This is how the story of our hero began, like it begins for all, so it did for him.

It began on a special day, for all days are special except for Monday.

It began when a man saw a woman, saw a woman bent over and falling, trying to pick up a certain special coin. What makes this coin so special you might ask, and I may not answer.

But as he stood there captivated, watching as she hit the ground, land hard on her knees. Staring as she screamed writhing in pain like a new born who had not yet discovered its first tit, 

He was rocked, he was moved to his very core, hit with a flashback of such profound intensity, that what were the most important moments of his life, felt like microwaved shit in comparison. Because he remembered you see, remembered the moment, the moment just a moment ago where everything had been so clear, the moment life had finally made complete sense. It was a moment he was certain, that would change everything. 

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For he remembered the look, the look her magnificent Ass had given him as she fell, a look that told him that it wanted him. And he was in love, and with that realization came the realization that he would do anything to claim the object of his desire, her Ass. He knew then and there that he would lie for that Ass, kill for that Ass and die in the pursuit of that Ass. And deep down he knew that that Ass would do the same for him. 

And so he decided to help her, the carrier of the Ass that was magnificent, he took her in his arms and to the nearest clinic he could carry her, and thus began his noble journey to the center of her body, her Ass.

For what can be more noble, than the pursuit of happiness. 

The girl on the other hand was in a lot of pain and a lot of debt. She was hurt physically, exhausted emotionally, very much broke economically and on the one knee. And the last she could blame on the Ass that was magnificent, for in its magnificent size it had caused her to fall again & again. So she figured fuck it and slept with the weird little man that paid for her medical bills, for she had no Health Insurance.

Our hero's parents had met. And the seed that would later grow to be Condom Man was planted.

They really should have used a condom.