"Shall I count or do you want to?" She was absolute sure her eyes were sparking.

"You!" He looked less angry than surprised by now. "As long as you can."

Joël had folded his arms and pressed his soft lips together so tightly that they were almost invisible. Damien was leaning serenely against the wall to Thomas's left, but his jaw muscles showed the tension he was under.

Caroline turned, gripped the wooden beams and closed her eyes to brace herself against the pain. Determined not to scream, she gritted her teeth.

Shouldn’t I get a piece of wood between ... ? Oh FUCK!

The second blow hit her harder than the first. It stretched across her entire back and half her buttocks, but she was prepared and did not falter this time. Only an intense suppressed moan escaped through her compressed lips. Her knuckles stood out white and it took a few seconds for the pain to stop being so glaring that she could speak without her voice shaking.

"One!"

Great! Another exquisitely stupid idea!

She was sure he would have let it stand if she had continued on two. But more important to her than avoiding pain was not failing in this trial of strength. She would show no weakness.

"Two!"

This time it had taken her longer to speak. The first silent tears ran down her cheeks. Sweat covered her forehead and got caught in her eyelashes. The pain was already fading less quickly. She knew it would add up bit by bit until there was nothing else in her world.

"Three!"

She hadn't managed to stifle a long drawn out scream. It felt like her flesh was being torn from her bones and she clawed at the boards in front of her with all the strength she could muster.

"Four!"

This time she was sure she wouldn't make it. She wanted to duck away, curl up, just drop and slide into unconsciousness. Stars danced before her eyes and the field of vision narrowed. Suddenly she saw a screen of billowing grey areas in front of her, swirling around faster and faster. I'm sorry, no heartbeat, she heard a cruelly soft voice. She wrenched her eyes open, focused on the pain, and the field of vision cleared again. Physical pain was not exclusively cruel. It could also be healing. It could make you block out worse things and feel yourself.

"Five!"

She forced herself to breathe, evenly. Not against but with the pulsing and burning at her back. She had stopped trying to suppress the screams and welcomed them. It felt as if some of the pain was being catapulted out with it. She sobbed, her shoulders shook and yet she was at peace with herself. She knew she deserved what was happening. Not for the reason she was being punished, but it didn't matter. She would get through it. Again.

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"Six!"

She had slipped and slumped down a bit on the cross. The pain was a maelstrom that pulled her down and it took all her strength to hold on and pick herself up piece by piece. Her mind might be able to cope with the agony, but her body was reaching its limit.

"Seven!"

It felt like her back was raw meat. As if she had been skinned. It was a long time before she was able to say the last number. Her face and body were wet with sweat and tears, she didn't know if she could walk and yet pride filled her. She stood, upright and on her own.

In a burst of boldness, she forced her cramped fingers to let go of the boards. She ran both hands over her face and moved her head and shoulders for a test. Staggering, but now sure she could do it, she turned and shuffled slowly towards Thomas, who had coiled the rope in red-stained hands.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Joël following her every step, arms folded and head tilted. His posture seemed even more tense than before the punishment. Damien was now standing right next to Thomas and his face was completely expressionless. His fists were clenched so tightly that his knuckles stood out edgy white.

"Would you like to know?" Her voice sounded husky, but firm. She looked Thomas straight in the eye.

"What do you mean?" He seemed honestly amazed that she still had the strength and will to speak with him.

"Whether it was worth it to warn my friend."

"Well, was it?"

"Mmmh," she mumbled thoughtfully. "I was going to confidently say yes, but I should probably wait for the next few days to judge." The dizziness grew stronger, but the pain had melted down to an almost bearable burning and throbbing.

"You know," she continued. "actually, I was also going to give a lecture on the very limited effectiveness of corporal punishment. But I must confess that I actually underestimated the whole thing a little."

She noticed that her thoughts went slower, and it was costing her more and more energy to concentrate. "Since I need all my energy to keep myself on my feet, I think we should leave this for another time."

Thomas didn't quite manage to suppress a small grin. "I'm really surprised you're still standing. I didn't spare you," he said quietly.

"I expected nothing less." She stepped closer to him. " Does this bring us back to square one, or have I broken something for good?" her voice was a whisper.

She dared not look him in the eye, gazing fixedly at the whip in his hands. Unconsciously she plucked a small lump from the rough red leather.

"We will see if you have learned the lesson. But no, I don't intend to let this incident define our entire relationship."

Caroline nodded in relief.

Oh, God, no. She consciously registered what she was holding and her eyes widened. It was a tiny piece of her own skin!

Suddenly the merciful shock wore off and she felt the martial pain with full force. All the blood drained from her face and she gasped. An image of what sight her back must have been formed in her mind's eye.

"Oh, that was not a good idea," she brought out with difficulty, shaking the little lump from her fingers in disgust. "If you'll excuse me, I think I should go and lie down for a bit."

With those words, she turned slowly and walked towards the stairs. She was peripherally aware of the surprisingly worried looks on Joël's angelic face and how Damien was restlessly wiping the sweat from his face with his hands. Strange, it is freezing down here after all.

Fifty-six steps, she thought. And that was just one of the two staircases. She knew, she wouldn't make it. It didn't matter. She would keep walking until she fell into her bed or collapsed on the way.

Behind her she heard the men talking but couldn't place the words anymore. Heavy footsteps.

She managed eight steps before her knees gave way. She sank down only a few inches as large hands caught her immediately. Damien carried her up the stairs in his arms, the third time in a few days she noticed.

"Let's not make this a habit," she murmured with her eyes already closed, hearing a suppressed chuckle before she lost consciousness.