Em stole through the market.
They were on their way from a construction gig over at Lord Braden’s ugly new hurling stadium to swing by Ao’s pond for a little break. As usual, they made sure to pass through the Fifth Street Market on the way. And boy, did they get a good little haul today. Nothing to puff out their chest and brag about to Fin or the others, but pretty damn satisfactory if they did say so themself.
First, they easily managed to slip a couple of sourdough buns from that new chain bakery stand, Lord Glimzo’s or something, on the corner of Fifth and Saxon Street–the one the son of some noble started up with a “generous fund” from his pops. The buns were as fresh as a summer breeze, hot and crispy on the outside, soft once Em bit down through the shells. Delicious. Like most street folk involved with the underground, Em couldn’t stand when nobles started little chain businesses out on the streets to profit off street folk to cushion their coffers…But damn. That bread was good. It was almost infuriating.
Then, they managed to swipe a handful of knock-off emerald necklaces from the scam jewelry stand between Emmett Roost’s Bakery and that weird apothecary, Moonlight Herbs or Medicines or something like that at Fifth and Hurls. They had the necklaces in their pockets right now, all jingling around. You could tell they were fake because they made clinking noises. Clink, clink. Real gems would make little tapping sounds, like bird beaks on glass or something daintier. Much less cheap-sounding. You know, thought Em, they could probably sell these marked up ten times underground to some moron from the Second Street Kelpies. Those idiots were always scrambling for jewels to wear, fake or real. It was laughable. And disgusting. Disgusting, that an underground gang in the Outer City would try to appeal to nobility for protection by wearing shiny shit. Though, Em wasn’t alone in their anti-Kelpie sentiment. No undergrounder liked the Kelpies, those pompous traitors.
Em was cursing the Second Street Kelpies internally when they heard the greasy, nasally voice of a definite scammer calling out:
“Crystalline extract, imported from luxurious Kuagong in the Far East! Buy it now, or never!”
Em rolled their eyes, slowing down to give the scammer a scathing sideways look–yep, the usual. Cheap imitation silk robes, a furry scarf, and false silver teeth. The look of a classic failed noble wannabe turned scammer to make a quick profit preying on their own people. And “imported from luxurious Kuagaong”? Really? That meant it was 99% certain this ‘crystal extract’ or whatever was just dirty runoff from the Tzeyang river. Legally, you couldn’t say it was imported from somewhere if it didn’t at least come from that city-state. Legally, you also didn’t have to say if a product was literal horse shit when advertising it. You could slap on an “imported from heaven” label and sell dirty rainwater. It meant close to nothing. Em rolled their eyes and kept walking.
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As they passed, however, a young woman began talking to the silver-toothed scammer. Em slowed down to listen, picking up a wooden toy from a nearby stand as a cover.
The woman’s voice was nervous and small, almost getting lost in the bustling river of noise in the market: “What does it do? Can it help me with red spots? See, I’ve been trying everything, but they just won’t go away…”
“Why, of course, madame!” The silvertooth scammer grinned, flashing the crystal vial in their hands. “My Amazing Crystalline Extract can cure blemishes, hives, dark spots, oily and dry patches, and an imbalance of complexion…along with much more! I see you have some red spots budding, hmm? A pity, on an otherwise pretty face!”
The young woman’s face both brightened and fell at that compliment-insult. She raised a hand to her cheek, where slight red blemishes were popping up, clearly ashamed. Em felt bile rise in their throat. This was something the nobles and wannabe nobles had always had in common: making people feel shitty about themselves to drive them to spend money. Em placed the wooden toy back down and strutted over, hands in their pockets, in time to hear the woman stammer:
“How much for one vial? I’ve brought a few gold pieces…”
“Oh my gods, what’s your extract made of?” Em interjected. Their voice came out bubbly and overexcited, and anyone who didn’t know them well might think they really cared about this Amazing Crystalline Extract. Naturally, the silvertooth scammer, being new on Fifth Street, hadn’t seen Em before, and was susceptible to their mischief. Their eyes lit up. A new prospective customer! They flashed a blindingly ugly metal smile and tilted the vial between Em and the woman now.
“Oh, only the best of the best! The purest waters of Kuagong, distilled to a fine sheen of dew! Crushed pearl remnants, good for reducing irritation and bringing the glow of youth back to skin! Users say it is as if the tears of the goddess Aine are mixed this extract! I tell you, this kind of extract has been used by the Kuagong royal consorts for centuries to make their skin so pristine!”
Em nodded along and crossed their arms, blue eyes wide in exaggerated awe. “Really? Well, fuck me–I’ll buy the whole stock!”
The silvertooth scammer’s eyebrows furrowed. They were clearly perplexed, casting a darting glance up and down Em’s figure as though judging their scrappy collared shirt and worn leather pants. Em knew what they were thinking: Ugly, patchy street clothes, a scarred face no older than twenty, wandering like an underground thug with a warped wooden club hanging from their belt. Where the hell would this kid get the money to buy my whole stock?!
Smugly, Em leaned forward, winking.