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Comedy of ERRs
10: Spatial Assault

10: Spatial Assault

The sky rips apart, streaks of purple and pinks smearing over everything. Thunder churns across the world, the sound never coming to an end. Beneath me the ground heaves, stones cracking as the roiling earth crushes them. Everything is just turmoil, wretched and chaotic. Nothing is pleasant, only horrible stimulations of every single sense fill the world. I don’t even try to pull myself together, the space around me would undo any effort I put in.

I don’t know how long I lie in this horrid cradle of discomfort and pain, but it is much too long. Seconds feel like centuries, minutes like eons, and yet I still sit, unwilling to try and escape this hell. It’s all a dream, now matter how I struggle, I’ll be trapped until it’s over. And… this place makes more sense than reality right now.

My body jumps as a soft, warm, hand touches my pooled flesh. The contact is soothing, and familiar. I peek out at the being, and joy fills my heart.

It’s Lina. Lina is here, to save me. “Lina!” I cry to her.

She smiles down at me sadly, her fingers running through my liquid form. “Alex, what happened to you?”

I don’t understand, I’m… I’m okay! Everything is fine. Yeah! I just, I just need her. Need her to stay here, with me! Then everything will be okay. Right?

“Don’t leave!” I cry out. She just makes a pained face.

Despite that, she continues to gently stroke my body as she speaks. “I’m sorry Alex, I can’t be there for you right now.” Her voice sounds heartbroken.

“But… I need you!” I croak, tears welling in my eyes. “I can’t do this anymore Lina! I don’t know… I don’t even know what’s real.” My goopy body wraps around her wrist desperately as more tears stream from my disturbing eyes.

Lina doesn’t look disgusted, or disappointed, just sad as she pulls me in close. “Oh Alex, I can help you that much.” She hugs my odd form, pressing herself against me. “This is real, Alex. This world, the people, the crazy rules, it’s all real.” She smiles at me, tears in her eyes. “Don’t give up sweetheart, I’ll find you. Just stay strong.” Again she hugs me tight. I hear her heart beating in her chest. “As long as we’re both alive, we can figure it out together. I know you, I know you can do this without me. Just for a little while…”

My dream’s surroundings slowly calm as the two of us hold each other. Eventually, when the ground settles, and the thunder quiets, the only sound to be heard is the shared crying of two girls.

Holding each other tight in their dreams.

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“Alex!” Someone is screaming at me. Why can’t I ever just sleep? Why do I always get woken up by some emergency, or a monster att— “Alex!” Betton squeals.

I open my eyes, already annoyed at my minion. “What?” I snarl.

Slowly my brain registers my surroundings. Wherever we are, it’s not where I fell asleep. Well, unless seasons work differently in this world, and the middle of summer can just turn to a raging blizzard.

The sloped forest that Betton is carrying me through is coated in several feet of snow. Overhead, gray clouds unload even more frozen water onto us, the winds whipping it against our skin. Betton’s teeth are loudly chattering, and his face is a light blue.

Without thinking, I wrap myself around the teen, focusing on protecting his hands and feet. Despite his obvious discomfort, he doesn’t complain.

“Betton, where the hell are we?” I keep my voice level, for some reason not wanting to upset the kid even more than he already is.

“W-w-we g-got t-t-t-teleported!” he forces out through his chattering. “I c-countered it, and-d land-d-ded-d here!” Just as he finishes the sentence, something… odd happens.

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The air around us warps, like someone pulled us inside a fish-eye lens. Our warped view on the outside world slowly goes dark, cutting us off from reality. Deep purple lightning streaks through the air around us, bouncing off of the invisible walls of distorted space. Just as the air pressure starts to squeeze against us, a lighter shade of purple jumps from Betton’s covered hands. His magic tickles as it passes through me.

The light and dark purples fight, the two crackling strands looking like battling snakes. In the end, Betton’s magic is the victor, and the warped space around us instantly goes back to normal.

Except… we’re no longer in a snowy forest. The ground around us is totally devoid of snow. Actually, it’s more accurate to say it’s devoid of anything. In every direction, sand stretches clear to the horizon. The sun overhead is brutally shining down on us, the heat unbearable. I slap Betton to keep him awake as his body reacts badly to the extreme temperature shift.

Once he’s able to speak again, I grill him for info. “Why is this happening, and for how long?”

The glassy-eyed teen looks at me, only vaguely aware of what I’m saying. “Uh… four times? I… dunno how long… It’s probably the Scalpel.” He frowns and shakes his head like there’s sand stuck inside it. After a full minute of that, he looks at me again. “I can… only block it one more time.” With that, his butt hits the ground, throwing up a plume of sand.

Shit, he’s almost outta gas. And god knows what that bitch will do to us if she actually gets us to where she wants us. But… How do we keep blocking her? She’s using space magic, I’m assuming. Is that what she used to kill me, too? Never mind that, blocking her! Focus!

If Betton can’t do it anymore, what if I blocked it… but how? I could learn space magic, in the mind menu. But I for sure don’t have enough points, and I don’t even know if a higher tier mage would be able to be stopped by my defenses. What about countermagic? Like Betton?

If I ignore the points problem, I’d still be a total novice at it. From what I’ve seen, even though Betton downplays it, he’s pretty skilled. Who knows if I’d be able to block her magic…

So, what do I have left? Maybe a body upgrade? Or soul? If only I could access that menu… Wait! I never checked after meeting with the Admin, maybe I can! I quickly will the soul menu to open.

Shockingly, it complies without complaint. The menu is large, blocking out most of my vision. In the center is a dark circle indent surrounded by a pink haze. The haze covers random sections of the menu, covering even parts of the descriptions.

Just below the circle is a small block of text.

A monster must prove itself through strength. Monster souls are the tool for doing so. Hone your being to perfection.

After a few moments the description disappears, replaced by an embossed title and another paragraph of text below it.

Stage 2: Shattered Core After stressing yourself to your limits, your soul has been freed from its crystal. Now you must create a new vessel to hold it. Monsters of Stage 2 or higher slain: 1/100

…Oh. I don’t really… know what to think about this? So I have to level up my soul? Hmm… I don’t think this can help me right now, and there’s nothing else in this menu…

So I’m back to square one. How to beat a space mage… Wait, maybe I don’t have to beat a space mage. I just have to stop the teleport spell itself. I’ve been overthinking this! I mentally flick open the body menu, and start skimming through the thousands of choices for something useful.

After a few minutes of looking, the air around Betton and I begins to warp again. I slither over to him, and smack him awake.

“Betton, you have to stop the teleport!” His eyes open slowly and he gives me a bleary look.

“Right…” By the time the kid actually moves to do anything, the sphere has formed around us again. Purple lightning shoots from his hand, shattering the orb instantly. …Why is he stronger half asleep?

With the teleport stopped for now, and the area seemingly safe, I return to my menu. The pressure starts to press on my mind, the clock ticking down until the Scalpel's next attempt. Thankfully, I find something quickly.

Spatial Anchor: A small stone of calcified tissue that is filled with spatial energy. It disrupts any spatial warping around the host.

I don’t know if a teleport spell is considered ‘spatial warping’, but it’s the best I can find. I quickly purchase the new organ, dumping a hundred of my points into getting the stupid thing. Similar to the previous upgrades, I feel a sharp pain deep inside me, causing me to lose cohesion and slump into a puddle.

About ten minutes later, a new sphere forms around us. After fully forming, the spell begins to fold space inwards as it has before, but shatters instead.

Oh, thank god. It worked. At least that’s one less thing to worry about for the moment. I glance around, seeing nothing but flat land and tall grasses.

Now… where are we?