Marius took the joke as well as could be expected.
Well, that’s what Patrick initially thought as he laughed it off.
It was only when Patrick was on his hands and knees feeling like he would throw up following intense back-to-back sparring rounds with the dummy that he realised Marius might be taking his revenge for it.
“Come on Patrick, a hangover is no excuse to give up in a fight.”
It wasn’t that Patrick had given up. Marius just hadn’t been giving him anywhere enough time to recover between each fight with the dummy. The day previous he was getting enough time to catch his breath and recharge his second wind, but today Marius was giving him only a moment before reactivating the dummy. There was an ever so slight improvement to his stamina, which was backed up by a review of his attribute scores.
[Attributes]
Strength: 29 (-5)
Vitality: 29 (-5)
Endurance: 29 (-5)
Intelligence: 14 (-5)
Dexterity: 21 (-5)
Luck : 23 (-5)
His Fatigue and Weakened conditions had lessened by 2 levels, effectively granting him a +2 bonus to all his attributes and effective level. Patrick felt he was hitting a little harder, and able to keep going a little further, however there was only so much his new levels could do to help the fact he was just simply out of shape.
Despite this, he was getting better at putting down the dummy. Some of the combinations he had been taught were brutally effective against the novice dummy, and when he had the energy to do so he was able to put it down quickly, but each time when it gone up, it became harder and harder until it became a war of attrition.
A glance up showed that Marius was still looking at him, waiting for him to get back to his feet so he could activate the dummy again. He held up a hand pleadingly just wanting another minute to buy some time for his Second Wind to finish recharging. Perhaps it was the Hangover Tonic wearing off, the body shots he had taken from the dummy, or just the sheer amount of exercise but he really wanted to throw up.
It was Grunt who saved the day. A deep reverberation echoed across the top deck drawing everyone’s attention.
“They want to send us a homecoming escort into Tyril?” exclaimed Marius, with a look of surprise on face.
A grunt from Grunt.
“With a parade being organised in our honour?”
A grunt.
“And they are going to be here within the hour?”
A grunt.
“Stop making Grunt repeat himself.” scolded Svenja as Grunt shot her a thankful look. Patrick just looked confused as he gathered himself to his feet.
“A parade? For clearing the Dungeon?”
“Not just clearing the Dungeon Patrick, Worlds First for clearing the Dungeon. It’s the first time in at least a century that a team from Tyril has gotten a ‘Worlds First’, and we’re bringing home a Wanderer on top of it!” danced Marius across the deck. He stopped suddenly with a look of dread on his face.
“The airship is a mess. They’ll probably want an interview. We’re all filthy. There’s a bucket of sick in the lounge. Prestige Protocol everyone. GO” he barked.
Despite a rolling from the eyes of everyone, people snapped into action. Ulman uttered an incantation as the myriad of spectral hands appeared again to begin tidying the deck, throwing rubbish off the airship and tidying the racks of weapons. Svenja grabbed Patrick by the arm and began dragging him down the stairs despite his questions.
“What’s Prestige Protocol?”
“Emergency protocol for when we need to look good. It used to be called ‘Hidy Not Tidy’, but Marius is obsessed with succinct names. We shower, we look good, we hide the mess, and make ourselves look more composed than we actually are.”
Ah, similar to rental inspections.
Svenja dragged Patrick into the living area where Grunt was busy lifting couches back to where they initially were, or placing them strategically over stains on the ground.
“Take care of your sick bucket and the rubbish. They are here in less than an hour. Twenty minutes tidying, then shower and change and be back up on the deck before they get here."
Patrick scrambled and began collecting rubbish before realising he didn’t know where the bin was. There was a lot of rubbish, mostly just empty glass bottles from the night before and plates of leftover food. He scraped the leftover food into the bucket from the night before as he looked where to empty it. Noticing his quandary, Grunt just pointed at the window and mimed throwing it out. Without hesitation, he ran over and threw the bucket out the window as it sailed down into the clouds below. Turning around he saw Grunt looking at him in shock.
“What?”
Before Grunt could reply, Ulman rushed down the stairs covered in sweat.
“Quick fine chaps, where is the Bucket of Cleaning? We need to wash the deck.”
Silence followed as Patrick and Grunt looked at each other.
“Never mind, we don’t have time. High level spell slots it is!”, as Ulman dashed back upstairs.
Patrick looked back at Grunt who was staring at him with his mouth open.
“Was uh, that Bucket of Cleaning expensive?”
A very slow nod from Grunt.
He grimaced, but a fear of Svenja won out over trying to potentially bribe Grunt.
“I’ll take care of it. I’ll hide the bottles, and just point me towards the shower.”
Grunt gestured, and Patrick swept up all the bottles into one of the blankets on the ground, throwing it over his back like a bindle. He staggered back to his room with it and threw the makeshift bindle into the wardrobe before slamming it shut before the wave of bottles could fall back out. He leaned back against the wardrobe, before realising his mistake that he needed a towel and change of clothes from inside. Opening the door a crack, he explored his hand inside before eventually grabbing what was needed and rushing to the bathroom.
Running back to the living area, he found the group finalising the touches with cushions on the couch.
“Great, you’re here” panted Marius. “We have about fifteen minutes before the escort arrives. I want us on the deck looking professional in case they take arcane images or have [Artists] onboard. Everyone shower and change. Patrick, Ulman hasn’t had the chance to brief you on Tyril which is fine. Just act really confused and lean into your Wanderer status.”
“Arcane images…?”
“Incredible acting. You had me convinced there as well. GO EVERYONE.”
People began moving again, as Patrick was bundled into the shower room and told to shower first. The door was slammed shut as he quickly stripped off eager for his first shower in what felt like forever, yet the familiar sense of confusion arose when he turned around to stare at plain tiles all around. There wasn’t any indication of where the shower was and was more akin to a prison cell than a shower. There was no shower head, or even taps visible in the room.
Stolen from its original source, this story is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
A brief exploration provided no further insight as he experimentally pushed at some of the tiles, and after a moment, Ulman burst into the room already in a state of undress.
“Patrick chap, we don’t have time to catch our breath. We need to shower. Aquatus.”
Jets of hot water seemed to strike at Patrick from all angles, and he felt like he was being washed with several fire hoses. The sheer volume of water was overwhelming as it pummelled him against the wall. Just before the force of the water threatened to take his skin off, it ceased suddenly as he gasped for air looking around bewildered for the next burst of water. Ulman only forced the towel into his hands.
“Ten minutes Patrick, move!”
Drying and dressing himself, he stumbled back up the stairs to the top deck where Marius and Svenja were waiting. It appeared they weren’t stressed at all, looking cleanly dressed and calm. That was until Marius looked at what Patrick was wearing.
“Why are you in pyjamas? No, get your dress clothes!”
Patrick looked down at what he was wearing, and it was just another brown shirt and white trousers. He didn’t even get a chance to respond before Marius continued.
“We don’t have time. Svenja, get him dress clothes. I see the ships on the horizon.”
Svenja bolted back downstairs, dodging Grunt and Ulman who were rushing up.
“Patrick, why are you still here? Go with Svenja and change!”
He was only halfway down the stairs before he bumped into Svenja coming back. She threw a bundle of clothes at him before running past him up the stairs to the others.
How is she so quick?
A quick change in the kitchen area and toss of the old clothes out the window before Patrick rejoined the rest of the group on the deck. He squinted at the horizon and could now make out the shape of three distinct airships coming towards them at a rapid pace. It was his first time getting a good look at the outside of an airship and was somehow not surprised to see they had similar shapes normal ships from his world, just somehow floated and flew through the air.
“Smile and wave, just smile and wave.” Marius said as the ships began to get into range.
----------------------------------------
The three ships pulled up parallel and hovered just outside of range, before a bridge ascended from two of the three airships and connected with theirs. Several individuals in gold and brown trimmed armour crossed the planks before stopping and saluting with their arms across their chests. A guard member in a slightly more detailed outfit stepped forward.
“Lord Kent, congratulations to you and your party on a monumental achievement for both your group, and for Tyril. The King sends his finest regards and hopes you will accept his invitation for a celebration to be thrown in your honour.”
Lord Kent? He needed to ask him about that later.
Marius didn’t let it phase him at all.
“Of course, we would be delighted to accept, and have a few tales I’m sure you can imagine.”
“Excellent, Lord Kent.” The guard captain coughed slightly. “There is one other matter for you to be aware of.”
“Which is?”
“The King has commissioned tales of your exploits to be written and performed across all the inns and taverns of Tyril, and has sent someone to take the preliminary stories so the work can be commenced immediately. They have sent the highest level [Bard] who was available in the city”
“Please don’t tell me it-“
Before he could finish speaking, the bridge from the third airship dropped, and across the bridge began strolling the most striking, stylish woman that Patrick had ever seen. The woman was tall, with pointed ears like Svenja, with waves of curly blond hair spilling over her shoulders, upon which sat a braided flower tiara. She wore a tight leather vest over a red blouse. The most eye-catching thing about her were the bright violet eyes that lit up as she crossed the deck.
“Who is that?” Patrick whispered to Svenja.
“Marius’ ex, Ava West. They hate each other. This is great.” She grinned back.
Ava finished crossing the deck until she stood in front of all of them, with a show stopping smile across her face.
“Well, bless me by my fiddle and strings. I had no idea when I took this offer that it was you and your group darling. How long has it been? Six months since the tavern incident?”
Marius for once, was looking flustered as he scrambled for words.
“Ava, I, uh hello.”
“I can’t believe my little Marius Kent getting a World’s First title. He always was someone who liked coming first…” as she strolled by Marius touching her hand to his shoulder, and letting it linger as Marius’ mouth opened and closed looking for a response.
“Svenja, Ulman, Grunt, I can honestly say a genuine pleasure as always. Congratulations on the achievement. But who is this? A new member? And who might you be darling?”
She came to a stop in front of Patrick, who swallowed realising she was a few inches taller than him. Her violet eyes staring intently at him as Patrick could have sworn he heard her purring.
“I’m Patrick.”
She grinned and held out her hand.
“A pleasure Patrick. Ava West. [Bard].
“Patrick West, sorry, that’s my name haha! Shit sorry, no that’s your name. I’m Patrick Kavanagh. [Brawler]”
Ulman saved Patrick as it felt like Ava was going to begin coiling around him like a snake.
“Ava darling, Patrick is a Wanderer with all of about three days experience in our world under his belt, with a bit of a traumatic start to it.”
Her eyes widened in surprise.
“Now that’s interesting. The Dungeon cycle is already more than half over, and you got here three days ago? Now that’s a story I can sell. How about once we finish up here, we can go downstairs, and you can tell-“
A grunt from Grunt.
“Ugh, don’t you quote the Adventurers Guild code of ethics to me. I’m well aware I can’t take advantage of a Wanderer until they complete training.” Ava sighed before clapping her hands.
“Right, you lot. I can feel the opportunity to level from this. I understand there may be some hard feelings but let’s be professionals. I’ll tell the best, most accurate, and engrossing story I can with the details you provide me. Any questions? No? Wonderful!”
Marius only sighed as he directed everyone downstairs and lead the way down deep in conversation with the guard captain, as everyone else followed. Just before they went down however, Patrick felt a tug on his arm as he was pulled to the side by Svenja, Grunt, and Ulman.
“It would be a fine shame to let such a betting opportunity pass us by my dear group” Ulman whispered mischievously.
“Agreed. If we are stuck telling stories to that wretch of a woman we might as well have some fun.” agreed Svenja.
Grunt grunted.
“Sure, what are we thinking?” queried Patrick.
“A small betting pool. Shall we say 50 gold pieces? I place a wager that by tomorrow morning, Marius’ and Ava will have slept together, with one of them having tried to, or successfully stabbing the other.” Ulman put forward as he rubbed his chin.
“Deal. I bet they sleep together before we arrive with no violent incidents until Tyril, where we have another Tavern incident.” was Svenja’s bet.
Grunt put forward his suggestion that Ulman kindly translated.
“Grunt says one of them gets thrown out a window after they sleep together.”
Patrick was flummoxed, each of the previous suggestions all seemed outrageous but he had stopped being surprised, yet still wasn’t able to come up with a possible outcome as he didn’t know them well enough.
“Can I just bet they’re not going to sleep together?”
Everyone booed, and Svenja slapped Patrick on the back of the head.
“Boring bet, but it’s a bet. Winner collects.”
The four of them began walking down the stairs towards whatever lay in wait below.
---
It ultimately turned out to be way less exciting than Patrick could have imagined. He imagined that Ava would pull out instruments and begin composing songs then and there, but he was greatly disappointed.
Ava sat everyone down in the living area, and rearranged the chairs and tables so she sat opposite everyone. She placed five sheets of paper on the table in front of her, and with a wave of her hand, quills rose from her bag and hovered over each piece of paper. She would go around the group getting them to recall the start of the day when they had discovered the Dungeon. As individuals spoke, the quills began recording what was said on the sheets of paper. After a few moments, one of the quills began glowing, and stopped writing.
“Our first inconsistency. Marius, you said you were all on the deck when the Mana Surge was sensed, however Ulman said you came up the stairs when you heard him yelling.”
“I was downstairs but came up immediately once I heard.” Marius said with a scowl.
“What were you doing downstairs?”
“Nothing that needs to be included.”
“Marius, you know how this process works. I need all the information. If it’s truly not relevant, I won’t include it in the drafts, or the final piece, but I need it to build the story.”
“He was on the toilet.” interjected Svenja, who was visibly growing bored on the couch.
Ava laughed, as the quills resumed writing.
The story was pieced together slowly from all perspectives, and it revealed a lot of the background to Patrick.
The day they had discovered the Dungeon, they were on the way back to Tyril from another the very edge of the Kingdom. They had just cleared another Dungeon there called ‘Depth of the Deathswamp’, a level 30 Dungeon, the day before. As they were going around one of the mountain ranges, Ulman had sensed a giant Mana Surge somewhere in the range.
The thought of a Dungeon hadn’t even crossed their minds. They had thought it was the birth of an Earth Elemental, with Ulman insisting on the detour for research purposes. It was only as they got closer to the source did they realise it was something else. The Mana Surge increased in intensity as they got closer, and the realisation of what had caused it only dawned on them once they saw a section of the mountain had collapsed in on itself revealing a giant stone Dungeon door.
The realisation it was a new Dungeon only came when they all received the Quest to clear it and achieve ‘World’s First’. They were apparently divided on tackling it. Ulman and Svenja were cautious as they were under-resourced for an unfamiliar Dungeon, with the one they had just cleared using a lot of their resources and were of the opinion of finding a nearby Adventurer Guild to restock, and get a fifth member for a full party. Marius and Grunt felt it was an opportunity too good to pass up, as it was within their level range, and they did not have the time to resource at a nearby city and get back without another team potentially finding and clearing it.
Confident in their ability, and the allure of a World's First title being too great, they ultimately decided to take the risk.
It had taken a few hours to even reach this point in the story, as Ava would continually back track to ask clarifying questions and get each member of the group to tell their recollection of events. The quill would light up every so often, and Ava would spend time working through the inconsistencies to get the accurate version of events.
Ava paused them at the point they had agreed to enter the Dungeon.
“Before we go any further, I feel it is a good point to cover two topics. Both are around the details of the Dungeon itself. Firstly, this process requires you to provide me with specifics of the Dungeon, and the challenges within. I have here the standard Bard College Non-Disclosure Agreement. Anything you provide to me for the purpose of this interview will remain privileged information, and no specifics of the Dungeon encounters will be included that would infringe on standard ‘Dungeon Guide’ agreements.”
A thick contract thudded onto the table as she said this. It looked to be easily 200 pages or so thick. Patrick felt what he could only describe as a presence emanating off the contract. He knew the answer, he really did, but he closed his eyes as he asked it anyway.
“I feel silly for asking this, but is that a magical contract?”
“Of course it is!” Ava laughed. “Don’t feel silly for asking a question like that, people often forget how overwhelming it must be for Wanderers to get their head around our world. This contract essentially requires someone to sign with their true name, and to sign with a genuine intent to follow the contract.”
“And if someone breaks the contract? Do they die?”
Everyone laughed at that one.
“No Patrick, we’re not barbarians. A breach of the contract would be dealt with by the Magistrates Court in Tyril.”
That made sense. Patrick wasn't sure what the others were on about. He found Ava quite pleasant to deal with. The way the others had spoken about her, he had expected something very different.
“The second point is that I have been authorised by the Bard College to make an initial offer for the selling of the ‘Dungeon Guide’. They have asked me to provide their best offer up front as a show of good faith, as they are eager to utilise performances during your celebration to market the guide.”
A second, thicker contract thudded onto the table, easily twice the size of the previous one.
“Mostly standard provisions. The party who completed the Dungeon will receive 7.5% of anything earned from the Dungeon guide, including but not limited to physical copies of the guide, income earned from authorised [Bard] performances, as well as merchandise and licensing.”
Marius scowled.
“And the non-standard provisions?”
“Your party participate in a tour for the launch of the guide at certain branches of the Bard College across Tyril. I know what you’re about to say, and yes, we know you have a list of Dungeons to complete. The Bard College will work the schedule and locations around your route.”
Marius closed his mouth after having Ava pre-empt his comment.
Ulman cut in “Darling, I do not see a problem with the Non-Disclosure Agreement, however the rights to the guide is one we will have to have a detailed conversation about.” as he flicked through the first contract.
Ava waved her hand.
“Please, take all the time you need. I suggest we slow our arrival to Tyril. We could easily arrive by tonight, however morning would be a better time to arrive. You may also desire to take the evening to discuss the offer I have made. It would also be… pleasant to share a social drink and catch up” she added as her eyes lingered on Marius.
Marius blushed and turned a shade of red that Patrick didn’t even a person could turn. He did also realise that he more than likely was going to lose the bet he had made with the group.
“How about we sign the first contract and get on with the story?” stammered Marius.
“I did not see anything offensive in this. It is safe to sign.” said Ulman as he finished leafing through the non-disclosure agreement.
It was passed around alongside a quill as everyone signed it. Patrick was the last to sign it, as he struggled to use a quill for the first time. It was nothing like using a pen, and after a bit of struggle, managed to sign the page. His signature looked like it was done by a child and was even ashamed to see Grunt’s signature was more eloquent than his own. Patrick did also note that Grunt’s name was literally just Grunt. No surname, while the agreement required Patrick to include his own surname.
Ava smiled and the quills resumed their places over the parchment
“Wonderful! Let’s continue. Now, we left off just as you entered the Dungeon...”