The art of swordsmanship is one akin to a dance with equal measures of beauty and brutality. Oftentimes, despite what one might think, battles end very quickly when both sides are properly trained and equipped, and it almost always ends within a few minutes. If it does not, either one or both of the parties is not taking it seriously.

The Way of the Blade, by renowned swordsmaster and tactician Duke Kestrel Fenrick

“I don’t know, Victor. That seems like a lot of responsibility…”, said Silk. Levi nodded in agreement.

“Really? Please? I can take care of them. Besides, fluffy’s helping me out. Isn’t that right, fluffy?”

Fluffy batted at Victor’s pockets and ate the treats that fell out of them.

“Hey! That’s not fair! Anyways, my man bundo is here to support me, at least. Isn’t that right, bundo?”

The little elf nodded and tapped his peg leg on the ground. “Bundo supports friend Victor’s decision! This could teach him a lot about how valbuable life is and how to take care of it.”

Levi facepalmed. “Are you kidding me? I once saw the man forget how to eat. He had to figure it out again by looking at his jaw and everything. There’s no way they’ll survive past a week. I don’t think he even knows how to treat a papercut, much less possible organ failure from a cat due to dietary deficiencies.”

Victor spoke up, calmly this time. “Actualy, I am confident I can take care of them. Part of the reason I want to do this is that they are actually machines, and you know how good I am with those. See?”

Victor flipped open a hatch on one of the seemingly normal kittens, revealing a dense array of gears, cogs, and wires behind a translucent membrane as it meweled helplessly and attempted to bat away his intrusive hands.

“Henry, you’re the deciding vote here. What do you say?”, said Silk hopefully. Henry was sure to be responsible, as he was an adult with many years of life experience. His choice would be the wise choice, one that -

“I also think that these kittens have the ability to ferment things in their presence. That could be useful to make a distillery, you know…” muttered Victor.

“HOLY CRAP! BOOZE MAKING ROBOT KITTENS? VICTOR MY BOY, I’M ALL IN.”, boomed Henry with a massive voice akin to thunder.

“We’re all doomed”, said Levi in her typical flat tone.

Henry then proceeded to pick up the kitten by the leg and gently massage it in an attempt to get it to produce alcohol. Upon failure, he frowned and asked Victor how to do so.

“How do these work?”, he inquired.

“Well, you just need to feed them some carbohydrates and put them in sunlight, where they will then generate excess ethanol in this hatch right on their leg. I was going to empty it but I guess you can take care of their waste if you need to”, explained Victor. He then proceeded to frown. That’s odd. Something’s wrong with the steering wheel.

“How do ya know that?” replied Henry as he examined the inner workings of the kitten as if it were a sacred artifact.

“Do you hear that clicking? That means that the gears on the mounting between the combustion chamber and the engine proper just misaligned. I swear, if I didn’t know better, I would say someone is sabotaging it just to annoy me. I’ll be right back.”

Grabbing a wrench and pocketing it next to the belt where he kept his bronze knives, he then went up to the deck and headed towards the back, only to drop his wrench. A massive boat had just attached a gangplank to their boat, the warship dwarfing their admittedly modest caravel in size. That said gangplank had appeared to shake up the engine mount on the back of Victor’s ship, with the person boarding that gangplank being one that Victor did not want to see. Upon recognizing who it was, Victor groaned. “Why me?”, he said.

“Hey, is that any way to greet an old friend? It’s been what, five since we last met! Anyways, hand over your valuables and no one gets hurt.”, replied a chipper voice. A thin figure clad in a black vest, a similarly black set of silky pants, and a red sash between the two garments hopped down from the plank connecting the two ships. The person’s tricorn hat had it’s red feather bobble about as they landed. Upon taking it off, the young woman shook her somewhat curly auburn hair and gave a big smile.

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Henry, apparently having gone up to see what the ruckus was about, paused. “Victor? Are you busy right now? I haven’t managed to get more than a couple of vials of some booze from the kittens yet and I am jonesing hard for some more. How do I speed up the process?”

Henry then blinked for a moment, finally realizing what he was seeing. “Who is that?”

“I am one of Victors oldest allies, a companion to stand the test of time, and someone who is paying a visit to my dear friend-”

Victor interrupted her quickly. “She’s a pirate who robs people.”

“Okay….” said Henry in an unsure tone. “And that boat over there is…?”

“That would be my trusty vessel that I acquired from a thankful group of merchants! It has seen many a battle and is truly one of the finest structures to sail the high seas!”, the woman replied while adjusting her ridiculous tricorn hat.

Victor added in his translation of the situation. “That’s the boat she uses to rob people”.

“How rude. Now, where was I? Ah, right. Hand over all your valuables and we will be on our merry way. I’ll leave enough rations and such to feed your crew, of course. However, a fight between us would break out should you do something rash, and we all know how our last bout went…”

Henry pointed his weapon and cocked it menacingly at the person. “I don’t know who ya are, but there is one thing I know for certain: Get off our damn boat or I will blow your head off.”

The woman shrugged. “Try it.”

Henry pulled the trigger with a loud bang resulting from the barrel of his trusty tool. However, as he did, he noticed that nothing had changed in terms of the invader’s composition. More specifically, she wasn’t literal mincemeat like many others had been. “Why are you not dead?”, he quieried the bandit.

“I could tell you, but that wouldn’t be interesting, now would it? Anyways, we can’t have you doing things like this, so I’ll just go ahead and do this instead.”

A sudden whoosh and a gust of wind smelling of gunpowder blew off Henry’s hat as he found himself unable to move and pinned to the wall via nails piercing both his shoulders. “What the hell!? What’s happening?”, he shouted.

Victor simply made a rude gesture at the lady’s . “Selas here can force her own actions to take a negative amount of time, making her pretty much untouchable. Honestly, it’s kind of my fault for trying to cobble together some omnic technology and attaching it to the rapier she is attuned to. Call it a flight of fancy. Obviously, the result was much more potent than either of us expected, but I wasn’t one to give up money for this kind of thing.”

Henry looked at Victor lividly. “Any other hidden mistakes in your past you would like to mention before my kidneys are confiscated?”

Victor shook his head. “Look, I think we should just surrender right now. I really don’t want to risk any of you guys dying, and I certainly don’t think that any number of jokes or quips could get us out having our valuables stolen. Just hand it over and we will be on our way.”

Selas looked over in their direction, putting the rapier she was spinning by the handle on her fingertip back into the scabbard at her hip. “What did you guys say? I wasn’t paying attention. At any rate, I’ll get my new first mate to see if any of the other crew members on your dinghy are feeling ornery.” Selas then let out a long whistle, with a familiar figure coming down the stairs.

“Hi”, said Acna somewhat sheepishly.

“Oh come on! Really? I thought you were going to be on your own crew with you leading it. What happened to that?”, victor responded in a somewhat petulant tone.

“You know how our culture works. Strength determines leadership, since they are the least likely to die and start a succession struggle. She defeated every member of our crew in less than one minute, so she’s our captain.”

Selas appeared directly behind Victor with another gust of wind and put her mouth directly next to Victor’s ear, making him cringe away in discomfort. “As charming as this reunion is, I’m going to have to ask you to kindly put your hands behind your head and tie yourself to the mast until this ordeal is - “

Victor slashed out wildly with one of his bronze knives, which had their previously cleaver-like shapes whittled down into shapes resembling kitchen knives. Selas suddenly jerked away and appeared three metres away from her previous location, squatting down on the prow of the ship. “How rude. Interrupting someone in their dramatic monologue is most uncouth. We aren’t savages, here.”

Selas disappeared yet again, her location appearing roughly three feet on the ground, sprawled on the floor. “What the-”

Not taking any chances, Victor kicked the rapier out of her hands and put his foot on her back with his knives pointed at her. “You can’t perceive anything while in that time skipping form. I would know. I gave you those abilities myself, you know. And I’ve had plenty of time to make tripwire traps in the time since we last fought. How about you surrender instead? You’re powerless now.”

Instead of the expected reaction, Selas merely smiled menacingly before vanishing under Victor’s foot and grabbing the rapier. “What was that about being powerless?”, she asked. Before she could make another attack, however, a thin silver blade arced towards her and hit her shoulder as she dodged. “Really? First Victor, and now you? Sneak attacks don’t work on me, you know.”

Silk simply snarled at her and attempted to poke at her with her left hand sabre, slashing at naught but thin air. She then seamlessly slung her right hand Thief’s blade over her back to block the epee’s tip.

“Impressive. Your swordwork outshines even mine in some areas. My crew needs strong people in it, you know. How about you join me?”

“Quit flapping your gums already. We’re fighting, not talking.”, Silk responded curtly. She then slashed at the flamboyant pirate with both of her swords before stepping with her back to the wall and ducking just in time to a rapier aiming right where her throat would have been.

Henry, still pinned to the wall via carpentry nails, tried to wheedle his body towards his dropped weapon. Unfortunately, Selas somehow managed to kick it away while still fighting Silk, erratically moving around the ship in a jittery manner.

Just as silk seemed to be getting the upper hand, however, something unexpected happened. Not only did a thin foil go towards her throat, but a familiar wooden cudgel attempted to bash at the back of her neck. Ducking quickly, Silk saw that it was none other than Acna, no longer looking embarrassed but instead resolute.

“You can’t really have forgotten that I was here too, no?”, she said while slinging the staff onto her back.