defiling.
Nai’s return finally gave the opportunity to get out of my funk.
Nai caught me at the doorway. This story originates from Royal Road. Ensure the author gets the support they deserve by reading it there. “You alright?” “No,” I sighed. “But neither is Nerin. I didn’t realize how much time they spent with each other until now. She’s feeling betrayed, I think.” “I think it’s safe to say we all feel that way,” Nai said quietly. “…I’m not sure if Nora actually did betray anyone,” I admitted. “I’m angry because—” “I know,” Nai said. “I was there too. Go talk to Laranta. Leave my sister to family.” “Of course,” I nodded. ····· I’d never been up to the roof of our building before now. Laranta was waiting for me on the roof, talking with Serralinitus and another Casti I didn’t recognize. They were another Ase judging by their uniform. “Ah, Caleb. You two, scram for now.” Laranta shooed Serral and the other officer away. I met Serral’s gaze, trying to read his attitude. I nodded. Time to face the music. “There aren’t a lot of views like this,” Laranta said, looking out at the base and the rest of High Harbor. “I should get out of my office more often.” It was a good view. One with plenty of novelty. With the artificial night-cycle being desynchronized from the actual moon’s daylight, no two visits would afford the same spectacle. But right now I wasn’t captured by the sight. “Oh don’t look at me like that, boy,” Laranta scoffed. “I screwed up,” I said. “And it’s not just with my own business. Nora was allowed things to know about the Coalition, and she’s going to tell the Vorak everything we know.” “True,” Laranta hummed. “Do you know what will probably happen next?” I might have had a good guess, but I wasn’t bold enough to share it. “Marshal Tispas is going to attack this moon,” Laranta said. “The war was quiet for months before our raid on Korbanok turned you up. We were trying to go on the offensive, take back some ground. But First Contact threw everyone for a loop and things froze even more than they did before Korbanok.” “Because nobody knew how much the other side knew,” I said. “Serral told me.” “Yes. Nora treating with the Vorak tips our hand somewhat. Tispas will learn he has nothing to fear.” “I’m sorry,” I said. “The Coalition keeps having to fight battles because I’m around.” “Oh, shut up,” she scoffed again. “We were at war with them long before you showed up. You’re involved, and your presence affects things, yes. But the Marshal of the Red Sails is not going to casually invade a moon for the sole purpose of hunting you down.” “You said he was going to attack this moon,” I frowned. “We’ve been keeping the Sails and Coils both at bay with the truth, disguised as a lie. We tell them you’re our first and only contact with Humans or Earth, and they don’t believe us. They think we have some secret plans moving unseen in the background, so they’ve been treading carefully, bolstering their defenses. We’ve been forthright, and it’s tricked them into waiting when they could be squeezing instead,” Laranta nodded. “Nora’s information will change that,” I said. “Yes, he will attack. And he’ll come for you. But my point is that won’t be the fleet’s only goal. But before we discuss the further future, it’s the recent past that needs addressing,” she said. “Which part? ENVY or Nora?” I asked. “Both,” she admitted. “This ‘ENVY’ and their—its?—capabilities are distressing, but I…felt I needed to talk about Nora first.” “I don’t know what there is to say,” I said. “She…she attacked us—essentially. I don’t know how the Coalition treats that sort of thing, but I know what your Ases wanted to do even back when she was friendly. So I—” “We’re not considering her hostile, Caleb,” Laranta cut me off. “If there’s one thing that I trust Marshal Tispas to do? He’ll keep every single human he has far, far away from the war. And even if they somehow did wind up in danger, my fleet has become well briefed since Korbanok. No one is eager to repeat Tox’s mistake.” “She betrayed…” I started to say. Me? Us? None felt right. “Caleb…Nora betrayed no one,” Laranta said. “She broke no principle, nor even her word. She came to this moon with bullets in her body my troops put there. It is disastrous that she left—and dizzying that she managed to—but I cannot say I was surprised she tried.” “Why?” I asked. “We’ve been trying to help get her abductees away from the Vorak for months, she was helping with that as much as she could!” “Nai told me what she said, verbatim even,” the admiral shared. “Nora’s goal was to help you abductees. After learning what she did? I even agree with some of her points.” “Like what?” “The time constraint, mostly,” Laranta said. “If ENVY isn’t lying and there really are several thousand humans floating around in other systems, then Nora going to the Vorak is…unfortunately a smart move. The Coalition in its current state isn’t in much of a position to help in the next few months. My fleet here has some of the better war footing amongst the contested systems, and even then, do you think we’d be capable of tracking down ships of abductees right now?” “And the Vorak would be?” “You forget that they aren’t just ‘Vorak’,” she reminded me. “They’re backed by an Interstellar Assembly of representatives from dozens of systems. I’m literally fighting a war to change this, but for the time being, they have more legitimacy. That comes with resources and reach.” Legitimacy. I wanted to get angry at that. So far, only the Deep Coils had made even the vaguest positive impression on me. So the so-called ‘legitimate’ fleets of the Assembly were two for three having committed atrocities. But it did get me thinking. “I floated the idea of joining the Coalition to Nai before Nora woke up,” I said. “Formally I mean. Our discussion didn’t go anywhere. But now seems like a good moment. Even if the Coalition doesn’t have the reach the Assembly does, I could still sign on.” “Why. In the void. Would you do that?” Laranta asked, dumbfounded. “Why shouldn’t I sign up?” I asked. “I get why I shouldn’t have when we first met, but look where we are now. I might as well be wearing a poncho, because the Red Sails are treating me like that already. If I’m already assuming the risks, why not make it official and get the benefits too? There have to be some provisions, right? For prisoners, rights, I mean.” Laranta blinked in utter shock, starting and failing to speak several times before she finally collected herself. “…Where to start…The obvious? Those benefits might prove to be less than what you already enjoy,” Laranta hummed. “On top of that, you’re not a soldier! It’s already questionable enough that we’ve arranged a deal with you: a minor in your own culture. I can’t even begin to tell you what an awful idea that would be in the very immediate future, much less the further ramifications.” “I’d really lose protections?” I asked. She gave an affirmative click. “Soldiers are fair targets in combat,” she said simply. “Diplomats aren’t.” “I could help though,” I said. “Forget being a soldier, I mean helping even more with psionics. If my best chance for safety is the Coalition, why shouldn’t I try to help strengthen the Coalition as much as possible?” “I take it Nai didn’t have a particular counter to that point?” Laranta asked. “No.” “That’s because she isn’t nearly as ruthless as I am…” the admiral mused. “There’s an endless list of immediate consequences why you shouldn’t join. But the truer reason is…because I’ll need you to in the future.” I blinked. Need me to? “I don’t understand.” “You know we’re losing right? The Coalition? The Shirao branch has been improving since Korbanok, but now? With what’s coming? We’ll lose ground.” “Better, more developed psionics help,” I reiterated. “Especially now that the Vorak will get to start learning about them from Nora.” “They will,” Laranta clicked. “Our psionics will be crucial. New tactics can take the edge off, give us better margins, make the Vorak pay a little bit more for the gains. But we’ll lose somewhere. We just can’t be everywhere at once. The Red Sails firmly hold Harrogate, and Yawhere is only barely contested. The Deep Coils are quietly holding Sorc. Meanwhile the Coalition is limited to what it can produce on just two moons; It’s a difference in resources.” “That’s…a pretty good case,” I admitted. “No one should hop onto a sinking boat,” Laranta agreed. “Sinking boat? Are things really that dismal?” “No,” she admitted. “But it’s not that far off. We still have very real chances to win, but they’re going to get undeniably thinner in months to come. Even if this boat's only ‘in danger’ of sinking, I’m not going to go let you signing aboard just because you think it might be safer than standing on shore.” “…I didn’t figure you for a boat-Casti,” I said. “I read Vorak novels,” she said. “Their naval tradition is rather well developed.” “You know your enemy,” I blurted out. “That’s why you called Marshal Tispas ‘he’…not ‘they’. You’ve studied him, specifically.” “You call him so too,” she noted. “Personal, isn’t it?” “I figured trying to kill me counted as personal,” I nodded. “I’ve killed too many of his children in arms to be formal,” Laranta said quietly. “I dislike the person and his goals, but I’m too familiar to pretend his motives aren’t worth respecting.” “I’m sorry,” I said. I’d inadvertently raised quite a serious topic. “Don’t be. I’m being…cruel,” she continued. “The truly responsible thing would be to keep you very far from this war no matter what you wanted. You’re basically a refugee. But you happen to be on the forefront of a new technology, and I can’t really afford to alienate you properly.” “…You don’t want me joining up today,” I recognized. “You need it to be later. Years from now, maybe…because...” I wasn’t sure. “Because this is war,” Laranta clicked. “I can’t let a resource like you slip away, so I refuse to let you join prematurely. We aren’t children waving around toys just playing games. This life and death, and if you joined the Coalition on impulse, then we would lose you forever when the real toll of war comes for you. I have to take a longer view—the one where you can actually help us for years to come. So, I won’t let you sign up on a whim, or even out of necessity. I won’t even consider the possibility until you can convince me you’re a real believer in the cause. And that’s not any time soon.” The words made me think of what it was like being connected to Nai’s mind. I had a glimpse of the world through her eyes. She might have been more jaded than the average soldier, but she still had hints of that commitment. For the first time I started to understand the Coalition’s people. They were like neighborhood kids in World War II, selling their baseball cards to buy war bonds, making food and care packages for soldiers deployed overseas. I’d only rubbed elbows with the military wing of the Coalition, but just like the Vorak, there were whole civilizations out there supporting the Coalition’s efforts. True believers. I gave a shiver. “Thanks,” I said. “For talking me out of that.” “I can’t believe I had to,” Laranta snorted. “Nora was right, you really are a kid.” “So, what now?” I asked. “Now? Two possibilities,” she said. “The first—and the less likely—is that the Red Sails ignore Nora and keep her, and the rest of her abductees detained. The second is that Marshal Tispas gives Nora whatever she wants so long as they stay within the Shirao system. Meanwhile he’s going to come for you.” “You really think Tispas would actually release them from quarantine based on Nora’s info?” “He’ll have to if he wants to evaluate psionics,” Laranta said. “And I can assure you he is serious about the Beacons shutting down, so as long as he thinks that psionics are responsible for that, he’ll have to give Nora something.” “Last time I talked with Serral about it, it seemed like the Marshal was probably posturing,” I said. “Diplomatic exchanges haven’t been too productive since Nora came here, but the Red Sails have been feeding us telemetry data from the Beacons they control. And one of the disabled ones will pass into space we control in the next two days.” “So Beacons really are shutting down?” I asked. “It seems credible,” she confirmed. “But the Sails haven’t shared anything even remotely connecting their failures to your arrival.” “You know I don’t want to give the Red Sails any credit,” I said. “But if the timing really is what they say it was? That seems like an awfully large coincidence.” “Until yesterday, I would have agreed with you,” Laranta said. “But in the last day-and-a-half some of my fleet’s best engineers have been simply floored by the technology we’ve recovered from that treacherous scrape’s operation under the fish factory. Asu Tolar hasn’t said much about ENVY, or the technology, but Nai shared some of your ideas about, what was it, AI? If ‘ENVY’ really has siblings in other regions of the void, I’d sooner imagine it’s their interference shutting down Beacons than yours.” “I wanted to ask about that,” I said. “You’ve been lending me help with this investigation so far, but I think we’ve run into the limit of what we can do from Lakandt. I don’t want to presume…but—” Laranta held up her hand, interrupting me. “We’re going to get you mobile,” Laranta said. “I have Ase Serralinitus acquiring a starship—a proper skip-capable one, not just a rock-hopping-rocket. It’s twofold, see? It gets you away from whatever retaliation the Red Sails bring to Lakandt, and it will leave you in a position to continue investigating what you’ve learned from ENVY.” “…Kinda makes it harder to hold up my end of the bargain,” I noticed. “I can’t really teach psionics if I’m flitting between star systems.” “That’s because I’m formally dissolving our arrangement,” Laranta admitted. “I can’t really be trading with you for what I’m about to offer.” “Offer?” I asked. “Caleb Hane of Earth,” Laranta spoke, “on behalf of the United Coalition and the worlds it represents, I’m honored to accept your credentials as an ambassador and envoy. In formal recognition, please accept these.” She withdrew a small case from her poncho. Within were two bronze emblems. One was a familiar Coalition chevron—thought the engraving wasn’t one I recognized. The second was an encircled five-pointed star, like a classic sheriff’s badge. “What…is this?” I asked, very confused. “Formality,” she shrugged. “But given that there’s literally no one more qualified than you, we’re asking you to serve on behalf of your homeworld as its ambassador to the Coalition.” “And this just happens to come off immediately after Nora jumps ship?” “This idea was proposed when you first got to Lakandt,” the admiral said, “but Nora's presence complicated the matter. It didn't seem viable to issue you both the credentials, plus there were other urgent priorities. But with the Red Sails about to wake up and get aggressive, Ase Serralinitus and I agreed we needed to formalize a relationship to protect you.” The finer points of interstellar strategy and military politics were going over my head, and the confusion showed on my face. “It marks you as a diplomatic First Contact rather than just a coincidental one, and unlike joining the Coalition, this does come with extra protection,” she explained. “Like?” “Like halting prosecution,” Laranta said gravely. “This is an immense responsibility, Caleb. Under these credentials only Earth can hold you liable for crimes. So, you know, don’t.” She was talking about diplomatic immunity. That was a big deal. “I wasn’t exactly planning on committing any,” I said. “You should be prepared to, because you will anyway,” Laranta said. “Laws are different everywhere, and continuing your and Serral’s abductee investigation is going to require going to different stars and planets. You’re going to inevitably break laws. Sometimes it will be inadvertent, but other times it might be…induced.” “Like someone tricking me into breaking laws?” I asked. “How would that even work?” “Laws vary in bits and pieces just province to province, to say nothing of moon-to-moon or planet-to-planet. Star-to-star common codes are even more diverse,” Laranta said. “Diplomacy and law can be more powerful tactics than Adeptry given the right chance.” “…You’re worried about the rest of the Coalition doing what your Ases did to Nora…” I realized. “Is the rest of the Coalition going to be that hostile to me?” “Serralinitus had civilian political authorities in mind when we first considered the idea, but I’d be lying if I said you’d find no trouble with the rest of the Coalition navies. With this? Hopefully they won’t get the chance,” Laranta said. “Thank you,” I bowed awkwardly. “Of course, this is assuming I can even escape this star system.” Laranta only clicked her agreement. It went unspoken that, if psionics really were harmful to Beacon travel…we had another difficult conversation. “You might find it amusing; I’m technically breaking some of the oldest common law in the cosmos giving you those credentials,” she said. “If it were proper, your world would ask us to accept your qualifications and position as an ambassador. But funny that, they were unavailable to reach for comment. So technically, we’re violating your planet’s sovereignty with the presumption.” “I’ll be sure we remember that,” I chuckled, trying to decide which pin I was supposed to wear, and how. “I’m going to assume this carries some extra responsibilities with it?” “Yes, you’ll have to keep some records about formalized meetings with Coalition leaders, other admirals, or the civilian executives. But between psionics and your compatriot ambassador, you should have little trouble handling it.” “Compatriot ambassador?” I asked. “Of course,” she said. “You’re Earth’s ambassador to the Coalition. Ambassadors always come in pairs. One to, and one for. Serralinitus gave me a pretty short list for who should be the Coalition’s ambassador to Earth. Just one name, in fact.” “Nai?” I guessed. Who else? “No,” Laranta smiled. “Meisu Tasser is on his way here.”