In a world full of wonders, magic, swords and general fantasy creatures and races, this adventure we are on starts outside a cave. In front of this cave, which is decorated with several small skulls impaled on rotten sticks and bloody tribalistic paint, is a hunched over goblin, hurling out his insides… This unfortunate little flithy goblin? Yeah that’s me. Surrounded by corpses of even more filthy goblins.

"Oh dear god why me…what have I done to deserve thi-retch"

*record scratch* / *freeze frame*

Now you may wonder how I came to hurl outside a cave… it is certainly not because I drunk to much..

I was once a normal guy, well I had some oddities, but let’s start that story at a normal, sunny day where I was forced to visit one of my mothers yearly family gatherings she loves to organize…and where I am always ending up having to babysit all the brats to that they can have some peace.

"Hey, hey [redacted], let’s play."

Also, I kinda forgot my name. But that is the least of my problems really.

"For the last time bob, don’t touch me please. Go play with the other kids."

This is bob, the child that would spell my doom. Don't be fooled by his friendly dumb look, he is an asshole.

"Boo, you never play with us."

"Well, that is because I don’t like being touched by you little germ-carriers."

"What is a germ?"

"Well, other child whose name I forgot, it’s what you have all over you and it can make you, and more importantly, me, sick. Now if you excuse me you little brats, I need to go to the bathroom."

Stolen from its rightful place, this narrative is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"Again? You need to pee a lot like grandpa. "

"...Alright, didn’t need to know that."

"Hey [redacted], I have a surprise for you!"

"I don’t want to see your lego again bob."

"No it’s something else."

"No."

"If you don’t see my surprise, I tell mommy you didn’t play with us!"

"...Fine, what is it."

"You need to come nearer...and also close your eyes."

And so I did. And I wonder why, maybe I truly thought it would be a nice surprise. In hindsight, that was...unlikely at best, let’s say. What happened? Well, he touched my head with one of his fingers.

"Ok, what is the sup-Hey, I said no touching! Wait, what...what did you smear me with, oh god."

"It's my boogers!"

He said innocently, while the other kids near us stated laughing at his terror acts.

"Oh...OH GOD."

Following that realization, I ran like I have never run before to the bathroom. I slammed the door open, only to find my uncle Ben sitting there, taking a shit. The next hing I had done I am not very proud about, but understand that even without my...minor germaphobia, I wasn’t exactly what you would call...the most stable person. So let me cut this part short.

*Loud screaming*

*Louder screaming*

*Punching sound*

*Someone punching back*

...Uncle Ben always had a strong punching arm. And so I apparently died. And was reborn as a goblin...so anyway, you probably think the first thing one would feel when waking up as a goblin would be confusion, fear, hell, maybe even wonder...I on the other hand...well...

"...Dammit, that was one nightmare...why does my head hurt so much, I didn't drink yesterday did I?"

"Wait, why am I sleeping on the floor...oh god the floor is so dirty oh no please no-"

And then stood up as fast as I could and as I opened my eyes to understand where in hell I am, before me, I saw something that would forever be burned in my mind. Four scrawny little green men, if you could call these creatures such, playing with each other by...burp...I’m sorry. I just...Okay, I am alright...so they...they threw a bloody head at each other.

"Oh God-"

Just seeing that was already almost making me hurl, but then...then one of them noticed myself...and he smiled like a monstrous child would wanting to throw their ball to their friends…

"NO OH GOD NO GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM-"

And he threw…

Rage (common) gained

A rather common skill, while more often than not disregarded by the more advanced cultures of this world due to friendly fire, it is quite common among the northern barbarians and the orc tribes residing in the deep woods.

"Let your rage cloud your pain, let this rage fuel your power, let it consume your very mind. And in turn you will be immortal on the battlefield." - An anonymous Barbarian minutes before being slain in a battle.

So I, clouded by rage picked a stone up and bashed the, what I assumed was a goblins, head in. I can't really remember much of what happened afterwards but... you can imagine how the rest of this little fight goes.