It was the dead of night, the kind that makes you shiver as the harsh autumn winds dig down to your bones. But to me, the chill feels like nothing. Only a feeling reduced down until it’s only comparable to a gentle breeze. I wish I could say that my immunity was for a more… normal reason. Something understandably human, like how years of living here had made me used to the cold. However, that would just be another lie, all to cover up the thing I’d become. Untouchable by even the cold as my breath turns to visible puffs in front of me. 

God, how long has it been? Two, maybe three years? I can’t tell anymore. 

By all means, I should be- should've been- dead. Yet here I am, passing down the streets of the large town I’ve come to call home. Although, it can never feel like it. My real home, where I’d grown up, is far away. Here is still nice, though, with how suburb and small city mix to create a place full of ample space yet a walkable closeness. A true city would be way too crowded for me now. All the beating hearts and smells of life could only send the thing beneath my skin into a frenzy. Then I’d really be fucked, doomed to either be captured or live a life of total exile as large handfuls of witnesses would watch my body morph into something far from human.

It feels frightfully familiar now, the surges of a primal will overpowering my own. In smaller settings I can at least wrestle back control, but surrounded by a giant crowd? Not a chance. The sheer number of breathing bodies would only serve as fuel to its fire. Make my mouth salivate even more as its hunger roars from my stomach. Then, the changes would start, and there’d be no hope for anyone.

Claws would gouge their way out of the tips of my fingers, spilling my blood as they extended their lethal points. My body would writhe with aches and burns as muscles expand relentlessly and sinews thickened while bones grew, all pushing and stretching my skin to its limits, threatening to burst as I grew in height and size.

My mouth would explode in pain as teeth lengthened into razor-sharp points. Skin toughening while it turned a stone grey, eyes accompanying them by turning into pure voids of black. Legs would become the longest, gaining a shape like an animal’s. 

A form so far from human, all because of the monster I bear.

Finally, focus and clarity would reach me, but they would not be my own. Only that of a monster as my feast of broken bodies and torn sinews would begin.

The carnage would feel delicious, death descending upon those around me as I would tear through them. Crush their bodies beneath my hands and feel their bones snap like nothing more than twigs. Or feel them struggle within my jaws before I kill them with a crunch. Blood would flow free from their bodies and bathe my tongue in its divine taste. All the while my mind would howl in twisted glee as their deaths satiated me. Satiated the monster beneath my skin.

My heart pumps fast just thinking about it, a gnawing thrill rising from deep within my chest. But I shove it down with a stomp of disgust. I need to stop thinking, I can’t let it out. Not here, nor now. So I just keep walking. 

Tonight, I have no real goal. No place to go, no people or monsters in mind to kill. 

I just keep walking inexhaustibly around the town. Streetlights throw small pools of light onto the sidewalk, their pattern of halos occasionally interrupted by still-glowing windows. Their reach feels meaningless, even in my more human form my brown eyes still pierce through the shadows. Few people roam as well, eyes weary of the darkness of night. Only out of habit do I mimic them.

A sharp wind cuts down the street, making me feel only a faint prickle of cold. Around me, I can hear others shiver as they wrap themselves tighter in their jackets. A distant dog bark echoes, and no one reacts. They can’t hear it. But I can, down the road and multiple streets away, a dog scratches at a door to be let in. A creak of a door welcomes it, and the dog pants in delight before scrambling inside. 

A faint smile slides up my face. I wonder if Phiro will want to play when I get back? It’s not exactly a dog, with its gnarled bark and leaves sprouting from its head, but it runs on all fours and sure has the intelligence of one. Maybe it could play fetch if I threw a stick. The mere thought of the beast that looked like a malformed tree scampering after a thrown stick nearly made me chuckle. But I held back and forced my smile down. Wouldn’t be a good look to see a random guy burst out laughing in the middle of the street, especially at night. 

The semi-city thins as I walk further, spaces between buildings growing wider. Storefronts and various buildings taper off into only houses. Here, the streetlights are fewer. Their weaker glows afford little light. For a while, I almost forgot why I’d gone walking. But that thought is all it takes for the memories to crash in like a tidal wave. That night, that horrible night, was so long ago. Yet in my mind it remains, ageless, and as clear as yesterday.

Three years ago

A sharp pain wormed around my head, pushing me awake. Pain hit me from every angle, pulsing in my skull. It felt like it was about to blow open from the pressure. I attempt to sit up, everything is a swimming haze, but a splayed open hand hits my chest and shoves me back down. The back of my head impacts the floor and bounces, making the ringing of pain louder. Fuck, everything hurts. Something is digging into my skin, no doubt leaving it red, coiled around me like a snake and keeping me too tightly restrained. It’s… so dark. Where the fuck am I…?

A groan escapes my lips. Wasn’t I on my way to work? And then… then… then what…?

I feel surrounded by fog, spinning in circles over and over as jabs of pain randomly dart in like an unseen scorpion. I don’t even feel the capacity to be enraged, my body is too tired and the haze is too thick. I strain my eyes to see but there’s simply nothing. I can’t even tell if my vision is blurry at all with how dark it is. 

I hear something distant, a mumbled voice. “Shit, he’s waking up?” I think it’s a woman’s voice but, it’s too soft to tell. Then something whips out and hits the side of my head. I swore I could feel my skull crack as I got sent reeling into a softer surface. God, it feels like my head is ready to split open. 

What’s happening? I try to voice, but all that comes out is a groan as my body fails to cooperate. “Fuck! Hey, hurry up shithead! He’s waking up!” A different voice booms. All it does is hurt my ears as I keep trying to look around. 

A hand grabs me roughly by the shirt and jerks me up. My limbs scream with aching pain as my body is twisted and the… rope? I think it’s rope, coils tighter around me and digs deeper into my skin. I’m pulled against a body and a gloved hand grips my mouth. And then it hits me.

Oh… OH SHIT I’M BEING KINAPPED. 

I can feel the fog thin out, my heart hammering against my ribs. I had been on my way to work for my night shift and had tried to take a shortcut. I was already winded when I reached the alley that would save me time, creating the perfect point for someone in black to jump out and grab me. He’d come out from behind a dumpster and smashed his body into mine right when I ran past. I had struggled as we hit the opposite wall, right until a needle went into my neck and then I was out. 

Fuck, where are they taking me? Who are these people?? Oh god I’m screwed, aren’t I? I won’t even get to say goodbye if I fucking die here. Shit, and I was going to visit my parents tomorrow! Mom’s going to blow up my phone and dad’s going to get pissed, at least her worrying might kickstart the search for me early. I just hope I’m not dead by then. 

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I get roughly jostled as I can feel the van, or at least I think it’s a van, get faster and faster. The uneven ground tries to throw me around. The person holding me keeps me tight to their body while the hand over my mouth tightens its grip. 

I can’t help but let worries run and drench my back in sweat. Even those old rehearsals of keeping a steady rhythm can’t calm me now.

Then the van skids to a halt, bodies move, then I’m thrown into the open world. I land roughly on my back, gravel scratching my skin. I’m blinking from the darkness as my eyes can now adjust to see. I try to look around, frantic, it’s still dark out and the moon is high in the sky. We couldn’t have been driving that long, but I just can’t recognize the wooded areas around me. Oh god, I’m really going to die here.

Out from the van steps four people, two men and two women. All dressed in black and all hidden faces. They marched towards me, and right as I was about to scream I felt metal touch my throat.

One of the women was crouched over me, her eyes drilling holes into mine. “Keep your fucking mouth shut or I’ll slit your throat right here.” And I don’t dare bother to reply. She picks me up with the help of one of the men, and I saw what they were actually going towards.

A giant fucking red pentagram, with a single dead animal on the edge of each point. It looked like it had been drawn in their blood alongside other symbols around it I can’t recognize. On the lower two points, were two corpses of wolves. Their heads had been cut off, lying only an inch away from their decapitated bodies. I can see their severed spines from here, hanging out of their opened throats. If I had eaten dinner before leaving, I definitely would start hurling now.

The top two points had deer, both lying there with stomachs pointed to the middle so their gutted innards could spill toward the center. 

A single brown bear lay at the topmost point, its chest hacked open to reveal its lungs and heart with no ribs in the way.

Oh… this is… definitely a cult. I’m… I’m not going to live long enough to see the sun again… am I?

Odd acceptance flows down me, my body growing lax as they carry me forward. Here it is, the end of my life. I would’ve tried to hold out hope if I’d been brought to a building. But here, at a quiet foresty site in the middle of nowhere, with a whole ritual splayed out? I’m still bound in ropes, and there are four of them, not to mention a van. Even if by some miracle I managed to get free, there would be no outrunning them. So, I guess this is where it ends. I… I just wish I had longer- or at least could’ve said goodbye.

The two hauled my limp body into the middle, only careful enough to ensure our bodies didn’t touch the symbols or bloody pentagram. I was unceremoniously dropped right in the center of it all, surrounded on all sides by drying blood and animal corpses. The man backed off, but the woman stayed with her blade still pressed to my throat. The other three in black all stood around the carnage, spaced equally apart. Their arms went in the air, the woman above me copying but only to raise her blade so it could be ready to strike. 

I just gazed at the moonlight glinting off the blade, shining almost ethereally. The voices reached up, beginning some chant I think, but I never got to hear what they said. The knife descended, and I clamped my eyes shut, I don’t want to witness this.

I feel it pierce my throat, spearing easily through my jugular, and everything exploded in pain. Instinct flashes, my body acting on it to try to thrash away, but it is no use. The serrated edge just digs deeper, opening a hole in my throat as it fills with my own blood. More and more my neck is cut and blood gushes, until sound and sense grow too distant to feel it anymore. Everything fades to nothing, and I am all alone.

I simply sit in the darkness for a very long moment. I can’t feel or breathe or see or hear, but oddly I don’t seem to just fade away. I was just in a world of black. Entirely alone with not even a thought in my mind. 

So I waited in nothing.

Nothing came, nothing passed.

I just existed with no want or need.

It felt so long, yet so short.

Then it all exploded.

I jolt up with a strangled gasp, air filling my lungs as thoughts crash into my mind. I.. I’m alive? Dizziness floods as I try to blink, my eyes trying to focus as I look around but I just can’t. I’m still surrounded by forest, I can tell that much, but the whirlwind of my mind will not let me focus. I look down to try and steady myself, only to reveal something much worse.

For a moment I just can’t help but stare, numb as my mind can't, or won’t, accept what I see. My hands, the same ones that had once fumbled over piano keys for years, are now… these… things. My hands, are these even my hands? Why are they… so long? I can’t help but carefully turn them over as I study them. Massive claws jutted out of each finger like horrid black hooks, dusty gray skin pulled taunt over sinewy muscle. 

These... these can’t be my hands, right? My hands… no.. no- god please no.  

My chest rises and falls in ragged bursts, but each breath now sounds… wrong. Too low and feral. I can feel the vibrations reach up my throat, the same one that had been stabbed, creating a sound more growl than gasp. An alien rhythm thumps hard in my chest and sends a shuddering strength through my limbs, something wild and hungry. In the distance, I feel something. Some detached part of me, that marveled and purred at the sheer power in my new flesh. But the rest of me… I shrank away- to hide from what I am now.

And my arms… they’re so long too. All of me is longer, I realize as I look further down in mute dread. My body is thicker, almost hulking, with sinew and muscle pushing against toughened skin. The white dress shirt I’d put on before I’d left barely contained it. My legs… no these were nothing like my legs. They bent at angles more similar to an animal, ending in large clawed feet that dug into the ground like anchors. Surprisingly my pants held on too, if a little tight and a few seams ripped open. Either way, I was built as something impossibly strong and nightmarishly wrong, each part twisted into a weapon. A sick thrill runs through my veins, a disturbing instinct to use this new body for something terrible.

Then a scent hits my nose, and my mind perks up. It smells so… sweet. Like a distant barbeque that beckons you to join from the smell alone. I can smell it so precisely, and my chest rumbles in delight. My head turned to look for the source, and I notice what I hadn’t seen while I was so singlemindedly studying my body.

A long trail of blood that led right to my feet, extended out to reveal the butchery. 

A giant splattering of blood had ruined the pentagram, and right near the middle was the woman’s torn-open body. The same one who still held the knife used to stab me, just lay dead with her head nearly gone in a gorey explosion and her chest crushed flat. Broken ribs had jabbed through the skin at her sides, ripping them open to let her insides spill out. A sick satisfaction rose up at seeing her dead, but I shoved it down. Did… did I do that?

Near the body of the deer was one of the men’s bodies, his chest and stomach torn open in a large slash. The bones where the slashed skin was seemed to have been broken by the same slash. His guts spilled out from the open wounds.

Then the other woman’s body was further out, face down, and pointed in my direction. Her back had been torn open with a slash too, severing her spine like nothing. The highest part had gone through her neck and made it so it was only dangling by her throat. The van is notably gone, probably taken by the survivor while whatever I am had been busy murdering the other three.

I grit my teeth, the fang-like things inside my mouth grating together. The pressure sends a jolt of pain through my jaw, but even that pain feels foreign as the sensation comes through, sharp and harsh. 

Panic starts to bubble- this isn’t some feverish nightmare I’ll wake from- this is me. I am… this creature- this thing- that should’ve stayed in stories and fairytales. Not brought to life by- by those people! Oh god- what did they fucking do to me?! What am I? What is this?!

I scramble back only to fall backward in a mess of limbs, and I just let myself lay there. I… what is… happening…?

Suddenly a tremor ripples through my body, a sensation I can’t pinpoint, that calls to me like a shadow of something human deep within. So I pull on it. I don’t want to be stuck as this thing- I want my body… I want it back.

My skin feels like it is shivering, almost convulsing, as a strange warmth creeps out from the center of my chest and sprawls out over my body. It feels… good. Like wonderfully warm sunlight was bathing my body after a cold winter’s night. I shift my head to look down at my hands as the claws shrink back into my fingers, the skin knitting itself closed over it. The grey of my skin fades into softer, familiar flesh. My whole self shrinks as muscle and bone compressed, crackling joints rearrange themselves back to something human. Teeth pulling back and changing shape to be less sharp. All until I lay just about as I was before- human, whole. 

I take a shaky breath, trying to soothe my nerves, if only a little. A tempo starts in my head, and I push my breathing to follow it. Up, then down, up, then down. Over and over until it’s as quiet as I can get it for now. I need to check my body.

My flesh is… unharmed. Even a testing hum reveals my voice to be perfectly intact. Clothes are mostly intact too, even if very bloody. My shoes are… gone. I didn’t spot them before, so I don’t even know where they could be. I’m… more built than before? Even if weaker than that monstrous form, a flex of my hand reveals strength far higher than any human could achieve. I let my hands stretch out to the sky above me, turning them over and over as I marvel at their familiar shape, tracing the lines in my palms and the curves of my fingers like I’ve never had a body before. It feels… strange… to see myself again. After both death and that… form… I didn’t think I’d get to see my own body ever again. Still as lanky as ever, if a little ruined by the bigger musculature. 

I let a hand run through the familiar mop of dark brown hair on top of my head, resting it there as I take a few more deep breaths. I’m… going to be okay. I don’t know what any of this is… but I’ll figure it out. I have to. Even if I’m… this thing now- a new lease on life is still better… right…?

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Hey, if you notice any weird spelling errors or weird grammar mistakes please let me know. I wrote this in google docs over the course of four days, and I know I can be stupid and docs just won't pick it up. Especially because I have a habit of writing in the middle of the night. I'd like to come back and correct it if so, but who knows. Maybe my inspiration and will to keep writing will leave me and I'll never add a chapter two. Also, this guy is gonna have some sprinkled history about playing piano, and as someone who's never played an instrument in their life, I'd like to pre-emptively say I'm sorry for how I may butcher this. -JC