The mage is smooth, I’ll give him that. Whoever this guy is, I really should get a name, he’s clearly got some experience in this sort of thing. Which is impressive, considering there can’t have been many meetings with giant ant monsters.

Without a hitch, taste testers step forward and go over the food. In the blink of an eye, they’ve waved little devices, taken a sip or nibble, and cast some magic over every edible item on the table.

For a fleeting moment, I wonder if they consider excessive sugar or butter to be a poison? I mean, it’s not exactly good for you. Would they declare the Colony has attempted to kill their leaders via excessive cholesterol? Let’s not forget the eggs.

However, my fears dissolve into nothing as the specialised anti-poison squad steps back from the table, bowing low, to me for some reason, then to the mage, and then to the people behind them. That’s altogether too much bowing.

[Those guys are going to have back problems if you make them bow that much,] I point out helpfully to the mage. [Better to stave off these health concerns before they become serious.]

[It’s simply a gesture of respect. I hope you do not take offence?]

[Offence? From what?]

I’m confused.

[Allow me to introduce the individuals who have come to meet with you,] the mage transitions smoothly, not letting the conversation come to an awkward junction. This guy is quick on his feet!

[Can I get your name, first?]

[Of course. How rude of me.] He goes to bow, then thinks better of it and straightens. [I am the senior Mage and Interlocutor of the Tower, Rathwyn Werilos. I am pleased to make your acquaintance.]

[Sure. Nice to meet you. Now, please introduce me to these esteemed guests.]

[It would be my pleasure. There are five who have come to meet with you as the representative of the Colony. From left to right, we have Alir Vinting, Grand Priest of the Way; Cassus Moran, leader of the Dungeon Delvers Alliance of Atreum; Florence Argyle, of the city beautification committee; Georgia Wynn, of the Merchant Cooperative; and Thorison Ers, of the Mayor's Office.]

[So, not the Mayor?]

[No, no. A member of the staff.]

[Just to clarify, the beautification committee is actually quite powerful in this city, am I right?]

[Oh, very. Keeping the Silver City as finely polished a jewel as possible is in the interests of every citizen.]

Figures. The others make sense. We’ve got a bigwig priest of some sort, which I expected. They don’t like us, consider us as spiritual sacrifices offered up by the Dungeon, no less. But of course they want to come and take a look at the goods. Dungeon Delvers, of course, make perfect sense. They kill monsters for a living, I’m a monster who doesn’t want to get killed, so we have a conflict of interest. Merchants aren’t a surprise, nor is the Mayor's office. We’re here for business, so merchants, sure, and the Mayor wants to make sure I’m not going to blow up their city, which is also fine.

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[Let them all know they are welcome to my table. Please tell each of them I’m grateful for them making the time to come and meet with me. I’m not used to entertaining guests, being a monster, but they are more than welcome to join me at the table for some snacks and tea.]

Rathwyn passes on my words using the crude means of mouth-speaking, and the five individuals… don’t exactly rush to the table, but they do approach and take a seat, reaching out for the tea and taking reserved sips.

[On such short notice, we weren’t able to prepare much, but I hope they enjoy. Try the biscuits, a personal favourite.]

I lean down to the table and nibble on my own. Delicious. The right balance between crunch and crumble. The guests watch with a sort of semi-horrified fascination to see a giant insect monster chowing down on a nice bikkie, but hey, that’s hardly the weirdest part of this conversation.

[I assume they have questions for me?] I ask Rathwyn as the guests look up at me and begin to snack. [Or something they would like me to say? I mean, I’m happy to drink tea and snack if that’s all they came for.]

The mage smiles politely.

[I’m sure they have other things on their mind. I will ask them if they would like to ask you anything.]

They discuss amongst themselves for a bit before the privilege of asking the first question seems to fall on the priest.

[Grand Priest Alir Vinting would like to say that he met with a Priest that you may be familiar with today.]

[Ah heck. He’s not arrested, is he?]

[Um… I’ll ask.]

A brief exchange.

[He isn’t. The Grand Priest was wondering how the man came to lose his arm. Apparently, he was quite evasive when pressed.]

[Oh. I bit it off.]

[You… bit it off.]

[Yes. To be fair, he did hit me in the head first. It hurt.]

[I’ll, uh, pass that on.]

The Grand Priest smiles and nods when my answer is passed on to him, and he asks another question. The other guests don’t seem all that happy to hear that I’d chomped the arm off a priest, but I wasn’t about to lie to them. For all I know, they can detect lies as well!

[Grand Priest Alir didn’t get the sense that Priest Beyn was all that averse to the Colony, despite his injury and the manner in which he received it.]

Hoo boy. What to say about that damn priest and his enthusiasm for the Colony?

[We helped a lot of people after the disaster of Liria. Once he realised we wouldn’t hurt anyone if we weren’t attacked first, he was keen to facilitate bonds between the refugees and the Colony, for mutual gain.]

No lies there. Didn’t need to mention the inconvenient worship of ants, either.

The Grand Priest sits back, seemingly satisfied with this answer, though he does appear to be looking at me much the way Tiny would look at a pile of Biomass, which isn’t great. Next to present a question is Florence, of the beautification committee.

[Ms Argyle would like to know what your carapace is made of, and if there was a way to access the material. She is quite taken with its hue and lustre.]

I mean… of course she is. My diamond carapace may not shine as bright as it did before, but now it has a more mature appeal.

[Sadly, I can’t really answer that question. I won’t reveal what it is, and I can’t think of any way to get it, other than peeling it off my dead body, of course.]

The poor lady pales at that and waves her hands, looking faintly ill at the thought of violence.

[She would like to stress she wasn’t implying such a thing.]

[Of course. No problems here. It’s a super rare material, a variant of diamond, and I just can’t see how you would find it naturally occurring in the Dungeon. It’s possible, deeper down, I suppose. Now, who’s next?]